4.1

IMAGINATION

“Maybe this will be the night that we kiss for the first time.

Or is it just me and my imagination?”

Shawn Mendes – Imagination

During the years of Wheein’s absence, Byulyi had always spent most of her earlier days trying to picture Wheein in her mind. Her dimples came first, then her twinkling eyes, and then Byulyi would imagine how Wheein would grow up to be. She was so persistent in creating her own scenarios – how would Wheein score in Math? Did she like singing? What color would she choose first in a set of Crayola? – that Byulyi had her own definition of Wheein, various at it even. When Byulyi was stuck with a Math problem, she would think how Wheein would probably solve it easily. When Byulyi fell down during a 100 m sprint and her knee was scraped so bad, she bit down her lip and held her tears, thinking that Wheein wouldn’t cry over such insignificant scratch. For the years of Wheein’s absence, she would still fill Byulyi’s days, neatly kept at the back of Byulyi’s mind.

It lasted until middle school. When high school started, Byulyi being accepted in one of nation’s top high schools, her days of outlining the possibility of Wheein gradually turned into days of reviewing Biology lessons and working on endless Physics exercises. She still dreamt of Wheein, sure, but just like how dreams were, it became less real. She slowly forgot the details. Forgot what her favorite ice cream flavor was. Forgot the rhythm of her laughter. Forgot whether those things were real or a fragment of her own fantasies.

What she remembered was a pair of dimples and twinkling eyes.

Now that Wheein was real, sitting right beside her chewing on the edge of her pencil, Byulyi wasn’t sure what she ought to do next.

That’s the thing about reaching your dream. It was as if like your journey ended there.

“…-Yi!”

“…Byulyi!”

“Moon Byulyi!”

Byulyi’s train of thoughts was cut by the sudden authoritative voice. She immediately looked up to meet with the stern gaze of her professor.

“Would you generously tell the class what you’ve been daydreaming about, or tell us the answer to question number 5?”

Byulyi shifted her gaze toward the projector screen and read the question she was being asked. It was a new material they had just learned today and Byulyi didn’t pay a second of attention. Despite her intelligence, she couldn’t possibly know an answer for a question she didn’t know a single thing about.

“I don’t know, professor,” she mumbled truthfully.

This got a raise of eyebrows not only from the lecturer, but also from Wheein. Byulyi could see it from the corner of her eyes.

“Well then, now that you acknowledge you don’t know, why don’t you pay more attention to the class?”

Byulyi mumbled a “yes” and focused her attention to the screen. But a few minutes later, Wheein passed her a paper boat folded from her ripped text book page and the next thing Byulyi knew, she had ripped her own notebook and made a paper boat on her own, matching to Wheein’s.

They stifled their giggles, unaware of a blatant glare from Yongsun.

4.2

BAD

“She said I’m looking like a bad man, smooth criminal

She said my spirit doesn’t move like it did before.”

Matt Maeson - Cringe

On days when Wheein was absent, Byulyi grew extremely bored at class. Sometimes, she would skip classes with Wheein, only if Wheein informed her about her plan. But most of the days, Wheein would just not show up and when Byulyi asked Namjoo or Hyejin – that, if any of them was present – they would just shrug and give her a look of “you know her.”

And indeed, Byulyi did. She knew how unexpected Wheein was. How she thought that even a mind reader would be confused of how Wheein’s mind worked.

That day was the third day of Wheein’s absence in a week, so Byulyi, walking to the canteen alone, found her seat right before Yongsun and heaved a complaining sigh.

“Wheein doesn’t come today,” Byulyi whined, cheek pressed against the wooden surface of the table. Yongsun was silent, keeping her gaze straight at her plate of tteokbokki, busy chewing.

“Should I come to her house today? But I just visited her three days ago- Am I overreacting?” Byulyi kept her cheek pressed on the table.

“Oy, Kim Yongsun! Why are you ignoring me?” Byulyi whined again.

At that, Yongsun slammed down her chopsticks to the table. What startled Byulyi wasn’t the sound – because the chopsticks barely made any startling sound – but the irritated expression, clear on Yongsun’s face.

“Ignoring you? Oh, you must be kidding me! Who is ignoring whom, now?!”

Yongsun’s voice was a pitch higher – and note that Yongsun’s voice was already high as it was. A couple of eyes curiously peeked at the scene and Byulyi flinched.

“What’s the matter with you?” Byulyi asked in a hushed tone, trying to get Yongsun to calm down. On the contrary, it seemed to anger Yongsun even more.

“Where were you last Saturday?”

To say that Byulyi was confused was an understatement. What’s with Yongsun today? Was she on her period? She wasn’t usually this agitated even on her worse periods.

“Uh… At Wheein’s place? Like I said, three days ago I-“

“SEE?!!”

Yongsun’s voice was now one and a half octaves higher and they definitely got the attention of half of the cafeteria now. Byulyi was at least relieved it wasn’t too crowded that day.

“I don’t exactly get what kind of relationship you are in with that art major girl but whatever it is, it changes you, and not for the better.” Yongsun stated, very unnaturally calmly.

