“Did you tell Minhyun?” Daniel asked Seongwoo the next time that Daniel managed to catch him alone.

“Tell Minhyun what?” Seongwoo asked with narrowed eyes. Of course, Seongwoo knew exactly what Daniel was referring to, but was still in the mindset of pretending it never happened.

“When we… you know…”

“Daniel, I thought we agreed to never talk about it again,” Seongwoo groaned, cringing at the memory.

“Well, circumstances have changed,” Daniel asserted, crossing his arms. “And now, I think Minhyun needs to know.”

“But why?” he grumbled; coming clean about this dirty event was the last thing he wanted to do.

“Because you’re dating him, duh! You are now ethically obliged to tell him everything about you. And Minhyun’s my friend too, and I can’t bear to keep this secret from him. So we have to tell him.”

Maybe Daniel was right, Seongwoo thought. This was the kind of thing that boyfriends should know about. No matter how humiliating it was for Seongwoo to bring it up again, Minhyun had the right to know.

-

“Minhyun, I have to tell you something,” Seongwoo said when they went on their first official date. They had the night off and decided to go eat dinner at a fancy uptown restaurant where they had their own little room. It was Seongwoo’s idea, because he knew they would be recognized anywhere else they go, and Seongwoo wanted this be private.

“Okay, out with it,” Minhyun encouraged.

“This is like my biggest secret, but I feel like you should know.”

Minhyun looked intrigued. “Please don’t tell me you have STDs,” he joked, earning a kick under the table from Seongwoo.

“Actually, maybe I do,” Seongwoo said. “Who knows if Daniel transferred some to me…”

It took a while for Minhyun to catch on and when he did, his widened, “wait, what?”

“That’s my secret,” Seongwoo said. “Me and Daniel went too far once. Only once.”

“I see,” Minhyun mumbled. He didn’t look too surprised or upset or anything.

“So that’s it?” Seongwoo didn’t know what he expected from Minhyun with this revelation, but something more than a mumble for sure.

“What do you want me to say?” Minhyun shrugged, laughing.

“Are you angry?”

“Why would I be? It was before we became a thing, right? I’m not angry at all.” Minhyun replied. However, there was something inside Minhyun that made him think: even if it happened just this morning, Minhyun would not have been angry.

And Seongwoo sensed it too, of course. Minhyun’s indifference to this fact made Seongwoo feel like Minhyun didn’t care at all. Seongwoo wanted Minhyun to get at least a little upset, but no. Nothing at all.

The atmosphere between them became heavy all of the sudden, with Seongwoo trying to come up with a way to mask how hurt Minhyun’s indifference made him, and with Minhyun trying to dwell what it meant that he simply did not care who Seongwoo slept with.

“You told me your secret,” Minhyun said, “now I have a secret I want to share with you.”

Seongwoo liked that the subject was changing. He didn’t think he could bear the tense atmosphere between them any longer. He hoped that Minhyun’s so-called secret would help Seongwoo crack some jokes and tease Minhyun, so they can laugh off that shadow that was suddenly cast over their date.

“I think it’s something you definitely should know about me,” Minhyun continued.

“Yes?”

“I’m still in love with Jonghyunnie,” Minhyun told him with a somber expression.

Seongwoo just smiled. “No kidding.”

Minhyun shot him a guilty smile. “Of course Ong Seongwoo would know that.”

“Of course,” Seongwoo scoffed. “You don’t just fall out of love with someone you’ve loved for three years. And certainly not someone like Jonghyun who even I’m in love with!”

“Hey!” Minhyun said, still smiling.

“Look Minhyun, I want to ask you from now: are you willing to try and get over Jonghyun or not? Because if not, we can end things right now before any of us gets hurt later.”

“Of course I am,” Minhyun asserted, and the strength of that assertion gave Seongwoo so much peace of mind.

“Good,” Seongwoo said. “Then I have a chance to capture Emperor’s heart,” he added jokingly.

Minhyun eyed him guiltily. “I don’t deserve you.”

