It doesn’t seem like the best place to be right after a burial, but I end up walking all the way to the large gated park. The black suit hung over my arm and I couldn’t care any less if it was dragging on the ground. The sun was as bright and hot as ever on a summer day. The perfect weather, they’d say. Looking around the park it seemed that everyone thought so as families scattered the open field doing their own thing. It was a drastically different view from where I had just come from.

Frankly, I liked this view a lot more.

If Stephanie was here with me she would have loved to find a spot right in the middle of it all. She did love children and was happy to mingle with women around her age bracket. Watching her just being herself seemed so magical to me. She was a divine entity, a class of her own. I have always wondered what good I had done in my past life to deserve such a wonderful woman loving me back as much as Stephanie did. Her smile, her laugh, the excitement in her eyes, the way her shoulders drooped when she wasn’t feeling good, even the way her body showed her dislike by turning away from whatever irked her had ingrained so deeply in my mind that it was impossible to ever forget her. She had cast her spell on me on that first day we met and not even the years had weakened it. She’s the love of my life and not even the passage of time will ever make me forget the things she made me feel.

I wind up walking further from the stone path, my step sure until I stop at an empty space a little ways from the gathering of small families. There was nothing around close enough to indicate where I am, but I just knew I am exactly where I want to be. I settle to a comfortable cross-legged sitting and look over the happy gathering before me.

The blades of grass underneath me felt nice to the touch, not prickly as the other grasses or damp. I wouldn’t mind sitting here the whole day. It was nice to have alone times too. When I’m free to think whatever I want whenever I want.

“I like this.”

I share the same sentiment. It could've been better if we didn’t have to bundle up from the cool autumn air, but other than that I feel so... Normal. It’s a quiet day, no work to do with chores already taken care of in the morning and the Grave master out to God knows where. He did say to take the day to rest, forbidding me to even touch the black manual. I guess there was a first for everything. So here I am, lying on my back, head nestled comfortably over Stephanie’s lap, book in hand as we basked under the warm rays of the sun.

Stephanie’s fingers continue to glide through my hair, the gentle ministration slowly lulling me close to sleep. Keeping my eyelids open is a battle and the stinging of my eyes served to encourage them to give up the fight. I can barely comprehend the questions falling out of Stephanie’s lips, not that she needed my opinion. She was doing fine answering them herself. I try to keep awake though, such a rare chance to have a relaxing day with my woman and I didn’t want to waste it away sleeping.

I squeeze my eyes shut then force them to pop back up followed by rapidly blinking the sleep out of my system. It helps a little.

“Tae? Are you sleepy?” her fingers move to rub firmly along the hairline of my temples and, oh..  doesn’t that feel just nice..

“Hm… A little.” I mutter back, leaning a little more into her firm ministration. What can’t she do with those deft fingers? “Feels good.”

“Should I stop?” her fingers halts and I could imagine that coy smile on her face. Such a tease. Well, I needed to wake myself up anyway.

I wrap my arms around her waist, nuzzling my face on the warm clothed torso. I feel her hands on my shoulder, trying to push me off as she lets out a few giggles. I press my face harder, moving it from side to side. I tighten my hold when she puts in more force in her pushing. Her body shakes along with the uncontrollable laughter and it takes a few slaps to my shoulder to get me to back down. I roll off her and onto my back on the soft grassy ground. She follows me not too long after. Face flushed and eyes squeezed shut as her body relaxes from her giggling fit.

She looked like perfection that way, with her long hair sprawled on the grassy ground, her face a tinted a little red from laughter, and just the way the sunlight made her glow as if she something else entirely. I can stare at her the whole day and not get tired tracing every contour, every minute detail until I can see her face even as I close my eyes. Even then I would rather stare at the real thing.

“You’re so beautiful.”

Her eyelids fly open, her eyes slowly turning into upside-down crescents as her smile turns just a little shy. She rolls to her side and I mimic her action, throwing my hand over her hips so I can tug her closer towards me. She giggles a little, wriggling to close the rest of the distance between us as she wraps an arm around my neck

“And you’re so amazing, Taeyeon.” She returns, giving me a quick peck on my chin.

I push up, turning the both of us so that Stephanie ends up comfortably on her back. I’m careful not to put all of my weight down on her, trapping her in between my arms as I continue to admire her face brighten up with laughter. I brush my thumb down her cheek, grinning when she looks up at me with that soft, loving look.

“I love you.”

“And I love you.”

When I lean down our lips mould together perfectly, firm yet gentle, wet yet hot. Even though our teeth accidentally clank together and results in falling into a round of soft giggles it all just feels so natural for us to do. I don’t know how I managed to live my life up until I had her, and now I find it hard to imagine a future without her.

I tilt my head up, pressing a light kiss to the tip of her nose before pushing up and off her. I dust off the dirt and leaves from my pants before I offer my hand to her to help her up.

