America, 4 December 2016

Today ... right on his birthday, he walks out of the plane. He carried his bag and walked out to find the person who picked him up, with a smile that couldn't be separated from his lips. himself can't wait to look forward to this day, which day is the most beautiful day that he only felt once a year.

It has become a routine activity if every December he will go to America for vacation and meet the most important person in this world for him. But, for him today would be the most special and for the last time he visited America. Maybe after this he can't go to America to visit that person. So today, he will really take this opportunity very well.

He turned to the left and right looking for the person who picked him but, there is no existence. He dropped his bag and placed it on the floor with a sigh, he glanced at his watch. It seems he arrived early, coincidentally the flight that he was traveling came earlier than expected. He returned carrying his bag walking toward the cafe located at the airport until he accidentally saw the figure he knew.

"Eomma!" He shouted as he waved his hand. 

The figure he knew was none other than his mother looking at him and smiling happily then running towards his son. 

"Seokjun-ah!" Call her and hug her son tightly. 

Seokjun replied the hug from his mother with an overwhelming feeling, he pulled out all the longing feelings that had been almost a year did not embrace his mother.

It's been 12 years since Seokjun lived his life without a mother who accompanied him. When 10 years old his family was forced to decide to split up and Seokjun came with his father, while his mother decided to stay in America to start a new life. 

"Eomma, you came alone?" Ask Seokjun after releasing the hugs. 

"Yes, why?" 

"Eomma, not taking Seokjin?" 

Her mother pursed her lips and stared at Seokjun in disbelief. "Whenever you come here, you just always miss Seokjin?" 

"Oh ... come on, Eomma, it's not time Eomma is acting like a child."

 "What did you say?!" Said Seokjun's mother while twisting his son's ear. 

"Aw! It hurt, Eomma!" Seokjun tries to release her ear from her mother. "I'm just joking ... I miss Eomma too!" 

Seokjun's mother instantly let go of his jew. "Is it true?" 

Seokjun smiled a little. "It does not have to be said again, Eomma." 

"Yeah, let's go home .. Seokjin will be waiting." Her mother said holding Seokjun's hand.

Seokjun with a happy feeling carrying his bag again and walking side by side with his mother. Seokjin .. is his twin brother, if he goes with his father, Seokjin is the one who went with his mother in America. Seokjin is a special person for Seokjun the only reason he still survives the long journey between Korea and America is Seokjin. On every 4th of December, Seokjun always goes to America to celebrate their birthdays with his mother. His father, who was always busy with his work, could not be expected anymore to come. That's what makes Seokjun always feel sorry for Seokjin being a child that is not considered by his own father.

"But, Seokjun-ah .. are you okay?" Asked her mother looked at Seokjun worried. "You look so pale." 

Seokjun who wakes from his reverie just smiles a little at his mother. "Eomma, I'm fine, do not worry." 

"But ... now we have to go to the hospital first" 

"Eomma-" 

"You must-" 

"Eomma!" Seokjun raises her voice to make her mother speechless and he smiles a little. "I'm okay... really... please, do not mess up my plans for today, Eomma. I beg you for today... do not remind me of my weakness."

"But your life-" 

"Eomma, remember what I said?" Seokjun said while holding his mother's hand. "Anything that happens to me .. Eomma must stay, maybe I will not be able to Eomma, hug Eomma, or whatever it is, but Seokjin still needs Eomma." 

"Eomma knows, Seokjun-ah .. but-" 

"Eomma ... I can make sure my love for Eomma will never go away ..." Seokjun cut quickly then he motioned to his mother's chest. "My love for Eomma will stay here .."

"Eomma know .. but .. still .." said Mother Seokjun bowed sadly. 

"Eomma, look at me ..." Seokjun asked his mother. "The memories are never lost, so I will always be with Eomma in Eomma's memory"

Seokjun's mother hugs Seokjun tightly, "why did something like this happen to you?" 

"Maybe ... I was born to Seokjin's happiness .." Seokjun said with a small laugh. "Come on, Eomma do not talk about this anymore, we're going home now! Seokjin will be waiting." 

Seokjun's mother can only breathe slowly, then smile a little as she walks up to her son who walks in front of him ... at least he was proud to have a child like Seokjun.

.

"Hyung!" Seokjin shouted from to the distance when Seokjun sat in the back garden of their house. 

Seokjun who sees Seokjin quickly gets up and runs over to his twin brother. 

"Why are you alone?" Ask Seokjun after holding Seokjin and help his twin walk toward the seat. "Where is Eomma? What if you fall?" 

"Hyung, do not worry too much like that, I’ve even memorized the twists and turns of this house." Seokjin said trying to calm his twin brother.

