“Take care. Make me proud. Make the fans proud. I’ll meet you at the top”

Brian groaned and rolled over, contemplating on whether to get up or stay for another five minutes. But he knows that if he’d choose the latter he won’t be able to go for the rest of the day. He tried to think about his dream. It was the last time he saw his best friend. He’d always dream of the time when they bid their goodbyes at the airport every time he’s having a hard time.

“Terry…” he sniffed. He’s just thankful that whenever he wants to call his best friend when he wakes up, there wouldn’t be too much of a bother because it would be afternoon of the previous day in Terry’s.

The first thing he heard from the other line was a sigh. “You can do it, man.”

He has not said anything yet and he didn’t say a single thing ‘till the end. Just hearing that single line from his best friend means a lot. He got up after murmuring his thanks and ended the call. He washed up for a bit and grabbed the first thing his hand caught in his cabinet.

The building of the company where he trains is just a few minutes’ walk away from his apartment so he decided to grab an iced Americano to overcome his sleepiness first. Sighing as he was waiting for his coffee, a tall figure caught his attention. It was a blonde guy with square eyeglasses, his eyes were so tiny and his lips were quite open. But what fed his curiosity about the guy was the guitar case the guy was carrying. His eyes followed the guy who’s about to exit the place. He immediately grabbed his coffee the second it was put on the counter and walked fast to follow the guy. His eyes scanned the street but his eyes didn’t catch the figure he was looking for.

What a cute guy. He shook his head and convinced himself that he was only interested on the guitar—why he has a guitar; is he someone from a band; or is he aspiring to be in one.

Few days passed and the guy still keeps on popping up in his mind. He’s been going to the usual café, too, at the same time he saw the guy but he still hasn’t seen him again.

He was taking every step lazily on his way to the company building when he suddenly saw him in the midst of many people. His blood started rushing through his cheeks. He started to double his pace to catch up with the guy but he lost him. Before he knew it, he was already in front of the company’s building.

 “Younghyun…” a voice from behind called.

“Oh… Hyung”

“What are you doing here?” Wooyoung put his arm on his shoulder before dragging him inside “Let’s come inside and start your training”

He let his body be dragged by his senior, his feet following the steps he takes as he let his thoughts wander. He was happy for a reason he doesn’t know when he saw the tall guy again. He can’t wait for another day to come, another opportunity to see the said guy. He was drowning in his thoughts when Wooyoung hit him for not paying attention.

“Wait for me here, I’ll be right back”

He nodded as his mind went back to thinking about the glasses guy again. His lips formed a curve when he remembered that despite many people, he saw him and knew it was him immediately. Keeping his smile on his face, he fished a notebook and a pen out of his bag and started writing. He heard the door open but didn’t bother looking. Wooyoung-hyung must be back.

A clearing of throat was heard and he looked up only to see the person he’s writing about. With mouth agape, he hid his notebook at his back slowly as he got up on his feet.

“You must be Younghyun?” The glasses guy asked in Korean and he just stared. He almost smiled when he saw the guy’s aggressive blinking, thinking how cute it was. “Jae…” he offered a hand.

It took him two seconds to process the situation and finally stretched his arm to shake hands with Jae. The latter smiled “Hi”

“Hello…” he replied and Jae instantly noticed that his hello was a bit different; like a hello said by someone who’s fluent in English.

“You speak English, bro?” He asked, this time in English.

“Uhh.. Yeah. I’m from Canada”

Jae plastered a grin on his face, feeling amused “Woah! Cool!” He chortled “I’d finally be able to talk in English as much as I want again. So what’s your English name?”

“Brian”

“Brian…” he repeated while nodding “Alright. Brian. I’ll call you that from now on then” Brian furrowed his eyebrows and just when he was about to say something, Jae asked about what he was writing. Without a warning, he took the notebook that Brian was holding. “When in the midst of many people, I notice you. I get excited immediately. There’s no way I could lose you” Jae’s forehead was creased as he was analyzing what Brian wrote “Are you writing a song?”

