"Where... Where am I..?"

Leeteuk's eyes fluttered open, but he was quickly blinded by the lights right above him. 

"Teuk.. Go back to sleep." His manager, Yongsun gently pushed him down as Leeteuk tried to sit up. 

"Wasn't I filming? What happened?" He took in his surrounding and realised that he was in the hospital, with an IV drip up his arm. 

"You have enteritis. Your small intestines are inflammed. That was what caused the pain in your abdomen for the past few days. You out from the pain just now during filming..." 

Yongsun looked at his feet as he was overwhelmed with guilt. "I... Teuk, I'm sorry I didn't realise earlier. Sorry I didn't realise how much pain you were in earlier. I thought... I didn't think.. I didn't think it would be so serious.."

Leeteuk's heart ached looking at the guilt on his hyung's face. It wasn't his fault. 

"Hyung, you're not a doctor, it's not your fault. Besides, I'm tough. See, I'm all better now." Leeteuk tried sitting up as he finished his sentence. His body threatened to fall back flat onto the mattress as he tried, but he ignored the dizziness and held back a wince as he slowly leaned back against the wall behind him. 

"Teuk, you... I'm sorry alright.. I.. I'll go get the doctor, to tell him you're up." 

Leeteuk nodded and managed a weak smile. 

Once the door closed behind his hyung, Leeteuk slid back down into his blanket and closed his eyes, unable to find the strength to keep them open. The intense pain which he remembered was gone, but now he felt as if he was floating in air, with no force of gravity acting on him. A drop of cold sweat trickled down his temple as he went back to taking short, desperate gasps after spending all so much effort on regulating his breathing to actually be able to hold a conversation with his manager. 

He allowed himself to stay in this weak, miserable state for another 30 seconds before he forced his eyes open. He tried to sit up again and the room spinned in his eyes, making the whole floor look like a horrible see-saw.  

He leaned back against the wall and took a deep breath before turning to sit on the edge of the bed, his fist clenching at the sheets to make sure he won't fall over. He closed his eyes and waited for the dizziness to subside. 

He wasn't sure how long he stayed in that state, just sitting there with his eyes closed, trying his best to not topple over, when the door opened. 

"Oh hyung, you're back?" Leeteuk opened his eyes as his brain tried to formulate an excuse for him to convince Yongsun to let him leave the hospital. 

But once he opened his eyes, he gave up on the thought. There was no convincing this guy. 

"It feels great to hear you call me 'hyung'. You should do that more often." Kim Heechul smiled as he walked towards his leader. 

"Oh shut up." Leeteuk rolled his eyes, but a tiny smile fell on his lips. 

"How are you?" Heechul asked while checking his nails, trying to look unconcerned, but Leeteuk knew better. 

"Ready to get up and go. It's going to be hard to find time to re-film that ep-" 

This time, it was Heechul who rolled his eyes, but no, a smile did not form on his lips as he cut Leeteuk off. 

"You're kidding. Jungsoo, you can't even stand. Don't bet on it." Heechul stared straight into Leeteuk's eyes, making Leeteuk feel more uncomfortable than he was when the floor looked like a hill just minutes ago. 

But he wasn't going to back down. He wasn't the type to back down and admit he needs rest. Leeteuk lived by the motto of "mind over matter", he didn't believe in being too sick to do anything. He believed in responsibility, his strongest trait, but also the most worry-inducing trait.  

Without saying a word, Leeteuk forced himself on both feet, holding the bed frame for support, waiting for his legs to get used to his weight. At the back of his mind, he knew Heechul was right. He doubt his legs could hold the full weight of his body. Even with half his weight on his arms, his legs were wobbly. 

Heechul folded his arms and watched him, with a 'prove-me-wrong-if-you-can' expression written all over his face. 

Leeteuk counted to 3 in his head and took a deep breath. Then he let go of the bed frame. 

Bright light flashed across his eyes and his knees buckled, sending him to the ground. 

