I forgot when it started

I don't know why i'm like this

A day seems so long and doesn't seem to have an end

How does another morning come? I don't know

​​​"Yah Ryeowook-ah! You sing off key." Yesung-hyung scolded me. We're practicing the song for Super Junior K.R.Y concert in japan and it has been 2 hours for 3 songs. And now it's the song The One I Love that i didn't want to sing. I'm not hate it, this is one of the song when we're still young and just debuted. But, after i realize about something, the lyrics just goes through inside me. And it made me uncomfortable, something has filled up my mind.

"Stay focused, Ryeonggu." Kyuhyun touch my shoulder and smile at me. He is already sweat a lot, even though the air conditioner is on.

"I'm sorry, let's do once again." I nodded and gulped some water. Taking a deep breath then get ready to singing again.

"What happen to you? You seems blank these days." Yesung-hyung come to me.

"Well, i am. Just thinking about something." I tried to faking smile so he won't worried, but it seems fail.

"Then, let's do this." Kyuhyun move to my side. "When i sing ​​i know i shouldn't do this~ you move to the right side, and i will be to your left side, so Yesung-hyung will be the center." He pointed to some spot to change our position.

"Why? What's that going to do with his blank mind?" Yesung-hyung furrowed his eyebrows, not understand why Kyuhyun suddenly change their formation. I just look at him in the eyes, so he knew it. He know what's bothering me, that's why he tried to move us apart. His gaze locked to me, he bit his lower lips and step back to his position.

"We can waving hands to the fans, hyung. It will be great." He said, looking at the paper in his hands.

"Ah, is that so." Yesung-hyung nodded and come back to his position. I just smile looking at him, how innocent our hyung are.

I can't do anything, while not doing anything

I look at the slow time

Where are you? What are you doing?

Because i only think of one person

"Ryeowook! Why are you locking the door?" Disguises, i can hear Kyuhyun's voice. He knocked my room loudly, i was sleeping and now i'm disturbed by annoying voice. Did he know i'm so tired today? Did Kyuhyun drunk again?

Duk! I hear noises and got up to sit. I look at the door that opened by force. Damn it. I cover my body with blankets quickly before he break my freaking door down.

"Ryeonggu!" Kyuhyun barges in and hug me thightly. "Ah, i'm drunk! I'm so sad." He said.

"Yah, get out quickly now. I'm sleeping you know." I said with half of my soul, i'm so sleepy right now.

"Why? Why you sleeping ?" Kyuhyun let go of the hug, and look at me. I can smell soju from him.

"It's my habit. Yah! Why you are drinking alone?" I asked him. He just struggling and move to laid beside me. I can't think about it and just get down to sleep again. But then, i can feel Kyuhyun's hand hug me from the back.

"I'm lonely, don't lock your door." He mumbled. I just reply 'hm' and tapped his hand.

"Ryeonggu, you love me right?" He whispered to my ear. I opened my eyes, shocked.

"Why you're avoiding me?" He breath deeply on my back. "You must run to my arm by now.."

"What do you know, Kyu?" I turn around. His eyes locked at mine.

"I know everything. And you must be know that i.."

"Don't. Don't say it." I cut his words. I don't want to hear anything that will make my wall broke down. This is my choice, this is how far we got.

"Let me sleep, Kyu. Get out of my room." I said, commanding him.

"Do you know how hurt is this?" His sleepy voice run down to my ear. "Why i can't hold you?" He touch my hand. "Why i can't be happy?" He caressed my forehead. "Why you trying to go far away? Why i just saw pain in your face?" He touch my cheeks. My eyes feels hot. Hearing his voice, just burning me inside. "Why i'm broken--"

"I'm suffering too!" I yell at him. I can't hear anything else, his words stab my chest. My tears fell down, like a river it won't stop.

"I know." He closed his eyes. "You're afraid about the world, right?" His face coming closer to mine. He wiping my tears with his thumb.

"Then stay away!" I yell once again. But yet i can't push him away, my body frozen on its place.

"I can't, and you know that." Kyuhyun got up from my bed, he tried to stand but fall again. "I'm not gonna give up, i will make you change your mind."

"Cut it off, Kyu." I said softly. 

"I'm going crazy Ryeowook-ah." He stood up once again, trying to get out from my room. He stumble many times, how much is he drink tonight?

"I don't want to be with you." I said, harshly. I'm tired of this conversation. He stopped in my door, holding the door tightly.

"No, you're not." He slammed my door loudly and walk away. I just looking at my door that almost breaking, let out a little sigh. I hope he can understand, it's not just about me. It's for him and his family too. How can i pushed