When I think I already forgot everything, they start coming back, one by one like a blunt dagger darts into my heart little by little. It hurts too much and lasts too long that I want it to end quickly unless I would die by feeling painful before losing all my blood.

I realized I was unable to do anything in this state. I should be the one who died 5 years ago instead of them. I will do everything just to ransom my guilt, even if it  requires my life for exchange

https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1275396/unable-jinyoung-criminal-got7-marktuan-jinmark-markjin-mentionofblood-mentionofgun