JIHOON. Like A River, Rushing
All I Wanna Do! (Wanna One High School)Kuanlin really reminded Jihoon of his favourite character from Shugo Chara.
Amu Hinamori was the main protagonist of the series, and the more he observed Kuanlin as he practiced (and Jihoon had been observing him a lot, much to his horror as he realized this later on) he found that Kuanlin and Amu shared a certain similarity he could no longer unsee.
First of all, their outer appearance stood in stark contrast to their inner personalities. Amu projected a cool image to outsiders, despite being quite timid in reality. Jihoon could easily imagine Kuanlin as the main character of a Shonen Jump comic whom everyone secretly admired, but couldn’t even be bothered to look at the same person twice... And yet nothing could have been further from the truth. Kuanlin had a childlike innocence about him one wouldn’t expect from someone who looked so mature. He had a fierce drive to learn and a natural curiosity about certain things, which, by extension, meant that Jihoon should probably remember to keep him at least ten meters away from Woojin, who could undoubtedly corrode Kuanlin’s purity if left unchecked for too long.
Second of all, Amu had an endearing tendency to become an airhead, and Kuanlin was no different. Jihoon smiled to himself as he recalled their impromptu popping lesson, and how Kuanlin momentarily forgot the steps he had been previously taught each time he learnt a new one. He also, for some reason, seemed to be on a mission to start his own language, because of the way he mispronounced Korean words at random, despite being able to string entire sentences together. Jihoon had even heard him speaking in a curious combination of Korean, Cantonese, and English as he practiced. That being said, Jihoon did appreciate multilingualism, because he for one only knew how to say “I’m Park Jihoon, I’m nineteen, you fight me?” in English, which Woojin had taught him was the right way to ward off annoying tourists. But then again, Woojin could not be trusted with anything.
Third, and perhaps, most annoyingly of all, Jihoon thought that Amu and Kuanlin were both extremely beautiful. The first time Jihoon had laid eyes on Kuanlin, he had wondered if it was even legal for a human being to look that good, as Kuanlin looked like he stepped straight out of the pages of Vogue Korea, Photoshop edit intact. He could easily have been a model, as he had amazing proportions, a nice facial structure, large eyes, rosy red lips, and other such things Jihoon should never have noticed, but did anyway. Despite having to persevere against the unceasing visual attack, however, Jihoon had once thought that being best friends with arguably the “prettiest boy” in school had rendered him immune to unearthly good looks. And yet, no matter how many times he tried to get used to seeing Kuanlin’s face, the persistent feeling of nervousness refused to subside, the butterflies in his stomach refused to fold their wings, and the beating of his heart refused to decelerate. The prolonged exposure to Lai Kuanlin was driving him nuts, and Jihoon had no idea how to remedy himself because he frankly had no idea what was happening.
The thing was, Jihoon had secretly crushed on Amu Hinamori for seven years.
… Which in no way meant that the same thing was happening with Kuanlin. Right? Jihoon had never been into guys. He even had a couple of ex-girlfriends, and the thought of dating, much less finding a guy attractive had never occurred to him before. So was it possible, that he really… Really...
“Whyyy goddamnit!” Jihoon exclaimed, ruffling his own hair in frustration, confounded by the strange turn of events he had found himself in.
“Hyung?” Kuanlin called out to him, pausing his practice upon hearing Jihoon’s sudden expletives. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Jihoon responded, trying to calm himself down. “There’s just… something that’s been bothering me lately.”
Kuanlin walked over to Jihoon then, squatting down in front of him so that they were at eye-level. “What is it? Maybe I can help.”
Jihoon looked at him for a long moment. There it was again, that uncontrollable buzzing. The pain in his chest whenever his eyes met Kuanlin’s. The urge to reach out and touch him.
Before his mind could process what he was about to do, Jihoon reached out and touched him, placing one hand against Kuanlin’s left cheek. If Kuanlin was startled or even remotely flustered by the gesture, there was no telling. Kuanlin simply brought his left hand to cover Jihoon’s, pressing his cheek into Jihoon’s hand slightly, eyes locked on him. “Hyung?”
“Hey, Kuanlin-ah,” Jihoon began. “If I told you that my heart had a Humpty Lock… could there be a chance that you had the Dumpty Key to open it?”
Kuanlin blinked in utter confusion. “Humpty dumpty…? Hyung, are you craving eggs? I’m a horrible cook, but maybe we can head to the café if you wanted some.”
Jihoon sighed. What was he doing, bringing vague Heart Unlock logic into the conversation for the sake of hiding away his feelings?
“What I meant was… have you ever, uhm… felt like you were losing your mind whenever you were with a certain person?”
Kuanlin stared at him, and the brown in his eyes seemed to shift in color. “Not really.”
Jihoon sighed. Of course, Kuanlin wasn’t feeling the same way that he was. He wasn’t even the least bit fazed by Jihoon’s uncharacteristic display of affection. To him, the gesture meant nothing.
