“it’s raining again,” chaeyoung says, chin resting on her fist as she gazes out the window. the branches belonging to the tree outside of lisa’s bedroom are swaying in the wind, one scratching against the surface of the window annoyingly. 

“mhm.”

“it always rains on wednesdays, don’t you think?

“mhm.”

‘i’ll be walking home from school, and suddenly it’s raining. and then i check the calendar, and boom, it’s a wednesday.”

“mhm.”

“i love you,” chaeyoung confesses, words dripping with honey.

“mhm–“ chaeyoung rips lisa’s phone away from her weak grasp, glaring at her best friend furiously. “hey! i was busy!” lisa pouts, trying to snatch the phone dangling from chaeyoung’s hand and failing. 

“doing what?” chaeyoung frowns, typing in lisa’s password, (unfortunately) not surprised by what she sees. “you’re texting jennie?”

“she needs help with studying for chemistry,” lisa defends herself, grabbing her phone back and firing off a quick text to the high school senior. “she told me if she fails another test, coach is gonna kick her off the team.”

“poor jennie,” chaeyoung says. she doesn’t mean it.

“anyway, what were you saying?” lisa puts her phone down, and for once, all of her attention is on chaeyoung. 

“it’s, uh, raining again,” chaeyoung murmurs, suddenly feeling very stupid. 

lisa shrugs and picks up her phone again, fingers moving rapidly against the glass screen. “it always rains on wednesdays, chaeng. that’s nothing new.” 

//

chaeyoung has two exams tomorrow and a huge project due in three days– she’s been stuck at her desk ever since she got home, barely even looking at her phone. her parents have really been putting the pressure on her this year– junior year is all about trying to impress various universities around the country. 

lisa doesn’t have to worry about this stuff. lisa has soccer, has countless scholarships lined up for her if she wants them. lisa is an asset to any college soccer team– any school is dying to have her on their roster. chaeyoung doesn’t do sports. she’s not like jennie.

she’s busy copying down notes about math functions when the phone calls start. she ignores it well enough the first time– the phone’s screen is facedown on her desk, the best way for her to keep herself occupied with her work. no distractions.

the phone rings again and chaeyoung’s eyes drift over to her rose gold phone, suddenly very tempted to see who’s calling. it wouldn’t be too bad to answer just one phone call, right? her hand is hovering over the phone, just about to pick up when the ringing stops. good. now there’s really no distractions–

the phone rings for a third time in a row and chaeyoung gives up, flipping her phone over and glancing at the screen. the bestest friend in the entire world lisa. when did lisa change her contact name?

“hello?”

“finally,” lisa groans from the other end of the phone call, the wind rustling in the background. “coach cancelled practice cause of the rain.”

“it’s raining?” chaeyoung’s been too focused on studying to notice. sure enough, lisa’s right. the rain is coming down hard, flurries of droplets pattering against her bedroom window. 

“it always rains on wednesdays,” lisa says and chaeyoung smiles. “anyway, i’m outside.”

“w-what?” chaeyoung immediately peeks out of her window, only to be greeted by lisa’s bright smile beaming up at her and an (unfortunately) familiar girl standing by her side. “you brought jennie?”

“yeah. why not, right? we can wait out the rain together,” lisa says, impossibly cheery. chaeyoung thinks that jennie can take the bus home, but there’s no way she can actually turn the girl away. all she can do is open the front door and pray for the gods to strike her down, because jennie kim is all lisa can talk about lately, and chaeyoung absolutely despises it.

//

letting jennie kim into her house might actually take the award for the dumbest thing chaeyoung’s done in a while.

the older girl is nice, of course, complimenting chaeyoung’s room with the light purple walls that she hates and starting conversations when the awkward silence (the awkward silence that’s completely natural between two people whose only common interest is the energetic girl between them) begins to take over. jennie’s politeness doesn’t change the fact that lisa looks at her like she’s looking at the stars, doesn’t change the way their hands are intertwined as they lay on the floor of chaeyoung’s bedroom, giggling about something as chaeyoung tries her best to block them out.