Leeteuk waited for the hard surface to hit his knees and cause him to black out again. It took him awhile to realise that it wasn't happening and that one of his arm was over Heechul's shoulder, and his friend's arms were around his waist. 

"Idiot..." Heechul murmured, just loud enough for Leeteuk to hear as he helped his friend back onto the bed. 

Leeteuk leaned against the wall once again, with his eyes closed, taking heavy deep breaths. 

Heechul turned around, unable to stand the sight of his friend like that. Tears formed in his eyes while angered welled up in his chest. What right does Jungsoo have to do this to himself? What right does he have to make Heechul worried about him all the time? Why can't he just take care of himself for once?

Leeteuk opened his eyes to the back view of Heechul, his hands raised to his cheeks as if to wipe away tears. Guilt overwhelmed the leader as he watched his friend silently wipe away the tears he shed for him. 

"Heechul I..." Leeteuk's voice was weak and frail, his strong mentality surrendering to his much weaker body. He wanted to apologise, but he didn't know what to say. 

Heechul rubbed his eyes one more time before he turned around to face Leeteuk, staring at him with bloodshot eyes. 

"Don't you ing dare to say you're sorry. Because you're not. If you were, you wouldn't have let this happen to yourself again and again." The bitterness in Heechul's voice made Leeteuk wince, but he could also hear the heartache his most dependable friend felt for him. 

"Heechul I..." The pain in Leeteuk's voice pierced through Heechul's heart. Instinctively, he knew that it wasn't just about his packed schedule. It was why Leeteuk let his schedule become so packed. It wasn't just about him overworking, it was about why he overworked himself. Heechul's expression softened as he watched Leeteuk slowly peel away his strong front, revealing the hurt and troubled Jungsoo that only Heechul was allowed to witness once in awhile. 

Heechul sat gently on the bed beside his best friend, "Jungsoo... What's wr-"

The doors burst open, and the rest of Super Junior instantly filled the room. 

Heechul stood up with such speed you would've thought his touched a burning hot surface instead of soft fluffy cushions. 

He backed away from the bed slowly as his dongsaengs crowded around their leader, spilling out words of concerns one after another. Heechul watched the pained expression disappear from Jungsoo's face within a blink of the eye. His heart tightened watching Jungsoo's defense mechanism go to work, turning him back into the invincible Leeteuk, smiling at his favourite kids, asking them not to worry. 

Heechul turned and walked towards the door, wanting to leave the room in case he lost his cool in front of the others. He opened the door and right in front of him was their manager with a doctor at his side. 

"Hey Heechul, where are you going?"

"Just going out for a walk. The doctor's here to check on Jungsoo?" 

Yongsun nodded and Heechul held the door open for them as their walked in. Heechul followed as well, only to listen to what the doctor has to say. 

After a bunch of scientific terms, the doctor finally said something they understood, "the inflammation in your small intestines has gone down slightly, but we still have to keep you under observation. It should have caused you a lot of pain. It's unbelievable how you tolerated it and only came in now. Looks like you'll have to rest for another 3-4 days before you recover completely.  And well... your manager said you won't rest at home, so we're going to keep you here in the hospital." 

Leeteuk opened his mouth to argue, thinking about his schedule over the next few days. "But doctor, I'm already better, I have to-"

Heechul's anger erupted. 

"For god's sake Jungsoo, just listen to the ing doctor and get some ing rest."  His voice came out a lot harsher than he meant it to be, but he couldn't help it. If his friend over there collapsed again, he might knock him unconscious himself. 

The room fell silent as the rest of Super Junior glanced anxiously between their two eldest hyungs. Despite how much these two hyungs loved the rest of them, despite how carefree and easy going these two hyungs are, all of them knew that both of their wraths are incredibly scary. Especially when their anger is towards each other. 

After an intense staring competition and an awkwardly long silence, Leeteuk finally gave in - only because he could sense the uneasiness of everyone else in the room. 