"Still, I'm afraid, what if something happens to you?" Seokjun said while helping his brother position to sit.

"Okay .. okay ... I'm sorry, next time I'll wait for Eomma." Answer Seokjin in the end. "Do not be angry anymore, hyung."

"I'm not angry ... I'm just worried about you." Seokjun said while holding Seokjin's left hand.

Seokjin nods in answer and then smiles a little at Seokjun though not completely eyes it leads to him. Seokjun sometimes feels sad if he sees Seokjin, his twin is slightly different from others including himself. He is not unable to walk properly, he can walk properly if only he can see. but he was blind from birth, he did not understand how his face, how the faces of his parents, he knew only a darkness, only black that he knew. since he was born is not wanted by his father, his father assumes what can blind people do in this world, he will be a useless person, something he can do is be a bother for others. But Seokjun does not think that way, to him no matter what Seokjin looks like, how Seokjin's condition is he still loves Seokjin and will give as much happiness as he can as long as he can see Seokjin smiling for him.

"By the way, hyung!" Seokjin's words interrupt Seokjun's reverie. "Happy Birthday!"

Seokjun chuckled. "To you also happy birthday!" While rubbing his sister's hair. "I'm sorry if I can not bring a present today, but I'll send it."

Seokjin shook his head. "It's okay, with hyung coming here is the best gift for me." Seokjin said while groping Seokjun's body to hug his twin brother.

Seokjun hug Seokjin tightly releases all his longing for this twin. "Seokjin-ah ... if you have desire, what desire do you want most?"

Seokjin removes his arms and sets himself up to sit down to his twin brother. "Why suddenly ask like that?" Seokjin asked confused.

"It's nothing, just want to ask." Seokjun said with a small smile even though it's no use because Seokjin will not be able to see it.

"Hmmm ..." Seokjin thought for a moment then smiled a little. "Actually my wish is a little impossible to happen but, if I was given sight even for just five minutes, I would like to see Eomma's face, Appa, myself, and lastly ... I want to see my Hyung face with a smile."

Seokjun paused, digesting his twin words that really wanted to make him cry, not because of his wish that every blind man would want to see. But, one thing that made him want to cry was that he could not bring up the last wishes of his twin.

"I always think about how Eomma and Appa face especially your face, Hyung." Seokjin tried to for his brother's hand and then in his hand. "But, I'm sure Hyung's face is very handsome, so I must be handsome too"

Seokjun chuckled. "No, you have a beautiful face."

"What?"

"You have a beautiful face, Seokjin-ah." Seokjun said.

"That means Hyung also has a pretty face right?"

Seokjun only responds to Seokjin's question with a small laugh. But, really his twin brother has a beautiful face like himself may even be more beautiful than himself. When Seokjun will grab the top of his brother's head, he coughs loudly until it bleeds and also draws blood from the nose. Seokjun also feels his head is very unbearable pain, hearing his twin brother coughing continuously Seokjin become worried.

"Hyung? Are you all right?" Ask Seokjin with a worried tone. "Do I need to get you a drink?"

"Uhuk! N-no! Uhuk! S-stay here." Seokjun said pulling his twin hand to sit back.

"But-"

"Seokjun-ah! My son! What happened to you ?!" Her mother said suddenly came to them.

"Eomma, Seokjun-hyung seems to be choking. Please get him a drink."

"What do you mean? He is-"

Seokjun's mother's words stopped when Seokjun tapped his mother's shoulder and looked at her mother pleading not to say anything. He really does not want Seokjin to know about his situation, he's suffered enough to think about his own situation and he does not want to be added with his own. Let someday Seokjin will know what really happened to that twin.

"Eomma, Seokjin is right .. I'm choking .. Can you get me some water?" Seokjun said after he could relieve his cough but, still his head was very sick as it would break.

Seokjun's mother, who understands what his son needs, rushes to get his drink and his medicine. Seokjun immediately wiped his hands and nose with the shirt he was wearing. he is still trying to ease the headache that really makes his head want to explode but, he knows if there is no medicine coming in his body the pain will not disappear. Seokjun tries to his head and tells himself to survive a little longer, for today only, he wants to be a normal child. when he tried to ease his headache, his ears heard a sobbing noise from his side that was none other than Seokjin's twin.

"Why are you crying?" Seokjun asks Seokjin to see her cry, he tries to wipe Seokjin's tears with his hands. "I'm all right, do not cry."

"I'm not worried about Seokjun-hyung ... I just feel useless when Hyung needs me." Seokjin tries to wipe her tears but, her tears keep flowing.