As soon as she’s up she wraps her arms around mine, her head finding its resting spot against my shoulder. I press another kiss on the top of her head- because really how can I not. Kissing every expanse of her skin just seemed like the right thing to do and I don’t see any reason for stopping this anytime soon. The happy smile on Stephanie’s face certainly doesn’t look like she objects in the very least.

The peaceful atmosphere is broken by a low growling noise. I can’t help but laugh out loud, putting a hand over my grumbling stomach to ease its protest. It’s reminding me I haven’t had a meal since last night when we ran out of bread to fill our stomachs with.

“Shall we get something to eat?” Stephanie offers, grinning coyly at me. I roll my eyes, something I learned from her, but tug her to the direction of the town. I am absolutely famished and all I can think about now is getting some bread from the bakery and live the rest of my life eating just that.

“I swear to God-”

“Don’t use the Lord’s name in vain.” Stephanie interrupts with a firm shove. I almost lose my footing, but her arms hold me upright, always there to catch me when I stumble. I frown at her and she simply puts on a smile and hugs my arm closer to her knowing I never can get mad at her.

I recant my statement. “I swear, if I don’t get anything in my stomach soon I’ll go on a rampage through town.”

“You and what army?”

“A growling stomach is as good as a support as an army. Never get cross with a starving woman.” The laugh that falls from her lips were like church bells ringing in the distance, full and soothing. I can’t help the huge smile on my face, never could when it came to my woman. God, was she just so perfect. I know I’m one lucky bastard to be blessed with her attention, showered with her affection and loved like she- nor I- had never loved anyone before.

But like any good news, it was never meant to last so long.

The look on her face was unreadable as we stood in front of the gathering crowd. Her grip on my hand was crushing and it took a lot of effort to keep both the physical and emotional pain from showing on my face. Whispers buzzed around us like bees around flowers, intelligible words that only sometimes made sense. Words like ‘she’ and ‘good woman’ and ‘sudden’ pierced through my numbed brain as we watched the giant of a man held against the side of the bakery by three brutes. His angry shouts sounding more like animalistic grunts and growls as he tries to get lose from the firm hold against him. It was such an odd thing, to see the man who I’ve begun to see as a sort of father figure lose his top like that.

But then his angry shouts became softer and the fierceness of his grizzled face broke at the sight of a large bulk, covered in white cloth, being carried out to the street. The dam broke open and my heart crushed in of itself.

I looked away, heaving a deep breath- smelling the lingering scent of freshly baked goods already out on display. If I tried hard enough I can imagine the smiling face of the nicest woman I’ve come to know grinning and waving at me from her usual position behind the counter. I grunted at the crushing around my ribs as Stephanie threw her arms around me and tucked her face into my neck. My arms wrapped around her securely, though at this point I wasn’t so sure who was holding who up. My knees felt wobbly, like melted butter, and yet I’m still somehow standing. My heart felt like it was slowly being ripped out of me at the quaking figure in my arms and the howling despair echoing through the streets. I couldn’t hear the buzz now, drowned out by the crying.

Margaret, that lovely woman. Were the Gods so cruel to take her away from her loving husband too soon? Or were they merciful enough to take the kind woman back to the safety of the afterlife before the war can reach our part of the world?

My arms tightened around Stephanie, couldn’t help imagining what if that was her under the white blanket, unresponsive. No longer b with life. What if I lost her so suddenly? What if the Gods felt she was too good for this world too, and take her away?

No one lingers as the body was carried off to the doctors to be prepped for burial. No one but myself and Stephanie, now attempting to comfort Joseph as the man sat, weeping quietly outside of his shop, still unable to find the strength- or will- to get back up. Stephanie whispers softly to him, her hand running soothing lines down his large, hunched back. She looks up from time to time, the weary look on her face perfectly showcasing the sadness in her eyes. The sadness I had thought she’d buried a long time back. I guess there really was no way to bury raw feelings and keeping them down.

Gingerly, I approach the two. I’m not so sure I’d be someone Joseph would like to see right now. I was probably the last person he’d want to see, considering the circumstances. I look unsurely over to Stephanie. She smiles patiently at me, motioning with one hand to come closer. I take a long breath in, calming my jittery nerves, taking cautious steps closer.

“Joseph… I am so sorry…”

“What are you sorry for, lass?” Joseph sniffles loudly, brushing his large fingers under his wet eyes, drying out the tears still gathered there. I scuff my boots on the ground. He had a point, but I didn’t really know what to say to the man. Stephanie was the one good with words, not me. I was just a dumb grave digger with one foot on each side. I was never really good for anything.

He drew deep, ragged breaths and raises his head up. It’s the first time I’ve seen him with a frown and he looked so much older than the jolly man I had come to know. He reaches up to wrap his large paws around Stephanie’s hand, tilting his head up at her to send a small, sad smile. Stephanie manages to send the same smile, except with a fresh batch of tears falling down her pretty face.