“Oh, so you already introduced yourselves to each other?” Wooyoung entered the room and butted in with their conversation before even Brian could respond to Jae’s question.

Wooyoung then explained that the company’s CEO is trying out something new.

“A band?!” Brian asked with a mix of surprise and excitement. Mirth was evident in his eyes, too.

The three continued their conversation for few minutes before Wooyoung and Brian practiced dancing.

A week after, as Brian was lazing around on his bed, he heard his doorbell rang. He groaned, wanting to cuss at whoever came unannounced. He hasn’t washed since yesterday and he’s not planning to do so, too, today. So if someone came just to push him to go out of his apartment today, he’d be really pissed.

But before he could even open the door, a familiar voice called him. “Brian! Open up, bro!”

“J-Jae?” He hurriedly opened the door and see a smiling Jae in front of him, with two boxes of pizza in his hand. “W-why are you here? How’d you know my apartment?”

“Wooyoung-hyung dropped me off. He was going somewhere with Taecyeon-hyung. I think they have a shoot today? Then I told them I’d just hang around with you. May I come in?”

“Oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course.”

Jae teased Brian about not washing up but didn’t mind. He even made him play NBA 2k with him instead of making him take a bath. Couple of hours later, Jae saw a guitar in the corner.

“You play the guitar, dude?”

“Yeah. I used to sing with my best friend in Canada”

“Oh right…” Jae rummaged his bag and took out something “Here” it was Brian’s notebook from last week. “Sorry I forgot to return that. Do you want to make a collab?  My friend Wonpil and I composed something. You might wanna hear it and if you want, maybe we could use your lyrics?”

Brian thought it was a great idea. He missed music. It reminds him so much of his best friend and his younger years when they used to make music and covers and upload them on YouTube.  Little did he know that Jae used to do the same thing, too.

For a good thirty minutes, Brian finished the song which made Jae in awe. “You serious, bro? You write fast, man! Lemme see”

They were both overwhelmed when they incorporated the lyrics with what Jae (and Wonpi) has composed. It turned out great. “Shall we call it Hunt then?”

Brian smiled from ear to ear “Yeah, sure”

They didn’t realize that it was already evening until Brian’s tummy grumbled. Jae laughed hard and Brian couldn’t curb his smile from forming and the butterflies in his stomach from being wild. Brian offered to cook ramen for the both of them and Jae let him do what he wants as he dialed on his phone to order some chicken.

“I’m sleeping over” Jae announced as he snuggled on the couch. Brian, who’s in the kitchen, paused for a moment to tell himself that he’s hearing things right.

“Suit yourself”

They spent the rest of the night eating and telling each other’s story: how life in Canada for Brian was and how it was like for Jae in California.

“You could sleep on my bed” Brian offered

“I won’t decline, bro. But if you’re sleeping on the couch then let’s just sleep on bed together”

Brian almost forgot how to breathe when he heard what Jae have said. He tried to remain calm “No. I’m fine on the couch, seriously.”

“No, I insist”

Brian let out a sigh and went inside his room first. Jae followed. As what he usually does, he’d just get whatever his hand will get from his cabinet and threw that piece of clothing at Jae and made him change. Without a warning Jae took off his shirt which caused Brian to widen his eyes in surprise but he didn’t lose his cool. He unconsciously bit his lip as Jae put on a new piece of clothing. That was a tank top? Brian wanted to cuss himself for not choosing a shirt before giving it to Jae. Now he has to suffer seeing his arms. Jae’s not skinny, but he doesn’t have much muscles either: just right. Good luck to him if he could sleep.

Jae was the first one who lied down on the bed. He was busy with his phone while Brian changed his shirt, too, before following on the bed.

“Good night” he murmured, not getting any response from Jae who’s still busy with his phone.

It took him couple of hours before he could finally sleep. He thought his special talent was sleeping anywhere and anytime but maybe that doesn’t work when Jae’s around. He had a little sleep but he felt like he had a great sleep for the first time in a long time. He slowly opened his eyes only to see Jae’s back facing him. His gaze traveled to his arm and smiled. Yes, good morning.

