That couple, you see, holding hands right at the corner. Sweet. You can tell they’re first lovers. Eyes on each other. Hands held tight, because the world might be windy enough to blow them away. His eyes flicker with lovesick joy. Smiling lavishly like he’s the richest guy alive. If a sudden car swerves around the corner he’d be brave enough to protect her with his body. Be a shield, be the knight in shining armor. Actions to prove that I love you so much, I can do anything for you. A man’s first time realizing that the sun rises for a reason. When a man loves you like that he’s a good man, but perhaps for only so long.

Only for so long…

Love, you see, is only so secure until one little thing breaks that line. You admire that couple walking their dogs? Well you wouldn’t know what happens when they get home. Will they argue? Has she cheated or did she catch him with a younger woman? You see that cute couple wearing matching attire in a fancy restaurant. You think how wonderful they are rich and lucky to be together. But underneath that dress there are sore purple bruises that tell their own stories.

Love is only a mask. It will only last for the really lucky ones. Or perhaps, the ones that has learned the worst of their lesson. And they spend the rest of their eternity trying to make up for their sins.

My friends think I am lucky. I live with my boyfriend. We’ve been together for 6 years. I have a part time job, he works full time. We’re both college graduates. His parents want him to marry soon.

I’m not ready.

I’ve told my friends that I don’t think I’ll be ready, ever. I can’t imagine myself spending the rest of my life with him. Still, we’re together and I am happy. I am content with how things are.

Relationships are complex that way. Hard to explain, but the heart makes its own decisions. I stay with him because it feels right. I love him. I care for him. I enjoy spending time with him. I look forward to being with him at the end of the day. Seeing him in the morning. Delivering him lunch on my days off. Ride with him on his motorcycle. Go to car shows. Whatever interests him. Whatever we both enjoy.

Yet, I can’t see myself marrying him.

No one is perfect, you know. We all make mistakes. I can promise you that I am not one to hold a grudge. I am a really simple person. I am a happy person.

I am not blabbering. But you see, that is mostly the truth.

I love my boyfriend.

Who’s cheated on me.

It hurts me. I love him, you know. It wasn’t a secret affair, but it still hurts.

He was out of state. Paying his respects at a funeral with his father. That kind of thing. And there was a girl he met there. He said nothing about having a girlfriend. He let her kiss him. Even when he has me.

When he leaves. When he goes out of the country to Japan to help teach students, I worry. I am insecure. I hide it. I fear alone. Has he met someone? Is he spending his day, his nights with some other woman? I am afraid to ask him.

But I love him.

My boyfriend.

Who’s cheated on me.

Whoever said love was easy?