Love Letters

Maybe love was never enough for someone like him.

Jeongguk slipped though the people in the corridor, ducking under raised arms and making himself as small as possible. Everyone was busy with their dates and events, and thankfully nobody had the time to look at him.

It was the last day of the year-end finals after all.

Jeongguk stopped in front of his locker, placed in a slightly less busy hallway. He watched, as a lusty couple stumbled past him, colliding with each other and other students until they reached an empty classroom, falling in and shutting the door.

It was the same every year, since his freshman year to now. The feels never changed, not even once.

Jeongguk had just about stowed away his school books and locked his locker when the cheers and wolf whistles reached his ears. The boy with the locker opposite of him, on the other side of the hallway, looked up from his phone, a frown on his face.

“KIM TAEHYUNG! KIM TAEHYUNG!” Jungkook winced at the fangirl screaming coming from the other end, trying to avert his eyes but to no avail. The presence in the center of them all was too bright, too attention-attracting.

It didn’t matter that he was the one person whom Jeongguk had watched his entire life, from afar, never getting close, keeping a wise distance. He had never studied the perfect face up close, never known him well enough to call him a friend.

And yet, Kim Taehyung was the one person who gave Jeongguk a clear path to go, the one person who was more than just a person to him.

He was a role model, a purpose that Jeongguk had pursued since they had first met, no really meeting, but more bumping into.

And unbeknownst to the high school idol, Jeongguk had loved him for years, but not really.

Jungkook loved him like one would love an idol, portraying an image of a perfect, wonderful soulmate.

And yet it wasn’t a lie that Kim Taehyung was a notorious playboy, girlfriends lasting no more than a week at most, one-night-stands at the highest record anyone in the school had ever achieved, and still increasing.

To most people in the world nowadays, being biual was something to be ashamed of, and Jungkook hid his secret from everyone he knew except his parents. He was gay.

And Kim Taehyung wasn’t.

And love didn’t matter to him, so what meaning did it have?

Jeongguk picked up his books silently, slinging his backpack over his shoulder and leaving the hall, the sounds of catcalls fading behind him.

.

Perhaps it was the near silent sobbing, but Jimin decided to investigate, creeping towards the door of his younger brother’s room. Jeongguk always locked himself away when he had something to hide, and Jimin fully intended to find out what it was.

“Hey, Jeongguk-ah.” Jimin knocked lightly. “I’m coming in.”

“H-hyung.” Jeongguk looked up from the papers scattered on his study desk. His eyes were red-rimmed, and tear steaks were evident on his porcelain skin. Jimin shook his head, taking a seat on Jeongguk’s bed.

“What’s wrong?” Jungkook looked down at the paper in his hand, lips trembling as he regarded the thin sheet. Jimin reached out a hand, motioning for Jungkook to hand it over.

“What’s this- Overdue payment?” Jimin read and reread the paper, eyes widening in shock and surprise. “You owe the school debts?!”

“I didn’t know, hyung!” Jeongguk burst into tears again. “I thought we had it paid off, but then this arrived again!”

Jimin looked at his little brother, carrying the weight of his studies and housework at the same time. They still had baby Jeonghyun to take care of, with no actual financial support either. What meager savings they had weren’t increasing, but depleting day by day as their mother grew older and sicker, withering away in their rickety house in the poorer housing sections of Seoul.

“I - I’m so sorry, hyung, I - I know you work so hard and you gave up school, but…” Jungkook stopped his tears, taking deep breaths and watching Jimin with sad eyes.

“It’s gonna be okay, Kook, we’ll be alright.” Jimin soothed, lying through his teeth. They were almost out of money, what with the hospital bills and Jungkook’s fees. Jimin refused to let Jungkook work, to most only letting him do odd jobs for neighbors

“Let me do my part, hyung, I promise I won’t ignore my studies.” Jungkook argued, wiping away the tear tracks on his face. “I’ll do everything I can.”

“No, you will not work more than I allow you to.” Jimin stared at Jungkook, tone calm but steadfast. “You’re too young.”

“I’m seventeen, hyung!” Jungkook protested. “I’m perfectly capable of working and standing on my own feet! I’m not a kid anymore, hyung!”

“You’re tired, Kook, rest.” Jimin got up. “We’ll continue this tomorrow, you still have school, and it’s late.”

With that, Jimin left the room, and left Jungkook alone with uneasy silence.

.

Jungkook padded into the classroom, putting his books down on his desk by the window and settling down. Jongdae, his deskmate and best friend, appeared out of nowhere, plopping down on his chair with a sigh and a cheeky grin in Jungkook’s direction.

“So, what’s bothering Mr. Glum today?” Jongdae sat up straight, slamming a hand on Jungkook’s desk and startling the latter. Jungkook looked flatly at Jongdae, but gave in to the other boy’s insistent glare.

“The school sent another bill.” Jongdae raised a pointed eyebrow. Jungkook wasn’t really known for owing money, but what happened was a mystery to him as well.

“I thought Jimin had it all paid off for you,” Jongdae said, stealing a pen from Jungkook’s pencilbox and doodling on the desk. Jongdae and Jimin were friends as well, due to Jungkook’s longtime friendship with the well-off Jongdae.