Jae shifted position and he has his back on the bed now. Brian became busy admiring his side profile, his jaw that seemed like it was molded perfectly. His mouth was half open which caused Brian to unconsciously his own before taking a gulp.

Being like this, Brian doesn’t want to get off his bed nor be somewhere else. He just wants to stay beside him all day. Today, let’s be lazy. He continued staring at him without a single word. He looks so beautiful lying down beside him. Even with disheveled hair, he still looks perfect. He makes him feel different kind of feelings. He feels so happy like he’s floating, like he’s in heaven because of him. He doesn’t want this to end. He’s afraid of him waking up and going away. He doesn’t want him to leave. He wants to hold him and let him stay in the blanket with him.

As if his hand has its mind on its own, it moved and s around Jae’s belly. The latter groaned softly and creased his forehead. Brian almost felt his heart jumped out when Jae’s hand held his forearm. It lasted for three seconds before Jae moved it away from him which made his heart sank.

“I’m not your girlfriend, bro” He swallowed after hearing Jae’s quite raspy voice. “I know you’re sleepy and you might’ve been mistaken me for some girl but sorry, I don’t really like skinship”

He acted like he didn’t hear a thing but in his heart, there’s a sting. He pretend to sleep again when the whole time he’s been trying to ease the pain. He has never admitted or confessed to himself that he likes Jae. He has never seen any other guy in that way before. But he knows deep inside, he has a big crush on him. For the first time, he admits it to himself. Man, I like him. I like him so much.

Weeks passed, and even months, they became closer and closer to each other. They became the best buds. Eventually, their CEO decided to put Brian on the band where Jae is when he found out that they already made a song. There were two other members: Wonpil and Sungjin. Brian has always wanted to play the guitar but they needed a bassist so he compromised.

Sometimes Brian’s heart would skip a beat. It must be just his imagination but he feels like sometimes Jae is being touchy than usual, given that he’s someone who’s not into skinship. Brian would just shrug it off most of the time though.

Sometimes he would call Terry to vent out and let his emotion flow. Sometimes he’d go to Wooyoung and bother him about making songs together just to make himself be preoccupied. But right now, he’s alone. Terry was not picking up his calls. He must be at work. Wooyoung wasn’t picking up his calls either nor responding to his text messages. He might be at the studio or he must be sleeping already.

He lost count on how many bottles of alcohol he already drank. He was a little bit tipsy but he still managed to write. You’re the sun, I’m Icarus. I can’t help but get drawn. He wrote it as he thinks of Jae—how he’s the first and only thing in his mind when he opens his eyes every morning. Every time he’d look at him and their gazes would lock, his cheeks would heat up but it feels so nice. Every single day, he wants to be with him and every single night he can’t wait for the morning sun to rise. His heartbeat would always race at the thought of seeing him, and it would even beat faster when he’s already in front of him. Every time Jae’s eyes land on him, he couldn’t help but like him harder, fall for him over and over. He melts his heart with his bright smile. Truly, he is the sun.

“Jae…” he called

“Brian, where are you?” answered a voice from the other line “Are you drunk, bro?”

“I’m at Itaewon.”

“Bro, it’s 3am! Are you alone? Want me to call Sungjin or Wooyoung-hyung to fetch you?”

“Jae…” he trailed off and paused for a while “Who are you with?”

“With McKay, grabbing food.” Brian stayed silent for a while and he heard McKay’s voice from the background followed by Jae’s laugh. On normal days, he wouldn’t be able to prevent his smile from forming after hearing that laugh, but he can’t help but feel pain just now.

“Why didn’t you call me, Jae? I could’ve grabbed some food with you. I’ve been waiting for you, Jae. I’ve been f***ing waiting for you”

“Bro?” Jae asked, confused.

“I like you, Jae…”

Jae was taken aback for a moment. But he thought Brian was just drunk and he reminded himself that Brian would always throw those words to someone precious to him like Wooyoung and Dowoon, the new member of their band.

