“Promise you won’t leave me?”

“Promise. I will never leave you. I will stay by your side, forever.”

The lies you told me remain stuck in my head. You told me you would stay. But where are you now?

“Close your eyes.”

“Why?”

“Just close it.”

“You’re gonna switch off the lights and lock me in here alone!”

“No I won’t. I’ll pinky promise. Now close your eyes.”

I obeyed after much hesitation. This is what happens when you have a playful girlfriend.

“What do you see?”

“Byul, I’m closing my eyes. Obviously I can’t see anything! Everything’s pitch black!”

“That’s my life without you.”

I opened my eyes just to see her looking smug, a greasy grin plastered on her face. I can’t help but to roll my eyes, although my heart fluttered a little.

Those days we messed around, those greasy lines you always tease me with. Those days I would hit you out of embarrassment, telling you to stop, when in reality, I never wanted you to stop. I want you to continue loving me. But you took my words literally. You did stop. You did stop loving me. You left me hanging. You left me with those harsh words. The words that pierced through my heart like swords. The wound has yet to heal, but I doubt it would ever heal. You made a permanent scar to my heart.

People walked around with thick coats, umbrella in hand, making sure that their bags stay dry. Newly polished shoe jumped over puddles of water while small yellow boots jumped on the puddles, splashing water everywhere. The traffic light turned green and honks filled through the busy evening. Cars drove pass, spraying water as it drove through puddles. The sweet aroma of coffee filled the packed café. I looked out of the window, watching the droplets of water race down the glass pane. I took a sip out of the bitter coffee, feeling the caffeine surge through my vessels, waking me up. But not enough to wake me up from the nightmare I’m going through.

“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”

“You’re going to be around a lot of people, and they’re most probably prettier than me. Of course I’ll get worried.”

“But you know I will always love you.”

“They probably have much more better things than me.”

“You know what only you have but not the other girls?”

“What?”

“My heart.”

“… Gosh Byul. You need to keep some of that butter in the fridge because that was hella greasy."

“I know you love it.”

You know I loved it. You know I loved you. But why did you still utter those words out? Did you really mean what you said? You probably did, looking at how much you have moved on. Meanwhile, my progress remained stagnant, because you keep running through my mind every day, and every night.

I wander around aimlessly, hoping to get you off my mind. My view is filled with lovely couples as I walked around the mall. I can’t. Everywhere I go reminds me of us. I remember how you would always walk beside me to my right, your arm wrapped around my waist, walking with our pace matched. Now it feels weird without you, the feeling of emptiness around my waist where your arm used to be.

I notice a familiar figure pass by. It was you, brushing pass me as if I didn’t exist. As if I was just another stranger. You are with another girl, smiling and laughing, living the best life you’ve ever had. I thought I was getting stronger. I thought I’ve been doing great up until now. I felt my heart ache. I just wanted to curl up into a ball and bawl my eyes out. I am now trembling, feeling light-headed and my eyes are blurring up because of the tears that’s starting to well up. I walked unsteadily towards the exit. I needed to get out of there.

Maybe it’s easier to die than to fight through this every day. Thinking about you even when meeting someone new. I walked through the night, cold breeze brushing past me, eliciting a shiver. It was cold, too cold. I guess I got used to your warm body hugging me. The cold was painful, but it was nothing compared to the words you said to me when you left. Those words hurt so much that it left me numb. At this point, I just needed to feel something to make sure that I am still alive. At this point, I rather feel pain than not feel anything.

I could see flashes, hear faded honks and people screaming. They were all looking at me and waving frantically, but my mind could not register what was happening. It feels like I lost control of my own body. I was going to where my body was taking me. I noticed a bright light from my side and turned around. That was when everything got blurry and soon, it faded to black. The sound of people screaming and cars honking too, faded to silence.