Byulyi raised her eyebrows.

“What do you mean?”

She couldn’t hide the unpleasant tone in her voice. She despised it so much how people judged Wheein without giving a chance of knowing her. Out of everyone in her campus, she expected Yongsun the least to say this right in front of her face.

“I’m clear with what I mean. You skip your classes, and when you’re not, you don’t pay attention. You even smoke! You become—“

“Just like her?” Byulyi finished coldly.

To be vulnerably honest, she wouldn’t mind becoming like Wheein. For her, Wheein was a brilliance. A state of a beautiful mind and a concept of a wonderful art. She thought it would be a compliment, but she knew Yongsun didn’t mean it that way.

“She’s not good for you,” Yongsun said conclusively.

This boiled something in Byulyi and it was so explosive and powerful that it almost startled Byulyi.

“You don’t know her.”

“You don’t know her at all and you’re just jealous I spend more time with her than with you.”

Yongsun scoffed at this. Her favorite tteokbokki had long been forgotten.

“I was just warning you, Moon Byulyi. She’s not good for you,” Yongsun’s voice was nearly shaking, her best effort trying to calm down.

“Oh and you feel you’re better? I’m sorry that I enjoy her companion much more than yours then!” Byulyi spat. That was half true, but Byulyi was already so pissed off. It didn’t mean that she didn’t enjoy Yongsun’s companion. She did. Of course, she did. Yongsun was her first friend in Jeonju and she had helped her a lot. It was just Wheein was way too different to be compared to anyone. She felt things she never did before when she was with Wheein. She felt more alive and for this, she absolutely didn’t like it when someone said Wheein was not good for her.

Byulyi realized what she said was hurtful. It tasted bitter in but she had no intention of taking it back. Not until Yongsun took hers back. So, when Yongsun stood up and walked out from the cafeteria, Byulyi did nothing to stop her. Not even when she noticed a hint of tears in Yongsun’s eyes.

4.3

CLEAN APART

“You know I’ll take my heart clean apart

If it helps yours beat”

Sleeping At Last – Atlas: Two

Byulyi was familiar with the law of sacrifice. For the largest benefit, an equally largest cost was needed. She sacrificed her youth of fun and games for her academic performance. Sacrifice a slice of pride in her family when she confessed she would quit Yale and moved to Jeonju. Sacrifice her friendship with Yongsun to defend Wheein.

Sacrifice her usual weekend routine of reading books to be able to spend it at Wheein’s place.

Byulyi was lying down on Wheein’s couch, with Wheein lying on the other end and their legs were tangled in the middle. They were sharing a cigarette and Byulyi tried to remember since when the taste of tobacco no longer tasted unfamiliar in .

“Yongsun is mad at me,” Byulyi mumbled absent-mindedly, in the middle of their fifth stick and Muse’s song playing at the distant – probably Wheein’s rocker-wannabe neighbor.

“Why?” Wheein asked, a tone of half-bored and half-amused could be heard in her voice.

“I don’t know,” Byulyi sighed out a thick white smoke.

“Maybe she’s just jealous.”

This got Wheein’s attention. She sat up, leaned her side against the couch as she stared at Byulyi.

“Jealous?”

Byulyi shifted her position as well, sitting legs-crossed facing Wheein.

“Yeah. Jealous of you, perhaps.”

Wheein giggled.

“Why would she be jealous of me?”

Byulyi didn’t know why, but suddenly the entire conversation made her want to blush. She was suddenly aware – too aware – of Wheein’s close proximity, her knee brushing against hers and the reflection of her own in Wheein’s eyes.

“I don’t know… She said silly things about you,” Byulyi was reluctant to explain more, but Wheein was looking at her with more amusement than ever.

“Such as?”

Byulyi heaved a sigh, crushing the rest of the cigarette stick.

“She said you’re a bad influence to me.”

Wheein blinked. Once. Twice. Then she burst into a fit of giggles.

Byulyi watched intently, her eyes went soft as they found an eyelash on Wheein’s cheek, the line of her jaw, the softness of a strand of hair that brushed against her ear. When Wheein stopped giggling, she took another cigarette stick and lit it up, taking a deep inhale of it before blowing out the smoke right in front of Byulyi’s face. Byulyi frowned because the white smoke distracted her view of Wheein.

“Do you think I’m a bad influence, Byulyi?”

Byulyi waited until the last string of smoke cleared from her view before answering.

“Maybe,” she said, in a surprising paradox of certainty in her tone.

“But I don’t care.”

Wheein giggled again, her left palm was pressed against Byulyi’s cheek, delicate fingers brushing against the surface. She inhaled her cigarette again but this time, instead of blowing the smoke in front of Byulyi’s face, she leaned in and breathed it out right into Byulyi’s mouth.

It took Byulyi a flustering few seconds before she coughed; smoke filling before she realized Wheein just kissed her.

The second time she realized, Wheein’s soft lips was already on hers.

P.S. Terribly sorry for the horribly late update. I'm actually taking a sort of hiatus right now because university and work are just craaaaaaaaaaaaazy @_____@