++

“Yah,”

“Yah, are you awake?”

The first time he came into, his vision was so blurred he could only made up splotches of colors—the pristine white background and the outline of someone’s face with short, black hair.

“… Jisung… hyung?”

He managed to let out after a few moments figuring things out and blinking desperately as his vision started to clear up. In front of him was the face of his cousin, worry etched to his face.

“Yah, you punk. Didn’t you promise to not see me again forever? At least here? Why are you here then?”

He blinked several times more, and everything has cleared up now—the bright white ceiling and walls, the bag of IV drip in the corner of his vision, and Yoon Jisung, the only cousin he personally knew, in his usual, light grey nurse uniform, complete with the hanging name tag on his neck.

“What... what happened, hyung?”

The nurse sighed heavily before plopping down on to the chair beside the bed.

“You collapsed during the soccer game in your campus this evening,”

“So basically they brought you here, and I didn’t even know you got in before I went to Nurse Kim’s station to hit her up only to find your files were brought back up on her list. And I promised the first thing I’d do when you wake up was to scold you.”

He sighed once again, before continuing in a low voice, “what are we going to do with you, Niel-ah…”

He tried to prop himself up against the white-again-bed sheets, promptly receiving help from the latter. It’d be his automatic reaction, considering he had been working here as a nurse for almost five years.

“So… it’s back, then?”

Jisung scooted closer to reach his hands, and from here he could see how Jisung’s eyes were glossy with tears.

“It’s back, yeah, it’s back. I’m not going to sugarcoat it, Niel-ah. It’s back, and way worse than before. Dr. Lee had put your name up on the donor list.”

“But you have to promise me, you’re going to fight like you did last time, and you’re going to get out of here promising me you won’t be back here forever. Like what you did three years ago. Show me you’re still the same Kang Daniel.”

Daniel couldn’t help but chuckle. By the time he was there three years ago, Jisung had been his guardian; the one who was always there, and supported him from the beginning to the end.

“Hyung, is it that bad? That even you said things like that?”

“It is,” Jisung said softly, almost like a whisper, his face turning more and more miserable the more he talks.

Daniel smiled and pulled his hand to put it on top of Jisung’s.

“Don’t worry, hyung, I’m still the same—“

“I’ve told you not to come back!”

A shout and a sound of something clattering to the ground made Daniel and Jisung whipped their heads to the left direction, where the sound came from. The drawn curtains dividing the two beds in the room had blocked their vision, but Jisung promptly got up from his seat and approached the other side.

“Oh, Nurse Yoon, I’m sorry, I’m going to tidy it up—“

“No, no, it’s okay, Mrs. Ong, I’ll tidy it up, don’t worry!”

The shushed conversation made Daniel curious as he climbed down his bed, not forgetting to drag along his IV stand before he drew open the curtains.

A young man, probably the same age as him, was sitting on the bed, absolutely fuming with anger. A middle-aged woman was busy tidying a thrown lunch box on the floor, including the contents in it, along with Jisung. The young man exceptionally resembled the woman, it was no doubt the middle-aged woman was his mother—moreover when Daniel looked at the small name tag above his bed.

“I don’t think it’s nice to do something like that to other people,” Daniel blurted out, making Jisung whipped his head to his direction and Mrs. Ong stopped in her track.

“And I think doing it to your own parents is worse.”

Jisung’s mouth had fallen open and it’s obvious Mrs. Ong had blinked in surprise.

“What do you know?” the young man said, but it was more like a hiss.

“What do you even know?” His voice was so cold and angry, and Jisung dropped whatever he was doing and pushed Daniel back onto his bed, not forgetting to draw the curtains close.

“Yah, what are you doing! It’s your first time meeting him!”

“What? I didn’t do anything wrong, I’m just telling the truth---ouch, Hyung!”

Jisung had ended up slapping his arm, “You really are still the same Kang Daniel,” he added, “the Kang Daniel that always get himself involved in other people’s business.”

++

Kang Daniel was born healthy, just like how his bunches of friends was. He had always been popular in school. He joined the basketball club and the dancing club, gaining himself a flock of girls following him around through break time. He concealed everything with a smile, the smile that everybody loves, and nobody had really known his deep, dark, secrets—other than his only cousin, Yoon Jisung.

