Kim Sunggyu likes to think that he’s smart. He’s always in the top ten of his class, he always gets All A Honor Roll, and he even has time to do extracurricular activities. Classmates always come to him for help. Sunggyu, how do you do this problem? Sunggyu, I need to think up an idea by tomorrow. Sunggyu, can you help me with this?

Sunggyu tries his very best, and even if his ideas don’t always work out, no one blames him. They all know how much he loves helping people. The only thing that Sunggyu doesn’t know, though, is how to play sports, but that’s not his fault. He’s just more of an academic person.

Of course, everything changes when Lee Howon transfers in.

Lee Howon, the good-looking kid who knows how to play any sport in the history of sports. Lee Howon, the enthusiastic kid who’s always willing to lend a hand. Lee Howon, that one guy who always know the answers to any questions anyone might have.

Lee Howon, who suddenly becomes the school favorite.

Sunggyu hates him. Well, okay, maybe he doesn’t exactly hate him, but Sunggyu sure doesn’t like him. Who gave him the right to barge in and steal Sunggyu’s spotlight? Who gave him all those crazy talents that make everyone fall in love with him? Who made it right to disturb the methodical, boring life Sunggyu’s always lived?

Maybe Sunggyu’s just a tiny bit jealous of Howon. Just a bit, not much, but Sunggyu almost wishes he could live like that, so carefree, so happy, so…

So colorfully.

No, Sunggyu’s not one of those people who can see colors in other people’s voices or around their heads, but to him, Howon just glows. He shines like the star the other people make him out to be, and he always exudes some sort of presence.

And yes, Sunggyu is jealous of how much attention Howon garners, how much confidence he gives off, how easily he seems to make friends, tell jokes, laugh about something stupid.

Because in Sunggyu’s eyes, his own life is a dull gray, the kind of color the clouds take on just before nothing happens. That’s it, just humidity and low-hanging stratus clouds, and maybe a few pathetic sprinkles if he’s lucky.

Nothing exciting ever happens in Sunggyu’s life.

Until, of course, Lee Howon transfers in.

Sunggyu doesn’t hate him, of course, even if he is just that much jealous. No, Lee Howon looks like someone he could get along with, someone who would willingly teach him the ways of navigating social circumstances, and Sunggyu is determined to make friends with him.

--

“That’s the school president,” Dongwoo tells him, waving happily at the lone boy walking down the hallway. “Sunggyu, over here!”

As they approach each other, Howon sees that the boy has a round face, dyed brown hair, and eyes that are just a bit smaller than average. His expression seems friendly enough, though, and that’s all Howon really cares about.

“Hello, I’m the new transfer student,” Howon introduces, holding out his hand. Sunggyu smiles and takes it.

“Yes, Lee Howon,” he says in a soft, amused voice. “I’ve heard of you.”

“Sunggyu’s in my grade,” Dongwoo exclaims proudly. “He’s the smartest person in the entire school!”

Howon must have imagined it, but Sunggyu’s face darkens for a split second. “No, I’m not,” he says to Howon. “Don’t listen to him, he tends to exaggerate.”

Dongwoo pouts, and Sunggyu chuckles. Howon realizes that he’s still holding Sunggyu’s hand and quickly lets go, smiling awkwardly.

Sunggyu has nice hands, long fingers suitable for piano, and his skin is soft. Sunggyu tosses his bangs to the side and smiles again. Unwittingly, Howon smiles back; he likes how Sunggyu looks when he smiles. It makes him look younger, less stressed-out, more approachable.

A watch beeps. Sunggyu purses his lips. “I have to go,” he says apologetically. “Book club. I’ll be seeing you again, Howon?” He poses it as a question, not a statement, and the uncertainty of it makes Howon’s heart skip a beat.

“Of course!” he answers, and Sunggyu’s eyes crinkle in something he could have called affection. He watches the older boy disappear down the hallway, hugging his books to his chest, and Howon can’t place it, but he feels a tugging sensation in his heart.

“He has that effect on people,” Dongwoo says quietly. Howon jumps; he’d almost forgotten about his friend. Dongwoo simply smiles knowingly. “He works too hard, tries too hard to be friendly, yet people are afraid to be friends with him. He’s just a lost boy, drowning in a sea of work and life. You want to protect him, stop him from slowly killing himself, but he won’t listen. It’s always been like that, even since childhood.”

“You’ve known him the longest,” Howon realizes. Dongwoo nods, all traces of a smile gone from his face.

“His family’s not in the best of places,” he admits. “Never has been. His father doesn’t make as much as he should, and his mother stays at home. She was the one who forced him to be the best he could be, do the most he could do, so when time came for him to choose his own classes, naturally, he ended up taking all the hardest ones.”

It must be a hard life, Howon thinks as he walks back home. What a mother. What a son. What a boy, lost in a myriad of mysteries.

--

Sunggyu can’t be jealous of Howon. It doesn’t matter how much Howon has stolen from his life, it doesn’t matter how high Howon’s popularity soars, because Howon is just so damn likeable. It’s like he understands without trying, like he knows what’s going on before you say it, and it’s almost like he lives a perfect life.

And it’s true, Howon could pass off as having a perfect life, but Sunggyu knows better. He’d asked for Howon’s file in the school office, making up a lie about needing it for a student council event. Sunggyu can’t imagine what Howon’s life must be like, losing his father to a war, but most of all, he doesn’t know how Howon can continue to live so happily.

Sunggyu still cries over the loss of his grandmother sometimes, especially when during the late nights. Then, the next day, he puts on a brave face, acts like nothing has happened, because no one should ever be able to see that vulnerable side of him.

