Junhee is carrying a baby after two years of their marriage but the thing is, her husband hates children.

“They’re always in a need of attention.”

“They can be very handful.”

“They’re so noisy.”

That’s what her husband has said.

So she makes a choice.

She will abort the baby without her husband’s knowledge.

“Mrs Wu?”

Junhee stares up through her wet lashes. It’s the doctor’s personal assistant. Pain shoots through her whole being. It hurts. The pain is so unbearable. It hurts so much until she cries her eyes out right there. Her sobs fill the silent clinic. “It’s okay,” The doctor’s PA says, “It’ll be alright.” Being comforted makes her feel more terrible as ever. Junhee stands up abruptly, holding her handbag weakly as she struggles not to cry even more.

The doctor’s PA gives her a few more comforting words as they head to the segregated room. Junhee hasn’t even stepped into the room yet as she stops after she spots a bed. The doctor’s PA is understanding as she lets the silent woman have her time. Junhee keeps staring at the bed. Her face goes all pale when she sees a medium-sized bowl beside the bed, resting on the trolley.

The bowl is white. Few minutes later, it will be splattered in red. Her unborn child will be there. Junhee feels bile in . She swings a hand around the PA’s arm for support and her other hand automatically coating her whole mouth, small whimpers escaping the little gap between her trembling lips. “It’s okay, it’s alright,” The other lady coos while patting lightly on her shoulder.

Junhee takes a while to compose herself because no, it’s not okay and it’s not alright. She breathes heavily, tears flowing out from her eyes without any resistance. “I-I’m okay now,” She mumbles, hoping the PA hears it. “You can have your time, Mrs Wu.” Another wave of tears hit her as soon as she hears the title but she holds it in. She must do this. She will do this. She has to do this.

“Let’s do it.”

Just as she takes a step inside, long fingers are wrapped tight around her right wrist, stopping her from entering the surgery room. Junhee looks behind her. Her breaths get stuck in for a second by the sight. There’s her husband, his dark blue button-up drenched in sweat, panting, looking straight into her eyes with an uncertain gaze, still holding onto her. “Junhee,” Yifan puffs out within his pants, “You didn’t even tell me.”

Junhee doesn’t even fight back when her husband pulls her close in front of him, maintaining a good distance between them. Acknowledging the tense situation, the PA excuses herself politely. “You’re pregnant.” Her husband’s tone isn’t disappointed and isn’t in rage either. It honestly surprises her but she can’t bring herself to utter a reply. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Yifan’s voice is sad which goes unnoticed.

When Junhee still doesn’t reply, Yifan forces his wife to face him and once their eyes meet, Junhee bursts out crying, “Because you hate kids!” Yifan blinks twice. He unknowingly becomes mute by his wife’s statement. Junhee sniffles harshly, tears dropping to the floor, gazing sharply towards her husband’s eyes with pain and guilt all mixed together. Yifan keeps staring at her wordlessly.

Junhee frees her wrist from Yifan’s hold, still looking sharply towards his way, “You hate kids. You never even showed any signs of wanting kids so that’s why I had no choice but to—” “How far are you?” The sudden cut-off catches her off guard. Nevertheless, she replies, voice almost inaudible, “When you came home drunk from Kevin oppa’s party…” Yifan’s eyes go wide in surprise, “One month? The baby is one month old?”

Junhee snaps, not understanding why her husband is suddenly acting like this, “Why do you care?! Why do you care about it now? Haven’t you said having children are a handful? By doing this, won’t you be happy? By doing this, you can always come home drunk. I don’t have to think about the baby’s safety if you’re drunk. I was so happy when I found out that I was pregnant but then I remembered you hate kids… I…”

Yifan tries to gather his wife but she gives him nonstop punches on his chest, crying, “How can I not think that you don’t want to have children with me when you don’t even take care of me… You always come home late… Always get drunk… Always… I can’t even tell you to change because I don’t want to be a controlling wife… I just want you to be happy… But right now, I feel like I’m doing something so awful…”

Without him knowing, water begins to pool in Yifan’s eyes. She’s right. She’s definitely right. It’s his fault. Not Junhee’s. Junhee was never wrong. It’s all his fault. Yifan hugs his wife despite her protests. He hugs her tight, not wanting to let go of her. Yes, he has said that children are a handful. He has said that children are always in a need of attention. He has said that children are noisy. But he never said that he hated kids. He never ever said that.

He only wants to know Junhee’s feelings about having kids.

They have been married for two years and none talk about having children. He wants to talk about it but he doesn’t know how and where to start. He was scared that he might pressure Junhee. They have done with protection before but last month… He came home drunk. That can only mean one thing. He might have forced Junhee against her own will. “I’m so sorry,” Yifan mumbles against her hair.

