Captivated

Limerence

306. That was the number.

"Hyung let's just go back" Jongup pleaded for the nth time. Other students were beginning to come out of their rooms, glaring at them, but Himchan didn't give one and kept on banging on the door.

"! The RA's coming," Junhong muttered in panic before he grabbed Jongup to run out of the scene with one last desperate call for the elder.

There was a grumble from the other side of the door, followed by a few clatters and muttered curses before it is opened by a ruffled looking male Himchan has never seen before.

Without another word, Himchan slipped underneath the arm that the other male leaned against the frame of the door. A more than tipsy "ing bastard thinks he can get away with anything" is muttered under his breath as he grabbed the first thing in his line of sight.

A laptop.

Probably full of and all the useless that good for nothing cheater did in his good for nothing life.

After all, it was "silly" of Himchan to think that a year and a half of and staying over at his place deserved a title that is more than just friends.

"I'm 'silly', alright," Himchan snickered as he opened the window and stuck his head out to check for anyone below. Once the coast is clear, he chucked the laptop out with a small muttered 'oops'-- failing to notice the faint pleads (well maybe they were screams but whatever) in the background made by the stranger that opened the door for him.

He watched it fall and crash as it hit the icy pavement below and felt triumphant; well, only until he heard the roommate's desperate (or he assumes it is) cry of "My laptop!" as he ran over beside Himchan, only to see the pieces of what it used to be.

.

Was the only thing that went through Himchan's mind as he stood frozen in his spot, staring wide eyed at the man beside him.

It was in room 306 that Himchan first talked to Bang Yongguk-- a fellow music major he never even met or heard of before.

"I am so-SO sorry," he repeated for the nth time that hour. The sun was starting to rise and birds were starting their chirping as if to mock Himchan as he sat on the bed across Bang Yongguk. The other male glanced up for a second before he stared back at the remnants of his laptop.

Himchan didn't know if he should be worried or relieved that the other didn't yell or hurt him. Yet. But then again, his silence made Himchan uncomfortable, for others would have called the RA or reported him already. Was his murder currently being planned out?

"I will definitely pay for that! Or maybe buy you a new one--eventually," he offered and the other male looked back up at him with a sigh.

"I don't have anything else to use," Yongguk finally said, as he rubbed his hands over his face straight up to comb his fingers through his hair.

Himchan bit his lip as he watched the other in his dilemma and seriously felt horrible. The man didn't even have anything to do with that useless Kangjun.

"I can lend you mine for the meantime as I pay for yours," he suggested hesitantly, biting his lip once more. Yongguk probably never wanted to see his face aside from when he's paying for what he wrecked.

There was a long pause, with Yongguk's head buried in his palms and Himchan staring hopefully at the other male.

"I guess we can do that," Yongguk said, which made the younger light up tremendously.

They were blessed with yet another long pause; Himchan looked anywhere but the (now that he had time notice it) very attractive ruffled male in front of him and Yongguk just simply stared as his mood slightly got better despite the lack of sleep and stress.

Silence embraced the room, neither male wanted to talk first for the fear of breaking the momentary peace they worked hard to establish-- well not until Yongguk's alarm went off and startled both males.
Yongguk reached over to turn the alarm off and stood to stretch his whole body and shake the sleepiness away.

Himchan watched as the other stretched and dusted himself off before looking up to him and asking: "Want to get coffee?" with his lips pulled up into a full gummy smile-- that Himchan can't help but smile back to-- as he uttered a raspy voiced "Sure".

Room 306 is the room where Himchan ends up staying in for longer hours than he intends; the room he ends up finding himself coming back to even after he's done paying for Yongguk's laptop.

"It's been a year, and your room looks exactly the same way it did when I first came", Himchan says as he lays on the bed of his supposedly ex- friend's -- Yongguk's former roommate.

Yongguk simply looks up from scribbling on his notebook, blinking back at Himchan.

"Well, you kinda barged in on me", he corrects, enjoying the slight discomfort the younger male shows every time he reminds him of their first meeting..

"Oh, well I guess you did get a new lamp", Himchan mumbles, purposely ignoring the obnoxious grin on Yongguk's face. Where are pillows when you need them? (Erasers are too precious to be thrown at Yongguk- he doesn't deserve them)

He shifts to his side, resting his head on the palm of his hand to glare at the elder male only to have his resolve crumble under the curious eyes of the man.

