It was late at night and Yoongi was looking out from the balcony with a can of beer in his hand. Red cheeks on the pale skin, Yoongi closed his eyes as the night breeze welcomed him gently. He let out a soft sigh as he opened his eyes into the dark sky of 03.04 AM. 

The city was dazzling and blinking under him. He looked out to the dark sky and let himself loose and lost inside the darkness. Things changed so much from where he started and now he didn’t know if he had lost himself or had he became a new one. A gulp of beer to erase the doubt.

Another sigh and he tried to be more relaxed. The breeze became a little bit chillier than before. The pale skin which scented just like orange and just fresh from the bath. Wet hair blown gently by the wind again. It was chilling enough to make him shuddered but he stayed there anyway. 

He didn’t hum, he wasn’t making any rhymes nor sentences in his head just like he always did. He was now trying to empty himself for a while, just for another while tonight. 

He sighed again as he stared at the beer can. He saw the distance between him and the ground some floors distant. He let a drop of the cold beer fell as he watched. He lost the sight of the drip in the middle of the distance and that was chilling to his spine as he cannot stop thinking how it feels to free fall from where he was to the ground, just like the drip. 

If it was some years ago maybe it can trigger him or comfort him instead of giving him this kind of chilling feeling like this. Thinking back soundlessly like that, he thought whether it was a good thing or not. Sometimes, he missed the past although he hated it to his bones. 

The times between the stages in the world tour was always full of contemplation. Those times he got to prove himself that he got more love than the hates or a lot of non-recognition. But it made him afraid, it was always making him scared and restless of what he will become once it stopped, once it ended, those showers of love and inspiring times. 

As the rain could not be forever, neither the sunshine. Even night came as a darkness when the rain came. He always thought that there will be a lot more of sadness than happiness in this world. 

He folded his arms on the blinking steel of the balcony and he leaned his cheek on them. Closed his eyes, leaned his body ocompletely on the wall of the balcony, he could smell his own scent as he closed his eyes. 

He let a drop of the beer free fell again to the ground.

The energy drinks he drank before had kept him awake from night to night and he felt no healthy although he felt strong. It had been a while since sleepiness came to him and spoiled him with a deep, long sleep. the only place he could be sleeping was when he was on the flights, where he was free from all the energy drinks for a whole day. 

He stood himself up and then he finished that 5th can of beer in one shot. He felt light but that was ok, once he felt full and needed to get to the bathroom, he can just go and started to drink again. Tomorrow they will only have to take the flight and he could be as messy as possible. The room was way too quiet as Hoseok decided to join the maknae line to have this swimming session in the hotel swimming pool. 

he kept on staring at the empty room until his neck hurt. And he started to think that he was used to have a lot, so a lot more of worries than now. But right now, he couldn’t even think about one of it at all. His head was empty and he felt e little lighter than before. 

The journey of his music career was seriously becoming more and more various. Just like how he wanted it to be in the past. Experimenting with this genre, mixing this genre and that genre, featuring with a lot of artists and legends, became a hot topic globally and everything. He can say that he was successful in brought his dream to reality. But he was still afraid of the future, and of the end of the end. 

The hotel door opened and Yoongi turned his head to expect Hoseok’s smiling face making an appearance. He blinked as he squinted his eyes because in his a-little-blurry-and-bad-sight, Hoseok was a little bit taller and bigger. He watched that person walked calmly and finally stood right next to him.

“Ah, Namjoon-ah..” he called out softly. 

“Are you drunk?” Namjoon asked as he witnessed the beer cans next to Yoongi’s feet and even some new ones on the other side. 

“No…” Yoongi said. “You want some..?” he asked again as he took another two cans and opened one for him.

Namjoon just smiled as he showed him his americano. 

Yoongi nodded and gulped it down hhimself. 

“You don’t even question how I can came inside. You’re drunk,” Namjoon chuckled. 

“Hoseok bring the key with him right…? You got it from him right?” Yoongi said.

“Yes, but hell, no, you didn’t even put your guard up when you cannot even recognize who was coming into this room,” Namjoon said and he sipped his americano. 

“Um… I guess you’re right…” Yoongi answered calmly as he took another gulps. “Or maybe I just trusted the bodyguards very much,”.

Namjoon just chuckled.

“What are you doing not joining everyone in the pool?” Namjoon asked.

“How about you?” Yoongi asked back

“I was about to join them before I realize that maybe you aren’t and so I came  here to check it out,” namjoon said.

“Just join them, you’ll miss the fun…” Yoongi said softly.

‘You don’t want me here?” Namjoon asked.

“No, I’ll be spitting bulls and I don’t want you to hear them,” Yoongi said. “You’re probably at the pool before you realized that I wasn’t there, and you probably thought about me being suicidal or something. So you came here,” Yoongi chuckled.

“No, I’m not, hyung,” Namjoon protested. 

“I know…” Yoongi said as he looked away.

“No, really…” Namjoon said. “It’s just… been a while since the last time we talked,” Namjoon said. 

Yoongi just stood there looking out to the dark sky. 

“Isn’t it cold here?” Namjoon asked as he looked at Yoongi who was just wearing a white t-shirt and a short with wet hair and a small towel on top of that. 

“It’s not cold,” Yoongi said softly and he sippe the beer again.

Namjoon just nodded.

“Alright,” Namjoon said. “So, how is it? Do you like how we are going right now?”.