“Apparently I still owe something.” Jungkook slumped in his chair, heaving an upset breath. Jongdae creased his brows, deep in thought.

“Jongin says that we could help.” Jongdae nudged Jungkook. “Interested in being a e?”

Jungkook glared at him.

“Woah woah, I’m kidding!” Jongdae held up his hands, skin tanned from days under the sun playing basketball. “It’s just a joke, seriously!”

“Not funny, dude.” Jungkook shook his head.

“You wanna go get some food? I heard the cafeteria’s got some awesome kimchi today.” Jongdae grabbed Jungkook’s arm, pulling him to his feet. “Let’s go get some spicy soup!”

Jungkook smiled, letting his best friend drag him off.

.

“You want ramen or just the soup?” Jongdae asked, nudging Jungkook and pointing at the menu. “The cook’s waiting.”

“Ramen.” Jungkook glanced at his watch, checking the time and deciding to get the food anyway. Jongdae nodded, smiling at the middle-aged woman at the counter.

A few minutes later, Jungkook and Jongdae left the counter, both holding bowls of steaming ramen and kimchi. Jongdae plopped down at a nearby table close to the windows, and Jungkook joined him, watching the juniors play football in the large field.

“Yum,” Jongdae mumbled, digging into his noodles and sighing in content. “It’s been so long since the cook decided to sell ramen with kimchi.”

“We just ate it last week, Dae.” Jungkook scoffed, gingerly ladling some noodles into a spoon and huffing air to cool it. Jongdae ignored him.

“That was japchae. That’s different.” Jongdae was adamant, snorting at Jeongguk as he chewed on his ramen. “Ramen and japchae are two extremely different things.”

“Are you two seriously fighting over goddamn noodles at ing eight in the morning?” Yoongi flopped down at their table with a groan. Jeongguk frowned at the senior, watching him steal Jongdae’s chopsticks and pick up some ramen, sending it into his mouth lazily. Jongdae looked on, an expression of disbelief on his face.

“Hyung, you… You stole my ramen!” If there was one thing Jongdae absolutely couldn’t stand for, it was somebody stealing his food. Jeongguk sighed, watching his best friend bicker with the senior.

“I’m ing hungry, okay?” Yoongi slapped away Jongdae’s hand, leaning his face on an elbow. “Blame the training team for making me come this early on a Saturday.”

“Don’t swear, hyung!” Jongdae huffed, continuing his meal. “It’s Saturday, and we’re supposed to do curriculum activities today, so there!”

“Yah, kid, don’t ing mess with me, you know I need my beauty sleep.” Yoongi poked Jeongguk’s ribs. “Don’t be a statue in the corner, would you?”

“Sorry, hyung.” Jeongguk shrugged, earning a punch in the shoulder from Yoongi.

As he watched Jongdae and Yoongi argue to and fro, Jeongguk felt a smile creeping up his face. His friends were a weird bunch, but then they were friends, so what did it matter?

“Oy, Min Yoongi!” A familiar voice called out, and Jongdae and Jeongguk both looked up at the newcomer.

Jeongguk stopped still.

Kim Taehyung was standing there, arms crossed, wearing a black biker jacket that showed off his perfect physique and dark jeans with some slight eyeliner that made his eyes seem more mysterious than usual.

Jeongguk’s heart rate increased.

“You’re late.” Jeongguk, in his morning daze, had completely forgotten that his Yoongi hyung, renowned for his brains, was a part of Kim Taehyung’s jock gang. The gang of playboy bikers and cheerleaders, which didn’t belong in Jeongguk’s world.

“Nothing wrong with me talking to friends, is there?” Yoongi got up, smacking Taehyung’s shoulder playfully.

“No problem with friends, but so-called friends aren’t nerds.” Taehyung scoffed, looking with an unreadable expression at the both of them. “I don’t even know why you hang out with guys like these.”

“They’re friends.” Yoongi shrugged nonchalantly. “Catch you later, Jeongguk, Jongdae.”

Jongdae raised a pointed eyebrow at the pair leaving the cafeteria. “He is so stuck-up.”

“I know, right?” Jeongguk stared down at his ramen, now cold, trying to calm his racing heart.

.

“Jeongguk-ah?” Jimin knocked on his door, startling Jeongguk from his daydream. He’d been thinking of the sweet strawberry sundae Jongdae had gotten him a few hours ago, after school at the ice-cream store across the street. The girl selling ices had gotten so used to Jongdae’s weird antics she didn’t bat an eye when he asked for strawberry with chocolate chips.

“I was thinking we need to buy milk powder for Jeonghyun.” Jimin smiled sadly at him, counting out some cash and handing it to Jeongguk. “Get what you think is good.”

“Hyung…” Jeongguk stared at the wad of bills in his hand, a surge of warmth in his heart as he thought of all the things his older brother went without for their sake. Jimin had left school way earlier than he should’ve, with no honors, no diploma, and no future that he was supposed to have.

