Toast Box. 

This was their place.

The place they first met.

The place they had their first date.

The place they had their first kiss.

The place they broke up.

 

 

 

 

He stood outside the cafe, hesitating. It had been 10 years since he had last visited this place. He vowed never to come into this cafe again, but there he was, standing outside despite everything that happened. A wave of memories came rushing back to his mind as he looked inside the cafe nervously, scared, but excited.

He remembered how they first met.

It began innocently enough. He was standing at the entrance with his tray of food, but had nowhere to sit. As he glanced around the crowded cafe, he spotted a petite looking girl, beckoning him to go over. Being a gentleman, he obliged and went forward.

"Were you beckoning to me, miss?"

He had asked politely, only to be laughed at by her.

"Do you see anyone else looking like a lost bird? You need a place to sit, right? You can share this table with me," she replied, smiling brightly.

He was flabbergasted. No stranger had ever been so friendly with him before, mainly because he looked scary and fierce all the time. He blinked a few times.

"A...Are you sure? I...I don't know you..." he stammered, trailing off. He was a confident young man and he never stuttered in the presence of anybody. It was surprising how this little lady had this effect on him. She giggled at his confused face.

"Silly, friends started off as strangers too! Come on, sit down, don't be uncomfortable with me! My name's Jessica Jung, what's yours?"

"Jaejoong," he finally gave in to the girl's friendliness and sat down opposite the new friend he just made.

 

"Kim Jaejoong."

 

 

 

 

Ever since that day, Toast Box had become their usual meeting spot. Everyday, without fail, they would meet each other at this cafe they called their own. The shopkeeper knew them well, he always recognized them as the cute young couple who always met there for iced coffee, and sometimes, a plate of butter toast. They even had their first date there. Their love was so strong, they thought it would never end.

 

 

 

 

They sat down opposite each other in the cafe like always. They stared into each other's eyes silently. Not a word was exchanged between them. Then he spoke. 

 

"Why do you always order iced coffee?"

"Because I like the taste of it, it takes my mind off things," she smiled. She glanced down at the glass of iced coffee Jaejoong was too, holding in his hands. "Then why do you?"

"Because you ordered it too."

 

 

 

 

He knew something was wrong when Jessica called him at 11pm that night. She had spoke in an unusually serious tone, asking him to meet her at their usual meeting spot. Toast Box. 

The moment he stepped into the dimly lit cafe, he stopped. His eyes travelled down from her face to the iced tea she was drinking calmly.

"You changed your drink."

He had whispered to her, hurt, because iced coffee was supposed to be their drink.

 

"I'm sorry."

 

The two words left coldly as she took another sip of the iced tea she was drinking, her eyes showing no emotions, never leaving his.

"I think it's time for change."

He dreaded what was coming next.

 

 

 

 

The rain is pounding heavily yet he does not seem to notice. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. These two words resounded in his head like a broken recorder as he took heavy steps away from the cafe he would never want to visit again. The raindrops, like silver needles falling from the sky, created shapes on his now-sodden back. His tears merged with the raindrops rolling down his face. Why? He screamed silently. Why? He dropped onto his knees and sobbed uncontrollably. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. As though sorry could change everything.

Ever since that day, he never looked at life the same way again. He couldn't bring himself to smile, to laugh anymore. What's the point? He thought. She still left. She won't come back anymore. She left. She left.

It was as though all the happiness had drained away from his life.

 

 

 

 

He left for America soon enough. He wanted to escape this city which brought him pain, he wanted to erase all the memories of him and Jessica, he wanted to start anew. He spent his next 15 years in another state, another city, trying to live life again. But he knew he couldn't. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't bring himself to forget about the girl who once meant so much to him in his life. He hated how much he loved her, he hated how important she was. He hated life so much he wanted to die.

He went for counseling after attempting suicide twice. They gave him a lot of advice, about how he shouldn't do that just because he fell out of love and so on, but he never once paid attention to any of the advices given to him. Bull. He thought. Complete bull. 

 

 

 

 

5 years passed after their breakup and everybody believed that he had finally gotten over the breakup, but he knew he didn't. He was already too deeply in love and could never, ever get over her.

Never. 

 

 

 

 

It had been 10 years since he came back to this city, this place which gave him so much memories and so much pain. After so much time, he finally gathered up enough courage to come back to this fateful city. He took a deep breath before opening the door to the cafe he vowed never to go into again. The familiar eyes of the shopkeeper greeted him, before widening in realization.

"J...Jaejoong?" he asked, uncertain. Jaejoong smiled weakly at him.

"The usual, Mr Park."

 

 

 

 

Jaejoong took a sip of the delicious iced coffee, smiling contently with his eyes closed. The taste...it hadn't changed a single bit. Mr Park, seeing there weren't much customers, walked over and sat down opposite Jaejoong.

"Why did you leave so abruptly?" he asked, curiosity overshadowing his voice. 

"I just needed some time to get away from it all," he replied.

Mr Park nodded. He understood that Jaejoong didn't want to explain. He sighed and got up from the seat to get back to work.