“Oh, no. No crying dear. Marg wouldn’t have wanted to see you cry.” He says, though his voice does break in the end and his own tears spring from his eyes as his lips quiver.

I stand aside, not knowing what to do, even as my heart cries out in pain. I bite my lower lip to stop a sob that was threatening to come, quickly brushing the tears clouding my vision as I turn my back to them.

“Taeyeon.” I hear Stephanie call to me, softly. I drew a deep breath, calming my emotions down. I must be brave. I must be strong. I must not break down. Not in front of them. Not in front of her. I am her pillar of strength. It was one of the duties I needed to be for her, as her lover.

“I’m not good with words, Joseph. We all know that… and I really don’t know what to do now, by God I am terrible at this..” I sighed, turning to look at the tired face of the man. “But I mean it, down to the bottom of my heart, when I say I hope the pain eases soon.”

Joseph’s expression wobbly turns upright, and I see a ghost of a smile before he buries his face into his hands and weeps noisily. I shuffle on my spot, thinking I had made it worse, but the smile on Stephanie’s face tells me otherwise. She doesn’t say anything as she moves closer to Joseph to run her hand down his broad back, but I know she approves of what I’ve said. And I meant it, wholeheartedly. If there was anyone, aside from Stephanie, who deserves nothing but the best, it was the old couple who was nothing but good to someone like me.

It was so unfair, but I’ve come to know the world as unjust. It was cold and cruel with all that humanity has done and will probably continue doing. Waging silly wars, destroying cities and lives to prove who had the better hand. Just so they could see who was stronger and gloat as the innocents suffered, starved, and left for dead. No wonder spirits hung about, some of them never even got the chance to live properly.

I see a faint flicker of light at the side of my vision. I don’t have to look at it fully to know what it was. Carefully and as silently as I can I ease away from the two, edging closer to the side of the house as I pull out a tattered book from my pocket. It was one of Stephanie’s favourite books. I'm sure she wouldn’t mind losing one for the sake of its previous owner.

“Margaret...” The orb seems to hobble upward at my voice as if she recognized me. Can she even see me? Does she even know she'd passed? I put on a smile anyway, best put on a happy face, as Margaret would have wanted to see me with.

There was nothing distinguishable with the soul orb. It’s as ghostly blue as any other I’ve encountered, and yet, I just knew it was her. It doesn’t look to be putting up any sort of resistance and there was a sort of calmness to it, like she knew. I held the book up, pursing my lips to hold in the sadness creeping up to me as the orb gently glide the rest of the distance, the light seamlessly merging with the book until its luminescent glow dulled to the sombre surroundings.

I place my hand over it, feeling the warmth that was reminiscent of the kindly woman’s touches and her tight hugs. Tears spring from my eyes, stinging and uncontrollable. I in a shaky breath, swallowing audibly the constriction around my throat as the first stanza of the incantation falling bitterly from my lips.

The road is long and winding

and for days we see no end

Carefully we’ve treaded frozen lands

and sailed through battling seas

We wandered through thick forest

Gracefully stumbling onto green pastures

We journeyed far and wide

but it’s time, the time is nigh

We are mighty and persevering

through toils and deprivation

Kingdoms rose and fell with war

and from the ashes, we rose again

From the Gods, we seek for answers

to prayers, we uttered by night

And to their kingdoms, we humbly pray

we wake in the new day

The time is coming to a halt

as it began so shall it end

For everyone, there will come a day

a time no one, no king, can delay

Don’t fear, don’t weep, don’t be afraid

for at that time I come to assist

I am but a humble guide

to light the path you seek

I never was much of a poet. Even with all the time in the world I just couldn’t grasp the idea of artfully weaving words into stanzas and hymns. I was stumbling through my words on a regular basis anyway. It was not my cup of tea.

But singing it was another story. I am not an artist or a lyricist, but if I can lend my voice to something worthwhile, then it’s another story.

There was something with songs that spoke to me. The soft hum, the gentle rise to another key, the smooth transition back to the lower notes. It was something I can get behind. And maybe it’s rooted in the haze that is my childhood. It might have been something done to calm me down back in the days long forgotten. Through the haze that is growing up with the abandoned lot, there must’ve been someone with a soft soul that help mended the lost and the broken. I remember a whisper of a tune, so heavy with emotions, to which echoed at the back of my consciousness.

It could have been the early years when the master hummed a wordless tune as he went about his morning. Or the rare occasion when he'd spit out a stanza or two. Or maybe it was the jolly nature of the voices I overhear from the tavern singing to freedom, prosperity, and more drinks to go around.

Whatever it was, I was grateful to have picked it up. I would never have memorised the poem without it.

I pat the soft grass beneath my hand, feeling it tickle my palm. I hum the first stanza of the incantation, slowly building my voice up to sing the words I had kept in my heart for all the years that has gone.