Between Calm and Passion

Awkward silence fills the space between them as they both struggle to find the right words for this situation. His cheeks are on fire and his heart is racing as fast as the speed of light. He can’t breathe, but he regrets nothing.

He swallows and leans away from his subordinate. “You can go now.” he murmurs lowering his head so that his black bangs can cover his eyes. Kim Jonghyun, the one with his head lowered and Kim Kibum, the one he had just kissed stares his way in utter disbelief. Kibum’s been working at this publishing company for a little less than a year and he’s heard horror stories centered around his boss. The boss who had just kissed him--tongue included. The stories always told of Jonghyun’s pessimistic, somewhat obsessive need of solitude and perfection. Almost was not good enough because it was not perfect. Plenty of people quit right before the publication of a book just to tick him off.

Kibum stiffly rises from his seat and bows. He’s ready to dismiss himself, but stops to look at Jonghyun and say, “Stress? You must be under a lot of stress.” He mumbles. “That’s why you kissed me...right?”

Jonghyun keeps his head down, his bottom lip crushed beneath his teeth as he nibbles on it.

“Mr. Kim, I’ll be working on the press release for FLOWER’s next book.” Kibum recites, referring to the infamous and anonymous writer known to the public as FLOWER. “I’ve gathered a few reporters and magazine companies to be there.” Kibum smiles thinly, those full lips curling into a comma; Jonghyun finally looks up. “Anything else, sir?”

He doesn’t speak as his dark eyes study Kibum’s rigid face. With a sigh, he buries his face in his hands and murmurs. “Thank you, you can go now.”

Kibum bows and jonghyun peeks from the crack between his middle finger and ring finger to look at KIbum’s hunched over figure. You must be crazy, Kim Jonghyun. Kibum straightens up and turns robotically towards the door. “Stress”, he says. Jonghyun snorts as the door clicks shut.

“I like you, Kibum.” I’m not stressed at all.

Jonghyun remembers the first day when he met Kibum--it was bright outside, too sunny to be the beginning of autumn and yet cool enough for the windows to be left open in the office. Kibum walked in that day wearing  white shorts that stopped just above his knees and a pale blue shirt that complimented the color of his skin. Jonghyun was captivated. His eyes didn’t know where to look, they would constantly flick between Kibum’s face and figure. Face, lips, legs, legs and a peep of thigh. First he was attracted to his looks and then he got to know him. He was a hard worker and bright and confident. Confidence was especially attractive to Jonghyun and before he knew it, he was falling in love with him. On some days he desired to run his fingers through his black locks, others he yearned to tilt his chin and kiss along his jaw. Sometimes, he simply wished to stare at Kibum--study him and fall in love all over again. Jonghyun couldn't quite pin when it began, but one day he thought: “I want to kiss this man.” And the desire grew from then.

Jonghyun rises to his feet with a sigh and turns to stare out of the wide glass window. He places a hand to the surface and rests his head against it. A few moments ago he had called Kibum to his office to talk about soon to be published books, but then Kibum said something or he looked a certain way and Jonghyun lost all sense of restraint.

A few moments ago…

There’s a light knock on his office door, Jonghyun quickly closes the book splayed across his desk and calls for Kibum to come in. The door opens slowly and Kibum’s well dressed figure emerges; the scene is reminiscent of the opening act of a play. The curtain rises and the stage is unveiled. The curtain is now the door and the beautiful, enchanting stage is Kibum.

“Yes, sir?” Kibum questions, his almond eyes resting solely on Jonghyun and that’s how it should always be. Look only at me.

Jonghyun smiles and ushers him over. “Come sit, I just wanted to talk about a few things.” Kibum hesitates for a moment and then he bows before closing the door and making his way over to Jonghyun. Jonghyun watches him and uses the palm of his hand to hide his smile. Kibum finally settles in the seat across from him and as he sits, a plume of lemon-scented cologne tickles Jonghyun’s nose.

“How has it been going in the PR department?”

“Oh, it’s going well, we’ve managed to bring in a few more advertisers.”

“Great. That’s great.” Jonghyun says a bit flatly. He fidgets with his watch and then clears his throat. “I actually called you into my office for more personal matters…”

Now this piques Kibum’s interest, he raises a curious brow. “Sir?”

“I want you to start addressing me as, Jonghyun.”

“Mr. Kim, I couldn’t possibly--”

Jonghyun tears his gaze away from his wrist to look Kibum in the eye. “If you have any objections feel free to tell me once I’m done.”

