letting you go. it only gets better with time.

i’ll be fine, i’ll be fine

i occasionally hear about you from my mother.

i’ll be fine, just like you.

Youngmin and Donghyun at the age of 19

Donghyun takes the large bags of groceries from his mother and walks by her side as she smiles fondly at him. With cheeks flushed red, he stutters and struggles to ask the one question he wanted to ask for the longest time (only a week actually).

"Uhm.. Mom?" he calls out. His mother hums, prompting for him to reply, only to get the worst answer anyone could get.

"Nothing." He sighs.

"Mom?" He calls out again and the cycle repeats, earning a groan from his mother.

"Kim Donghyun. Tell me." His mother firmly asserts, as she hated to be kept in suspense.

"How... How is... How is Youngmin?" He finally breathes out, still embarrassed when asking that. His mother laughs lightly and patted his head. "He's doing well. Why? Do you miss him?"

"N-No! Why would I?! I was just curious!" Donghyun violently rejects. his mother chuckles, obviously not convinced by Donghyun. He is doing fine. He is living well. I’m sure I’m in the process of letting go too. I’ll be fine, just like him.

at first, we were separated, when i thought of me without you,

everyone thought i was being ridiculous.

Youngmin and Donghyun at the age of 16

Their national exam results have been released and what is left is to choose their high school. Donghyun has scored much better than Youngmin, allowing him to have the choice to go to a better school. Youngmin who did not do as well had no choice but to choose only a few schools within his range. Thinking about how he could not bear to separate with Youngmin, Donghyun thinks about following Youngmin.

"Dad? Can I go to the same school as Youngmin? Please?" He asked earnestly, only to get a scolding in return.

"Have you gone mad? You have better results, so obviously you have to go to the better school. You are not going to the same school as him, not a word more from you, Kim Donghyun." His father strictly says, shutting him down before he can do anything further.

now, my heart doesn’t clench as much anymore.

i don't have bad dreams of not being able to catch you.

i think i'm used to it now, yeah, i think i am fine.

Youngmin and Donghyun at the age of 19

Donghyun woke up immediately, his forehead damp with sweat. He dreamt of him again. Youngmin was right in front of him, but Donghyun could not catch him. Again. Always.

Donghyun did not understand why but in his dreams, even if Youngmin was in front of him, he did not acknowledge Donghyun's shouts for him.

His heart would clench painfully in the past, but it doesn't hurt as much anymore. Donghyun wonders if he has been desensitized by the feelings by now.

in my memories, we were so happy.

walking side by side with you on your bike and me by your side, our mothers a meter or two in front,

a comforting silence and yet a moment of loud lub-dubs from our hearts.

i think i now know why so many people were jealous,

we were so pretty.

Youngmin and Donghyun at the age of 16

Donghyun and Youngmin had just finished their class. They attended the same hagwon for science and classes usually ended late. since their families were on good terms, their mothers came to get them together while chatting. For some reason, Youngmin did not speed off to no-one-knows-where and instead rode on the bike very slowly while keeping the same pace as Donghyun.

Their mothers were a meter or two in front of them by now and the two boys did not talk to each other, only sharing silence between them, although they could hear the obvious fast heartbeats they had.

your eyes looking at me. long lashes visible when you blink. your teasing smile.

they still won't leave me.

look away, don't come, go away, don't torture me.

Youngmin and Donghyun at the age of 16

Donghyun hated insects with a pure passion. He hated spiders and earthworms the most, he thought they were the worse creatures to have ever lived on earth. Not for Youngmin though.

Youngmin found a new friend who is an insect enthusiast and right before hagwon, he would go to find insects with his friend. Knowing that Donghyun hated insects with a dying passion, he would keep a spider in his tiny little container just to scare Donghyun away. As Youngmin shook the container in front of