He feels heat rise to his cheeks-- why is this room so damn hot--and "Himchan," he hears the elder call out.
"What?" He snaps and his glare is met by another obnoxious gummy grin plastered on Yongguk's face; only growing brighter by the second. Himchan fights the urge to smile because that means giving in, and that means Yongguk has the upper hand-- and Himchan never really did like losing.

"You're blushing", the elder quickly added, making the younger male splutter as blood further rises to colour his cheeks a vibrant (and very pretty) shade of red. Yongguk's grin widens (if that's even possible), his eyes curving into small (yes, ing endearing) crescents, and is it even possible for them to shine brighter?

Himchan ends up losing a precious eraser (and maybe--probably--more likely-- more than just that).
O
306. In that room Himchan finds out Yongguk is into both girls and guys.

Himchan has been itching to see the elder after 3 weeks of busy schedules filled with study groups, projects, and finals. He didn't really think, and simply followed whatever his exhausted mind came up with-- which is basically alcohol and Bang Yongguk.

The elder looks just as exhausted as Himchan felt. Both knew companionable silence and alcohol are all they need. Yongguk stares at the younger, and Himchan tries to ignore the flutter in his stomach from seeing the elder's weak grin as he leans against the door frame.

Himchan didn't mean to ask but his mouth seems to have a mind of its own. They talked and joked as normal: 'How were your exams?', 'Professor Kang's an isn't he?'

They talked like usual--things about school, music, and even that from the bus this morning, but somehow the words still slipped right out with the slight slur from the alcohol.

"What type of people has Bang Yongguk dated?" Himchan mentally slaps himself.

Yongguk blinks at the question and chuckles. He ing chuckles (because where the hell did that come from?) and raises an eyebrow at the male before him.

Himchan shrugs, feigning nonchalance that may or may not be an obvious ing lie (judging from the red tinting his cheeks--but then he could always blame the alcohol, his long trusted friend)

"I don't know," the elder starts, "normal people?" Yongguk tries and lets out a laugh at the younger's incredulous look.

"Well, there was this girl in highschool; real pretty and sweet," Yongguk lazily mutters and Himchan nods, biting his bottom lip "but I guess pretty and sweet are also more her thing." the elder shrugs and Himchan turns, gawking, but the elder continues before he can even mutter anything out.

"And there's Jung Daehyun," Yongguk smirks this time, turning to look at Himchan who tries so hard to keep a straight face (because what the actual --Jung Daehyun with the lips?!) "Great stuff but it was never really dating" the elder shrugs with the nonchalance Himchan wishes he showed throughout this whole conversation.

He keeps from growling at the elder's cool facade.

Himchan opens his mouth to speak, but the elder is turning towards him with that glint in his eyes and interrupts him: "What about you?"

"What type of people has Kim Himchan dated?"

In room 306 Himchan first kisses Yongguk or maybe it was Yongguk who kisses him first. It doesn't really matter at the moment; not when Yongguk's lips are soft and warm and flush against his. Not when he feels warm hands wrap around his hips to pull him in.

A sigh slips from his lips as the elder male pulls away; lips merely a breath away from each other and Himchan isn't supposed to feel like he's just been sent to heaven and back but he does and he leans in once more, earning a chuckle from the other who tightens his grip around the his waist.

Kissing almost instantly becomes a natural thing between them. They aren't dating nor do they talk about dating; they're friends-- friends that kiss, but friends nonetheless-- and Himchan can't find it in him to stop even through the warning bells ringing nonstop at the back of his head.

Not when it feels so right to be held inside the elder's arms. Not when Yongguk pulls him by the waist or holds the back of his neck to pull him in; "Hello," he greets with that gummy smile plastered on his face and Himchan wants to punch him if he wasn't so zoned out at the moment.

Yongguk pulls away with a small peck on the younger's temple, and an invitation to enter is something that is long overdue so none of them bother with it anymore.

"Pizza's here," he mumbles as he settles on the mountain of blankets and pillows he had set out on the floor in between the beds for their usual friday nights. Nights like these easily became one of Himchan's favourites; they varied from make out sessions to movies to just simply talking, cuddled and wrapped up in sheets that distinctly smelled of Yongguk.

"You look good," Yongguk grins as Himchan settles in his stretched out arm, head resting on the crook of his neck. And Himchan probably looks as ty as he feels but he scoffs with a muttered "I know," burying his head further into the elder's neck to hide the smile that tugs at the corners of his lips.

"Long week?" The elder asks as Himchan pulls away to take a bite from Yongguk's half eaten slice of pizza and hums.

"I need a break from the human race," he takes another bite "people can be such s" Himchan pouts and he's pretty sure he looks ridiculous with sauce on his face but Yongguk just simply nods as he lets the other rant about group projects and lazy s.