He let out a soft chuckle “Alright, dude. Alright. I like you, too”

“But you didn’t call me… You didn’t text me, Jae. Why?”

“Sorry, dude. I will call you next time, okay?”

“I’ve always been f***ing waiting for you, Jae. But why are you with McKay? F*** man!”

“I’m sorry, okay?” A soft sigh was heaved “I’ll call someone to fetch you, alright?”

The moment Jae hung up the phone, Brian almost threw his. He drank another bottle and few moments later he dialed Jae’s number again.

“Jae... I’m such a fool. I’m so sorry. Sorry for being an idiot. I’ll continue wait for you, okay?”

“Mhm…”

“Where are you?”

“Uhm.. McDonalds”

“Can I go see you, Jae? I’m always waiting for you”

Jae chortled softly “I’m waiting for you, too, okay? But someone’s on his way to take you home.”

As if on cue, a hand patted his shoulder “Younghyun, why are you alone?” Wooyoung massaged his temple and let out a sharp sigh. “Let’s go home”

On their way to Brian’s apartment, he once again called Jae but it was rejected. Wooyoung grabbed his phone and told the younger to sleep and he obliged.

The moment he opened his eyes, he wished that there’s no single thing for him to remember but he remembers them all. He remembered how he cursed at Jae, how he told him he’s always waiting for him, how he confessed and the other telling him he likes him, too. What was that about? Was that legit? Does he like me, too, or what? Man, that was so embarrassing!

He went late to the building and Sungjin, their leader, didn’t bother scolding him because he knew Brian was drunk. Instead, they all and laughed at him.

“Dude, you were like making a drunk call confession!” Jae sniggered and others supported him with laugh. “If I don’t know your personality, I might actually think you like me”

But I do like you, idiot!

“C’mon dude. You know me” Brian snickered dryly. “I’m just like that to people whom I’m close with. I think I’ve done the same thing to Wooyoung-hyung before”

Everyone seemed to forget it after a few weeks but not him; not with Jae being more touchy than before; not with Jae being always beside him; not with Jae always looking at him. Is he really the only one who hasn’t forgotten about the drunk call?

He really wants to restrain himself, his feelings for him, but how could he do that if Jae’s giving mix signals? Or maybe it’s just his imagination; maybe he’s just over thinking things. But just like their new song, Jae’s really like that sun. And even though he’s restraining himself to become like Icarus, it seems like he already become him. One thing he’s thankful of for being drunk that night is that he has written a song inspired by his thoughts during that moment. Another song added to the album they’re making.

It’s been two months since then. They’re celebrating because they already have four songs. They’ve been eating and drinking since 9pm. He was somehow cautious. He doesn’t want to be drunk again, especially with Jae beside him.

He’s been restraining himself so bad but seeing Jae’s gaze linger on him from time to time is starting to break his wall. Forget it, I need to tell him. I must tell him.

When the clock struck 1AM, Jae offered a ride. “I didn’t drink much. I’ll give you a ride”

I must tell him. I must tell him.

“Just drop me off at the studio, then”

The whole ride was awfully silent. No one said a word. No gaze was landed to each other. It was as if they were alone; they have their own little bubble. Even after they’ve arrived in front of the building, they stayed silent for a whole minute.

“I like you”

Jae’s eyes widened a bit but he remained calm. Somehow, he was anticipating this to happen but now that it did, it still surprised him. He made a soft laugh “Are you drunk again? I thought you didn’t drink so—“

“No.” He breathed in “I like you. I like you so much; not as a person. But I like you like how girls like guys. I like you so much that it’s making me crazy. I like you for a long time even before you knew me and before I knew your name.”

Brian’s shoulders went up and down as he was catching up his breath. He felt suffocated. He felt like he has an upset stomach as he anticipates Jae’s reply.

“I see…”

They fell silent for a good two minutes but that’s the only thing that came out from Jae’s mouth. Brian already wants to clutch his chest. It hurts so bad. He wants to cry and scream. He can’t breathe.