“You’re right. You deserve someone better than me. Like Jonghyun. But you dumped him, so you’re left with me. Too late to go back now,” Seongwoo continued joking, and Minhyun just laughed, genuinely amused, genuinely happy. Seongwoo just loved hearing him laugh.

“Full disclosure,” Minhyun continued, “but sometimes I worry that I won’t ever get over him. It wouldn’t be fair to you…”

“You can’t help what you feel,” Seongwoo quickly interrupted before Minhyun had the chance to say anything. “Like I can’t help being in love with you either, but guess what: I am. Do you think I want to be so obsessed with a big-headed loser who’s in love with another guy? Of course not, but I am.”

In love with you. The words made Minhyun shudder a little bit. “I never heard you say it like that,” he thought out loud, feeling a little lousy.

“Well, I am,” Seongwoo said with a shrug. “And it because I know you don’t feel the same about me, but at least I’m your boyfriend now, right? At least I have a chance, you know?”

That did not sound like the Seongwoo that Minhyun knew. The Seongwoo who did not show any weakness, but was now putting himself in the most vulnerable position he could possibly put himself in. Minhyun was now endowed with the power to trample on his heart and break him, and it made Minhyun nervous. Minhyun did not want that power. Minhyun did not want the burden of Seongwoo’s heart, because Minhyun honestly couldn’t guarantee that he wouldn’t break it.

Seongwoo watched as Minhyun became more and more restless after the confession. He knew exactly why Minhyun was acting like that.

“I expect to have my heart broken in the end,” Seongwoo told him knowingly. “It just somehow feels like you and Jonghyun are soulmates who will be together at the end of this, so I have little hope in this ending well. But at least there is hope.”

“Seongwoo…”

“Let’s make a deal?” Seongwoo offered. “If we’re still together by then, and on December 31, 2018, you aren’t in love with me, then we’ll end things.”

“Isn’t ‘love’ a little…”

“I won’t take anything less than that,” Seongwoo declared. “If you aren’t in love with me by the time you’ll have to go back and promote with Jonghyun, then I don’t want this anymore.”

“I don’t like this deal.”

“Either that, or I’m out from now.”

“Why are you being like this?”

“I’m trying to save myself,” Seongwoo answered, “and this is the only way I can do it. I’ll end it before it has the chance to combust into flames when Jonghyunnie’s back in your life. It would hurt much less that way.”

Minhyun pursed his lips, guiltily, knowing very well that this hurt that Seongwoo was talking about would be because of him.

“Deal?” Seongwoo asked reaching out to shake Minhyun’s hand.

Minhyun hesitated.

“If you don’t shake my head and accept these conditions, we’re breaking up this instant.”

Minhyun felt the gravity of the threat, and so, with a deep breath, he took Seongwoo’s hand. “Deal.”

One year. That’s about the amount of time that Seongwoo had to make Minhyun fall in love with him.

When he started Produce 101, Seongwoo’s goal was to win first place in the competition. By the end of the show, Seongwoo’s goal was to get in the top 11 with Minhyun. When he started Wanna One, Seongwoo’s goal was get closer and closer to Minhyun. Now, Seongwoo’s one goal was to get Minhyun to fall in love with him.

This was a goal that he was desperate to achieve, and one he didn’t know how he would achieve. Falling in love wasn’t something Seongwoo could plan to the last detail. Cleverness was not going to help Seongwoo in this at all.

Seongwoo wasn’t sure he would succeed. He didn’t expect to. All he knew was that he was going to try and give Minhyun the most memorable year of his life.

-

When Minhyun and JR started talking again, JR, for the first time since as long as he can remember, felt like a stranger to him.

It took a while to not be strangers anymore, to get over the awkward pauses and not knowing what to say to one another. Eventually, they were on friendly terms again, but of course, it was not the same.

JR kept lying. He kept telling him that he was seeing the girl, and Minhyun seemed to believe it.

“So… how is she?” Minhyun would ask him awkwardly in passing moments when they had schedules together.

“She’s fine,” JR would reply. “How is he?”