Abandoned by his own parents at young age of 9 had carved a trauma inside his head. None of his family had wanted to take him in—until in the end he was thrown away to an orphanage at the countryside. He’d remember Jisung’s sad face at that time. Jisung, 15 years old at that time, had begged his parents to take him in, but they’re obviously struggling enough to take another child into care.

I’ll find you, Jisung had promised at that time, I’m definitely going to find you. Don’t worry.

He was adopted to a young couple a year later—but the couple was too busy to even communicate with each other. That was why he was adopted in the first place, though. His new parents were rich, rich enough to afford a huge mansion and shiny cars, but he’d barely known them. It’s as if they had too much money already they don’t know where to spend it anymore, hence they adopted a child to spend their money on.

Daniel literally spent a lot of money when he was found unconscious on the floor of his bathroom at the age of 18.

That was when they found out he had never had a good heart, but that was also when he found his long-lost cousin Yoon Jisung, working as a nurse in the cardiac department. With the power and money his parents had, he went on a surgery to fix whatever is wrong inside of him—and he left the hospital swearing he’d never have to meet Jisung again as a patient.

But then, he’s back here, in the ever so familiar room he hated to the core, and sharing it with a jackass that couldn’t appreciate the fact he still got a parent that cares about him.

His name is Ong Seongwoo.

++

Daniel jolted awake that day from another clattering sound, this time accompanied with the sound of something breaking and a small shriek obviously coming from a woman.

“How many times do I have to tell you? Don’t come back, don’t show your face in front of me anymore! Just leave me here to die—“

“Yah, why is it so noisy in the morning?”

Daniel couldn’t hold it in anymore and had climbed down his bed to draw the curtains open, again. He witnessed a scene barely different from last time—a thrown lunch box, its contents scattered on the floor, the remnants of a broken glass and the same, crying Mrs. Ong.

“What do you think are you doing?” Daniel said coldly—he’d never been able to take it every time he saw someone disrespecting their own parents—he’d always be reminded of his own maternal parents, and how he’d been abandoned. Shouldn’t they be grateful that they still got their parents alive and walking, and taking care of them?

“What do you think are you doing?” Seongwoo bites back, “Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that question? It’s none of your business, why are you getting involved?”

The anger in Seongwoo’s face was too evident it’d scare people away—but Daniel looked right into his eyes.

“Didn’t I say, you shouldn’t do that to other people? She’s your mother, shouldn’t you be grateful she’s here—“

“You ing know nothing!” Seong Woo had roared, his breaths heavy with anger. “You know nothing about me, you had just arrived here few days ago, why don’t you go lie back down on your bed and shove it up your ?”

Seongwoo had climbed down his bed as well and he was dangerously close to Daniel he could almost see the fire burning in his eyes.

“And you’re no one to tell me around,” Daniel shrugged, “I’m surprised there’s someone that lacks manner this much.”

Seongwoo scoffed, “You must be one of those pathetic people,” he blurted, “Those who went around telling people to appreciate their parents, because they have no one to start with. Because they’re left behind. Alone.”

Daniel didn’t realize his fist has swung itself onto Seongwoo’s face.

++

 “How many times do I have to tell you to stay out of the Ongs business?” Jisung exclaimed as he put ointment onto the bruise on Daniel’s lips.

“It has been going on for months. We’ve been trying to stop his mother from coming, but she’d always begged us to give her more time to try. I really pity her, though.”

“That’s my point---ouch, Hyung!”

“Yah, swallow it up, it’s not my fault you got hurt like this. God, Dr. Lee is going to kill me. This is the first time there are people strong enough to have a fist fight in the cardiac department. Especially that Ong guy.”

“Hmm? Why?”

“Almost the same case as you,” Jisung paused, “diagnosed at 15, got a transplant, went out of here and was working his way up to be a singer, they said. That kid has been training for almost five years. They said he dropped everything to be a singer and was ready to debut when three months ago he was sent back here. Apparently his new heart had been failing, again, and Dr. Lee got his name up for a second transplant. Honestly speaking, his chances are a bit low so Dr. Lee has no other choice but to confine him.”