"Alright. 3 days. Not any longer." 

Heechul turned and opened the door again, about to walk out.

"Heechul, are you coming back?" At that moment, it was Jungsoo's voice who asked. The rest couldn't tell the difference as well as Heechul could, simply because Leeteuk never let any raw emotion show whenever he was with his younger brothers. But Heechul knew.

He couldn't help but to turn slightly to look into Jungsoo's eyes. 

"Yeah. I'll just go grab some food, I'm starving." Heechul managed a small smile and walked out of the door, leaving the rest of s behind. 

"Teuk-hyung... Is Heechul-hyung okay...?" Hyukjae asked quietly, and the rest looked at Leeteuk expectantly.

Leeteuk forced a pretty convincing smile. "Yeah he's good. He's just.. yknow. Kim Heechul." Leeteuk chuckled lightly, and the members smiled. After spending more than 12 years together, they understood. 

Heechul walked around aimlessly until he found a row of empty seats. He sat there and waited.

He simply sat there and waited, thinking about what's wrong with Jungsoo. Was it because he missed having Kangin around? And all the drama that happened within the fandom? Or is there something else that he has been keeping to himself? 

He kept thinking about all the other possibilities, but he couldn't think of any. 

" it. He'll tell me later." 

He took his phone out and started gaming, waiting for time to pass so that he could have some time alone with Jungsoo. 

"Hyung, what are you doing standing outside?" Heechul asked as he saw Yongsun standing by the door of Jungsoo's ward. 

"I went to have dinner with the rest before they headed back to SM to practice. They told me to come accompany Teuk instead of driving them back. But he's sleeping, I don't want to disturb him."

Heechul looked through the glass panel on the door and sure enough, Jungsoo was fast asleep. 

Heechul smiled at the sight. "Thanks hyung. Damn it, I forgot I was supposed to go back for practice too. I'll go now. Do you mind calling me when Jungsoo-" 

"Heechul. I think you should stay. The other members think so too. That's why we didn't call you."

Heechul looked at him, puzzled. He didn't think it was right for him to miss practice just to watch Jungsoo sleep, and he didn't understand why his dongsaengs would think that was right either. 

"Heechul... All of us have known each other for more than a decade, not just you and Teuk. We know when something is wrong with him too." Yongsun nodded in the direction of Jungsoo, with a sad look in his eyes. "The kids and I want you to stay and talk to him. Although we haven't got a chance to see his vulnerable side, we know he has one. We know." 

Heechul his lips nervously and looked up at the ceiling as he choked up, unable to say anything.

"Heechul... You're the only one he'll talk to, and you're also the only one he'll listen to. You stay. I'll go back and help them with their choreography, give them feedback and what not. You can practice another day with Teuk when he gets better. But for now... We are all counting on you to make him better."

Heechul looked into Yongsun's eyes and gave him a strong nod. 

"Was planning to do so even without you saying. All is good hyung, go join the rest then."  Heechul nudge his manager lightly towards the exit, sending him on his way. 

Yongsun nodded, and continued to walk down the corridor. 

Heechul turned towards the door and took a deep breath. 

"I hate small talks like this," he grumbled, but made his way into Jungsoo's ward anyway. 

As soon as he heard the door creak open, Jungsoo woke up. 

"Heechul?" Jungsoo sounded more like he was croaking instead of talking. 

"You're as light a sleeper as you are a human." Heechul said as he made his way to Jungsoo's bed. Jungsoo moved and made way for Heechul to lie down beside him. They both stared at the ceiling, afraid of looking into each other's eyes, because they could read each other's feelings too well. 

"Very funny." Jungsoo said under his breath. 

"Not really, actually. You look like a freaking bamboo. When I caught you this afternoon..... Damn it, how much weight did you lose?" Heechul kept his eyes on the ceiling, concentrating on hiding the pain in his voice. He had to be the strong one for now. 

