The New Heart

He weeps. He sobs in sorrow. One hand clenching the shirt on his chest above the part where heart were place, while another one close the mouth to muffle the howl. The stream of tears never failed to form, running continuous across his cheeks. He tightens the grip on the thick fabric, almost pierce to his skin. He interminably moaned in agony, questioning himself. The pain is unbearable, but he does not know the reason for it. He does not know why he is so sad. He does not know why he keep feels the sorrow like that. He curled up his body, turned his face to the bed sheet and the howl then muffled in to it.

And this unreasonable pain over his heart was the first thing he felt when he finally woke up from a very long sleep. 

“What’s wrong with me?” He could feel something within him breaking, almost like a glass pierced and shattered by a bullet.While the tears fall is never ending. “Why do I have to be in such profound sorrow?” he continued devastating, biting his lips hard that almost leave some blood mark behind.

There’s a rush sound of footsteps towards the door before it was open from the outside. Once it opened, all he could see were blurred shapes in a landscape of white at first. Then the shapes sharpened into his brothers. The newcomers immediately stood at either side of his bed, their faces shadowed by the backlit of ceiling lights.

“Thank god, Hyungie. You’re awake.” The smaller one’s hand found his on the blanket. “What’s wrong, hyung? Are you in pain?” the soft voice then inquired in panic mode at the sight of the painful figure on bed. And the small hand tries to grasp his; the one that clenching the painful heart.

What’s wrong with me? His voice scratched against the throat like dry sand when he tried to speak. “Who…” He paused, suddenly lost. And he tried again. “Who’s…” tears still filled his eyes. An ache drilled into his heart again as he ransacked his memory for something, anything, that could be the reason for this pain. But there were none. This painful heartbroken does not belong to him. He clutched onto his brother’s hand in desperation.

“It’s okay now, hyung. You’re saved.” His brother murmured, pulling him into his arms.

“Who is he?”  He asked, looking up at his brother.

“Who is it?” His other brother answered with another question that confused him. “There are only us here.”

The smaller one nodded, “Only me and Kyuhyun here.” He added.

“But there’s someone.” He looked at the door. He released the gripped off the small hand, intended to get off the bed. But his other brother, Kyuhyun immediately stops him. “Let me find him.”

“There’s no one, hyung.” the small man murmured, pulling him into his arms again.

“There must be someone.” He shouted, sobbing against his shoulder. “Please, Ryeowook. Let me meet him.”

“But who? Tell us, we’ll find him for you.”

He just continued sobbing, a little angry with himself. Because he himself does not know who ‘he’ is. It just his heart that longing for ‘he’. And that longing felt so unbearable that he just blurt out without any second thought.

“Kyuhyun, quick call the doctor.” The smaller one ordered. He’s in muddle as the older doesn’t give any sign that he would become calm anytime soon as he still desperately clung over to his small figure. His body trembled hard. The younger one nodded, and then hurriedly walks out to execute the order.

When he finally had expended all his energy and his sobs had subsided, Ryeowook settled him bank into bed. At the exact moment, Kyuhyun walk in with someone else in tailed, the doctor and his nurse. He just stared out of the window to collect back his composure as they checked his condition.

They told him that ‘he’ didn’t exist. Even he himself doesn’t know either ‘he’ exist or not. Perhaps, ‘he’ was just the tail-end of a long dream that he had yet not fully woken up from.

Still he just cannot accept it. Because even though his mind doesn’t have any information about ‘he’, but his heart has. And it was longing for ‘him’ so much, for it to be so sorrowful.

And again he felt into a deep slumber back, without ‘he’ in the memories.

“What is it, doctor? Why he become like that?” Ryeowook asked the doctor desperately. “You said the surgery will be success. You said that they are compatible with each other. But why he became like that. Why he was in so much pain? He should not….” Kyuhyun suddenly grasp the small man’s hand; hold it securely in his big one. Instantly, he stopped talking to look up at the younger. He frowned a bit and Kyuhyun offered an assure smile.

“Let’s listen to the doctor first, okay.” Kyuhyun said, trying to ease down his fidgety.  At time like this, he should be the calmness to Ryeowook’s muddle.

“His physical condition and chart shown that everything is just fine. The surgery was a success and he still showed no signs of the body rejecting the organ. So, he should be fine.”

“Then why he became like that?” 

“I’m sorry, we’re still unsure about what’s happened and why? But you should not be worry, because everything is fine and for that we will monitor him continuously and will inform you if anything occurs.”

They both nodded, eyes dimmed. “Is there’re still any chance for the rejection to happen to him?” Kyuhyun asked.

“Yes, there’s possibility for the rejection to happen. Rejection occurs when immune cells recognize the transplanted heart as different from the rest of the body and will attempt to destroy it. That’s why Eunhyuk-ssi still needs to receive the immunosuppressant continuously; this drug will suppress the immune system from destroying the donor heart.”

“Is there any other consequence?” Ryeowook asked, throat already dry from panic earlier.

“What we should fear now is for an infection. Even his body doesn’t reject the new heart, infection can still happen. Too much of immunosuppression can cause the immune system to become sluggish and develop severe infection. Therefore he should only take the prescrib