“He was in the middle of recording his debut album, they said, and the company waited for him for two months, but his condition isn’t showing any improvement. Long story short, I didn’t know what happened in the middle, but his company cancelled his album and cut down his contract.”

Daniel was left gaped. “Well—that’s—that’s depressing.”

“Indeed,” Jisung continued, “He fell into depression, and went around blaming his mother. He doesn’t have a father, though. His mother had him when she was only 17.”

“You guys nurses always know everything.”

“Of course, I need a life, too, you punk. Now go back to your room and don’t get involved again, you understand?”

++

Days passed, and Mrs. Ong had never visited again since that incident. Daniel hoped she didn’t really stop visiting, though. He really needed to say sorry to her.

He really needed to say sorry to Seongwoo as well. It was so reckless of him to fight him like that after sticking his nose up in something completely out of his business. He’s determined to make the lad feel better too, though.

That morning, Daniel had put up his courage to approach Seongwoo and apologize. The curtains had always divided them for the last few days after the incident, so Daniel had never known what the guy has been up to. The moment the staff who collected their breakfast tray went out of the room, he climbed down from his bed and drew the curtains open carefully.

Seongwoo was sitting on his bed, like usual, and was writing something on a leather covered-book. He looked up once to find Daniel scratching the back of his head, trying to find the right words, but he looked unamused and continued writing on his book.

“Errr… Look, Ong Seongwoo-ssi, I—I’m sorry,” He stuttered,

“I… I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have into other people’s business. For that, I sincerely apologize.”

Seongwoo still looked unamused and continued writing on his book, as if he didn’t listen to Daniel’s words. Daniel bit his lower lip, completely baffled.

“Err… I know maybe you’re not ready to forgive me, or maybe what I did was really too much, but please, I really am sincerely sorry, I… I’ll make sure I won’t do that anymore.”

Daniel decided he should just go back to his bed, or just go out, maybe, the atmosphere was too awkward—

“ you,”

He stopped in his track and turned around, almost abruptly.

“… Sorry?”

“ you,” Seongwoo has climbed down his bed and went closer to Daniel.

“Stop acting like you care.”

He pulled the curtains back to a close roughly.

++

Daniel has decided he doesn’t even care with the Ong Seongwoo guy anymore. His pride has been stepped on when he cursed at him by the time he tried to apologize, so he’d just act as if he’s non-existent. The curtains were never drawn open anymore.

That day marks the beginning of the 3^rd week Daniel was staying there, and he decided to visit the pediatric area (Jisung has suggested him to visit the area since he’d been bothering him for the last five days, “God, Kang Daniel, I’m trying to get married, don’t bother me and Nurse Kim! Go to the pediatric area, I heard they have a talent show or something like that every Tuesday and Friday, you’re going to like it.”). So there he was, sitting along with several other patients at the back seats, watching little kids in the very same hospital attire going up the small stage one by one to showcase their talents.

“Uh… hello?”

Daniel turned to his side, where he found a young man, obviously a patient with the same white patterned hospital shirts, and a guitar in his lap. He doesn’t look too young, though—probably around the same age as him.

“I’ve never seen you here before. Are you new?”

“Uh… It’s actually my third week here, but I’ve just heard about this event and decided to visit, since I’m so bored in my room.”

“It is, it is,” the guy laughed light-heartedly. “By the way, I’m Kim Jaehwan, I’m staying in the Oncology department. How about you?”

“Kang Daniel, Cardiology,” He felt funny saying it, it felt as if he’s telling his disease just like how he tells people his college major.

“Oh, it’s nice seeing you here. I’m one of the people who volunteered to guide the kids practicing before every talent show,” he exclaimed, “That Bae Jinyoung guy over there, too. He used to stay in the oncology as well,”

“Oh really? Is it possible for me to volunteer, too? I really don’t feel like staying in that room forever.”

Jaehwan’s expression was suddenly full of smiles.

“Of course, of course you can! Just come to the pediatric area, room 223 every Monday and Thursday. Do you play any instruments?”

“Well, no, unfortunately no, but I can sing… and dance, but it’s just not possible for me to dance anymore.”

Instead of the sad look Daniel had always received, Jaehwan laughed.

“Of course, of course. Here, let me introduce you my favorite guy,”

He motioned to someone and a little boy approached him with little steps.