The “he” in question would always be around, but that “he” often avoided JR, which was understandable.

“He’s fine,” Minhyun would answer.

“Are you happy?” JR would ask.

“I’m happy,” Minhyun would answer. And it was the truth. “Are you happy?”

“I’m happy that you’re happy,” JR would answer. And that was also the truth.

JR could handle the thought of Minhyun with Seongwoo. He’d come to terms with it and learned to accept it.  He could now handle seeing Seongwoo, talking about Seongwoo, and he could even handle seeing them interact on TV, knowing full well that the affectionate smiles that Minhyun would give Seongwoo were genuine smiles and not crafted just for television.

But there a few things that JR could not handle.

One time, Woojin caught the two of them making out on the sofa, very, very intimately, and he recorded it, because he thought it was funny. Woojin then sent the video to JR, because he thought JR would think it was funny too.

Needless to say, JR did not find it very funny.

He watched the video, ignoring Woojin’s soft snickers in the background and focusing on the way that two of them kissed. It was like perfect harmony between their lips, no awkward pauses or clumsy nose bumps. He watched how Seongwoo knew exactly what to do with his arms, rubbing his hand against Minhyun’s thighs and waist. He was how Minhyun was so comfortable with Seongwoo’s touches, how he seemed they both seemed to melt in one another’s arms.

JR had never kissed Minhyun like that. He tried, but it never amounted to anything more than awkward lips moving against another pair of awkward lips. He wished he knew how to kiss. Maybe if his kisses were better, Minhyun wouldn’t have left him.

The video would abruptly end when Woojin’s snickers became too loud and Seongwoo and Minhyun heard him, immediately pulling away from one another in embarrassment.

JR kept that video saved. He watched it again and again and again, feeling worse every time he watched.

One time, Ren found him watching it.

“I don’t get it, JR. Do you like pain?” Ren asked him. “Delete the video now.”

JR only averted his eyes, not deleting the video.

“Give me your phone now,” Ren demanded, reaching out to get it from him.

JR shook his head. “I don’t want to delete it,” he mumbled.

Ren sighed, looking at his leader with concern. Ren knew that JR was hurting over Minhyun, even though he tried very hard to make it seem like he was over it. No one believed him but Minhyun of course, who was very convinced that JR was dating that girl from DIA. But Minhyun wasn’t here to witness the mess that JR was these days, unable to keep a straight face whenever Minhyun was brought up, which was a lot. He couldn’t even go on the fancafe for long because even fans always talked about Minhyun.

Ren was against lying to Minhyun, but JR practically begged him to, and so both Ren and Baekho begrudgingly agreed, for him.

“Do you think you’ll ever get over him?” Ren asked JR with a sad expression on his face. It has been months now since the break-up, and JR still couldn’t mask his sadness whenever Minhyun came up.

“I’ll have to eventually,” JR shrugged.

“No, JR. You have to get over him before 2019, because if you still have these kinds of feelings for him in 2019 when you have to see him every single day, you’ll be miserable.”

“How do I do that though?” JR asked Ren.

Ren did have experience getting over heartbreaks. He’s dated twice, and both times it ended quite painfully, but he was resilient and was able to stand back up again quite fast.

“First thing’s first, delete that video,” Ren said.

After some hesitation, JR obliged. “Now what?” JR asked, willing 100% to follow Ren’s advice.

“Remove him from your life,” Ren said. “For as long as you can. There’s like 10 months left, right? Delete his number. Don’t listen to our old songs, or Wanna One’s songs. If he comes, tell him you have to be somewhere else. If you meet him in schedule, pretend that you’re too busy to talk to him. Don’t read fan talk or fan comments. Just completely push him away. The heart has a natural way of adjusting so that people that are no longer around you don’t affect you. You’ll naturally get over him.”

JR nodded, determined to carry this all out. Ren was right about this; if JR didn’t get over Minhyun before 2019, it’s going to hurt so much more than it does now. Without further ado, JR muted Minhyun’s number, changed the background photo of the two of them together, removed all Wanna One and NU’EST songs from his playlist, took down all the NU’EST posters hanging on their wall. He was going to try his best to stop making his life revolve around Minhyun.