“we could watch this one,” chaeyoung suggests, dragging her computer cursor over a movie in her recently played section. “it’s pretty good. short, too.” 

“sure thing, chaeng,” lisa smiles, but her eyes are on jennie’s and chaeyoung knows that lisa hasn’t heard a thing.  

they’re not even halfway through the movie when chaeyoung becomes painfully aware of the fact that she’s third-wheeling, because lisa and jennie are still holding hands, not even bothering to pretend like they’re watching the movie anymore. chaeyoung stops watching too, choosing to watch instead the way that lisa’s eyes light up every time jennie whispers a witty comment, the way that jennie’s hands affectionately brush against lisa’s skin when she tucks some of lisa’s stray hair behind her ears. 

chaeyoung’s eyes linger on the pair for a moment too long, because then lisa is quirking an eyebrow at her and the older girl blushes, ducking her head and returning her gaze to the movie she doesn’t even know the plot to.

“everything good, chaeng?” lisa asks, reaching out to cup chaeyoung’s cheek with the hand that isn’t intertwined with jennie’s. chaeyoung leans into the gentle touch, momentarily forgetting all about the looming presence of the other girl.

“of course,” chaeyoung says, eyes drifting to her bedroom window. “oh. it stopped raining.”

“great!” jennie says, loud and abrasive and chaeyoung flinches away from lisa’s touch automatically. “lisa, wanna get going? my mom really wants to meet you.”

chaeyoung wants to ask why lisa is meeting jennie’s parents– wants to know exactly how close they are. but instead she just closes her eyes for less than a second and takes a deep breath, reminding herself that lisa is her best friend and nothing more. (and that’s how lisa and jennie are too right? just friends? nothing more?)

(who is she kidding? just friends don’t look at each other like jennie and lisa do. but it’s nice to pretend.)

“but we haven't finished the movie…” lisa’s looking at chaeyoung with guilty eyes and chaeyoung doesn’t understand why. it’s not like lisa’s even been watching the movie. she’s been too wrapped up in the charismatic mystery that is jennie kim.

“it’s fine,” chaeyoung lies, averting her eyes from lisa’s sad ones– that proves to be a mistake, because the next thing she sees is jennie, staring at lisa like they’re the only two people in the world and, suddenly, chaeyoung feels very very unwelcome. “you guys can go, i don’t mind.” 

“but–“  lisa’s about to protest further when jennie takes her hand and tugs gently, head motioning towards the door.

“come on, lisa, let’s go. chaeyoung’s cool with it, right?” jennie’s talking to lisa, but her words are directed towards chaeyoung. so chaeyoung nods frantically (not too frantically, she hopes, that would give her away) and ushers the pair to the front door, despite lisa’s obvious reluctance. 

“seriously, lisa, it’s fine,” chaeyoung hopes that it sounds more convincing than it does in her head. 

lisa doesn’t look like she quite believes her, but jennie whisks her out the door and then they’re gone, almost as fast as they came.

//

the bestest friend in the entire world lisa: hey sorry for leaving like that :( i feel bad

bby chipmunk: seriously don’t worry abt it!

bby chipmunk: it’s not a big deal :)

the bestest friend in the entire world lisa: are you sure?

bby chipmunk: of course

the bestest friend in the entire world lisa: are you coming to my game tomorrow?

bby chipmunk: wouldn’t miss it for the world.

//

chaeyoung’s been to every single one of lisa’s soccer games. for as long as she can remember, she’s sat on the sidelines of every field for every game and cheered on her best friend, even when lisa was young and would sit down at the goal and pick at the grass until the ball smacked her in the face.