Jihoon made a move to withdraw his hand, but Kuanlin held fast to it. “Not just yet, hyung. This feels really nice.”
The pain in Jihoon’s chest worsened. His heart beat at a dangerous pace, and Jihoon was terrified of the possibility that Kuanlin could hear the sound of it as it hummed to life at his touch. “You… you really like skinship, don’t you?”
“Only if I do it with you.”
Jihoon tried his best not to sound too happy at the sound of that. “You don’t do skinship with Daehwi?”
“I do, but it doesn’t feel half as nice. He’s way too skinny. Whenever I hug him, it feels like I’m about to get stabbed by his shoulder blades or his elbows at any minute. I like you better.”
Jihoon tried not to think of the intimate sorts of hugging positions that would make it possible for one to get stabbed by shoulder blades or elbows. Kuanlin brought his other hand to Jihoon’s cheek then, and Jihoon could feel the world blurring at the edges around him.
“Why… why is that?”
Kuanlin smiled. “You’re a lot squishier.”
He began pressing Jihoon’s cheeks together, who was immediately released from his reverie.
“Squishier.”
“Yeah. You remind me of a Shiba Inu,” Kuanlin said, an excited look on his face. “The fat ones.”
“A Shiba Inu. “ Jihoon said in disbelief. “A fat one.”
“It’s really cute. I get the urge to feed you sometimes.”
Jihoon was instantly reminded of the Lotte Chocolate Pie Kuanlin gave him earlier that morning.
“How could you. I’m not a pig.”
“Yeah, you’re a Shiba. You know those dogs that—“
“I KNOW WHAT A SHIBA INU IS.” Jihoon yelled, startling Kuanlin, who released him and backed slightly away in surprise. Jihoon took a deep breath, attempting to regain his composure. What was he thinking, getting all giddy at Kuanlin’s affectionate words? Kuanlin was just throwing them around for the sake of getting a rise out of him, and there he was, like an idiot, letting himself get swept up and double-crossed by his own readiness to believe in them.
“Never mind,” Jihoon said, backtracking. “I was getting distracted. Just get back to your practice. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt it.”
Kuanlin’s eyes looked at him with worry. “Are you alright, hyung? I didn’t mean to make you angry.”
Jihoon shook his head. “I’m not angry.” That sort of thing is impossible, when it comes to you.
Kuanlin smiled at him, and Jihoon was convinced that he did, indeed, have the Dumpty Key hidden somewhere. “No worries, hyung. I think I’m quite prepared now. I actually wanted you to hear it.”
Jihoon nodded. But just as Kuanlin was settling himself down to begin his rap, the principal’s voice blared through the loudspeakers. ““All students, please head to the outdoor walkway immediately, for an announcement regarding this year’s promotion exams. I repeat, all students please head out to the outdoor walkway immediately, for an announcement regarding this year’s promotion exams.”
Jihoon and Kuanlin exchanged nervous looks at each other.
“What was that all about?” Kuanlin asked him. Jihoon shrugged, equally as nonplussed by the announcement. Promotion exams were starting in a matter of hours, and they had to make an announcement at this time? And why go through the trouble of gathering all students to the outdoor walkway?
“I have no idea what all this is about,” Jihoon said. “So I guess we’d better go out there and find out.”
The outdoor walkway was jam-packed with students. Mireu was a relatively small school, owing to how difficult it was to enter into the school in the first place; but the scenery around him, where thousands of students dressed in the black, white, and yellow colors of the school uniform were whispering about and talking amongst themselves, drove home a point that Jihoon was just one small fish amongst multitudes in the sea. He felt a bit nauseated by the sheer number of them, and Jihoon wondered if there had ever been another time during which the entire student body had been gathered in a single enclosed space. He didn’t really think so.
Jihoon looked around, examining the faces in view, trying to find his best friend. It didn’t take him much time to do so, as Jihoon had worked on improving his Jinyoung-radar throughout the years. He could probably spot Jinyoung from a mile away, no matter how small his head was.
From the corner of his vision he spotted his best friend within a few yards from where they were standing, walking towards the stage with a group of boys he had no idea Jinyoung associated with. And was that Kang Daniel walking behind him? Jihoon squinted at the other boy walking behind the Student Council President, looking like his bodyguard against the sudden onslaught of excited girls who had crowded near them. Jihoon could have sworn that it was Ong Seongwoo, who was famous across the school for his devilish good looks, his outstanding skills as an actor, and just recently, his status as Kang Daniel’s reluctant mentee. Jihoon heard that they didn’t get along too well, but from afar it didn’t seem that way at all. They kinda looked good together, if Jihoon was being honest.
