It was close to nine. At this hour, it was normally spent video calling him. I'd always feel excited and eager to talk to him. Or rather, just seeing him. But it felt different today. Really different. I dreaded to grab my laptop and call him. I didn't want to do what I planned to do but deep down I knew it had to be today.
Beep beep...
It rang a little longer than usual. Odd. 

"Hey, baby." He answered. He had his usual adorable smile stuck on his face and chest lying on the bed. This was gonna be hard.

"Hey. I see you dyed your hair pink."

"Heh, yeah. Isn't it cute?" 

"It is." He grinned a little and went to a straight face. This foreign atmosphere made me feel more guilty. A heavy silence fell between us before he spoke.

"Hyunwoo-ah, something's not right." My heart sped up as I heard him. 

"Tell me what's wrong. I mean that's what couples do right? Not keeping secrets and all." He knew and he smiled. It was a smile that showed he knew the truth. And the way he's indirectly telling me he knows, hurts. 

"Today was supposed to be fine. Supposed to be the hour I looked forward to. I had a really ing bad day, Hyunwoo. Why...why did I have to find out like this?" I could see him slowly cripple. I felt horrible but it was my fault I deserved this. I couldn't say a word. Nothing could help me right now. My mouth was clammed shut. I figured he didn't like that.

"ing say something." I could almost hear a deep growl in his voice. Something he never does unless he got really mad. And it threatened me. I had to say something.

"Kihyun, I'm sorry. I know this apology doesn't help at all. I just don't know what to say right now." He scoffed softly and gently rubbed his eyes. Even with such a simple action, it made me realize that he already had reddened eyes. 

"You know what to say. You just don't want to. You know exactly what you wanted to do when you called me. It's just that you couldn't bear seeing me broken," Kihyun said. It was true. All of it. He heaved a sigh before continuing, "look, just say it. I know what you did already. Just say it."
I was supposed to be prepared for this. I wasn't. 

"K-kihyun, l-let's break u-up."

"Okay." 

After a long silence, Kihyun got up and was about to end the call. 

"How'd you know?" I asked immediately. He stared at the screen for a while before flopping back onto the bed.

"I knew all along, Hyunwoo. Remember our first anniversary of being together? When you came home drunk? I saw the lipstick stain on your neck and clothes. I honestly doubted you'd do that and I never questioned you. But it kept happening until I flew here, the USA to further my studies. I trusted you and swore to myself that you're not that kind of person. I realized our relationship started changing when our conversations and video calls became more and more... empty. Yes, I was still excited to talk to you but my heart was always filled with hope that my instincts were wrong. Changkyun was the one who told me you were with a girl when I was studying my off here. Don't blame him though. He was just curious why you brought a girl to our favourite cafe. He cared and worried for me. Hyunwoo, do you even know how much I loved you? Do you know how many nights I cried myself to sleep knowing you were having fun with a woman?! Do you even know how tired I am?! How the could you cheat on me like that?! What did I do wrong?!" Kihyun covered his face with his hands as he cried. This was all my fault.

"You didn't do anything wrong. I'm sorry, Kihyun. I really am."

"To think I could have spent my last few weeks with you."

That sentence shocked me. What was he hiding from me?

"W-what do you m-mean last few w-weeks?"

He smiled as his tears streamed down his face. 

"I'm dying, Hyunwoo. Cancer stage four."

No. This couldn't be. I couldn't believe this. More like I didn't want to. I broke this man's heart and this would most likely be the last day I would ever see him. I was speechless. He looked at me with his genuine loving look on his face and took a deep breath.

"Thanks for everything, Hyunwoo. I'm glad that I was part of this journey on figuring out who you're attracted to. I'm happy that I was your test run. Despite having so much toxicity in our relationship, I'm glad I could see you try and love me with all your heart, I assume. If you're ever wondering whether I loved you, I did." I couldn't look at him in the eye. My heart was filled with guilt to the brim. Kihyun paused and continued. 

"I've already forgave you a long time ago. Today, I just wasn't prepared feeling...so much. I hope you and the girl are happy together. I wish both of you all the best in the future. I want to tell you to forget me but I hope you don't. Remember that I have and will always love you. Bye." With that said the call ended. I stared at the screen for a couple of minutes still not processing what had happened. Later, I found myself on the bed, shedding so many tears.

- 2 months later -

"This isn't working out," 

"What do you mean? You're giving up just like that? Because of you, I dropped everything I had for you. Even the one I loved the most. Don't you think I deserve at least an explanation?"

"Can't you just respect my decision?" 

She, my now ex-girlfriend, hung up the phone right after that. With frustration wrapped around my head, I sped to the nearest bar to try and drink the pain away. It started of easy. The drinks I swallowed down my throat were smooth but slowly my vision blurred and I wasn't thinking straight anymore. Suddenly, my heart told me that I only wanted to hear one voice, which was Kihyun's. Only his. Absentmindedly, I reached for my phone and dialed his number. The number I remembered by heart. However, he doesn't pick up. 

"Please leave a message after the beep."

I swear it's been the 100th time I heared my phone say. Before slamming my phone on the counter, I remembered I could still contact Changkyun. And so I did. It wasn't long until he picked up.

"Hey-"

"Where's Kihyun? He didn't pick up my calls." A long silence goes by before I hear Changkyun sigh.

"Didn't you know? He's dead."

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a/n

whoever's reading this haha thanks for reading. it's my first fic so i hope you didn't expect a lot. i'm sorry for any mistakes hahahhahaha. tell me if you liked it <3