How can I express how the world has wronged me?

I’m ordered to live life but without you

Foolish are those that say you are a stranger to me

How much injustice people have done to us, my love?

===

            Head court-lady Kim’s lifeless face just looked like a broken doll’s face to Prince Yeongsoo that early morning. She has woken up him in the most unpleasant way then shocked him with the cruelest thing in the world. His mother, who the night before slept peacefully in his embrace has gone to another dimension world. The prince run as fast as he could toward his mother’s pavilion, even without noticing what kind of cloth he’s wore that time. The mourned court ladies greeted him right after he stepped in the pavilion’s yard. He stormed to his mother’s room, and found his mother’s lifeless body lied on her futon. His tall figure got frozen, tears welled his eyes, words untold.

            ”Jusang Jeonha has arrived!”

            Just like the prince, the king of Joseon got speechless seeing his beloved queen lied lifeless yet peacefully at her futon. The king crumbled on the floor, his hands took the queen’s cold hands, caressed it lovingly.

            ”When the last time I have your hands inside mine, Jungjeon?” The king said in his hoarse voice. ”It must be so hard for you… I’m sorry, for not by your side.”

            Prince Yeongsoo could saw his father trembled. Unable to hold his own sadness, Prince Yeongsoo left the room. His steps were lifeless, just like his mother. He needed someone he could leaned on, someone who could gave him comfort.

            ”Yeongsoo Mama,” He heard Head court-lady Kim called him. Her puffed eyes indicated that she barely cried.

            ”Head court-lady Kim,” Prince Yeongsoo paused. ”Can you do a favor to me?”

            ”What’s it, Mama?”

            ”There’s a set of woman gown and its accessories inside my room. Can you help my mother to wear it? I want to see Eomma Mama looked beautiful in her last resting place.”

            ”I will do it, Mama.”

===

            Sad faces, mourning, tears filled all around Joseon. They have lost their beloved Queen Ingyeong forever. The lifeless queen laid peacefully, dressed in light green dangui11 matched with dark silver daeran chima12 A crescent moon shaped norigae tied beautifully on her violet otgoreum. It was her son’s last present for her.

            ”Yeongsoo Mama, we have to proceed the funeral ceremony,” said Kim Myung Shim, Prince Yeongsoo’s uncle.

            Prince Yeongsoo didn’t say a word as his respond. He watched in silence as the funeral ceremony began. Crown Prince Yoon who saw his older brother’s lifeless spirit couldn’t do anything to ease his brother’s feeling. No tears shed on the oldest prince’s face but Crown Prince Yoon knew it well, half of his brother’s world has disappeared, evaporated together with his mother’s death. All the members of the palace attended the funeral ceremony, gave their last respect to the deceased queen. Dressed in all white colored cloth, Choi In Ha with all the crown princess candidates took part too. She could saw from afar, the royal family whom lost their beloved woman.

            ”It must be so hard for Prince Yeongsoo,” Yeon Hwa whispered.

            ”Uhm, it must be,” Choi In Ha replied, then she looked at the oldest prince. She only could saw his back from her place, but she also saw how sorrowful he’s.

===

            It was as if heaven gave their condolence to the young prince, drizzling rain came since his mother’s funeral until that night. Still wearing his white robe, he sat on the bench at bungalow of the eastern garden, his favorite place. He closed his eyes, tried to stop his tears which was keep flowing. A small steps approached him, made him opened his eyes just to find his dream girl, dressed in the same attire as his, stood under black paper umbrella not far from him. She moved closer to him, she got a bit surprised by his blue expression.

            ”Yeongsoo-ssi,” Choi In Ha called him.

            ”Got your happiness.”

            Suddenly his mother’s words rang inside his mind as he looked up at the girl who called him earlier. ”You’re here?” Prince Yeongsoo asked with his low voice. He didn’t know why he asked that question instead said another things.

            ”Yeongsoo-ssi, what…”

            ”Could you sat here?” The prince pointed his left side. Choi In Ha complied with his request. As she seated beside him, Prince Yeongsoo leaned his head on her shoulder. It felt like a miracle, just being with her, leaned on her, he felt the coldness of the sorrow he has inside him being melted. But it still not enough. ”Can I hug you?” Prince Yeongsoo asked the girl, slowly but firmly even she’s hesitating at first, she nodded as her answer. Soon after he got her permission, he circled his hands around her waist, he breathed in her scent as he buried his face in her hair. ”Thank you, for being here…”

            Choi In Ha didn’t know what kind of words she should said to him. He looked so sad, so lifeless like a man who has lost his nation. She caressed his back slowly, tried to ease his sorrowful feeling.

===

            ”The sky looked so dark tonight,” Choi In Ha said, started a conversation with the man who still circle his hands around her body. They weren’t hugged anymore, their position was… more like their position at the night before, Prince Yeongsoo back-hugged Choi In Ha. Still seated on the same bench, they looked at the starless night sky. The drizzling rain still busy made ripples on the koi pond’s water.