"Do not say it like that Seokjin-ah!" Seokjun's words shook his head while wiping the tears of Seokjin.

"whatever your condition ... I'm grateful to have a brother like you."

"Is it true?" Seokjin's question begins to stop crying.
Seokjun smiles a little on the sidelines of his headache and nods, "Yeah .. now stop crying, and smile, you ugly when crying, Seokjin-ah."

Seokjin then smiles and once again Seokjun really likes the smile. He does not want to forget the smile, he wants to always see that smile ... are you going to keep smiling like that, Seokjin-ah? I hope to make you happy even though I'm not by your side.

.

South Korea, January 20, 2017

Seokjin enters the funeral walking with a definite look for a name he knows among the tombstones. Moments after finding the tomb he was looking for, he paused to stare at the grave without expression. He did not know to be happy or sad or angry standing in front of the tomb. His eyes began to heat up, he began to clench his hands that his right hand was clutching a letter that he read 4 days ago before coming to this place. He closed his eyes and a tear came out of his eyes,

Dear, my dearest brother

Maybe while reading this ... you can already see. So, how's your face? as I said ... you have a beautiful face and you must also have seen Eomma and Appa.

I have granted your request ... not just 5 minutes but, until you meet your death, you will continue to see what you want to see for 21 years. Somebody has to live colorfully, Seokjin-ah is not just black ... a lot out there it's so beautiful to see and this is your chance. It's just one thing that I can not grant ... your desire to see my face with a smile. But, do not worry .. you just need to mirror and smile it is my face. We're twins ...

Well it seems like I was too much joking before ... this time I'll be serious, I know for sure this time you're upset with me .. I know and deserve it. Forgive me who do not say anything about my illness, not that I do not want to say it but, seeing yourself who has suffered with your condition I just want to be present in your life as your happiness. Forgive me who can no longer hug you, hold your hand, wipe your tears, comfort you when you are sad, whatever that I can not anymore. This body will not be able to be in front of you again but believe me ... my love for you will never disappear from your heart. Memories can not be lost but will always be in your memory. Only one thing I can give you is the only thing that can make you feel my presence ... remember the birthday present that I promised you, which I will give you as soon as possible? Now you're wearing it, Seokjin-ah. You like the gift? I hope you like ... that is the last gift I give you because after this I will not be able to give anything.

Live your life well, do not cry for me, your cry will not raise me again, no matter how hard you cry. Cry one day after that smile again ... I do not need people who cry for my death, I just need crying to sincerity let me go ... that way I will be happy there. I gave my eyes not because I thought you were weak. You're a smart kid, Seokjin-ah, I know that .. I just want you to feel the happiness that I feel with my eyes on you, I'm sure you can feel the happiness as I feel.

Be happy, Kim Seokjin ... you deserve it ...

From your twin brother,

Kim Seokjun

Nb: oh, one more .. I never told you if I had a boyfriend ... his name is Jeon Jungkook. Can you give me the letter I made for him after 100 days of my death? Thank you, Seokjin-ah .. even when I die is still troublesome you.

Seokjin opens his eyes and stares at his twin tomb that he loves very much and throws out the letter he has been kneading until it is not shaped in front of the tomb.

"what is the importance I can see now ... if what I see now is your grave ?!" Seokjin snaps at his twin brother's grave. "I am better off blind and see nothing!"

Seokjin wipes his tears roughly, "give me a reason ... give me a reason, KIM SEOKJUN! How can I be happy when the person I want to see is buried in the ground ?!" Seokjin's snap will definitely not get the answer from his twin. "Listen to me, Kim Seokjun! This is my promise to you! I will never come again again, until you prove I can be happy without you! I will even assume you never existed in my life!"

After saying that he went away from his twin grave and did not care anymore. He just wanted to forget all the twenty-one years that he lived and start a new life with a memory without a brother.

"Are you sure to say it's in front of his grave?" Asked a man who was waiting for him from a distance.

Seokjin paused and then saw his twin grave from to the distant. "From the beginning ... I was the one who was supposed to die ... not him."

"But, Seokjin-ah-"

"Kim Seokjun."

"What?"

"I'm Kim Seokjun! The dead one is Kim Seokjin!" Seokjin snapped her eyes sharply at him. "The one who died there was Kim Seokjin."

Seokjin leaves the man to their car, the man watches Seokjin walking farther from where he stands and the man watches Kim Seokjun's grave from a distance. I hope ... you help him, Seokjun-ah he just does not know anything, time can end this and everything will come back to normal. Then he leaves Kim Seokjun's meal following Seokjin to the car.

                           Here resting peacefully
                                     Kim Seokjin
              04 December 1995 - 25 December 2016