In room 306 Himchan is, for the first time, asked to stay over. Two years into whatever relationship they have, Yongguk mutters: "wanna stay over?" in a tone so low Himchan almost misses it if he wasn't already so attuned to the elder male.

Himchan stops midway through pulling his boxers up and turns to the elder male who is trying his best to look nonchalant but is miserably failing. And it's stupidly endearing how he tries to avoid Himchan's gaze by fiddling with the bed sheets only to hesitantly look over, sending the younger a gummy grin to hide his worries.

Himchan knows he's ed (okay, maybe not the best way to put it considering their situation but sure). 'Utterly smitten' as Jongup with his little giggle would say. 'Stupidly in love' as Daehyun would snicker after finding Himchan grinning like a fool, his eyes glued on the phone, re-reading yet another lame joke Yongguk sent 5 minutes ago; pointedly ignoring Youngjae's following comment of 'ridiculously so'.

Minutes pass in silence and Himchan can feel his heart drop just as the grin from the elder's face slowly dissipates before he lets out a laugh so empty it shakes Himchan to his very core (because when did Bang Yongguk ever fake a laugh around Kim Himchan? Never).

"You don't have to i-" Yongguk begins and Himchan launches himself on top of the latter male, earning a loud thump followed by a groan.

"What the fu--"

"I'm tired. Shut up." Himchan murmurs as he snuggles closer to Yongguk, finding the warmth that he's gotten so familiar with it's almost second nature.

Yongguk tells Himchan he loves him.

They’re no longer in 306 and Himchan sort of wishes they were- wishes he was back in the familiar space he established within Yongguk’s world where he knows the right things to say without the fear and uncertainty he’s feeling at the moment.

“Wha-”

Himchan swallows the lump in his throat and looks at the man standing by the doorway. Yongguk looks uncomfortable, looks out of place even in his own apartment as he stands across the room from Himchan, dropping the extra pillows and blankets- who knew Bang Yongguk had extra blankets and pillows- on the floor because Himchan suddenly felt like building a fort while they waited for the pizza for their usual movie night (it was Himchan’s turn to pick a movie- although it was always his to begin with- so he gets to make extra requests).

Silence envelops the room and then suddenly Yongguk is buried in blankets and pillows on the floor beside Himchan.The latter is left dumbstruck and blinking, trying to catch up to Yongguk’s “I love you, you know that?” as if it wasn’t a big deal, as if he was simply asking what Himchan’s favourite colour was (not like he didn’t know that already).

There is a groan coming from somewhere in his left and Himchan turns to see Yongguk peeking out of the blankets with a grin that didn’t quite reach his eyes like they usually do. Himchan’s ears are still slightly ringing and he his suddenly dry lips but before he can take a deep breath to say something-anything for goodness sakes- Yongguk’s head lands on his lap with a serious look on his face.

“You don’t have to say it back,” Yongguk stares at Himchan and he sort of wants to melt right then and there under the elder’s dark gaze.

“It’s okay,” Yongguk continues with a smile that doesn’t show his gums or that familiar twinkle Himchan never knew he’d miss until that very moment. Something within him shatters as the older male breaks eye contact and turns to the T.V. asking Himchan what movie he had in mind for the night.

If Yongguk kept a little distance between them after that, Himchan convinced himself that it was okay- although he’d be the biggest liar if he said it didn’t hurt.

Halfway through the fourth year of whatever relationship Himchan has with Yongguk, he lies awake beside the said man and wonders what exactly he is in Yongguk’s life. He turns to the sleeping man beside him, and suppresses a giggle with the way Yongguk’s face scrunches up as he searches for the younger male’s warmth. It’s one of those days where Yongguk is especially clingy and groggy from the sleepless nights spent in the studio. One of those days where Himchan doesn’t necessarily have to do anything but come over and be the elder male’s human pillow and personal heater. Himchan would always grumble and complain through the phone (as if he didn’t spend hours waiting for Yongguk’s name to pop up on his screen), already putting his shoes and coat on as he heads for the elder’s apartment halfway across the city and Yongguk as always would simply listen and hum in response.

There’s an annoyingly strong urge to lean further into Yongguk’s searching hands; into his eternally warm embrace despite the boniness of his arms and his unconscious habit of drilling holes into Himchan’s skull with his pointy chin (that Himchan, without fail, complains about as if he didn’t love it). Himchan finds it in himself to fight this urge for a span of 2 mochii barks and a junhong flip before he’s snuggled into Yongguk’s side, burying his face into his chest as the elder’s arms instinctively wrap around him. Himchan feels content, warm and happy being trapped in Yongguk’s embrace.

