07:00 A.M.

She grunted loudly while still lying on her bed, feeling stupid about agreeing on a date her friend and her friend’s boyfriend suggested last night when she lost to the game they played. Her friend, Jennie, had been bugging her with this whole idea about introducing her with some guy this Jennie girl happened to make friends with. Jennie always said something about hospital and handsome-looking young doctor and she got injured and on and on and on. One thing about what Jennie said had got her on her nerves, she said she was worried about her not having any boyfriend in such twenty-four years of age. The problem was, she didn’t need one. She was having the time of her life. She was enjoying being alone and being solitude after finally made an escape from her big family. Her family was just like the weasley in Harry Potter universe with less crazy twin siblings. And when she finally owned her freedom, her friend who had too much care of everything suddenly suggested something outside of her plan. How dare Jennie. How dare the amount of alcohol she chugged in last night. Right, it was not only because of Jennie and her stupid bet. She swore alcohol is her enemy for it always led her making most worst decisions she ever decided in her life. Why did she has to say yes.

It came to her wonder why people around her never understand the idea of being alone and occupying a lot of space by her and only herself. She simply liked to be alone in a lot of situations. To her, it was different with being lonely because she still talked to her mom and her dad and her crazy, loud siblings over the phone. Her dad still sometimes sent some old meme he found on the internet, now he finally figured out how to use his smartphone, to her family group chat. Her mom always checked on her like almost every day whether it was by phone or just a simple text. She still came out to hang out sometimes with her colleagues or even with her high school mates like Jennie, Jisoo, and Soohyun. Sometimes it could be suffocating for her to be surrounded by people who know her. She preferred being in the middle of crowds full of strangers, that was why she loved to watch the movies alone and secretly went to various music festivals where her favorite bands or singers were playing.

She hopped from her bed and looked around at her tiny apartment. Sure, it was messy but she could live with that. One time she had cleaned it up, she thought she lost her employee’s id only to find it under her bed after two hours of trying. And she got her room messy again. After that, she just gave up. For her this what was called randomly organized, and she was cool with it even though she had to bear her mother naggings whenever she came for a visit. She loved her room, though it was tiny. She had thought about moving out a year ago, she had a decent job with a you-can-call-it-very-awesome-big-amount of paycheck for a fresh graduate plus her friend kept telling her so, but she stayed for good. Again, she loved her room. And another reason to stay was that her landlord lady was a super-duper kind person. She always got invited to eat in her, the landlord lady, house when she couldn’t get home for chuseok because she happened to forget buying herself a train ticket for three years in a row. She just couldn’t risk her comfort for something that was uncertain at that time. So there she was, building a world she only understand in her tiny, comfortable room.

Today was a big, big day for her. Not because of the date Jennie had set, oh my god, but it was because today was d-day where she’s gonna know whether she got accepted into a position in HQ or not. She had applied for a lead engineer position after her team leader told her she needed to step up her game and also because they needed more people in HQ of course. And she thought maybe going to New York, which was fifteen hours away by plane and only-god-knows-how-long by ship, was not such a bad idea. After staying too long in her comfort zone, maybe it was her time to come out and having a little bit of an adventure of her own. That was also why she thought today’s ‘the date’ wouldn’t work. But who cares, it would be just another meaningless effort of her friend trying to get her with somebody. Whoever she met later, even if he was a great person, to her, it would compare to nothing if she got the position. And she just couldn’t start her day wrong so she hurried herself to bath and get dressed.

08.00 A.M.

“Jaewon-ah!” his sunbae exclaimed, “Again, thank you so much for filling me out for my shift today. I really need to go to see my daughter’s teacher. He said she’s been acting up all weird for these last couple of days. It’s been really hard with this whole ‘divorce’ situation I guess and I know it’s hard for her.”

“Don’t worry sunbae, this hospital is practically my home. Gladly nothing big happened last night. I managed to get four hours of sleep.” He grinned.

“Don’t say that… this hospital is not your home. You have a family you need to see, okay. Whatever this act you’ve been doing, I hope you realize that avoiding your family is not the answer.”

“I know…,” he smiled bitterly with troubled eyes, “but one thing I know for sure you’re going to be late to see Sookyung’s teacher if you keep talking to me.”

“You sneaky….,” she ruffled his hair, “always find a way to escape from my nagging. Anyway, don’t overwork yourself okay. I hope nothing’s terrible gonna happen today so you guys in ER can have a peaceful day.”

“Hopefully.” He grinned.

“See you, Jaewon.”

He chukled, “See you, sunbae.”

“And Jaewon….”

“Yes, sunbae.”

“Don’t forget about the date.” She smirked

Right, the date! He almost forgot about it. If it hadn’t for his inability to say no, he wouldn’t have to go tonight. Sure Jennie was a really good friend and probably her intention was good, but still he couldn’t stop himself from blaming her a little. ‘It would be just one dinner date. Come on, Jaewon… this is one of the things I can do to pay you back. If you don’t like her, then that’s it. No pressure.’

Jennie was silly. She thought Jaewon needed a date because he seemed lonely. On top of that she said that she did it for paying him back for what he had done to her. He didn’t need it, of course. Jennie didn’t know. She didn’t know that he chose to shut people out of his life because he had lost all his faith. He believed he had lost his ability to feel since his mom died two years ago. He felt like he couldn’t love another people, including his dad and his little brother, just as much as he loved her mother. That was why he chose to move out alone, and barely went back to his house. He distanced himself with people so there would be no attachment. So when they were gone, he wouldn’t be much affected. In fact, he kept himself from feeling too deeply for a person because he couldn’t bare the horror of being the one who’s left behind just like what he felt about his mom. He thought keeping distance would be the only way to help him stop feeling so miserable.

There were times when he felt empty. Of course it was convenience for having no attachment with people, but feeling was a complicated matter. He didn’t get to choose what to feel even though he wanted to. In the end, he still chose convenience over his feeling. He decided he could bear feeling empty but he wouldn’t survive from strong emotion he would feel if he started letting people in.

He couldn’t blame his mom even though it started from her. She was his mom, his best friend. He and his mom had similar taste when it came to movies and books. He used to go to see movies with her on Friday night, and it became their routines for whenever their favorite movies came out. Even though his friend in high school used to for being a mama’s boy, he didn’t feel embarrassed even a bit. He was his mama’s boy. Nothing’s wrong. But each day his mom’s body became weaker and weaker and they couldn’t do their routines anymore just like they used to. And then she’s gone just after he finished his first year of residency. He didn’t cry that day, he couldn’t. But he cried for months after for when he felt lonely and guilty because he wasn’t there when she’s gone.

“Jaewon-hyung?” some boy on the wheelchair called Jaewon. “What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to go home by now?”

“Good morning, Chanwoo.” he smiled. “I had to cover for Sandara-sunbaenim because she had an urgent matter. And what are you doing here instead in your room?”

“I just want to hang out with Jiwon-hyung, Hanbing-hyung, Mino-hyung, and beautiful Lisa-noona in ER.” Chanwoo grinned.

“They’re working there, you know… don’t bother them so much okay.”

“Of course not.” he pouted. “They like to hang out with me unlike you.”

Jaewon pinched Chanwoo’s chubby cheek. “Who said I don’t like to hang out with you.”

Chanwoo giggled.

“Breakfast?”

“Aready.” Chanwoo answered shortly.

“Ok, to the ER then.” Jaewoon said while he pushed Chanwoo’s wheelchair.