Maybe she shouldn't be so dramatic over something that was yet uncertain, but the 'oh ' moment that struck her point blank in the face was what caused her to stumble out of the practice room in a last minute effort to salvage herself from whatever this was. How? How had two months rolled by so quickly? How had she not seen this coming? How had she let this happen to her? How was it that she had not realised earlier?

A frustrated groan generated from her closed-up throat and she tugged helplessly at her hair, trying to release the vexation that had pent up inside for the past two hours. Her face was burning, though she wasn't sure if it was from the new coreography they were learning or her blood rushing to her cheeks whenever her eyes skimmed what she had now deemed as the devil's temptation. She smacked her head against the wall behind her to rid herself of her sinful thoughts, growling through her clenched teeth: "Stupid, stupid, you're so ing stupid."

The opaque glass door was pushed open hastily and out tumbled the very reason as to why she was this way.

"Kyung-ah, are you okay?" Minkyung turned to face her when she located where she leaned against the wall for support, the bags under the lighter haired girl's eyes evident, the purple bruises matched with the crimson in her cheeks as the tears began to fight against her.

A ragged breath escaped said girl's parched lips before she even managed to register that there was a conversation going on, completely capivated by the lone bead of sweat slipping down smooth, pale skin, outlining sharp cheekbones and the perfect curve of her mandible before teasingly crawling down the smooth, exposed neck and disappearing beneath the low collar of the tank top that revealed obtruding collarbones. Kyungwon felt the roof of go unsettlingly dry, quickly swallowing the little saliva she had left in in hopes of fixing it. Though she was sure that she had drooled too much for that.

The way that Minkyung's eyebrows pushed together and her eyes filled with confusion and care made Kyungwon's heart falter in its quest to complete as many jumps as it could, quickly resuming after at a faster pace. "Kyungwon?" She took a step closer, confident and unhasitatingly. Kyungwon bit the tip of her tongue, the corner of her top lip lifting vaguely. "What's wrong?"

When the surface of her palm made contact with the bare skin on her shoulder, Kyungwon flinched and moved away from the surprised girl as if she were scared of her. Which she was. Kyungwon was terrified of what was inside of her head, and what Minkyung was doing to her head.

She saw the tears b her own eyes as she pointedly avoided the other's searching gaze, instead focusing her attention on her surroundings that were all too suffocating and all too claustrophobic. "I-" She breathed, a lump appearing out of no where and lodging itself right in the middle of , making her respiring heavier. "I need air... air..."

"I'll go get one of the-"

"No!"

Silence. Regret implanted itself immediately in Kyungwon's chest when she saw the girl's fists clench and her knuckles to turn white. She didn't mean to raise her voice, especially not to Minkyung, especially her. But the panic and stress from the situation was beginning to truly weigh down on her as if there was something physically sitting on her shoulders and forcing her to carry it, and the burden was too heavy to do it alone. Now she had hurt Minkyung, who had only been trying to help.

"I'm sorry." The words rushed from desperately, trying to amend her mistake. "I'm sorry, Minkyung-ah, I just- I'm sorry."

Not being able to bear the mess that she had created, Kyungwon brushed past Minkyung quickly evacuated the building, grabbing hold of the bicycle she had left by the entrance after hastily unlocking it and jumping on. She didn't know how long she cycled for, all she knew was that as soon as she found a secluded place away from the bustling city of Seoul that could be overseen up in this mountain, she dropped her bike and began to curse the world for playing around with her this way.

Kyungwon found that screaming her lungs out until she could taste the metallic blood and briny tears on her tongue, her lips cracked and throat so sore that when she let out a sob it would no longer allow her voice to make a sound was actually more theraputic than she expected. The length of her hands to the bottom of her wrists were numb, but she was thankful for that because she didn't want to be preoccupied with useless worries of her health. She had a lot more things to ponder over than her well being. The self-hatred that had overwhelmed her when she found herself soundlessly begging for her mother led her to release her rage on the dirt that had already dusted her reddened knees, pounding and releasing every pent up emotion at once.

The time probably read midnight, making it two hours since she disappeared from their company building without warning anybody of her whereabouts. Not that even she knew where she was going to go. Though she should probably be getting back home to assure her father that she was safe and sound.

With that thought in mind keeping her on her own two feet, she drunkenly moved to her destination.

"." Kang Yongsoo stared at her broken state with a gaping mouth and eyes just as wide. She couldn't blame his reaction: his little sister had just lifelessly walked into their apartment, hands and lips tainted with blood looking like she had just murdered someone and dried up tears on her expressionless face at two in the morning. "Kyungwon what the ?"