"I didn't lose it on purpose.... I just...." Jungsoo muttered. 

"Let me guess, you just didn't have any appetite, or you just didn't have time to eat?" 

Jungsoo bit his lip, momentarily speehless. 

The silence was not uncomfortable, but unbearable. Jungsoo had so much he wanted to say, and Heechul had so much he wanted to ask. 

But for one stupid second, Heechul was wondered if Jungsoo actually fell asleep. 

"You did not just fall asleep, did you?" 

"No I did not, you moron." Jungsoo slapped Heechul's arm, obviously annoyed.  

The corner of Heechul's lips raised slightly before he opened his mouth to ask the simple question that would get the conversation going. 

"So what's wrong?" 

He heard Jungsoo sigh beside him, and this time, he waited for Jungsoo to speak first. 

"I just... I just needed to take my mind off.. I..." Jungsoo's wave of sadness and pain washed over Heechul, filling him with concern and worry. 

"Off what..?" Heechul said in a soft whisper. A sensitive, soft, whisper. 

Jungsoo was honoured to be able to witness this side of Heechul. He might seem like a short tempered, unpredictable guy, but anyone who knows him will know how sensitive and thoughtful he is for others. He was able to listen to someone's problems and genuinely feel for the person, but not take it personally. Jungsoo didn't like being a burden for others, but he knew that with Heechul, he wasn't. No matter how sad or broken he appeared in front of Heechul, Heechul will never appear with a frown on his face the next day, burdened by Jungsoo's troubles. Heechul will never look at him with pity in his eyes, only with pure, genuine, concern. Jungsoo appreciated that. It was the only reason why he allowed himself to seek comfort from Heechul, and that one reason was enough. 

"I walked pass the conference room when I went to the office last month. I overheard them saying.... If this album doesn't sell well..."

Heechul tensed. He wasn't expecting this at all. 

"If this album doesn't do well... it might be the last?" This time, Heechul didn't mange to hide the pain in his voice. Super Junior was incredibily precious to him as well. Although the members have a lot of solo activities, but SJ was where they would always go back to. It was their home. It was their roots. 

Jungsoo's silence confirmed his suspicion. At that point of time, Heechul suddenly doubted if there was anything to say to comfort Jungsoo. He suddenly felt like he needed some comforting himself. No wonder his leader worked tirelessly. If he stopped to think about it, like right now... He would fall apart. SJ was something Jungsoo held onto more dearly than anyone else. SJ was what kept Jungsoo going. SJ gave him meaning, it gave him life. 

Heechul reached for Jungsoo's hand and held it tightly as Jungsoo started to sob. A mixture of emotions overwhelmed Heechul. Anger, betrayal, pain, heartache. How could SM do this to SJ? Wasn't SJ already pass the point where they had to make profits to keep themselves going? After all the profit they have made for SM, you would think they would be free to release albums because the members themselves wanted to do so for the fans, and for 'Super Junior'. Haven't they worked enough for profits? Isn't it time for them to work for the sole reason of wanting to stay together as Super Junior? 

Anger roared in Heechul's ears, but he reminded himself that now wasn't the time.

He felt the frail, cold hand in his, and his anger subsided temporarily. 

"Hey... It's okay. We've overcomed so much. We'll overcome this too." Heechul gave Jungsoo's hand a light squeeze. 

"Will we...? Our group is in a mess, our fandom is in a mess.. How will this album do well?" Jungsoo has always tried to be a positive person. After going through so many things, it had forced him to become positive. Because sometimes, it was all that kept him alive - the thought that things will become better. 

Sometimes, that thought was all that kept him going. 

That's why Jungsoo hated it when emotions were in the way. Because they crippled him. 

If he let his emotions take charge, he would have given up long ago. It was his sheer willpower that kept him together all these while. If he gave himself the priviledge of letting his emotions run wild, if he gave himself the priviledge of thinking negatively, he wasn't sure he would be able to walk out of them. 