“But, sir, to call you by your name...that seems…”

“A bit special?” Jonghyun rises from his seat with a smile.

“Special? No...not exactly.” Kibum shifts uncomfortably in his seat.

“It should feel special because I’m only allowing you to call me by my name.”

Kibum stares at his lap for a moment without speaking, Jonghyun continues on. “I’d like to give you a promotion as well. You’re a hard worker and you enjoy what you do.” Jonghyun’s smile broadens as he says this. He takes notice of Kibum’s dismissive body language and leans towards him across the table. “Are you uncomfortable?”

“Yes.” Kibum meets his gaze. “I’m very uncomfortable with this.”

Jonghyun studies him momentarily and then laughs lightly. “I’m sorry, I just wanted to shake you up a bit.” he laughs nervously as he leans back. He turns away from Kibum and shoves a hand through his gelled hair. You’re coming on too strong, you’ll scare him away. Jonghyun bites his lip, regains his composure and faces Kibum again. His heart stops beating and the world rushes around him like a whirlwind as it tosses around his emotions. Kibum’s just sitting there, his legs crossed, his bottom lip in between his teeth as he thinks and the thoughtful look in his eyes is hypnotizing. Jonghyun’s heart beat returns to him in full force and he places his hands to the table and leans towards Kibum.

“Mr. Kim?”

“I told you to call me…” Jonghyun swallows. “Jonghyun.”

“Yes and I told you why I canno--” Kibum is forced to stop speaking as Jonghyun presses their lips together. So soft. He raises a shaky hand and begins to reach towards the back of KIbum’s head, but then he stops himself. He kisses him for another second before pulling away. He clenches his fists and then mumbles. “You can go now.”

Present…

The moment Kibum reaches his office, he closes the door shut, pulls down all the blinds and crumples in his seat. It’s hard to believe that, that just happened. He doesn’t want to believe it, at least his mind doesn’t want to. But the foolish racket in his heart is telling him otherwise. “.” he curses as he fists the front of his shirt in his hands.

“I told you to call me, Jonghyun.”

Kibum bites his bottom lip and spins around in his chair until he’s facing the window. The sun glares down at him, taunting him. Kibum closes his eyes against the light and remembers the way Jonghyun’s lips touched his. The way his tongue so easily slipped into his mouth. His chest heaves and he sighs. Kibum isn’t dumb, nor is he blind. He’s seen the ways in which Jonghyun would look at him--study him. The special early morning coffee runs when it would be just the two of them and they would talk and Jonghyun would offer to drive and purposefully take the long route back to the office. Kibum enjoyed those mornings.

Just them. Just coffee. Pure bliss.

But now….Kibum brings a finger to his lips and a shiver coursed down his spine. “!” He shouts and just as he spins around in his chair, the door to his office is opened. Jonghyun stares at him in shock.

“I, uhm…” the CEO begins, his usually composed voice on edge. “I...didn’t think you’d be here…”

Kibum who has a hand over his mouth, blinks with wide eyes and ever so slowly clears his throat. “Sir…”

Jonghyun steps inside and closes the door with his foot. “I won’t try to correct you and where else would you be? Of course you’d be working.” He laughs nervously and Kibum wants to kick himself for finding the nervous infliction of his voice cute. Hell. He thinks, because he knows he’ll get hell for this from his coworkers. They’ll think I up to him. They’ll think I seduced him. The thought makes Kibum want to gag and roll his eyes.

“Can...can I sit?” Jonghyun questions with a gesture to the chair placed across from Kibum.

Kibum nods as he straightens himself up. Jonghyun settles in the chair across from them and an awkward silence falls into the space between them. Jonghyun clears his throat and looks around Kibum’s office as though he’s never seen it before. He studies the mint green lamp sitting on the almond colored shelf and the pieces of art hanging on the dark red walls before finally meeting Kibum’s gaze.

“Did you have anything to say? I’d like to get back to work.” Kibum manages to say with a smile.

Jonghyun swallows, clenches his hands together and murmurs. “The kiss.”

Kibum’s gaze lowers before he pipes back up with a ten watt smile. “Aaah, that, I won’t tell anyone. I didn’t feel as though it was harassment or anything of the such.” Kibum says smoothly, his brown eyes never leaving Jonghyun’s. “It was an accident…” and a beat later, Kibum adds, “Right?” Jonghyun stares into those dark eyes and recalls the first Americano he bought for Kibum.

“It’s on me.” Jonghyun exclaims with a bright smile. “I always treat the newbies on the first day of their second week.” he nudges Kibum teasingly with his elbow.