“Let me go, let me go, let me go!”

Yifan isn’t listening. He traps his wife in his embrace, feeling happy that his wife is pregnant yet feeling sad because he had unknowingly forced her. “I’m such a bad husband for you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please, forgive me…” His wife only sobs into his chest, gripping tight onto his shirt. Yifan then makes a decision. He knows it’s best for both of them. Besides, he has a lot to make it up for his wife.

“Junhee, I— I want us to raise the baby together,” He distances himself a little to peer down to have a look at his wife’s face. His eyes meet with surprised ones. “You… You what… ?” Junhee’s face is priceless, pale and shocked. Yifan smiles, eyes a little teary, cheeks surprisingly turning slightly pink. Junhee is speechless by the sight. “I want us to raise the baby together.” Yifan doesn’t expect her to faint in his arms. He looks around in panic, shouting, “Doctor!”

///

Yifan holds his wife’s small hand as he keeps staring at her, hoping she will open her eyes soon. The doctor from the clinic called an ambulance and now here they are in the nearest hospital. Yifan wanted his wife to be in a high-class ward. He doesn’t care about the fees. He just wants his wife to open her eyes right now. They need to talk. Ever since their marriage, they have been having less communication.

Yifan realizes his mistake. He will always stay up late in his office, not replying to her messages and not even calling his wife at home who have probably waited for him. Sometimes, he will always come home late from his friends’ parties, sometimes sober and sometimes drunk. Yifan swears he will never attend to any parties again after this. He will make sure not to procrastinate his work either. He wants to change.

He’s willing to change for Junhee.

The doctor said there’s nothing serious about her. Even so, Yifan is still nervous. There’s a living thing in his wife’s body. It’s their baby. Their first-ever baby. He’s dead nervous if anything happens to their baby. He makes a mental note to tell the news to their parents. Yifan forgets everything when he feels Junhee’s fingers fidgeting. “Junhee?” He stands up, leaning close to her face, brushing her long bangs away from her eyes.

It makes his heart flutter just by his own actions. It’s been too long since he last felt this feeling. He likes it. Yifan smiles widely when his wife flutters her eyes open, “Hey.” His wife avoids looking at him as she tries to sit. Yifan nurses her, propping a pillow behind her back, face returning to solemn. “I’m sorry,” He apologizes with pure sincerity, gazing into those glassy orbs with untold emotions. Junhee only cries. She cries and cries.

“I was so happy when we did it without protection,” Junhee starts as she sobs. A few tears actually slip out from Yifan’s eyes at that, blaming himself for not having the intention to talk about having kids with his wife sooner. Or else he wouldn’t have to see Junhee crying in front of him right now. He holds her hand tightly, letting her say her piece. Besides, they really need to talk.

“I was so happy but you— You were drunk that night and I didn’t know what to do… I-I hope that you at least remember what you did…”

“I-I’m so sorry,” Yifan sniffles, rubbing the back of his hand on his cheeks to wipe his tears away before he smiles forcefully, “What I did was totally unforgivable. I’ll make it up to you. Just please, do-don’t abort the baby.” Junhee stays silent, squeezing Yifan’s hand as she cries silently, wanting to stay calm even though she’s happy inside. Then, she stares at him, eyes hopeful, voice weak, “Can I trust you…?”

Yifan’s breaths almost shudder by the question. How can he let someone pure ask this kind of question? The guilt almost chokes him but he strongly nods, “I will do my ultimate best.” Junhee then looks away. Yifan isn’t sure if it’s good or bad so he tries questioning, “Let’s raise the baby together… ?” His wife immediately looks at him, eyes filled with insecurity. Yifan bravely sits next to her on the bed, cradling her head before gently caressing her hair.

Junhee can’t stop crying. She cries and cries into Yifan’s chest, gripping onto his shirt as her life depends on it. She longed so much for this kind of moment. They used to be like this but ever since her husband received a higher post at the office, everything disappeared. Her husband changed. Her lifestyle changed. Everything changed. It wasn’t the same anymore.

But Junhee has a feeling that everything will go well after this.

“Hey.”

She peers up to meet with a smiling Yifan. She somehow blushes, feeling her cheeks becoming slightly warm by the loving gaze. “I’m really sorry…” Yifan brushes through her hair with his fingers behind her ear, sending goosebumps (she secretly loves it). Their foreheads touch despite how close they are sitting next to each other, both gazing into each other’s eyes mindlessly. Junhee closes her eyes first, her heart racing when she feels her husba