Marawi, August 22nd

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
This was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Silence can be calming yet it can also be so frightening, especially if the silence comes not long after loud bomb blasts.

A nerve-wrecking silence. Maybe ‘a calm before storm’. The sun has just set on the sky of Marawi. The sound of shots being fired and bomb being dropped, along with a screaming and shouting of women, men, and children, have just gone. But everyone in this city knows that this silence doesn’t always mean safe. Bomb can just be dropped somewhere at unexpected time.

Siwon walks out of the school building that has been used as shelter and emergency clinic these last few weeks. The houses surrounding the schools are dark and look empty. Well, many of the residents must have left this place days ago, not long after the Islamist militant started the attack and overran the town.

Siwon sat on a swing in a small school yard. The guy moves the swing back and forth. He looks at the sky above him. It looks so dark, as dark as the situation in this city. This town used to be so bright with the laughter of the citizens. Now, it turns into a gloomy place where cries and screams can be heard in every part of the city.

This is not the first time for Siwon to leave his country. He has been moving around that much that sometimes he lost count of the places he’s ever visited. It is not also the first time for Siwon to volunteer himself in a conflict area.

But this is the first time for Siwon to feel like there is something not right about his trip. Something is missing. Siwon loves traveling. He enjoys visiting new places, meeting new friends, learning new cultures, and involving in an adventure. Traveling was once a fun thing to do but now it feels so wrong. He, now, loses the purpose of this trip.

Siwon lets a loud sigh. It’s August now. It is a special month for him and Yesung but where is he right now? Right in the middle of chaois. Siwon missed their wedding anniversary. No romantic dinner with Yesung and their parents. No walking around the Han river while talking some trivial stuffs with his husband. And no sweet make love session later in the evening in their bedroom.

Siwon missed their anniversary.

After his big fight with Yesung, right on their anniversary, Siwon didn’t have a gut to call the said guy again. Siwon is being too afraid to call his lover. He is just afraid if Yesung does not answer his call anymore and the said guy has left him for good. He is so afraid that Yesung has given up on him and their relationship.

Siwon stands and walks passing the school fence. He walks aimlessly around the dark and quiet neighborhood. Tears start streaming down his cheeks as his last conversation with Yesung comes to his mind, again.

Yesung was right. What is it that he is seeking from this trip?

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky, I know
But I wanna go home

Siwon takes out his phone from his pants and opens the gallery folder. His eyes start scanning the pictures in his gallery, trying to spot every picture with Yesung in it, among his trip pictures. As if he has lost his power, Siwon’s body slides on the cold road. His hand is still holding his phone which, right now, is displaying the very picture taken on their wedding anniversary a year ago.

Siwon’s shoulders shake vigorously and he couldn’t hold his cry anymore. Siwon has just realized how much he misses Yesung. He misses the petite guy’s smile and how his eyes will turn into cresent whenever he smiles or laugh. He misses how Yesung pouts when he is upset. Gosh, he misses everything about Yesung.

“Siwon! Are you okay?” A worried sound can be heard from behind Siwon. The muscular guy turns his head and spots a tall girl running towards him.

“Siwon, what’s wrong?” asked the girl again. Her hands are on both of Siwon’s shoulders. “Are you sick? Please say something!”

“I wanna go home,” answered Siwon finally, with a soft voice.

“You wanna go home?” said the girl confused.

“I miss Yesung but I’m really afraid if I’m already too late to come back,” cried Siwon. He doesn’t care even if he turns into such a pathetic guy in front of a person he has just known. “Gosh, I don’t know I can miss him this bad. I need to see him, I wanna see him, Charlotte.” The girl named Charlotte circles her arms around Siwon. She pats his back just like a mother calms her son.

Siwon met Charlotte as they work together in the shelter. The girl works with Doctors Beyond Borders who was sent to help injured citizens while Siwon simply volunteer himself to work in that place.

Charlotte never met Siwon before the incident, but the older girl has treated Siwon very well since the first time he joined the group. Sometimes, they are talking about their lives back in their own hometown, away from all the chaos and everything.

“You’re very lucky to have Yesung, you know,” commented Charlotte one day.

Yes, Siwon knew that he was so lucky to have such a kind and understanding lover like Yesung. It was not easy to find someone who was as faithful as Yesung. But stupid Siwon for not realizing how much Yesung had sacrificed for their relationship. Not until their big fight few weeks ago.

Maybe the saying is right, “you never know what you have until you lose them.”

And tonight, Siwon is asking himself if it is too late for him to come back to his Yesung.

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

August 23rd

“Are you sure you’re leaving today? I heard the situation is getting worse now that the government has requesting some assistance from the neighbor countries.” Charlotte walks towards Siwon who is currently packing his bag.

The girl looks worried but Siwon smiles. “I have to go home before August 24. I have missed one important day and I won’t miss another one.”

“Okay. I know I can force you to stay here, even for your own safety. I’ll take you to the border of Davao.”

“What? No… No.. You don’t need to.” Siwon knows exactly how dangerous his trip to Davao will be, and he is not going to take another person to this dangerous trip.

“I insist, Choi Siwon. I have to make sure myself that you arrive in Davao safely so that you can return to your husband in piece.”

Siwon sighs in defeat and he lets Charlotte guides their steps to the front yard. A car has been waiting outside the school building, with a native Filipino behind the steer wheel.

“I find a driver for today’s trip. At least we have someone who knows the shortcut.”

“How long our trip will be?” asked Siwon to driver as soon as the said guy gets into the car.

“Around two hours. Just pray there is no road block on our way,” replied the man whom Siwon guesses is around late 40 or early 50.

“The militants block some road,” explained Charlotte shortly.

Siwon looks at his watch. It’s 10 am in the morning, now. If he can make it to Davao in two hours and he can take a flight to Manila before finally taking flight to Seoul, he will be able to arrive in Seoul before August 24 ends.

No, he has to!

“Don’t worry, you’ll be there on 24,” said Charlotte as if the girl next to her can read his mind.

“Yeah. I hope I can catch the flight on time” replied Siwon.

As they head out of the town, the city looks very quiet – a lot quieter than Siwon can remember. No shops are open, well, it is hard to spot a person or two on the street in the very first place. All residents must have been running out of the city or hiding somewhere that they think are safe.

Sometimes Siwon sees some police officer patrolling around the area. It seems like they are trying to make sure that the militant do not take over the rest of the city. Luckily the car Siwon rides in has UN’s flag on both sides of the car so that they can pass the street without any trouble.

Siwon throws his glance to the clear sky above. There are so many things he has in his mind right now. He is afraid that he cannot catch the flights he booked last night in time. He is afraid that he cannot arrive in time. And on top of it, he is afraid that he won’t find Yesung in their home once he comes back.

The sound of gun fired surprise the three people in the car. The driver stops the car instantly. Few meters in front of them, two police officers come running towards them.

“Turn around!!” commanded one of the officers to the driver.

“Turn around!” He said once again when the driver gets out of the car. “There is an attack around two kilometres from here. We’re trying to fight the rebels! Turn around and find somewhere safe!”

The driver gets into the car and turns the engine on. He drives the car on the direction informed by the officers.

“I’m afraid we can’t reach the border today. That route was the only route accessible by car,” said the driver with regret.

“No… No…,” replied Siwon. “I can’t. I have to reach the border now!”

“I’m sorry, sir.” The driver looks at Siwon through the rear mirror. “The other routes are too small and narrow and too complicated. Car cannot walk through it. Even r