Kibum laughs lightly, “Everyone said you were as bitter as the coffee you bought them.” he pushes a loose strand of hair out of his face. “But this coffee is quite sweet.” he raises the paper cup to Jonghyun with a crooked smile. Was that the beginning of it? Was it then?

The coffee becomes Kibum’s eyes which are still peering at him...waiting. Jonghyun opens his mouth to answer, a single one worded reply.

“Mr. Kim, you have a call waiting for you!” Luna calls outside of Kibum’s office. Jonghyun jumps to his feet startling them both with his speed.

“Okay!” he shouts back, his gaze still on Kibum. “I’ll be out soon.” He waits and they both listen to the sound of her distancing footsteps. Jonghyun adjusts his suit tie and with new found confidence he answers Kibum’s question.

“No, it wasn’t an accident.” Jonghyun places his palms to each end of Kibum’s desk and leans towards him. “Accidents are unintentional, they happen without a second thought. When I kissed you Kibum,” Jonghyun drops his voice to a whisper. “There were a million thoughts going through my head.” Kibum peers up at Jonghyun with wide eyes, his throat dry. “I wanted to kiss you. I’ve been wanting to kiss you and I still…” Jonghyun leans even closer to Kibum. “Want to kiss you.”

Kibum stands up suddenly, a glint in his eyes. “Do you understand what position this puts me in?” he asks, but Jonghyun understands that the question is a rhetorical one, a question answered by their contrasting statuses as CEO and employee. “You kissed me.” Kibum states. “You kissed me. And it wasn’t just a peck.”

Jonghyun leans back, his head lowered. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t hav--”

“You kissed me, Jonghyun.” Kibum continues, his voice low. “And I...I wanted you to do it again.” Jonghyun’s eyes widen and his heart kicks against his chest. Kibum turns towards the window, his bottom lip trembling with a range of emotions.

“You…”

“Yes, Jonghyun. I know, I’m not….I’m not naive enough to brush off your morning coffee runs as an employee-boss thing.” Kibum uses quotations when he says the last two words and it causes Jonghyun to laugh, his tense shoulders relax and he walks around Kibum’s desk until he’s standing beside Kibum--their shoulders touching.

“An employee-boss thing?” Jonghyun questions, a teasing tone in his voice. “Since when did you take our coffee runs for more?”

“When I caught you staring at my as you held the door open for me.” Kibum says matter of factly.

“Maybe there was something on the back of your jeans.”

Kibum snorts. “Yeah. Okay.”

Jonghyun smiles and ever so slowly, he slides an arm around Kibum’s waist and pulls him into his side. “‘A kiss isn’t just a kiss when two people acknowledge it. It becomes a seed and then that seed becomes a flower. A kiss at night becomes a bouquet of roses,’” Jonghyun turns to look at the side of Kibum’s face. “‘So what type of kiss do you want between us?’”

Kibum turns to look at Jonghyun. “You were quoting FLOWER.”

“Of course.”

“That’s my favorite quote.”

Jonghyun smiles. “I know.” And a heart-beat later he asks. “Can I kiss you?”

“Again?”

Jonghyun nods. “Yes…” his gaze drops to Kibum’s lips. “Again.” he kisses him. “And again.” He kisses him once more, this time a bit longer. “And again until there’s nothing but roses surrounding us.”

Kibum smiles and then a thought occurs to him. “I need to start working on FLOWER’s press release.”

“We can work on it together.” Jonghyun suggests as his grip on Kibum’s waist tightens. Kibum eyes him suspiciously. “I’ve been meaning to meet with you about it, that’s why I called you to my office and then….” Jonghyun’s gaze returns to Kibum’s lips as if to fill in the space at the end of his sentence. A faint, almost non-existent smile dances along Kibum’s lips for a split second before he pulls away from Jonghyun and returns to his desk.

“I have to work, Mr. Kim. If you have anymore questions please write them down and ask me later.”

Jonghyun laughs at such a request. “Why do something so tedious when I can just ask you such questions over dinner tonight at nine?”

Kibum’s non-existent smile becomes a full on grin as he looks over his shoulder at Jonghyun.

“My treat.” Jonghyun continues.

“Of course it’s your treat.” Kibum replies quickly.

Jonghyun’s eyebrows raise with amusement and he calls over his shoulder before leaving. “I hope this makes us official.”

Kibum rolls his eyes. “We aren’t official until I say so.”

Jonghyun glances towards him with a crooked smile. “Whatever you say, sir.” And he winks.