They day her grandfather tells Jinsook her grandmother is ill, it rains. Not heavily, though, lightly solely, but it sure pains as much. Summer has always been her grandmother’s favorite season and it upsets Jinsook that even the weather - the cosmos - has turned their back to them.

Her grandparents and Jinsook wait for what seems hours. Because it’s not an emergency, they aren’t guaranteed immediate help.
(Jinsook’s grandmother is sweet, very nice, so she doesn’t say a thing when she notices her fatigue and shortness of breath.)
She doesn’t has to talk about her coughing and wheezing because her husband and her grandchild do notice. That’s why they’re sitting there. Waiting.

When eventually - finally - someone is ready to take care of them, Jinsook’s grandmother asks her to wait a little longer. Of course Jinsook doesn’t want to, but she can’t really say no. Not today, everything seems already grave enough.

She tells herself that’s it’s nothing, maybe just a bad cold, but even then, her grandmother isn’t young, so she’s afraid, so afraid.

She jumps up from her chair when her grandfather returns. Without her grandmother.

He sits down next to her and pulls her on his lap. Jinsook suddenly feels like a child again, tiny. “Jinsook”, he starts, voice trembling, “you need to be strong. For your grandmother.” Jinsook’s heart begins to race and her eyes to get teary, but she doesn’t say anything.

And then her grandfather tells her about a lot of things she doesn’t understand.

That her grandmother has an illness which is still mostly undiscovered and very rare. Which is why their insurance will only take over a very small part of the costs for the treatment.

Jinsook watches the rain fall from her grandmother’s room.

Juyeon wasn’t sure what she expected, but not that they both decided to not talk about their problems at all. They just went back to their shallow selves they were wearing as an accessory, not, not minding the stormy cloud hanging above them.

Cheng Xiao is braver than her.

“Did you went to a doctor already?”, she asks while they’re eating - almost ridiculously casual. Juyeon almost chokes.

“Ah, no”, she coughs, “did you talk to your parents yet?”

“They’re busy.” Cheng Xiao pokes her food with her fork, suddenly seeming to have lost all of her appetite. Juyeon feels the same.

“I will go see a doctor when you solve this problem.” She didn’t meant it to sound like a force, a threat even, but Xiao doesn’t get angry anyway. “Sorry”, Juyeon mutters, “I will see a doctor, I just need to get through  these last games. Then I’ll have a few months to recover.“

“Won’t it be too late by then?”

“It’ll be fine.” Juyeon grabs Cheng Xiao’s hand over the table and squeezes. “Talk to your parents soon.”

Juyeon isn’t procrastinating, she’s just afraid. Cheng Xiao is too.

Hyunjung never was the type to get close to anyone quickly, and what it seems like, Exy isn’t either. They have lived together for a week and a half now, but never managed to get into each other’s lifestyles. (That dinner was the only thing they shared. Hyunjung didn’t even see Exy for about 28 hours once.)

But slowly, their differences start to- well, not to fade, but to brush against each other. Maybe even meddle together, merge into something that could be the beginning of an actual friendship.

Hyunjung isn’t sure if she wants to take the step, but she probably doesn’t have a choice. Yes, sometimes Exy annoys the hell out of her - but there is also a flame in her, something that pulls Hyunjung. (Most likely in the wrong direction.)

She has never met someone like Exy before.

The point where they change is when Hyunjung decides to erase her guilt step by step (because she knows it’ll only get graver when she starts trying to save her career.)

Exy comes home late. Hyunjung hears her only because she forgot to close her door before she went to sleep - so when Exy swears under her breathe, it still wakes her up as her voice is naturally loud.

“What’s wrong?”, she grunts, staggering to the hallway. She fully wakes up when she sees Exy’s face. She’s wearing an expression something in between disgust and horror. “What is this?”

Hyunjung suddenly remembers what she has done, and in her sleepy mind, she has to suppress a loud laughter.

She wanted to make a home for Exy. Something where she could relax and be comfortable and enjoy herself.
And because she never truly had anything close to a home, she bought decorations. Lots of them. That’s what she imagined under a home.

Little pillows, stickers for the refrigerator, pictures and paintings and posters, blinking fairy lights and tiny sculptures.

“Don’t you like it?”, Hyunjung grins.

“I-”, Exy swallows, it’s the first time Hyunjung sees her actually speechless. “It’s… a lot.”

Hyunjung bursts into laughter. Her worries lasted heavily on her shoulders, they still do, in fact, but for this moment, they are gone. (Invisible.)

“Thank you”, Exy whispers, and Hyunjung’s chuckle vanishes. “Hah?”