There was another, much smaller guy walking next to Jinyoung, who was unmistakably Lee Daehwi. For a brief moment, Jihoon felt a pang of guilt and jealousy at the sight, as if Jinyoung had replaced him because of his inability to be a good friend. Their relationship was not in a nice place at the moment, and Jihoon wanted to hurry up and apologize, as the rift between them was something he could never get used to. Not being on good terms with Jinyoung opened a chasm within his heart, one filled with loneliness and regret, and one that needed yet another Dumpty Key to seal shut.
At that moment, Kuanlin’s hand found his. Jihoon attempted to turn back, but Kuanlin was standing just a few inches behind him. Kuanlin leaned in to whisper in his ear, and Jihoon could feel the warmth of Kuanlin’s breath on his neck.
“Hyung,” Kuanlin started. “I think I see Daehwi in the distance over there. We should probably head to where they are.”
But just as Kuanlin was about to pull him in Jinyoung’s direction, the principal stepped onstage towards the raised platform, all the cameras, lights, and students’ attention on him.
“Ladies and gentlemen, The Mireu High School for the Arts has been known for decades as the premium school for aspiring singers, dancers, rappers, hosts, entertainers, and idols. And for decades, this school has been producing some of the most successful and well-known names in the industry, including our newest and very own artist under Pledis and the Mireu Artist Agency, NU’EST W, who just recently concluded their world tour.”
Jihon could hardly believe his eyes when the members of NU’EST W themselves stepped onto the stage, as they had been hidden from sight by curtains and the assembly of six-foot-tall bodyguards who had arrived at the venue. Screams for each member rang throughout the crowd, and Jihoon realized that this would have to be around the time during which girls magically transformed into dolphins, as their frenzied screeching was almost unbearable.
“And this year, Mireu High School once again wishes to introduce a new boy group to the world, by reintroducing a second season to the School Idol Project: Produce 101.”
Jihoon needed a moment to process what he was hearing. This time, he could hear the excited voices from the boys around him, each one clamouring to hear more about the Idol Project, and each one a mirror of the excitement and anticipation he was feeling throughout his bones.
“Every semester, our school holds special promotion exams for each student to assess their current level of skill," the principal continued. "This year, promotion exams will serve as auditions for every male student who wishes to make it into the Idol Project. This Project will be open to students from all classes, and all tracks, and special auditions will be held for alumni who wish to participate as well. The only criterion for making it into this project is showing enough skill as an idol to be chosen as one of only 101 contestants.”
“Oh god,” Jihoon exclaimed. “This is amazing.”
He turned to Kuanlin, who had a gummy smile plastered on his face, looking like the very definition of sheer delight and ecstasy. “Hyung, it’s open to all classes and tracks! Does that mean I can make it, too?”
Jihoon smiled at him, his grip subconsciously tightening around the hand he was holding. Kuanlin held him tighter in response, turning to Jihoon and flashing him a blinding, billion-won smile.
“Once chosen, students may opt to form groups of up to 11 members, or work as solo acts, and will undergo a series of performance rounds. Each act will have an opportunity to work closely with the members of NU’EST W, who will serve as the coaches and trainers for this project. After each round, half the acts will get eliminated through a voting system, with half the votes coming from selected panelists and industry experts, and half of them coming from the public. By the end of the project, the act that remains victorious will debut as a new idol group by the start of next year.”
Jihoon could hardly believe what he was hearing, as the thrilling news poured in one after the other.
A chance to work with NU’EST W, who had been his role models since their electrifying debut. A chance to showcase his skills to a massive audience. A chance to debut and find success. A chance to make his parents proud, and repay them for all that they had done for him.
All of these chances were being offered to him, and Jihoon wanted nothing more than to take them and hold on for dear life.
“So good luck with exams, everyone,” the principal’s voice rang out. “It’s time to show us what Mireu’s students are truly made of.”
The announcement ended then, but the crowds refused to disperse. Girls were still waving at the NU’EST W members, their inner dolphins making a comeback as the members indulged them with finger hearts and flying kisses. The boys remained, talking in excited voices, discussing their promotion performances, and placing bets on who would make it into the Idol Project.
Jihoon scanned the place a second time for Jinyoung, but he was nowhere to be found.
“Are you alright, hyung?” Kuanlin asked him, and Jihoon found himself bewildered at how easily Kuanlin caught on to his shifts in mood. Was Kuanlin watching him that observantly? Jihoon made himself blush at the thought.
“I was looking for Jinyoung,” Jihoon admitted. “He was with Daehwi a while ago, and I… I just wanted to talk. I need to make up for being so irresponsible, even if I have no idea why he’s so mad at me. This sort of thing has happened before, and yet he’s never reacted the way he did this morning. I’m starting to wonder if he’s getting sick of me.”
Kuanlin listened to him with genuine concern.
“I don’t think that’s it,” Kuanlin said, his voice a soothing comfort to Jihoon’s ears. “I’ve never met Jinyoung-hyung, but I’m sure he isn’t the type to end year-long friendships over trivial things. He’s probably just stressed with promotion exams, and happened to take his frustration out on you.”
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