Maybe that’s what Howon does too. Maybe he cries under the covers every night. Maybe he splashes cold water on his face to reduce the puffiness of his eyes. Maybe he laughs the questions off as fake allergies. Maybe he is also dying inside.

Maybe it’s just an escape, to pretend to be someone he’s not.

Sunggyu thinks he understands Howon a little better now, and he puts back the file.

Run away with me, he thinks as he walks home. We could live a perfect life together, Howon, if only you knew what I really think.

The bright sun can’t disguise the chill that comes with the crisp autumn wind, and Sunggyu shivers.

“Sunggyu,” he hears someone call from behind. He turns around, only to be met with the silky lining of a still-warm jacket. “You looked cold,” Howon grins, pushing his jacket into Sunggyu’s arms.

Sunggyu smiles, letting out a huff. “What, just because I’m older than you doesn’t mean I’m dying. But thanks.”

Howon falls into step beside him. “No need,” he chirps, swinging his arms back and forth. “Hey, Sunggyu, can I meet your parents?”

Sunggyu’s heart drops down to his knees, and suddenly, Howon’s jacket isn’t keeping him warm anymore. “I, uh, my mom…”

But Howon, with his carefree style, grabs Sunggyu’s hand and gives him the best pouty face he can manage, and Sunggyu can’t say no to that.

“Mom,” Sunggyu calls as he shuts the door behind Howon. The warmth makes his skin steam up, and he shrugs off Howon’s jacket, handing it back to him. “This is my friend, Howon. He’s a new transfer student.”

“Oh, welcome!” Sunggyu’s mom has always been the overly enthusiastic type, the type to treat strangers even better than her own family, the prideful type, the type to never show anything out of the ordinary to her guests. “Sunggyu, why didn’t you offer something to eat? I’m sorry, Howon, my son is a little shy with bringing guests. He doesn’t mean to be rude. Please, sit down somewhere.”

“It’s fine,” Sunggyu interrupts a bit coldly. “We’re just going up to my room for a while. He has to go home before dinner anyway.”

Howon almost opens his mouth. He almost refutes Sunggyu’s claim, but then Sunggyu’s beautiful hand is on his wrist, and he’s being forcefully dragged up the narrow staircase and into Sunggyu’s stuffy little room.

“Why did you do that?” Howon demands, rubbing his wrist. Sunggyu locks the door, raising an eyebrow.

“She would have kept you until your mother called the goddamned police to report you missing.” Sunggyu’s voice is scathing, but Howon hears the subtle affection, the underlying pride, and he smiles.

“I could always call her,” he replies, sitting down. “My mom, I mean. She wouldn’t mind me staying with you. You’re perfect.”

Oops. He hadn’t meant to let that slip. Sunggyu’s face blanches, and Howon stops breathing. “I-I’m sorry,” he hastily amends. “I, I didn’t mean it in that way, because obviously no one’s perfect, and I don’t want to put more pressure on you, but you’re pretty much perfect anyway since your grades are so high and you do so much to help everyone even though they’re scared to ask you and you’re so pretty and you make me so jealous and, a-and, I’m sorry,” he finishes lamely, not bearing to look Sunggyu in the eye. “I should leave.”

“No.” Sunggyu’s hand flashes out and lands on Howon’s knee. It burns, and Howon risks a glance up. Sunggyu’s face is flushed red, and he looks like he’s about to cry.

“No, I’ve made you upset.” Howon looks away, but he doesn’t move. He thinks he hears Sunggyu let out a breath.

“You?” he asks, softly. “Jealous of me? Howon, I was the one jealous of you. You’re the one who’s perfect, the one who knows how to do everything, the one who has to put up with so much and still face it with a laughing face. I was so jealous of you, and maybe I still am, but you’re just so goddamned likeable that it makes hating you hard on me. No, you’re the perfect one.”

Suddenly, Howon can’t hold back his words anymore. “Do you know how many nights I’ve spent dreaming of you?” he asks, meeting Sunggyu’s eyes with a new ferocity. “Countless. Ever since I met you. Your voice, your hands, your laugh. You do things to me that no one else has ever done, will ever do. You do things to me that make me shudder in anticipation. You do me crazy, and you don’t even know it. You don’t know it, because you’re just so, ing, goddamned, perfect, and perfect people never realize.”

But then Sunggyu is on top of him, cupping his face in those perfect hands, and kissing him. Howon kisses him back, falling onto the floor on his back, and Sunggyu is tearing at his shirt, and Howon’s lips find Sunggyu’s neck, and everything that follows is just another lovestruck autumn night.

The stars shine bright, and Howon calls his mother to let her know that he’s sleeping over at Sunggyu’s house tonight. His mother emphasizes politeness, and Howon laughs because of the sheer irony. Politeness? He’s just had with this perfect boy on his bedroom floor; politeness is definitely out of the question.

“I know,” he says anyway. “See you tomorrow, Mom. I love you.”

As soon as he hangs up, Howon feels a warm chin digging into his shoulder, and a pair of soft lips presses against his neck. “I thought you loved only me, Lee Howon,” Sunggyu murmurs playfully, letting his hands roam up and down Howon’s body.

“You goddamned tease,” Howon whispers back, arching his body back into Sunggyu’s chest. “Must you make my life so difficult?”

Sunggyu lets out a breathy laugh. “Of course,” he purrs. “After all, you were the one who made my life hard in the first place, so I simply consider this payback.”

“Payback I would take any day.” Sunggyu’s hands stray to places they’ve just visited, should not visit again, and Howon bites back a groan. “Stop teasing.”

“Never.”

Whoaaa I've missed author's notes lol. What did yall think? I realize it probably definitely got a little off topic, and I admit that it wasn't supposed to go in this direction, but hey, I'm pretty glad it did lol.