Especially if Heechul wasn't there beside him to remind him that life goes on, and bad times will past. 

That's why he only allowed himself to cry, to be sad, when Heechul was beside him, holding him together. 

When Heechul wasn't, Jungsoo kept himself busy with work. That was his way of managing stress. It wasn't good for his body, but it helped him lock up the pain at the back of his mind. 

"I'll talk to the company. If they disband us, we leave. Together." Heechul said with such determination that even the Jungsoo, who was skeptical of all good things, believed him. 

Mostly. 

"Really?" Jungsoo whispered. 

"Jungsoo... SJ isn't just precious to just you. It's precious to all of us. You're not the only one who will be willing to make sacrifices for SJ." 

Jungsoo couldn't help but smile. He knew he had a bunch of lovely members. He knew he could depend on them, but he wouldn't. Because unlike Heechul, they will lose sleep and be troubled about Jungsoo's problems if he were to share them. And in the end, Jungsoo will have to be the one comforting them anyway. 

Despite that, he could feel their concern, love, and respect for him, which filled him with energy. And it was already more than what Jungsoo could ever ask for. 

"But you know..." Heechul continued, "you're more precious to us than SJ."

Jungsoo turned to face Heechul, not quite understanding what he was saying. He understood the words, but the idea just didn't make sense to him. 

Heechul kept his eyes on the ceiling. He wasn't sure he could stand saying such cringe worthy (but genuine) stuff while looking into Jungsoo's eyes. 

"Jungsoo.. You're what makes Super Junior, Super Junior. None of us would want a Super Junior in which you're not the leader. You have to take care of yourself."

"But I do tak-" Heechul turned and glared at Jungsoo with such force it made Jungsoo turn away. 

"Okay fine, I don't take care of myself, whatever." Jungsoo grumbled. 

"You're lying in a ing hospital bed with a needle up your arm, of course you're don't." Heechul didn't bother to hide the annoyance in his voice. He was worried alright, but he was also sick of visiting Jungsoo at the hospital every few months. 

"Park Jungsoo, you're human. Which means you need to eat, sleep, and rest."

"I know, I know, you've told me that about three million times."

"Oh? You mean you heard me telling you that before? Seeing you get sent to the hospital again and again, I thought all the times that I talked to you were all just part of my imagination. Since you never seem to listen." 

".........you are ing annoying." Jungsoo said as he kicked Heechul off the bed. 

Heechul laughed as he straightened. 

"Alright, time to sleep." Heechul looked around the ward. "I'm going to make myself comfortable on the sofa."

"Don't be stupid, go home," Jungsoo said, even though he secretly wanted Heechul to stay. 

"Just close your eyes and sleep, old man." Heechul said as he dropped himself onto the sofa. 

"You realise we're the same age right?"

"No I don't. You fall sick so much more often than me, I thought you were much older." 

"Oh shut up."

It was dark, and they were out of each other's line of sight, but yet they knew the other was smiling. 

"Heechul?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you."

Heechul smiled. "Just shut up and sleep." 

Jungsoo smiled and gave in to the fatigue, knowing that he'll always have Heechul beside him no matter what happened.

The room was quiet except for Jungsoo's light snoring. A sound that Heechul loved to hear. 

Just like every single time this happened, he hoped that this would be the last. 

But he knew it won't be. 

Heechul knows that a few months later, or if he's lucky, a year later, Jungsoo will end up in another ward, his body collapsing from exhaustion, his mind giving in to the negativity. 

Heechul will be worried, angry, and irritated once again, but it didn't matter. 

It was tiring, draining, but it wasn't one sided. They were there for each other, it was a give and take. 

Heechul looked forward to the day where Jungsoo will be able to break out of this vicious cycle, but until then..

He will always be there to help Jungsoo get back on his feet, just like how Jungsoo did the same for him. 

"Sleep tight, my best friend." Heechul whispered, and drifted to sleep.