“I said”, Exy clears , suddenly all her usual self again, “go to sleep, Seola.” She storms into her room before Hyunjung has the chance to open . The next day, Hyunjung catches Exy’s thumb brushing over a painting about a couple’s love she bought.

“Hey, Jiyeon, who’s Xuan Yi?”, Luda asks. She has to admit that she doesn’t want to know but maybe has to for the sake of their relationship.

“You literally met her last week”, Jiyeon smiles. They’re walking together, Jiyeon with her hands in her jacket’s pockets, Luda fiddling with her camera to avoid looking at her.

“You know what I mean.”

“Actually, I don’t.”

"Fine. Forget it.” Luda starts walking faster and Jiyeon hurries to catch up with her.

“Hey, Luda, sorry”, she says. “Xuan Yi is… a friend of mine.”

Luda’s guts turn. Again, this word. Friend.

“Are you guys close?”, Luda asks, the words both slipping out and stumbling.

“I guess”, Jiyeon hums. It doesn’t sound honest, but at this point it could be solely Luda’s perception.

“When did you meet?”

“You’re asking an awful lot, Luda”, Jiyeon laughs, but it sounds tensed. So Luda decides to stay silent. Jiyeon isn’t complaining.

It feels like they’re still the same, though. Maybe. Luda doesn’t trust her feelings anymore.

She tries to listen to her brain, but it tells her to have a talk with Jiyeon about all of this, and she thinks she’s off better when she’s going to back to not trusting her feelings.

Jinsook goes to work as usual and despite Juyeon not having texted her for weeks now, everything seems normal.

Xuan Yi holds her back when Jinsook wants to slip through the door. “Here, pumpkin”, she hands her an umbrella, covered in little bears and stars. “It’s raining.”

“Thank you.” Jinsook raises herself on tiptoes and gives Xuan Yi a quick kiss on the cheek.

She shuffles through the streets, watching the passing car’s blinking lights and the neon posters on the shops.

Raining can’t be really stopped, she thinks, you can only protect yourself from it.

The water patters on her umbrella.

In the end, it reaches you anyway.

Juyeon almost passes out on this day. At least, that’s what it feels like - she’s staring st the ceiling, panting, her chest lifting and lowering rapidly.

She closes her eyes. It’s the painkillers for sure, or, better, the absence of them. Everything feels realer and also more painful. Sharper.

Juyeon stands up, slowly, face crunched and bangs drenched in sweat. Her clothes stick to her body, she’s suffocating.
 

She doesn’t tell Cheng Xiao. She has made her promise. Until Xiao has talked to her parents.

She can bear just a little longer.

They spend a lot more time together now. Casually. Eating breakfast together. Watching shows together. Exy even has shown Hyunjung her model book, and Hyunjung read some of her articles out loud.

Sometimes Hyunjung wakes up next to Exy and those days are the best. And it’s one of those days, they sit together and eat pizza.

Well, Hyunjung eats. Exy is chewing on the same piece of lettuce for minutes now.

“Do you really don’t want a piece?”, Hyunjung asks, puffing her cheeks when hot cheese burns her lips.

“I’m alright.”

A moment passes until Hyunjung speaks up again. “Aren’t you hungry?”

Exy lets go of her salad. “Seola, you can’t allow yourself to have something as appetite in this business.” She grins her crooked smile Hyunjung usually likes so much. It gives Hyunjung goosebumps.

“You-”, she frowns, “you don’t even answer clearly. What’s with you?”

Exy rips a piece of lettuce in a half, using her teeth.

“Before I became a model, I was a trainee, so I was used to not eating much. Actually”, she hesitates, “I wasn’t eating anything.”

Hyunjung chokes. “Were you…”, she gesticulates with her hands, and then lowers them. Unsurely.

“Sick?”, Exy raises an eyebrow. “Yes. I had an eating disorder.”

Hyunjung glares at her. “How can you talk so lightly about it?”, she croaks.

Exy shrugs. She isn’t looking at her. “I didn’t realize it was one. Being on a diet is normal. And even then you need to starve yourself for a few days before you eventually debut.” She stops. “Also, I’m over it. As weird as it sounds, I don’t have to watch my weight as much as I had to as a trainee.” Exy laughs, but it dies in . “I can allow myself to have a cheat day.”

Hyunjung breathes in.

“When was your last?”

“My last what?”

“Your cheat day.”

“I don’t know. Maybe a few weeks ago.”

Hyunjung smiles. “What is it? You look weird”, Exy scoffs.

“Down for an adventure?"

Exy protests, but as she’s smiling, Hyunjung knows it’s not serious. "Go, together”, she laughs, and they both lift the chocolate cake to their mouths.

“One, two- three!”

They both take a bite. Hyunjung shudders. “It’s… really sweet.”

