Kim Myungsoo. I'm sorry for what I did. Please forgive me, I still love you....

"Let's break up, Myungsoo. I don't hate you, im just not that into you." I said, looking down. I could not bear to face your broken tear-stained face. 

"Why, Sungyeol? What did I do?" you said, kneeling down infront of me, tugging onto my pants like a lost child. You looked up at me with teary, pleading eyes. It broke my heart, I felt like a bad man. I'm sorry once again, Myungsoo. 

The days passed in the Infinite dorm slowly. Everyone knew of my break up with you, and everyone knew of my current relationship with Sungjong. 

Day by day, I could see you breaking, I could see you dying little by little inside. I'm sorry Myungsoo. 

But throughout everything, you still put on a strong front, just for our Inspirits. You didn't smile anymore. Your eyes, your face, they were as cold as ice. 

Each day, you would stay at the dance studio, and push yourself to your limit. Each day, I looked at you from outside the door. Each day, I saw you faint from exhaustion. Each day, I saw you die more. And more. 

You didn't talk to us as much as you used to. You wouldn't eat with us. You were broken. 

I knew you saw how me and Sungjong were. Each time Infinite went out, it broke your heart whenever you saw a Yeoljong banner. I know it, I'm sorry. 

Each time we passed by each other, we wouldn't look at each other. 

"What is love, Sunggyu-hyung?", you asked one day. Sunggyu said, that love is actually undescribable. But, love is to be felt with the heart, and has an impact on someone tremendously. 

"I guess...Sungyeol didn't love me." you told Sunggyu. You walked away. I hid in the toilet, crying to myself. What did I do? I'm sorry for breaking your heart. I knew you were a fragile person. 

On one sad, monsoon evenings, I went out with Sungjong for an interview. In the car, I fiddled with the couple ring I bought for us when we had our 1st anniversary. It has the symbol of INFINITE ingraved. "I shall love you forever." was ingraved to. I'm sorry, I lied. 

When me and Sungjong stopped outside our dorm, something fell on our car. The front window crashed and glass shards flew everywhere. Me and Sungjong were shocked, and we quickly exited the car. 

Heavy rain pelted down on the lifeless body that was facing down on the road. I heard a groan and kneeled down and to the figure. Upon closer inspection, I could not believe that it was you, Kim Myungsoo. 

"Myungsoo! MYUNGSOO?!?" I said, turning you around. Your beautiful face was bleeding. I heard him say something. 

"Sungyeol....I..Love..You...." you said, while your life ebbing away. 

"MYUNGSOO! I LOVE YOU TOO, PLEASE FORGIVE ME, MYUNGSOO, PLEASE! PLEASE STAY ALIVE, FOR ME, PLEASE!" I screamed at you. I saw you nod your head and say, "I know Sungyeol...We shall meet again, in Paradise."

"Myungsoo...myung-soo?" I said again. I shook you, but did not get a response. That's when it dawned on me - You died. 

At that moment, Dongwoo, Hoya, Sunggyu & Woohyun walked out of the door. Sunggyu & Dongwoo's teary eyed faced greeted me, with Hoya and Woohyun consoling them.

I couldn't believe it...all of us couldn't.
I learnt that you jumped off the rooftop of the condo we reside in. Why did you commit suicide? The answer is simple..... it was because of me. I'm sorry Myungsoo, I'm sorry for not being able to protect you. 

Me and Sungjong broke up soon after, and on the day of your funeral, I remembered what you said.

"What is love, Sunggyu hyung?" you asked. What is love, Sungyeol? I asked myself. 

When I think back, the reason why you claimed that I no longer love you was that my life seemed normal after our breakup. Looking back at Sungjong, he seemed normal, just like how I was. 

"Sungjong...you weren't in love with me...Myungsoo was...." I told myself. In the processing of falling in love with someone who didn't truly love me, I lost someone who loved me. I'm sorry Myungsoo, once again. 

I was kneeling infront of your open coffin in the church. We were to send our last farewells to your dead being before you were buried. 

As I took a last look at your beautiful, pale face, as I threaded my fingers through your soft, black hair, a feeling of dread overcame me. 

I picked up your limp hand. I slipped on a ring I made days before. It was for you, it was for us. Engraved on it wrote , "Myungyeol Forever" . I slipped it on your finger and locked hands with your for the last time. Our hands fitted each other perfectly, like two missing puzzle pieces matching up. 

The next day, your name appeared on the news everywhere. 
"Kim Myungsoo, member of popular Korean Boyband, Infinite, commits suicide."

Remember our 1st anniversary? I brought you to the amusement park, and we took the ferris wheel when the sun was about to set. 

"Promise me that you'll forever love me, ok?" you said. It seems that I broke my promise, Myungsoo. But, I'll make it up to you. 

Now, me, Lee Sungyeol, is standing infront of your grave. I'm crying. Why? Because I betrayed you, Kim Myungsoo. I lied to you, and I broke you. I'm sorry. 

But now, what I'm gonna do...we can be together again, in Paradise. We can meet each other again, we can start anew, we can be happy again. 

Kim Myungsoo, please forgive me. We shall meet in Paradise, again. 

 

click. 

This is a tale of Kim Myungsoo and Lee Sungyeol, two star-crossed lovers.


Kim Myungsoo, 1992 - 2012

Lee Sungyeol, 1991 - 2012