-

Seongwoo and Minhyun were totally in love, thought Daniel as he watched them in the back of the van whispering to one another with stars in their eyes. Daniel didn’t know why it bothered it him, but it did.

It bothered him that even though Daniel had shared intimate moments with Seongwoo, what ended up happening was the two became distant and not even friends anymore. Meanwhile, Minhyun and Seongwoo were having the time of their life sharing intimate moments with one another.

Daniel was jealous. He wanted a lover. Man or woman, it didn’t matter. But sadly, a significant other was so hard to come by for him.

He laughed at the irony. He was Korea’s number one star at the moment, with millions of fangirls (and plenty of fanboys, too), all of whom would jump at an opportunity to date him, but he was still so lonely.

Fans were off limits to date. It was like the unspoken rule of the kpop industry; dating fans never ended well, and so that relationship should never exceed the fan-idol boundary. But for Daniel, it , because everyone was his fan. Even the stylist noonas and the make-up artists. Even the production team. Even their jerk- manager who was mean to every Wanna One member but him. This left Daniel doomed to loneliness.

But there was something else about Seongwoo and Minhyun’s relationship that made him jealous. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it though.

-

JR was ignoring Minhyun’s messages. They all come out as unread, even through Minhyun knew JR was online because he talked to Daniel and Jaehwan.

And it was even more strange when Minhyun went to visit the NU’EST dorm one night, JR was supposedly ‘hanging out with friends’ according to Ren. JR didn’t even have friends, at least not friends that JR would leave his comfort zone to hang out with.

“His friends or his girlfriend?” Minhyun asked.

“Friends,” Ren answered.

“Which friends?”

“How should I know? Just stop asking questions!” Ren snapped, waving his arms to shut Minhyun down from talking anymore. From that, Minhyun knew something was off.

Minhyun didn’t know what was going on, but he was determined to find out.

Using Jaehwan’s phone, he called JR.

“Kim Jonghyun don’t you dare hang up on me!” Minhyun yelled in the phone when JR picked up.

“Ah… Minhyunnie.”

“You’ve been ignoring me for weeks,” Minhyun said. “What’s going on?”

JR took a moment before he answered: “To be honest,” JR answered, “I just need time away from you.”

“Why?” Minhyun asked, not understanding. Did it have anything to do with their breakup? And if so, why now?

“I…” JR hesitated. “Because it’s getting serious with her… with Jooeun. And I don’t want to think about you.”

“I see,” Minhyun answered. “Well… I would have appreciated if you told me this beforehand. Before shutting me out and ignoring me and making me feel like I did something wrong,” Minhyun knew that there was anger in his voice as he talked to Jonghyun, but he couldn’t help it. He was angry, so angry he felt like he wanted to cry.

“I… I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you would feel like that,” JR replied, sounding equally choked up. And then Minhyun really felt like he wanted to cry, because he knew that the tone of Minhyun’s voice had probably made JR feel guilty.

Minhyun quickly controlled his voice and said, “no, no. It’s okay. I get it. Congratulations on… uh… getting serious with her.” Minhyun managed to say in as calm a tone as he could manage.

“Thanks,” JR replied. “Minhyun I have to g…”

“Please don’t hang up!” Minhyun quickly interrupted. “Please, just a little more. I want to hear your voice. I miss you.”

JR seemed to hesitate for a bit. “Okay. Just a little more.”

There was an awkward silence lingering between them for a long time, and Minhyun didn’t know what to say to fill it. How did it come to this? There had never been awkwardness between them before. Before, they had so much to say to one another that they talked over one another and there was never a moment of silence. Now, their silences hung in the air like the plague.

“Can I meet her please?” Minhyun managed to say. “If you’re getting serious with her, I want to meet her.”

“I… I don’t think I would be comfortable with that,” JR replied.

“Did the others meet her? Ren, Baekho, and Aron?” Minhyun asked curiously.