“Woojin-ah, we’re going to have a new teacher next week! Here, call him Daniel-hyung.”

“Hello, Daniel-hyung, I’m Lee Woojin! I’m the best at singing!”

Daniel couldn’t help but to smile widely in front of his innocence.

“So… Daniel-ssi, see you next week?”

“Yeah, sure!”

++

Daniel returned to his room quite late that evening, but by “late” in the hospital it’s still before dinner time. He’d been coming to the pediatric area every Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays to play around with the kids (if he’s not feeling too bad). He spent the rest of the week taking tests and walking around the hospital garden, meeting new people and talking with the elders (if he isn’t feeling like breathing itself is an exercise and if his legs aren’t swollen like crazy). The Lee Woojin kid has taken a liking on him. He’d cling to him like a baby koala every time he appeared in the pediatric area. He’s a bit worried about Jaehwan, though. The lad hadn’t visited the pediatric area for four days.

By the time he opened the door to his room, the room was empty. Seongwoo was nowhere to be seen. Usually Daniel wouldn’t care, but this time the atmosphere was weird—it was a bit eerie.

He decided he needed to take a piss and swung the bathroom door open when he found Seongwoo.

“What do you think are you doing?”

He moved as quickly as he could, desperately trying to snatch the fruit knife from the latter’s hand—but clearly Ong Seongwoo was strong. He was strong enough to bruise his lips last time.

“Let go!” Seongwoo had shouted, “please, just let me end everything here, I can’t do this anymore—“

“Do you think it will be fine, then? Don’t you think about the people who care about you?”

“Nobody cares about me, it’ll be better if I’m gone!”

Now they’re on the floor, Daniel struggling to take the knife and Seongwoo struggling to defend it.

“Don’t you think about your family? Your mother?”

“I don’t have a family! Nobody cares, let me do it, just let me—“

Seongwoo had broke free from Daniel’s grasp, but Daniel was sure something had struck his face, because now his right cheek hurts, and Seongwoo was staying still, dumbfounded with the knife, now stained with blood, in his right hand.

Daniel didn’t say anything before grabbing the knife from Seongwoo’s hand and went out of the room.

++

“How many times do I have to tell you—“

“Jisung-hyung. He was trying to—“

“Yes, yes, okay. I got it. He’s trying to commit suicide. Of course you have to stop it. Right. You truly are my cousin.”

The knife had accidentally scratched Daniel’s cheek. It was only a small scratch, though, but deep enough to need stitches, and he was sure it was going to scar. The hospital had started to get Seongwoo psychologist appointments, but he has yet to open up.

“Niel-ah. His mother has stopped visiting. Maybe she thought it would be the best for him if she doesn’t come, and the psychologist hadn’t reported any improvement,”

“The depression really affects his health. I’m afraid if it continues like this… he won’t last much longer.”

“Niel-ah, as his roommate, can you try to help him? I know it’s hard, but, can you try?”

++

Daniel was changing the band-aid on his cheek (this is so easy, I have so much more important things to do!) by the time Seongwoo came back from his psychologist appointment, accompanied by Jisung. Jisung escorted him back to his bed while stealing looks at Daniel, secretly nodding towards Seongwoo. Daniel caught the meaning of it though: try talking to him, you punk.

He climbed down his bed by the time Jisung was gone, pacing around in front of the curtain divider before finally made up his mind to talk to Seongwoo. He reached his hand to pull the curtains, but before he managed to do so, the curtain was shoved aside, making him jump in surprise.

Seongwoo was standing on the other side, his lips trembled but his eyes were cast towards the floor.

“I—I’m sorry, for that.” He hastily pointed to Daniel’s cheek before casting his eyes downward again. “That’s definitely going to—to scar.”

At first Daniel was dumbfounded, but then he could feel the corner of his lips going up. It was the first time he had paid attention to Seongwoo—his prominent facial features, his long eyelashes, his willowy body figure under the loose hospital shirt, and lastly, the long scar in the middle of his sternum, extending from just below his collarbone. The very same scar that Daniel has. The scar of victory, the mark that they had fought and won. The mark that they had survived.

He didn’t even know what he’s thinking, but he thought he’s definitely going to make sure both of them win. Again.

++

to be continued