(lisa’s teammates would giggle and point, but chaeyoung would run as fast as her little legs could carry her to make sure her best friend was okay.)

years have passed since then, but nothing’s changed too much. lisa still plays soccer, but she stays on her feet, running around the field like she owns it. chaeyoung still comes to every game, still cheers lisa on from the sidelines and doesn’t hesitate to interrupt if she sees lisa get hurt. (lisa thinks it’s embarrassing, but what choice does chaeyoung have?)

the only thing that’s changed in recent years is the addition of a new member to the team– jennie kim, number 16, center forward. 

jennie’s a strong player, chaeyoung can admit that much. while lisa stays back and defends, jennie charges forward, strikingly aggressive, and for the first time, chaeyoung can almost see why lisa likes– not likes, (lisa would tell her if she liked jennie, right?) looks up to her so much.

(lisa likes jennie, her heart says, aching inside of her chest. lisa likes jennie and you just don’t want to think about it. lisa likes jennie and not you–)

jennie kicks the ball towards the goal hard, and for once, she misses, ball nearly hitting chaeyoung in the face and startling the younger girl out of her depressing thought spiral. for a moment, chaeyoung almost thinks that jennie aimed for her, because jennie kim is jennie kim, and jennie kim never misses.

“sorry!” jennie pouts, jogging over to chaeyoung. “are you okay?”

“don’t worry about it,” chaeyoung brushes it off, handing the ball to the soccer player. “you’re doing great out there.”

jennie and chaeyoung aren’t quite friends, but they’re good at this part– the small talk, the fake smiles. 

“thanks, chaeng,” jennie beams, and for a moment, it almost seems genuine. “you know–“

“hustle, kim!” the coach yells from across the field and jennie stops abruptly, flashing chaeyoung an apologetic half-smile before jogging back to the action. 

nothing happens for the rest of the game– lisa makes a few nice saves, jennie sprints up and down the field like a woman possessed. they’re excellent players, chaeyoung thinks (even if she’s a little biased), but they lose anyway. 

lisa falls into jennie’s waiting arms when the game is finally over, sweaty and panting and exhausted, and chaeyoung wonders exactly when lisa stopped searching for her embrace. 

//

“you should go home,” lisa says, leaning against a goalpost. “it’s gonna rain.”

the sudden appearance of her best friend startles chaeyoung visibly, the older girl flinching and dropping the ball in her hands in shock. “it’s fine. what are you doing here?”

“since when do you play soccer?” lisa deflects, walking closer to scoop up the dirty soccer ball laying on the grass. “you know you can’t kick a ball for the life of you–“

“that’s not true,” chaeyoung pouts. lisa’s telling the truth– chaeyoung’s missed the goal every time, even though she’s the only one on the field. sports really have never been her thing.

lisa laughs and grabs chaeyoung’s hand, pulling them down to lay on the ground together before letting go to rest her hands behind her head as she looks up into the gray sky. “sports have never been your thing, chaeyoung.”

“it’s going to rain,” chaeyoung points out, turning on her side to face her best friend, trying to ignore how beautiful lisa looks with her hair splayed out underneath her, eyes sparkling as she glances up at the clouds. “and i can get better at soccer.”

“it’s only a little water,” lisa says, one hand idly picking at the grass. “and since when are you interested in soccer?”

chaeyoung wants to open and tell her the truth, tell her that she wants lisa to look at her the same way she looks at jennie when they’re on the soccer field together, tell her that she can be jennie for her, if she wants. “you need someone to play with you,” chaeyoung settles on a  half-truth. “when jennie goes to college.”

lisa looks a little surprised, but she seemingly accepts chaeyoung’s answer, blinking a few times in surprise as rain scatters down from above. “jennie won’t be away for too long,” lisa says, wiping a raindrop from her forehead. “she already knows i’m following her wherever she goes.”

that sounds false to chaeyoung, because lisa has always promised her the future, not jennie. lisa’s the one who planned their kindergarten graduation and their eighth grade graduation, the one who always scoffed at the mere notion of ever being away from her best friend. 

(chaeyoung wonders if this is what growing up is like– if it means losing the one person who’s always meant the world to you.

chaeyoung never wants to grow up.)

//

chaeyoung celebrates her 17th birthday five weeks before jennie leaves to go to college. 

“happy birthday!” lisa grins, proudly presenting chae