He took the seatbelt off and reached for the door’s handle. “Thanks for dropping me off” without giving a glance, he went off the car and hastily went inside the building as he heard Jae’s car went off, too.

Stupid.

He didn’t know how he managed to go to the studio with his weak knees like they’re gonna break off any minute. The moment he stepped on the studio, he felt all of his energy being sapped by the pain he’s feeling so he let his knees give in.

He wanted to fill a bucket of his tears. He wanted to scream his lungs out until his voice would crack. He wanted to stab his chest until it would make a hole. But he was just frozen on the floor.

Jae on the other hand continued driving the car and his heart driving his mind. He never looked a guy that way. But as he was driving to nowhere, he thought of how he looked at Brian; he thought of how he’s fond of him; he thought how he felt when he made a drunk call to him; he thought of the times how he’d feel at ease with Brian beside him; he thought of the times he wanted to hold Brian close to him despite not being into skinship.

When Brian calmed down for a bit, he stood up and walked to the studio’s couch. He let his left forearm cover his eyes while the other is rested on the couch beside his thigh. His phone started ringing and with an ounce left of energy, he fished his phone out of his pocket.

“Hm?”

“Uhm..” He felt his chest tightened. “Are you still in the studio? I mean, it’s been an hour since I dropped you off, so I was thinking maybe you’re already home?”

He furrowed his forehead. He didn’t realize that an hour has passed already. What has he been doing the whole time? What was he thinking? He doesn’t know anymore.

“Yeah…”

“Okay”

He didn’t bother wonder why Jae called and asked. He’s just too tired to think of anything right now. He just want his tears to start falling already to at least ease the pain.

He stayed there for a couple more of minutes. Just when he was about to get up to leave the studio, he felt the couch shifted; someone sat beside him.

“Just forget what I’ve said. Forget what happened” Brian mustered up.

There was a moment of silence before Jae answered with an ‘okay’.

“Shall I drive you home now?”

Brian sighed and let his arm down. “Sure” He said weakly.

As if they’re waiting who’s the first one to get up, no one moved for a minute or two until Brian finally decided to stand up. Jae followed right away. They were taking their time to take every step. Normally, it takes less than a minute just to go out of the studio but it’s been a minute but they haven’t reached the door yet. Another few steps until Jae halted.

“I like you, too”

Brian stopped walking, too. He let out a bitter laugh and shook his head a bit “I don’t need your sympathy, bro. Don’t tell me you like me because you pity me. Forget it.” He took another step. Just when he was about to grab the door’s handle, Jae grabbed his shirt, pulled him and pinned him against the wall.

“I like you. I’ve been in denial with my feelings. I’ve been trying to ignore and convince myself that I just see you as a special friend because I have never looked a guy the way I do to you. I didn’t know how to handle it. Or if you’d accept them because, dude, I’m straight. Or I thought I was. I—I… I don’t know. I don’t know anymore, man.”

“You’re just confused of my sudden confession”

“No. I was anticipating it. I was hoping for it. I was hoping that you feel the same way I do because if you don’t, I don’t know if I’ll be able to tell you this. You don’t know how happy I was when you made that call. You don’t know what you did to me that time, Bri. It made me happy that my eyes want to always see you; that my ears want to always hear your voice; that my hands always want to feel you. I want you close but…” He sighed and took a breath “I’m not sure what to say but one thing I know is for sure; and that’s I like you. I love you”

To remove all of Brian’s doubts, he crashed his lips to him without hesitation. Brian tensed but Jae didn’t seem to mind as he planted another kiss on his lips.

Brian heaved a sigh and finally beamed. “You’re really like that sun. You keep drawing me to you”

Jae pulled him for an embrace as he let a grin be plastered on his face “You must be Icarus, then”

Brian s his arms around Jae’s body to hug him back and feel him closer to him, as if trying to fill every space between them. He snuggled to his chest as he hummed “I love you”