It was so late at night that all he could hear was the sound of the big clock in the living room ticking slowly, as if even it was counting every second that he spent without him, like how he was counting every single breathe he took without him beside him…

He checked the clock even though the time wasn’t important to him anymore. It could be any month’s any day in any year and he would still not care at all. But he still sighed when he saw it was four am. the second hand of the clock was moving so, so slow that he couldn’t even wait till the minute hand moved and looked down at the empty coffee cups in front of him on the wooden table. God knows mark hated coffee so much with a huge passion. But “he” loved it. So they had lots of coffee cups at home. But he wasn’t here anymore so no one was drinking any coffee..so he just let the empty, already used cups stay on the table. Not to remind him. but to remind his kisses that tasted like freshly made latte… He used to say that he couldn’t live without mark and coffee. It was funny how he actually could live so well without one of them…

He sighed and took the cup from the table just to place it to the same exact place again after a few second with shaking hands and teary eyes. He should be able to find his coffee wherever he left it. Cause he was going to come back to home anyway….right?

Mark knew it was a lie. The biggest lie he had ever told to himself. Cause donghyuck was gone and he was never going to come back to him…to their home…

Donghyuck was gone and all the clocks had stopped for mark since he had gone. Time was not passing anymore for him. He was stuck in the time when he left alone in their bedroom that was so cold now. So cold that he could never sleep there anymore. It was just so cold. So lifeless without him being there…

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He sighed and looked down at the pills in the palm of his hand. The place where donghyuck used to hold him in. mark smiled bitterly. He was still holding him there. He looked at the pills once again, counted them with his eyes even though he already knew there were exactly three pills in there, lying next to each other like well-behaving people and swallowed them all at once. He coughed a bit after because he always hated taking pills. Even though it was “for his own good”.

It wasn’t for his own good tho. They still could not make him sleep. He was still up all night. He was still thinking about him, who he should not think about at all actually, every single passing minute. Even when he finally fell asleep for about two or three hours, he still had him in his dreams. Or maybe saying his “nightmares” would be a better word choice. Because most of the times, his face would be covered in tears and his mouth would spill venomous words like an overflowing sink just like the last time they talked. No pills in the world could make mark forget that last look donghyuck gave to him before walking out of that door. None of those painkillers could take away the pain and sorrow in his heart. And none of those sleeping pills could make him sleep tight. Because donghyuck was his caffeine and sleepless nights became his second home since he was gone…

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He wanted to hate him to be honest. He wanted to hate everything about him. He wanted to curse at every beautiful memory they had together. He wanted to hate every soft kiss, eve