“Well… yes,” JR answered, reticently. Talking about her seemed to make him so uncomfortable, Minhyun noted. And he understood why. It’s hard to talk about your current lover to your ex. Minhyun couldn’t talk about Seongwoo at all to Jonghyun. Just mentioning Seongwoo’s name in front of JR was hard.

“Please, please let me meet her. I feel like I have to be introduced to someone that important in your life,” Minhyun pushed.

“Look Minhyunnie, there’s something that… there’s… I” JR hesitated. The words he wanted to say did come out of his mouth. Suddenly, Ren was on the phone.

“Ren? Where’s JR?”

“Listen Minhyun. Don’t talk to JR about his girlfriend. And don’t ask to meet her either, okay? It makes our JR restless. For obvious reasons.”

Minhyun felt like he wanted to cry again. He was just so far-removed from his NU’EST members now, and this just made it all the clearer. The fact that such an important part of JR’s life, Minhyun knew practically nothing about, never met her, or talked to her, it just made Minhyun feel distant. Like he wasn’t even part of NU’EST anymore.

“I get it,” Minhyun managed. “I’ll just hang up now. And I’ll cut contact with Jonghyun, if that’s what he wants.” With that Minhyun hung up, angry and frustrated and on the verge of tears. If this were his own phone and not Jaehwan’s Minhyun would have probably thrown it against the wall.

Seongwoo, who had been listening to the entire conversation, approached Minhyun and wrapped his arms around him.

Minhyun leaned into the embrace and took a deep breath. “He’s getting serious with her, Seongwoo,” Minhyun stressed through half-gritted teeth. “And I haven’t even met her.”

“You haven’t met her? Is that really what’s bothering you?” Seongwoo asked knowingly.

No, that wasn’t what was bothering Minhyun. What was bothering Minhyun was the fact he was getting serious with her. Wasn’t it all too fast? Minhyun thought. It’s only been months since the break-up, and he’s already getting serious?

It appeared that JR moved on very quickly.

“I’m sorry, Seongwoo. This is so unfair to you,” Minhyun muttered.

“Yeah…” Seongwoo agreed. “It does kinda to watch your boyfriend still love his ex. But it’s what I signed up for,” he shrugged, taking it lightheartedly.

“You can drop out any time,” Minhyun said guiltily. “I wouldn’t blame you if you do.”

“And lose access to all your… um…  facilities?” Ong looked down, making Minhyun blush and laugh. “I don’t think so. I like your facilities too much, and I want to enjoy them while I can.”

Minhyun smiled and reached out to take Seongwoo’s hand. “You always know how to make me laugh, Seongwoo. Even when I’m on the verge of tears.”

Seongwoo lifted Minhyun’s hand to his lips and kissed it, and Minhyun felt so much affection for Seongwoo in that moment. So much affection, that everything suddenly felt okay. It was okay that JR was moving on. It was okay that JR was getting serious with her. It’s okay that things have ended between him and JR, because that end opened the door to a new beginning with someone that Minhyun was slowly but surely starting to fall for.

-

JR could not stop thinking about Minhyun. He tried so hard to heed Ren’s advice and just erase Minhyun from his thoughts, but ever since that phone call, JR couldn’t get him out of his mind. He couldn’t stop thinking about hurt Minhyun seemed when JR said he didn’t want him to meet his “girlfriend.” He couldn’t stop feeling guilty about lying to Minhyun and letting the lie grow this big.

He had no intention of coming clean to Minhyun, because he was afraid of ruining everything with the truth. He was afraid that Minhyun would hate him, or worst yet, that Minhyun would feel guilty for moving on with Seongwoo. He didn’t want to do anything that would make him unhappy.

He knew that Minhyun was unhappy after that phone call because JR was pushing him away. And he didn’t want Minhyun to be unhappy, and so JR decided that he wanted Minhyun to meet her.

He took out the number from his wallet and added her. With a deep breath, he finally texted.

“Hey… it’s Kim Jonghyun,” was his first message to her.

She replied shortly after with: “Hi!”

“I have a favor to ask you.”