The college student siezed her arm and forcefully tugged her into their home, quietly shutting and locking the door before dragging her over to the bathroom, in the heat of the moment ignoring how she stumbled over her own two lazy feet. The apartment was quiet, dark, lifeless if not for Yongsoo turning on the white light in the small bathroom and bustling through the cabinet while accidentally dropping medicine boxes into the sink due to the rush. Kyungwon silently observed as her brother's hands shook, muttering obsceneties when he clumsily struggled with opening the disinfectant bottle and a deep frown on his face which formed a crease between his eyebrows.

Roughly sitting her on the toilet seat, he crouched in front of her so he could observe her wounds more comfortably and forcibly took her left hand that had been idly playing with the bottom of her shorts. "Don't shout." He warned before shakily tilting the liquid onto her knuckles, the tremors causing some of the alcohol to spill and fall from her hand onto her bare thigh.

Kyungwon's features scrunched up in discomfort, but she quickly schooled her expression into a blank one while convincing herself that this is what she deserved for being such a burden. She deserved to be punished for the thoughts that consumed all of her mind and for the things she felt and for the worry and stress she had caused. How did she reach this point? When did she become such a up?

Yongsoo dressed the cuts on her hands, wrapping them tightly with clean, white bandages and knotting them just as forcefully to make sure they wouldn't come undone.

Kyungwon observed as the older brother that had distanced himself all those years ago, left her to suffer in silence when she was just a child, care for her injuries with a pained look on his face as if seeing her in this state hurt him too. As if for the past nine years he hadn't estranged himself from their family, breaking it even more. As if he truly felt responsible for the little sister he should have looked after. Kyungwon watched as his head fell limp onto her knee after her put a large plaster over the opened skin, his fingers tightening their grip on her leg. She watched as his broad shoulders that had fallen to make him seem like a little kid rather than a man began to tremble, shaking in an unsteady manner. She watched her insensitive, negligent, selfish brother cry on her.

Wordlessly, she lifted her hand limply and let it rest on top of Yongsoo's bowed head, refusing to acknowledge the streak that the tear left behind in its wake.

The two stayed there, silent and grieving over the time they lost, over their worries, and over their mother's death.

"...and make sure you don't open the door to anyone who's last name isn't Kang, okay?" Her father rushed around the apartment, trying to find his wallet that he had misplaced the previous night when he had been too exhausted after coming home from work. Kyungwon had been noticing this trend for the past months. "Aha! Alright now, sweetheart, I'll come back here at eight the latest and make you some dinner, I love you."

Kyungwon beamed upwards at her father when he lovingly dropped a kiss on her forehead, a blanket covering all of her body aside from her neck upwards. "I love you too, dad," she kept the smile on her face as the man strided his way to the front door. "stay safe!" She called after him, making sure to keep the same expression when he glanced at her over his shoulder.

Once the jangling of the keys locking the door had retreated down the hallway, Kyungwon let the smile drop from her face and she rested her head on the back of the couch, a sigh breaking free. Not wanting to worry her father, she excused her abstract behaviour by saying that she had caught a cold--which she was immediately reprimanded on--and that she wouldn't be training today, instead staying at home to catch up on her studies. That's the excuse that she had used with her vocal coach, who promised to relay the message on to the other members of staff. What she would really be doing was laying on the couch as long as she could to think things over.

"Kyungwon, I made some haejang-guk." Yongsoo called from the kitchen counter, where he easily moved the bowls to the dining table seeing as the living room, dining room and kitchen were all one large space. Her brother didn't wait for her response and sat down at the table, already beginning on his portion, hunched over his food in a protective manner that she was sure had become his habit after getting his food stolen from him too many times. She hadn't noticed yesterday, but there was a light stubble along his jaw that made him appear older than he was, and his hair was longer now after growing it out from his military hairstyle he had gotten when he had to serve his time, now falling to cover his eyebrows in natural waves. It had been a long time. Last time Kyungwon had looked at him this hard he was still an innocent fourteen-year-old that smiled at her caringly.

A stab in the heart made her frown, tightening her grip on the blanket to make sure it didn't escape her grasp.

She noticed she had been staring for too long when Yongsoo lifted his head and raised his eyebrows at her expectantly.

Soundlessly allowing the blanket to drop to the floor and reveal her injuries, she padded to where her brother sat watching her. "Thank you for the meal."

The curtain of awkwardness that had fallen over them the previous night was more prominent now that both were fully conscious of their surroundings, so they mutually agreed on not attempting a conversation and instead focused on the soup that was still warm. Kyungwon's eyes wandered the table scattered with opened envelopes and loose pieces of paper from her father's work pressed underneath Yongsoo's closed laptop. Had her father been working too much lately? She made sure to remind herself to help around the house more often.