 

"Erm...Mr Park?"

 

Jaejoong called him uncertainly. There was hesitation in his voice.

"Yes?" Mr Park asked, turning around to face Jaejoong.

 

"Where's Jessica?"

 

Mr Park froze, then he shook his head sadly.

"I thought they would have told you," he murmured.

Jaejoong furrowed his eyebrows. What?

"She passed away from stomach cancer a day after you left."

His heart stopped beating.

She passed away? Jessica Jung passed away?

"It seems like she wanted to tell you, but didn't have enough courage to."

Then it suddenly struck him. She broke up with him not because she didn't love him anymore, but because she was suffering from stomach cancer and didn't want him to know. At that moment, he regretted everything from 15 years ago. He regretted how he ran away, how he left her alone during the worst parts of her life. He wanted time to go backwards, he wanted her back.

"She left this for you." Mr Park's voice snapped him back to reality as he handed him a brown colored envelope, decorated with a small picture of a cup of coffee. On it were the words. 'To Jaejoong~'

"She told me to pass this to you on the night after you left."

Jaejoong ripped the envelope and opened the letter with trembling hands. His bottom lip quivered as tears threatened to spill from his eyes.

 

 

Jaejoong,

 

        When you read this letter, I don't think I'll be living anymore. I just wanted to tell you I'm really, really sorry for everything. You have no idea how my heart broke when I saw the hurt in your eyes as you walked away from me. I know it was wrong for me to do so, but honestly, I believe it's the right choice. I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you. I have stomach cancer stage 4 and I won't have much time left. I don't want you to dwell over me, to cry over me. I want you to get over me in life and move on. Hope you'll find a better person to spend your life with. Be happy, Jaejoong. I'll be watching over you from heaven.

 

Sincerely,

Jessica

P.S. I don't love you anymore. (A.N. LOL.)

 

 

How his heart ached, how he cried when he read the letter. "Pabo," he sobbed. "Pabo, I won't mind." he wanted to tell her how much he missed her, how much he wanted her back, but he knew it was futile. "I'm sorry for leaving you, Sica, I'm sorry," he cried. "I'm so, so sorry."

 

-5 years later-

 

"Good morning!" Jaejoong smiled cheerfully. Mr Park gave him a weak smile.

"Good morning, Jae."

Jaejoong frowned when he saw his usual spot being taken by a young teenage girl.

"I'm sorry, Jae," Mr Park apologized. "She wanted that spot."

The girl seemed to have heard their conversation as she ooked up and smiled warmly at Jaejoong, beckoning him to go over. Jaejoong's eyes widened. Her eyes...they looked so familiar...

"You need a place to sit, right? You can share the table with me," she smiled brightly.

He was flabbergasted. She sounded so familiar, she sounded like Jessica. The voice...the words...the eyes... He blinked a few times.

"Are you sure?" he asked her nervously. She giggled.

"Wasn't this supposed to be YOUR spot? Haha, come on, don't be uncomfortable with me! My name's Krystal Jung, what's yours?"

He gasped. Jessica Jung...Krystal Jung... Were they sisters or something?

"I'm J...Jaejoong," he stuttered as he sat down opposite her.

"Oh." she took a sip of the iced coffee she was drinking. There was a brief silence between them. 

"How old are you?" she asked.

"I'm 30," he replied. "You?"

"I'm 15, I'm the only child." she smiled.

He nodded. So she wasn't Jessica's sister.

He glanced at the glass of iced coffee she was holding. "Do you always drink iced coffee?" he asked.

She nodded. "I like the taste of it, it tends to take my mind off things."

He widened his eyes in shock. Wasn't that what Jessica told him before? Krystal seemed to notice something was wrong as she waved her hand in front of his face. 

"Hello? Are you okay?" she asked, slightly worried.

He snapped out of his daze and stared at her. "Yeah, yeah, sorry, it's just that someone I knew before told me that too."

"Oh." she stared at him, unconvinced.

"You loved her, didn't you?"

That question caught him by surprise. I love Jessica? He thought. Do I love her? After 15 years, do I still love her?

"I..." he started. Then he stopped.

*I don't love you anymore.*

The words Jessica wrote to him in the letter suddenly became clear to him. *I don't love you anymore.* he spent his last 5 years wondering what she actually meant, and now, he finally got it. As the saying goes, 'Love can be to the extent where words are not needed anymore.' Those 12 words finally made sense to him. He knew how much they loved each other, there was no more need for them to express their love through words. The 'I love you's, the sweet nothings, what for? They themselves knew they were deeply in love, and that was enough. He smiled cheerfully back at Krystal and shook his head.

"No," he smiled. "I don't love her."

 

 

"I don't love her at all."

 

 

 

 

 

 

YAY! I'm done! (: I hope you guys like this fanfic I wrote! PLEASE COMMENT! I know the 'I don't love you' in Jessica's letter was a bit erm...extra, but I needed it for the last part! It didn't turn out as nice as I though though. Hope it's okay! I spent a pretty long time thinking up of this fanfic, so please comment! ): I'll really appreciate it! THANK YOU! <3