It was the first day after the first night that Kibum had stayed up on the mountain. The wind was harsh and unrelenting as it sliced past Kibum's cheeks on the short journey from his cabin to the main building. He thought nothing of it though, as he had experienced much greater pains before. All that found themselves here had been led by similar paths. One such path seemed so incredibly similar that Kibum was drawn to it immediately. As he sat in the free discussion group with all the other broken souls, he only managed to pay attention to one particular story.

"I was so young when I started, just a kid lost among my ambitions. It wasn't for fun at first. First, it was to prove that I belonged where I stood. To whom, was I trying to prove myself? I never quite knew. It wasn't to the foolish elders that domineered over me with seniority that ultimately meant nothing. It wasn't to reassure myself that I deserved all that I'd achieved. I suppose... It was to prove to Him that I belonged with him. With substance, I opened up a new world for us to thrive in with the hope that if I did so enough times that we might live happily together in this world as well. However, such an idea would never work. I found this out after I was already so addicted to this fantasy that I didn't care anymore that it would never be real. 

Secondly, I took it for pain. With his ever silent refusal towards me endlessly lingering through tense air, I began hurting myself as repentance for however much I thought I had wronged him. I did not know what I had done to deserve such punishment. I only felt that I must be punished until all was right with him again. Then I would only soothe the pain with more delusion. He would look further down upon me the more I used. The more he did, the more pain I felt as the distance between us grew ever so wide. The more pain there was, the more I used. It seemed like it would not end until I ended myself, which I often thought about. However, I could not bear to sever the last thread that held us together. 

Once he left me, I felt the greatest pain of all, yet the greatest relief as well. I no longer needed substance, but I still took it anyways. I took it to try and slip back into that world where we were happy together, but that dream had been long lost. I can't think of him anymore without reality looming over me anymore, even under influence, because my mind knows the indisputable truth... He was never mine to begin with.

I tried all that is possible, and even some things unfeasible. I... I tried to revive him... He had been long cold, and I worked tirelessly until I was able to bring warmth back to him. It wasn't the same though. It never would be. That's when I started using just to waste my life. I thought that the sooner it was over, the sooner I would be back in his arms again. I came here, because I started to see him again. I see him everywhere we were, and it pains me too much. I wish to be surrounded by none of that horrible delusion when I pass. It can't follow me into the next life. I won't let it ruin us again", the man then sat quietly for the rest of the group session. The whole time, his voice had quivered and shook slightly with uneasy feelings, but not once did he show any sort of real, true emotion. He did not look distressed or upset. His eyes did not water with forbearance. It seemed like he didn't really have any emotions left to feel. This was how Kibum felt as well, and so he felt more drawn to this man.

After the session, Kibum followed him through the halls discretely. He felt inclined to know more about such a disturbed character. For him, it felt as though they had been the only snowflakes in the world that shared same pattern. It made him unable to keep away, despite not knowing at all how he could approach him. More appropriately, he thought it was probably better not to approach him at all. However, he was caught far too quickly for that. Lured into an empty hallway, the man took him by surprise. Kibum was thrown roughly against the wall. His cheek pressed uncomfortably against its cold, smooth surface as his hands were gripped tightly behind his back. It had all happened so fast that he couldn't have done anything. Although, as he uselessly struggled in the man's grasp, he came to realize the man wasn't really harming him other than initially. "You would think junkies would know better than to try and sneak up on other junkies. I've got nothing for you, but do you have anything for me?....", the man taunted as he searched him. However, once he realized Kibum had nothing of value or interest to him, he let go and stepped back. "What a creep.... Preying on me because I'm younger then, eh?", the man teased and chuckled lightly.

Kibum quickly turned to face the very abrasive man once he was released, taking several steps away from him as well. "N-No.... I just thought that it was strange when I heard your story during group. Our hearts seemed to have broken in the same unique shape... I wondered if maybe, you'd be more open to share further with a kindred spirit", Kibum responded shakily. The man took a few steps towards him then, so Kibum took several more steps back.

"You think you know me that well? Ha! Not even I know myself well enough to know what I need... Your proposal is ridiculous. You're just as bad as those infuriating, idiot doctors! No amount of talking will ever bring me to peace...", the man exclaimed with a frown. He then became blank again, and turned to head off back down the hall. "Well come then... You wish to fulfill your disturbed desire to hear of a man's fruitless efforts, yes? Come along quickly now! Before it gets too wild for walking outside...", the man gestured for Kibum to follow with much impatience to his voice. Kibum's legs hurried along with his order before he had any proper to think about such a strange and contradicting offer. It only hit him once it was too late that perhaps this man was not really here by his own choice.