"Kyungwon." Said girl flinched at the authoritive tone her older brother used to address her, meeting his eyes. "What happened to you yesterday?"

A light laugh was forced out of , her gaze faltering in the meantime. "Wow, you certainly don't beat around the bush." She knew she had pointed this out to him as a flaw, but she fell in the exact same trap whenever she attempted to approach a sensitive topic such as this one. Perhaps it ran in the family: being straightforward and blunt.

Yongsoo pursed his lips before gingerly pushing away his bowl. "Come on Kyungwon, I know we don't talk a lot but there's something wrong and it's ing you up."

Damn right it was ing her up. She couldn't concentrate on when she had to turn, or how much power she had to add to certain moves, or where she had to be when the song changed into the verse. She couldn't focus on the online school she was signed up to, getting questions wrong and accidentally clicking on the wrong answers. All she could focus on was that feeling in her body whenever she was around Minkyung that made her stumble over her words and constantly have a shy smile on her face. Not being able to concentrate on anything else but the girl worried her to no ends. She got more self-conscious over what she wore or what she said and how she behaved around Minkyung, constantly checkin herself to rephrase her careless words that spewed out of . Sometimes she would awaken from her short rest wearing a pleased smile on her face and all thoughts on the girl in her dreams, this routine occurring ever since getting close to the other two months ago now.

But there was no way she was saying that to her brother. Definitely not her brother.

So instead she chuckled stiffly. "It's nothing to worry about, just training and keeping on top of my weight getting to my head."

A frustrated groan came from the older boy, which made her head dip lower so her messy hair shielded her from judgemental looks. "Kyungwon, don't even try to lie to me," Yongsoo frowned, as she too began to get hot headed. "you wouldn't have come home all beaten up if it were nothing to worry about."

"I shouldn't have come home, then." She mumbled, though soon interrupting her brother before he got to push another word in. "Anyway, you can't decide to jump back into my life after a decade of ignoring me just because is getting interesting." Her defense mechanism was acting up, and the only way she could stop her brother from prying into her own business that he really had no right to worry about was by unleashing the frustrations and anger she had stored up all these years.

Yongsoo pushed his chair back as she stood up to leave, preventing her from doing what she thought was best. And that was leaving before she started to get carried away. "Kyungwon, I'm worried about you. Don't think I haven't noticed how depressed you've become lately-"

"I have not been depressed." She snapped, glaring at him firmly.

"Oh please, we have thin walls, it's easy to hear you crying-"

"Like you're actually ever home to hear anything."

"You can't say like that when you're never home either."

"At least dad actually knows where I am-"

"He didn't know where you were yesterday, did he?"

Silence.

"And you came home with cuts on your hands and blood on you expecting me not to worry?"

"There's nothing to worry about." She insisted, clenching her fists in frustration as her brother insisted over and over again. So far she had done her best to keep herself from bursting, but one more push...

"Kyungwon, you're depressed."

"No I'm not! Just shut the up! Just because mom died and you haven't been able to cope yourself doesn't mean I'm the same as you! Stop acting like you know me!"

"Oh really, now? It would be great if you could stop saying bull and actually ackowledge the fact that you're not okay."

"You're such a smartass. Not everyone is as sad as you are."

"Accept it."

"What?"

"You're depressed."

"For the love of god, I am not-"

"I found anti-depressants in your room!" Yongsoo raised his voice, agitatedly slamming his hand down on the table and therefore making the bowls on the surface jump from the force. Kyungwon flinched at the sudden change and stared at her brother with wide eyes, assuming that she looked like a deer caught in headlights. "I found them when I put you to sleep, and I suspected it was you when dad's went missing. I know you've been taking them and I know that you feel like ." 

She stood there frozen. Fear ran through her body at the thought of her brother finding out the secret she had managed to keep for months now, feeling the most disclosed she had ever felt in her life. A mixture of anger and panic overrode her mind, her vision becoming blurred and her head light as she marched over to where her brother stood with pity in his eyes, wishing that he would stop. Stop staring at her as if she had problems, as if she were broken and needed fixing. Not a thought raced through her mind when she lifted her hand, striking him once across the face, nails catching on his temple as she quickly reatreated her hand away from him. Yongsoo whipped his head in her direction, the red mark already appearing on his face as he stood there defiantly, silently daring her to do it again.

The sight sent her back to the aftermath of what started all of this. A smaller version of Yongsoo with a similar, larger mark on his cheek as he shouted at their father that he had failed to protect their late mother, tears on his face yet with a force in his eyes that was enough to shake the world. Except this time it was aimed at her.

Recoiling when the man began to lift his arms, she closed her eyes in anticipation of the hit she knew she deserved.

