Chapter 3
좋은 걸 뭐 어떡해Wonpil could see the hurt in Sungjin’s eyes, and it pained Wonpil to see him in this state.
‘I-I think I need to go home,’ Sungjin suddenly spoke, breaking his silent and sorrowful gaze.
‘What? Why bro? We didn’t even get to see your skills,’ Jae complained, walking over to where Sungjin stood.
‘I’m really sorry but something important came up,’ Sungjin said, trying to hold himself together.
It seemed as if he just wanted to get out of the gymnasium.
After leaving the basketball court, he headed straight for the door, coming face to face with Wonpil.
‘Wonpil,’ he said. ‘I’m sorry about earlier; I really shouldn’t have been so selfish.’
‘It’s alright,’ Wonpil said with a lopsided smile. ‘I think I was the one being selfish.’
Sungjin took in a rough breath of air and nodded, he still had the same broken look in his eyes.
‘You’re not okay,’ Wonpil pointed out, sitting on the cement against the brick wall of the gym. ‘Did you want to talk to me about it? If you keep it all inside of you like that, it won’t be good.’
Sungjin released the air he had been holding and threw himself against the wall beside his best friend.
‘I don’t know, Wonpil,’ he began. ‘I just feel so lost; not to mention stupid. I let myself fall head-over-heels for a girl who doesn’t even think of me the same way. It’s just that everything she did seemed perfect to me at the time.’
Wonpil nodded in understanding. He could definitely sympathise with him in that area.
‘There isn’t anything I can do to make her magically like you back. But I can lend you a shoulder to lean on,’ he replied. ‘I’ll always be here for you.’
Sungjin smiled a little in return.
‘I’m glad to have a friend like you Wonpil.’
Wonpil smiled back. He would learn to live with being called ‘friend’ if it meant that he could be beside Sungjin forever.
‘Is there anything else bothering you?’ Wonpil asked, as Sungjin rested his head on Wonpil’s shoulder.
‘I don’t know,’ he sighed. ‘I just don’t feel good enough. I’ll never be as good looking as Kang Brian. I mean, look at him. How could anybody fall for someone like me?’
Wonpil shook his head.
‘You’re perfect, Sungjin,’ he pointed out. ‘I think Lee Sowon is crazy for not seeing you in the same light as Brian.’
Sungjin’s face softened a little as Wonpil comforted him.
‘You’re well-built, you have beautiful eyes and a cute smile; not to mention you’re funny, kind and just enjoyable to be around,’ he continued. ‘Yeah, she’s definitely crazy.’
Sungjin looked up at Wonpil as he spoke. He really was thankful to have a friend who made him feel like he was worth something.
‘I guess in a way I’m sort of glad that she didn’t like you back, because I want to be the only one who can like you this much,’ Wonpil blurted out without much thought, cringing at his own words.
Well it’s too late to back out now, Wonpil he thought to himself.
Sungjin couldn’t speak. He just stared up at Wonpil, his chin resting on the other’s shoulder, trying to figure out what Wonpil had meant by that. Of course he had some idea, but he thought it was strange considering they are best friends.
As if he was possessed by a divine force, Wonpil took this as an opportunity to plant a kiss on Sungjin’s lips. It was almost like he threw all of his morals out of the window just for those few seconds that felt much longer than they actually were.
He closed his eyes as he felt Sungjin’s chapped lips brush up against his soft ones. He had never felt so free and careless in his life. However, freedom also has its consequences.
Sungjin, who wasn’t able to pull away (or do anything) due to the shock of the events, eventually turned his head away from Wonpil’s lips.
‘W-What was that?’ he managed to say, unconsciously touching his lips with his fingertip.
Wonpil’s eyes widened when he realised he could have just potentially ruined their five year friendship.
‘I-I… I’m sorry. I did it without thinking,’ he spoke hurriedly, without stopping for a breath. ‘I’ve just always loved you more than a friend, and usually I’m good at keeping it to myself but seeing you hurting like this made me want to help you feel better but all I was doing was being selfish. I didn’t mean to kiss you or make you uncomfortable. I’m so sorry.’
Wonpil was running in panic mode. He couldn’t lose his Sungjin; he wouldn’t let it happen.