”I’m sorry, I’ve lied to you, In Ha-ssi.”

            ”What’s your mean?”

            A long intermission after her question. ”When I said I’m not Seja’s older brother,” Prince Yeongsoo paused. ”When I said I just shared the same name as his, I lied.” He continued.

            ”Then?” Choi In Ha demanded his real intention.

            ”I’m him, I’m Prince Yeongsoo, Seja’s older brother.”

            Silence. Only the drizzling rain voice which made ripple on the golden koi pond filled their atmosphere. Their bodies didn’t move even an inch.

            ”Why… are you telling me this?” Choi In Ha finally said.

            ”Because it’s unfair for me, to lie to you…” Prince Yeongsoo hung his words. ”Someone who has captured my heart.” His hands took one of her hand, placed it in between his.

            They still in the sad moment that time, but his words wasn’t feel wrong whatsoever, even his action. Instead feeling cold because of the weather they were in, she felt warm because of his act.

            ”You’re silent.” Prince Yeongsoo said, caressed her small hand which was still between his.

            ”Then… it has answered my unspoken question.”

            ”Huh?”

            ”When I saw your pained face earlier, I questioned myself, what have happened to you?” In Ha broke their body contact, then turned to face him. ”And now I know its answer. You lost your dear mother just now.”

            Prince Yeongsoo hung his head low. ”It’s felt so…cruel. The world felt like it stopped spinning when I saw her lifeless body this morning.”

            Her small hands brought him back to their embrace. Words were unspoken as the prince trembled in their embrace, poured all of his sadness in that night.

===

            Time passed just like a blink of eye. It has been two weeks after the queen’s passing. It wasn’t a sunny morning yet it wasn’t a rainy morning either. Many court ladies busy prepared for one of the big event of Joseon, queen coronation. Jang Heebin, the king’s only one concubine was the one who will fill that position. Many people have predicted that. Jang Heebin, together with Soron fraction which supported her soon will rule the nation.

            ”You must be unhappy with this,” King Gyeonjong said to his oldest son who sat still since he stepped in the king’s room.

            ”My unhappiness won’t brought back Eomma Mama alive, Jeonha. The inner palace should get back their ruler, so the governance will balance. Heebin Mama was the best candidate to fill that position, Soron fraction too. They will brought a better prospect to Joseon.” Prince Yeongsoo explained bitterly. He looked at his father who has got ready for the coronation. ”Then, I will take my leave.”

            Prince Yeongsoo left the king’s room in silent, went back to his own pavilion. He didn’t plan to attend the coronation since the first place. It was about five steps before he reached his room when he saw Heard court-lady Kim stood in front of his room.

            ”Kim Sanggung13,” he called the head court-lady.

            ”Mama.” The woman bowed her head toward the prince.

            ”What’s bring you here?”

            ”I want to say goodbye before leave this palace, Mama.”

            ”So, you’re retired?”

            ”Ne, Mama.”

            An audible sigh escaped from him. ”Then… I have no right to hold you, have I?”

            Head court-lady Kim looked up at the prince. He looked skinner after his mother’s death. His bright eyes who always calmed her whenever she looked at the son of her late master has replaced with sorrow.

            ”I hope you have a better life, Kim Sanggung. I will miss you.”

            Head court-lady Kim bowed her head. ”Ne, Mama. You too, I hope you get your happiness back soon,” said the heard court lady with a calm voice.

            A nod with small smile replied her wish toward the young prince. Once again, the head court lady bowed her head toward the prince, then stepped slowly leaving that place. It happened. After his mother death, none happy news reached him. Choi In Ha, got chosen as the crown princess, Jang Heebin got promoted as the queen, Kim Sanggung retired. Should I leave this palace too? Those sentence rang repeatedly inside his mind, never left him even when he’s asleep. The happy moments he has seemed floated away… got fused with the endless ocean. Times when everyone were together just became scars to him.

            The sound of hammered drums brought Prince Yeongsoo back from his misery. As his nation started a brand new day through that coronation, he got helpless as he knew…soon he will faced his end, lived in that palace.

===

            She felt wrong sat in that place, beside the royal family, wore an expensive yet beautiful cloth, watched many kinds of dance and song performances, had many delicious dishes on the table in front of her. She looked at the left side of the king where his princes should seated. Only the crown prince who attended the coronation, while the king’s oldest son was absent. She knew, the oldest prince didn’t has a good relation with the new crowned queen. A low sigh escaped from her lips. She wanted to leave that place, she wanted to go to his place, to feel his warm embrace.

            ”You looked unwell, gwaenchanayo?” Crown Prince Yoon asked her suddenly, caught her off guard.

            ”I’m alright, Seja Jeoha.”

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