Jimin hyung deserved everything, but he didn’t receive anything in spite of the effort he put into their family, working multiple jobs and staying up late into the night to finish work.

“Be back by seven.” Jimin glanced at the clock in their small living room, ticking away with a chipped off edge. “I’ll get dinner ready. Go find Jongdae if you want to.”

Jeongguk followed his brother out of the room and out of the house door, slipping on his battered sneakers and heading off, the money in his jacket pocket a dead weight.

.

“This is the cheapest,” Jongdae commented, holding up a big tin. “The grams divided by the price is the smallest number.”

“Stop the math, Dae.” Jeongguk grabbed the tin, slipping it into his basket. “I need to get some groceries too.”

“Okay.” Jongdae hurried after Jeongguk, accidentally bumping into a person walking out from another aisle.

“Watch where you’re going,” the other boy snarled, brown eyes filled with distaste. Jeongguk stopped short, turning to see Jongdae apologizing to a blond-haired boy, none other than Kim Taehyung.

“I am so, so sorry.” Jongdae muttered, bowing slightly, then hurrying away in Jeongguk’s direction. Jeongguk watched Taehyung look up and meet his eyes, the disdain changing to something unreadable. Taehyung smirked, the edge of his perfect lips curling just a little, and then turned and strode away.

“What a jerk,” Jongdae grumbled at the counter, insisting on paying instead of Jeongguk. Jeongguk watched as Taehyung swiped his card another counter, grabbing the can of soda and heading away. Taehyung’s shoulders were really wide, he noticed.

“Let’s go, Guk.” Jongdae nudged him, picking up the recycle bag full of Jeongguk’s stuff (Jongdae was obsessed with recycling.) Jeongguk gave a start, then  followed Jongdae numbly out of the store.

“You shouldn’t have paid for me,” Jeongguk recovered enough to say to Jongdae. Jongdae shrugged, grinning at him.

“It’s what friends do.”

“Thanks, bro.”

“Anytime.”

.

Jeongguk headed to school early the next day, walking like he always had. The breeze was cool, blowing his black locks out from his eyes. The school entrance was busy as usual, and Yoongi stood there, standing in a cool pose with earphones stuck in his ears and hands in his pockets.

Jeongguk watched, as Taehyung and his gang of jocks walked up to Yoongi, saying something and causing Yoongi to smile slightly. Jeongguk headed into the school, skirting the group of boys and going to his locker.

He spun the combination to open the locker door, mind somewhere else, reaching into the locker and instead of the familiar sensation of book wrappers, felt paper. Jeongguk looked confusedly at his hand, and the envelope underneath it.

“What’s this?” Jeongguk muttered to himself, retrieving the small white envelope. He tore open the flap, taking out a red card with elegant script written in gold pen. His eyes widened as he read the sentence:

Hey beautiful. Hope you like this.
How’s it going?

Jeongguk stared, unable to react. Someone had sent him a love letter. The question was, how did he get it into his locker?

Jeongguk’s immediate reaction was to check his locker for missing things, but nothing seemed out of place. It seemed the anonymous writer had simply placed the letter into his locker without the need to take anything else.

Who would’ve written something like this? Jeongguk wasn’t too popular, and had hardly any friends. Who would’ve seen him?

But it didn’t matter. It was one letter, the first, and probably the last.

Jeongguk tossed the letter back into the locker, grabbed his books and headed to class, the words already tossed to the back of his mind.

.

Apparently the letter writer was either a really stupid person or a really stubborn one. Two days after the first letter, the second one appeared, with the same type of envelope and card.

You ignored the first letter. Why?
You look so sad all the time. What I wouldn’t give to make you smile.
You’re so beautiful.

Jeongguk felt his heart skip a beat at the sentences. Maybe it was a prank. Jongdae, probably. I had to be.

Unlike the first letter, Jeongguk slid this one into his jacket pocket, crumpling the envelope and tossing it into the waste bin. No sense in keeping garbage.

“What’s that?” Jongdae appeared beside him, noticing the vividly colored card in his hand. “Let me see.”

Jongdae gasped, and grinned wide at Jeongguk, a sly sparkle in his big eyes.

“Someone’s got a secret admirer~” Jongdae singsonged, chortling. “Gosh, this is so freaking cheesy.”

“Blame the writer.” Jeongguk flushed red, snatching the letter from Jongdae’s grip. “That’s mine.”

“Ah, Jeonggukie’s got a secret admirer~” Jongdae slung an arm around Jeongguk’s shoulders, poking his ribs and extracting a chuckle from him.

Jeongguk felt a smile blossom across his face, wondering who the writer was.

.

The letters kept coming, one after the other. Jeongguk got used the familiar envelope appearing in his locker every day, and soon small gifts started arriving. Jeongguk received a small heart-shaped chocolate one day, and then a pretty little sculpture of a snowman the next. It was strange, how the things appeared, but it always made Jeongguk’s day whenever he read and reread the letters.

But apparently nothing good came without its price.

Jeongguk walked home one day to find Jimin in tears, Jeonghyun crying and shattered glass bottles on the floor. He rushed over, shock and fear flashing over and over in hi