They’ve become permanent fixtures in each other’s lives, Himchan taking care of Yongguk and vice-versa. Himchan with his outgoing and strong personality and Yongguk with his own silent and mature nature. They go well together as Youngjae said. They compliment each other like Junhong drunk-whispered to Himchan after one too many drinks for his birthday. They’re good for each other, Jongup with his angelic, soft smile unexpectedly told him after Himchan went over to comfort the younger male from his increasingly becoming common “Daehyun hyung problems”.

Himchan has simply rolled his eyes at each one of them, kept his silence for every time his relationship with Yongguk was brought up. And maybe he doesn’t necessarily disagree with them because he knows Yongguk is good for him-good to him in so many ways that Himchan never even thought he’s worthy of. Maybe Himchan knows exactly how Yongguk makes him feel good and happy and giggly and all that . Maybe Himchan is scared that he’s the only one left after taking his damn sweet time. Maybe.

He takes a deep breath and freezes; catching himself before he can continue with his train of thought- he shouldn’t even be thinking these things. He should have learned by now. Past experiences should have taught him to keep his distance, to keep his feelings away because this is how he gets his heart broken every time. Trust his heart to everything up for him.

Frozen in his spot, he starts to panic. These thoughts are forbidden. He’d told himself so many times already.

As if sensing his dilemma, Himchan feels Yongguk stir in his sleep, a frown forming between his brows, a disturbance to his peace a couple minutes back. His eyes flutter open and Himchan feels his heart drop to his stomach when they focus on him.

“Himchan?” Yongguk’s raspy voice disrupts the silence in the room, “You okay?” his concern causing amok in Himchan’s heart. His hand runs up Himchan’s back and up to brush his fringe away from his face and his frown deepens a little when he gets no response from the staring male beside him. He instinctively pulls Himchan closer to his body, giving a hopeful smile to the younger male and Himchan feels himself falling.

Himchan feels himself fall as the realization hits him.

He wants this man.

Wants this man like he’s never wanted anyone in his life. He wants Yongguk with his gummy smiles and his silent laughter. Wants him and his peculiar taste and his deep, unnerving stares. Wants to wake up next to him, have fights with him and make up with him. Wants more time with him-longer than the almost four and a half years they’ve had. Wants everything-all of Yongguk for himself because Kim Himchan can be a greedy piece of and Yongguk is always, without fail, okay with that and goes along with his whims.

He looks up to see Yongguk’s worried face and he feels his heart tighten. Himchan buries his face into Yongguk’s chest and without missing a beat, feels Yongguk pull him impossibly closer like it’s the most natural thing to do. One arm must be numb from being used as Himchan’s pillow while the other is wrapped protectively around his waist. He feels Yongguk place a kiss on his forehead and Himchan sort of wants to cry. What has he done to deserve this man.

“I love you, you know that?” he mumbles into Yongguk’s neck and the man stiffens beside him. It feels nauseatingly familiar as silence fills the room and Himchan sort of wants the bed to swallow him whole or maybe just run away and disappear off the face of the earth.

“How about you just stay here with me then?” Yongguk mutters into his hair. And his chin is drilling into Himchan’s skull again but the younger doesn’t give a as he feels blood rush up to his face- God does he love this man. Himchan doesn’t deserve him.

“Was that supposed to be said out loud this time? My ego’s about to burst here,” Yongguk says and Himchan can feel the elder grinning from where his lips are planted against Himchan’s temple.

“Shut up. I’ll make you disappear,” Himchan threatens and Yongguk lets out a full laugh, his head thrown back, his gums on full show and his eyes twinkling crescents as he looks back down to the man beside him. Himchan falls even deeper.

“I love you, you know that?”

“Okay, it’s sorta getting old now.”

“It’s okay, I still love you.”

“You better.”

====

“Why are we here, I did not sign up for this,” Youngjae complains as he looks up from his books to the cuddling couple “hiding” in the kitchen.

“Hyung, you were the one complaining they should just get together and ‘make less complicated’’ Junhong, the little has the nerve to answer back.

“Shut up fetus, I came for the wifi not this sappy .”

“Now you’re just being bitter, hyung.”

“Shut up.”

 

NOTE:

Hey guys!! It's been a while since I wrote a Banghim fic...Cross-posted to ao3!! I hope you guys enjoyed this word-vomit!

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