‘Wonpil… I should probably go home,’ Sungjin managed to say, his thoughts were working over-time to try to process the situation.
‘Please don’t leave,’ Wonpil pleaded, watching as Sungjin stood.
Without another word, Sungjin walked away. His legs seemed to be shaking as he made his way towards the front gate and left the school.
To say that Wonpil was devastated would be an understatement. He felt like his whole world was beginning to crash down around him. He knew that coming-out would be hard, but he never imagined that this would be the scenario.
Stupid Wonpil a small voice inside his head told him.
As he turned his head to look at the front gate again, a tear escaped his once dry eyes; he was afraid. Would Sungjin ever speak to him again? Would they ever be friends like they were before? He wished that he could go back in time and stop himself from acting without thinking.
As Wonpil was left to his own thoughts in front of the gym, Sungjin was slamming the door to his bedroom shut. He locked it before he let himself slump onto his mattress on the floor.
To tell the truth, the thought of him and Wonpil being more than just friends had definitely crossed his mind a couple of times, but he chose to ignore it. He was sure he was straight after all, right?
Sungjin sighed as he reached over to his bedside table, gently picking up a framed photograph of Wonpil and himself in 9th grade. They were out the back of Sungjin’s house having a BBQ party with his family. Sungjin remembers teaching Wonpil how to grill pork belly properly, and Wonpil ended up burning half the pieces of meat. Of course, Sungjin ate the burnt ones and gave Wonpil the pieces of pork that he had grilled.
He smiled fondly at the memory, his finger softly brushing Wonpil’s smiling face on the image. He had a lot of great memories with Wonpil. He knew that he wouldn’t let this situation they were in now ruin the relationship they had, he was just confronted by it. He was shocked that Wonpil made a move on him like that.
As he reminisced about their friendship, he grew more and more confused. Was their relationship always completely friendship or were they a little more than friends to begin with?
Sungjin recalled snuggling together in his own bed almost always. And it wasn’t as if this only happened during their time in junior high school, they still have sleepovers at least a couple of times every week.
He also remembered his own father’s words to him. His father would always point out that they act like a couple, and it’s disgusting. He recalls his father teaching him that being gay was wrong, and that boys could only do these types of things with girls. His father even went as far as forcing him to do homework with girls from his class or grounding him for no reason when he wanted to sleep at Wonpil’s house. Thinking about it made Sungjin frown. He never thought about his own father’s actions because he was too young to understand or question anything, but now he realised that his father was trying to break him and Wonpil apart.
Although his father had told him such things, wasn’t what he and Wonpil had love? He has to admit that he has definitely been wrong about love in the past (take his fondness of Lee Sowon as an example), but isn’t this feeling a sense of love? Love isn’t about changing yourself for someone; love doesn’t come about from a sense of infatuation on somebody you just met. Sungjin suddenly had the thought that love is more than that. Maybe love is something that grows over time, and Sungjin hadn’t even realised it yet. He wasn’t one hundred percent sure about his feelings for Wonpil, but he definitely knew there was something there.
Without a second thought, Sungjin ran down the creaky stairs of his family’s home.
‘Sungjin, where are you going? Are you alright?’ his mother asked as she was preparing dinner.
‘I’m okay, I’m just going over to Wonpil’s house for a minute. I’ll be back for dinner,’ he said, putting on a smile.
‘Okay, if you’re not back in time you can microwave it,’ she said, giving him a smile back. ‘Have fun, and say hi to Wonpil’s mum for me.’
‘Yes mum,’ he said, practically running out the door and heading to the end of the block as fast as his legs could take him.
A/N: So hi hello guys ^^ I've been sort of busy with university but I managed to finally get this chapter up. I'm too lazy to check over it properly, so if there are any mistakes or anything really bothering you, just tell me and I'll correct them or smth. I hope this chapter isn't too disappointing~ Also, I kinda don't really have a plan for this anymore since I've basically written most of the stuff i wanted to write from the MV, so I'm just sorta writing random stuff now lol. So yeah, I will continue it but I think the next chapter might be the last? Thanks a lot to all you people who are reading this. I love you~~~ <3 K bye.
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