Daesung stares at the thing on his hand, rolling his eyes at his own thought.

“No way,” he mutters under his breath although he’s sure there’s no one around who is able to catch him in action. “No ing way.”

He feels completely ridiculous for even taking this thing, he wonders if people, most likely the staffs, will hear about this news; if the girl handing him the ribbon-hair-tie would tell anyone about his failed incognito mode while buying it. He can’t even call it a gift, knowing that he will not hand it to the particular person in his mind right now. He groans in frustration upon recalling the fact that he bought it with his own money. He could just lie about the reason why he wanted it –not that he thinks they’d be asking though –and get it straight from his company but he didn’t and he felt stupid for not even thinking about it.

How funny was that buying his own show merchandise only to impress someone who hadn’t answered his text for two days?

He knows that Seunghyun is busy, probably busy arranging his thoughts more than anything else and there’s definitely nothing he wants to do more than having him laughing like the old times, even the slightly nervous laughter like when they made their first debut stage will bring Daesung to near tears but he can’t really ignore the aching in his chest.

He’s missing Seunghyun so much.

“Ugh, damn,” he throws himself on the bed, face first. Luckily, the soft sheet welcomes him with such a hug it doesn’t break his precious nose. Seunghyun would be disappointed if he came back with nose less pointing out than it usually was. What would Seunghyun said if he told him he’d broken his nose? Would he come and chase him all through Japan, scolding Daesung for being careless then asking him out for some ice cream they’d ended up arguing about which flavor to pick?

Now, Daesung realizes belatedly, he’s not only stupid but had almost gone pushy. He knows that Seunghyun is better be home than anywhere else in this world. Never in million ways and gazillion stars would he want to put him under the wrong spotlight. Seunghyun deserves the rest from it all, and if Daesung can’t help him in the war in his head then he’d be guarding the gate with all his might.

Sometimes it means herding people away to another place and pretends that he doesn’t care much about the distance.

“ with that,” he swears, rudely grabbing his phone and open the camera app. He doesn’t use it often, less than his hyungs did and of course, much less than Seungri did although Daesung never asked the maknae about it, fearing that he would start showing him all collections in his gallery that maybe didn’t really make sense for Daesung at all. He shivers at the memory passing by his mind when Seungri showed him his business plan, saved in portable document in his phone, and all the plan to get wasted turned to law school.

He takes a deep breath and does some rehearsal in front of the mirror hanging on the wall.

“I’m pretty,” he feels his cheeks throb in embarrassment for having to reassure himself of the chant he used to laugh at–to tease –Seunghyun about. Not that he thought Seunghyun wasn’t pretty, though.

The shutter–click sounds startles him, he looks at his left and right quickly before mentally smacking himself, telling himself that he’s inside his hotel room not even his manager could get through the door without his permission or key-card. Taking a deep breath, he checks the picture.

“Well,” he cringes at his own silly smile but surely this is what used to make Seunghyun laugh the hardest. That’s if Seunghyun still finds these kind of things funny.

He feels the surge of nausea and disappointment wave inside him but he manages not to give up on his mission. Another click sounds, another attempts, another poses but still the same silly short palm-tree hairstyle and the yellow ribbon-hair-tie.

“Hyung?”

The knocks on the door make him jump, shoving the yellow ribbon inside his pocket.

“Hyung?” his manager calls out again. “We’re heading to the venue.”

“Coming,” Daesung presses the send button with such force it’s a wonder how his phone-screen doesn’t break. “I’m ready.”

He watches until the screen goes black again and wishing that this time, even though he can’t hear the sound, Seunghyun will laugh, somewhere, somehow.

Daesung is woken up by constant vibrate in his hand and he comes to greet the day slowly, from stretching to complaining about his thighs to realization that he’s been holding his phone to sleep.

From: Seunghyun–hyung

Can you get me one of those? I hope they have a pink one.

He stares unblinking at the message, sitting on the hotel bed within ocean of feelings in between laughing out loud and crying. A minute passes, another vibrate comes.

From: Seunghyun–hyung

You look pretty, by the way. Good luck for today,

Another vibrate.

From: Seunghyun–hyung

Pretty Daesung.

He shrugs nonchalantly even as a smile as wide as the ocean breaks upon his face. Surely it was a good idea.

Surely the company will love it too.

***

Picture link : Daesung