“I think being grateful is what people doing at times like this,” Yoongi said. “So, yeah… I like it,”. “You’re such a good leader,” Yoongi said. “That’s what you want me to say, huh?” Yoongi chuckled.

“Ah, hyuung,” Namjoon whined. 

Yoongi just giggled.

“How about you?” Yoongi asked.

“Well, what can I ask for more?” Namjoon asked. “We should be grateful,” Namjoon said again. “But it’s a little bit scary. This mountain. I’m afraid I will fall from the top of this mountain and hurt,”.

Yoongi just stared at Namjoon and scoffed. 

“It’s ok, even falling won’t be forever, it’s just a moment,” Yoongi said softly as he looked at the city under him again. “It will be another past like our past right now,”.

“That’s cold,” Namjoon chuckled. 

“No,” Yoongi said. “I am afraid too,” Yoongi said.

Namjoon turned his eyes to him. 

“I’m afraid too,” Yoongi said again, calmer. 

“Of falling?” Namjoon asked.

“Of the end,” Yoongi said softy.

Namjoon flashed a smile and he stared at the city under him. 

“It’s beautiful here,” Namjoon said. “You taken picture of it?”.

Yoongi shook his head. 

“Then I will,” Namjoon said and he took out his phone and took pictures of it. Slowly moving his camera to Yoongi who was again having a blank mind while staring emptily at the city under. 

Yoongi slowly realized as he gave Namjoon a glance, but then he let him do whatever he wanted. 

“Come here, we seldom take picture together,” Namjoon said as he put his arm on Yoongi’s shoulder and smiled to the camera. He took some photo and checked them out. “Ow, “ namjoon said after he saw a picture and gave Yoongi a glance. “You’re blushing, you look so drunk,” Namjoon scoffed. 

Yoongi held Namjoon hand and pull it to him so he can see them too.

“But pretty, pretty,” Namjoon said. 

“What pretty?” Yoongi asked.

“This picture, the city, the sky, we, you,” Namjoon said as he locked his phone and putted it back to his pocket while Yoongi scoffed at how sneaky was Namjoon sometimes.

Yoongi gulped his beer again and finished it in another one shot.

“Wow, slowly, hyung, slowly. You got planty time here,” Namjoon said as Yoongi took another one and opened it. 

He gulped it down again without minding Namjoon at all. so namjoon was just there, watching him in amusement.

Yoongi then rubbed his face.

“Namjoon-ah,” Yoongi said.

“Yeah?” Namjoon answered.

“I’m afraid,” Yoongi said as he stared at the sky. “I’m afraid if we’re going too fast,” Yoongi said again. 

Namjoon just watched him still, quietly.

“Are we going too fast for you…?” Namjoon asked.

“We’re… going too fast, going too hard…” Yoongi said softly again.

Namjoon putted his hand on Yoongi’s back and felt how cold his shirt had become. Namjoon couldn’t believe that Yoongi said he wasn’t cold at all. 

Namjoon zipped down his hoodie and put it on Yoongi’s body, he even hooked the hood on top of Yoongi’s head. 

Yoongi gave Najoon a glance and Namjoon patted his head that was covered with the hood before he let his arm on Yoongi’s shoulders. 

“What should we do then…?” Namjoon asked. “What can I do to slow it down?” namjoon asked again. 

Yoongi just sighed as he stared down at the city below him.

“I mean we’re just on our 4th year but…,” yoongi squinted his eyes and sighed again. “… we gotta slow it down…”.

Namjoon could see how dreamy and distant Yoongi’s eyes were despite they were there alone, talking to each other. Yoongi was alone in his head again with those liquid on his throat and body. Even the cold breeze was unable to wake him up and bring him down to the ground anymore. Yoongi was probably already there on the dark sky, floating on the light wind and night sky.

“Alright…” Namjoon said softly as he bent a little, leaned closer to Yoongi’s face. “I’ll slow it down for you,” Namjoon said again and this time Yoongi looked at his eyes with those tired and misty eyes. 

Yoongi lifted his hand and his fingers were sloppily landed on Namjoon’s nose.

“You’re too close…” Yoongi said softly probably tried to push the face away but it was too powerless. 

“I am,” Namjoon said softly as he leaned closer and then he caught those moist lips. 

“No… what are you doing…” Yoongi whispered as he pulled out from the kiss, leaned his forehead against Namjoon’s, staring at Namjoon’s lips and gulped. 

“Slowing it down,” Namjoon said softly against Yoongi’s face and caught the corner of those lips before he moved to kiss those lips right in the middle. 

Namjoon watched Yoongi stared dreamily right at his eyes before he closed them slowly. 

Namjoon broke the kiss and he could feel Yoongi’s soft breaths on his face. Namjoon wrapped his arms around Yoongi and trapped him there gently, tightly and leaned Yoongi’s back against the balcony wall, before he trailed kisses to Yoongi’s jaws and neck under his own hood. 

Yoongi leaned his head on top of the balcony wall. He opened his dreamy eyes and he could see the dark sky where the stars were blinking gently to him. Letting Namjoon touching anywhere his hand wanted to and kissing his chest, Yoongi wrapped his arms around Namjoon’s neck.

Namjoon stood himself up and stared right into Yoongi’s eyes right below him before he flashed a gentle smile. 

“I’ll slow it down,” Namjoon whispered and Yoongi closed his dreamy eyes.

Namjoon didn’t only slow it down, he stopped the time for him. 

***