It was one of those nights again… Those nights when self-doubts crippled her, when sadness engulfed her and when she was all alone, lying on her bed, staring at her plain ceiling wall.

“I am so glad the drama has ended. I could not stand it. How could she be the lead actress alongside Ji Chang Wook?”

“She is not pretty at all.”

“She is trying too hard. Her acting is too exaggerated.”

The comments were replaying in her mind. While she had always told herself that she could not please everyone, and there would always be criticisms, these comments did hurt her. She inhaled deeply and shook her head. She should not let these get to her.

Lifting her legs, Ji Hyun put on her bedroom slippers and forced herself to move. She switched on the table lamp, and stared at the dried tears on her face. Without any make-up on, her dark eye circles stood out, as well as other blemishes on her face. Was this really her? What happened to the glamourous and energetic Nam Ji Hyun? Did she really deserve the title of being a smiling angel?

The edges of her cracked lips seemed so heavy, as she tried to force herself to smile. She took a wet tissue to wipe away the tear stains and recalled the happy times she had while filming the drama. She had really enjoyed acting as Eun Bong Hee, alongside the other talented actors and actresses. Even though filming could be really tiring and at times, she had only an hour of sleep, she felt that this experience furthered her growth as an actress. However, she also knew that an actress had to be appreciated, loved and valued by the audience. Otherwise, it might be difficult to survive in this competitive industry, where new young talents were plenty.

“Are my acting skills convincing or exaggerated? Am I capable enough as an actress and to continue acting? If, and only if, will the day come when I will not receive sufficient opportunities to continue acting?” Ji Hyun wondered. “Will anyone still adore the lost, confused and not-so-pretty Nam Ji Hyun staring at her own unfamiliar reflection in the mirror?”

Just then, her doorbell rang. Ji Hyun wondered who it could be at this time, as she wiped her face once more, combed her hair and put on spectacles and a mask.

Peering through the peephole, she noted the familiar wide shoulders and black mask of the tall man who was wearing a black hoodie and track pants.

“Chang Wook Oppa?” Ji Hyun opened the door to let him in. Chang Wook removed his mask and smiled brightly at Ji Hyun.

“You look tired and sad, Ji Hyun.” Chang Wook patted her head, and then took off her mask and spectacles swiftly. With an intense gaze, Chang Wook was scrutinising every inch of her face.

“Did you just cry?” he asked with worry.

“No, no, I didn’t.” Ji Hyun reflexively shook her head, but she was unable to face Chang Wook. Chang Wook sighed, as he cupped Ji Hyun’s face with his hands.

“Don’t lie. Look at me, Ji Hyun.” Chang Wook made Ji Hyun look at him. He noticed the tears within her eyes, and her trembling lips. “What is the issue?”

Ji Hyun could not bring herself to share her insecurities with him. She could recall his confession to her clearly, prior to the end of filming for the drama.

-

They had wrapped up for the night and the staff went for supper together. Chang Wook oppa had messaged her to go to the area behind the restaurant as he had something to tell her in private.

“Ji Hyun yang, I think I have fallen in love with you. While this is not exactly the best timing for me to start a relationship, I wanted to tell you how I feel. I love your smiles, your energy, your kindness, everything about you. I really do.” Chang Wook spoke earnestly, looking straight into her eyes. He took a deep breath and continued, “Will you be my girlfriend?”

Ji Hyun was too stunned as she listened to these words. Her silence made him nervous, and Chang Wook continued to ramble, “I mean, we can try seeing each other first, give ourselves a chance. I know my enlistment is soon, and this is rather unfair to you, especially since you are such a young and lovable lady, but I am unable to stop myself from falling for you further. I… I…” He was at a loss of words.

“Oppa, what if your feelings are the feelings of Noh Ji Wook towards Eun Bong Hee?” She questioned, as this could happen for co-stars in a drama.

“I am pretty sure my feelings for you are Ji Wook’s feelings towards Bong Hee, or even stronger than his.” Chang Wook spoke with confidence and determination. “I really like you, Ji Hyun yang, so much so that I cannot simply let you go, not without letting you know how I feel. I understand that you might have concerns, and I am willing to wait.”

Ji Hyun stared into Ji Wook’s eyes. She had been a fan of his, during the filming, there were moments which made her heart race, and confusing moments where she wondered if her feelings for him were her own or Bong Hee’s. It would be a lie to say that she was not touched by his confession, but she did not want to rush matters, especially such affairs of the heart.

“Oppa, I am unable to give you a definite reply now, but if you wish to meet or maintain contact after the drama, I will be open.” Ji Hyun gave a small smile, and Chang Wook grinned in response. At least not all hope was lost. He had a chance. Since then, they had been messaging each other more often, and after the wrap-up party, they continued contacting and met up twice, once at her house privately and once at a mutual friend’s place for a group gathering. She had admitted to herself that she had feelings for Chang Wook, and agreed to dating him.

-

“Ji Hyun, if you do not wish to speak, let me know how I can help you?” Chang Wook’s voice brought her back to now.

“Oppa, why did you come here?” Ji Hyun finally spoke. Chang Wook felt more at ease now.

“To see you, what else? I bought a gift for you as well.” Chang Wook pulled out a ipod and passed it to Ji Hyun. “I have loaded some songs which I sang and some of our favourite songs in this, for you.”

Ji Hyun accepted the gift, with tears b in her eyes. The cynical part of her wondered if Chang Wook oppa would still adore her as much when she was weak and depressed.

“Oppa” Ji Hyun called out in a coarse voice, as fear and insecurity creeped back into her. “Do I deserve this?” She was afraid to tell him the entire truth, but yet she desperately yearned for his response.

“Ji Hyun,” Chang Wook could sense her insecurity. He suddenly recalled how Ji Hyun would browse through comments on the show and sulk. As an actor, he knew there would always be both positive and negative comments. He had been blessed to have received much love from the audience, but he had also received comments from anti-fans and he knew how these could hurt. Actors, actresses or anyone else in the showbiz industry sometimes depended too much on others’ affirmation to evaluate their own self-worth and capabilities. Chang Wook pulled Ji Hyun into a tight embrace.

“Ji Hyun, you deserve it. I know you might have some doubts about yourself. I do, too. However, you have me. We are going to go through all these together. You are not alone, Ji Hyun yang.” He could feel her body tremble, and her sobs. He hugged her with more strength.

“I am here for you. I love you, Nam Ji Hyun.” Chang Wook confessed again.

“Oppa, thank you.” These were all Ji Hyun could say before her sobs turned to cries. She was beyond touched, especially hearing Chang Wook’s confession again when she was in such a state.

“Silly girl,” Chang Wook patted Ji Hyun’s head. “Can I stay over tonight then?”

Ji Hyun stopped crying and broke free from Chang Wook’s embrace. Her pout made Chang Wook smile.

“I’m just joking.” Chang Wook gave a cheeky smile, while wiping Ji Hyun’s tears away with his hands. Ji Hyun’s pout was replaced with a smile. She felt so blessed to have him, and she held his hands. “Oppa, thank you, and I love you too.” Ji Hyun confessed and leaned in to kiss Chang Wook.

=

THE END.