Kyungwon knew she deserved a lot of things for all of the havoc she had left in her wake the past twenty-four hours, and she knew that she wouldn't be angry at Yongsoo if he slapped her now. Gave her the scolding she deserved for hitting someone older than her.

Instead she felt herself being pulled forward and her body colliding with a larger one, arms wrapping around her securely to hold all of her. "Kyungwon, it's okay not to be okay." Yongsoo whispered with a hoarse voice, his cheek resting firmly on the top of her head to make sure she couldn't escape his grasp. "It's okay for life to with us and screw us over. It will always be okay because I will always be with you from now on." Kyungwon felt her eyes well up at what she knew was her brother's indirect way of apologising, saying sorry that he neglected her and that he would make up for it, because she knew that her brother had never once been regretful for his mistakes. "It's okay, because we're family, Kyungwon-ah, and family sticks together."

The gasp that escaped her registered in her own ears, as did the words she had been wishing to hear for years now. Furiously blinking to rid the tears harboring in her stinging eyes, she clutched at the back of Yongsoo's shirt and pulled him closer than he already was. In her own way, she apologised through her silence that matched the way her tears fell.

Kyungwon hadn't gone to the company building for three days now. Her phone was dead but she couldn't be bothered to move from her permanent spot on the couch where she watched TV and took time to catch up on sleep she had missed out on these past years, so she left the device untouched. Thoughts about Minkyung had been swarming her head, but as soon as they came she would instantly try to sleep them away and drown herself in the darkness that her subconscious provided. She was positive that her knees were all healed up now, though the skin was still in its last processes of healing. Her hands had not been so fortunate and were taking more time to regenerate, which is why she still wore the bandages to hide them from her father's sight.

While she watched the new episode of the drama Kyulkyung had gotten her into, an unexpected pounding came on the door, which sent Kyungwon into defensive mode. Slowly standing from the couch, she cautiously made her way over to where the sound had momentarily paused and a defening silence replaced it. When it began once more, this time more insisting, she weilded a knife from the kitchen and stood in front of the door with a plan already forming in her head.

"Who is it?" She called out, hoping that it was just a neighbor, a lost delivery man, hell even the annoying kid from a few doors down. Anyone but a serial killer.

"Kang Kyungwon!" A very familar voice screamed obnoxiously from the other side, the 'knocking' coming to a stop. "Open this door right now or I will knock it down myself!"

Unconsciously, Kyungwon smiled when she heard the younger girl standing outside of her apartment and her mood automatically reverted back to her playful one. "With what? Your tiny body?" She teased, chuckling when there was a pause at the other side--probably the drama queen taking a moment to gasp at the cold response she recieved.

"I will call Im Nayoung to do it." Jung Eunwoo threatened, although the older one knew that she was just joking around much like she was. "And I will tell her to drag your sorry back to the practice room and make you do five-no, six hundred squats and then dance a routine at 'x2 speed'."

Leaning against the door, Kyungwon made sure to tut loud enough for Eunwoo to hear. "Sorry, I got strict orders from my dad to only let people who's last name was 'Kang' in." Techincally, she wasn't lying, but she knew that her father had just been joking around at the time and that she was being unreasonable to the younger girl. Tensing at the silence and fearing that the latter had left, she quickly called out, "Eunwoo? Are you still there?"

"Sure as hell I am." The other replied with more sass than necessary, Kyungwon being able to picture her face perfectly even though the door still stood between them.

"What are you doing?" She asked after another short period of silence.

It was a while before the girl spoke again, and when she did it caused a laugh to errupt from Kyungwon's chest. "Godammit, Kang Yebin! The one time I actually need you you don't even ing pick up!" Eunwoo halted before quickly continuing. "I'll just call Jangmi..."

At that, Kyungwon unlocked the door to let the younger girl in, who really did have her phone in her hands ready to make another call. "Woah, wait a minute," the girl raised an expectant eyebrow at her, not at all shocked by the grimy appearance of the older one. "who's Jangmi?"

"A friend from my old school, her last name is Kang." Eunwoo explained nonchalantly, her eyes fixating themselves on Kyungwon's hand. "Why the hell are you carrying a knife, unnie?"

Kyungwon laughed loudly, tugging the younger girl inside so she wouldn't stand outside forever. She tried hard to ignore the way how Eunwoo's face washed with relief, an eased smile appearing on her face as Kyungwon attempted to clean up the mess she had unintentionally created on the couch. Though her heart did flutter at the thought of being cared after, resulting in her embracing the small girl with as much love and gratefulness she could.

a/n: that was a bit angsty and depressing... sorry if it was awkward or seemed forced and if it's still really slow, but i hope i didn't disappoint too much