“It’s perfect”, Exy says, and then raises her piece in front of Hyunjung’s lips. “Say ah, Seola!”

“Do I have to?”, she whines.

Exy pouts. “You said together.”

Hyunjung slowly opens and takes a bite. “Oh, my god.”
 

When they come home, they are stuffed. Both of them lay down on the sofa and don’t talk for a while. “Hey, Seola?”, Exy eventually says, sleepy. “Hah?”, Hyunjung grunts.

“Thank you.”

Hyunjung’s stomach turns. She isn’t sure if it’s the food or her bad conscience.

Jiyeon has initiated already a lot between them, but now it feels quicker, hotter. Luda’s lips are swollen because Jiyeon won’t let go. It’s something new, but Luda isn’t complaining. It’s distracting her.
 

“Hey, Jiyeon”, Luda stutters when Jiyeon starts kissing her neck. .

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure”, Jiyeon mutters. Her breath feels hot against Luda’s skin.
 

“Do you love me?"

Jinsook thinks, maybe, maybe if she didn’t dawdle, she would have been home earlier.

Maybe, if she didn’t have her phone turned off, her grandfather would have reached her earlier.

Good job, Yeoreum.

She arrives at the hospital when her grandparents are already there.

Either as a patient or as an .

Jinsook doesn’t say a word when she sees her grandfather, she just runs into his arms.

"She was waiting for you, my dear”, he says, smiling sadly. Jinsook lays her head onto his chest.

“Come on, honey”, his voice breaks, “let’s go see grandma."

Jinsook can’t hold her tears anymore when she sees her. She cries out loud and runs up to her grandmother’s bed. Her grandfather and Jinsook stay there the whole night.

She holds her hand when she dies.

One more minute, Juyeon tells herself, face red. She’s been planking for what feels hours.

One more push-up, she pants. Her shoulder starts to hurt.

One more practice, she closes her eyes and throws the ball.

It’s the last straw.

Juyeon can feel her shoulder breaking. Stars are dancing in front of her eyes.

She grabs her phone with tears in her eyes. She’s dialing Cheng Xiao, but she isn’t taking the call.

She’s trying to think - what would Cheng Xiao do? - but it’s hard. Her shoulder feels both numb and bleeding. Gritting her teeth, Juyeon slowly presses the numbers on her phone. 119.

She wakes up in a hospital bed. There is no one there, not even a nurse. She idly turns her head to the window. It’s night.

Juyeon is reaching for her phone. She has a voice mail from Cheng Xiao, and she presses enter almost immediately.

"Eunseo, I’m at Seoul’s airport”, Xiao’s voice cries, “my- my parents want me to go back now. Otherwise the job will be taken over by someone else. I’ve waited too long. I’m so sorry, Eunseo, I’m-”

The voice mail ends.

Juyeon swears and pushes her blanket away. She only now notices that the pain in her arm is gone when she moves her arm, but she doesn’t have time to worry about that. She’s storming out of the hospital, only half dressed, and luckily the staff seems to be too busy to see her.

When she arrives at the airport, people are staring at her. Juyeon decides to make it an advantage. “Hi, excuse me, have you seen a girl with brown hair? About this tall? Super pretty?”, she asks, desperate, but they would just wear a disgusted expression, shake their hands and quickly hush away.

So she checks the board - there. Next flight to China in one hour. She isn’t too late.

Juyeon starts running, ignoring her shoulder and her non existent stamina.

She only stops when she sees her.

Cheng Xiao has never looked this unhappy. Someone - most likely her parents - are besides her. Juyeon blinks. And then:

“Cheng Xiao!”

Everyone turns around, but she only has eyes for her. First her puzzled exoression and then- happiness.

“Eunseo!”, she yells, glowing and laughing, and runs towards her. Juyeon pulls her into a hug, and they only let go when Cheng Xiao’s parents have caught up.

("What are you wearing?", Cheng Xiao whispers, confused. Juyeon decides that it’s better to explain that later. Because there will be a later for them. She has to believe it.)

“Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Xiao”, Juyeon says as politely as possible. (She tries to forget that she’s still wearing a hospital dress and hasn’t taken a shower for more than 30 hours.)

“What’s this, Cheng Xiao?”, her father hisses, Juyeon barely understands his Chinese.

Xiao looks at Juyeon, and Juyeon grabs her hand and squeezes it.

“Mom”, she starts, “Dad. I’m sorry. But I can’t take this job. I want to be in Korea. I”, she stops, “love being Chinese, but I grew up in Korea. It’s my home. I want to stay.”

She bows.

“Please respect my wish.”

Hyunjung wakes up at once when her phone starts ringing next to her ear. She grabs it, keeping her position, and mutters: “This is Kim Hyunjung?”

“Have you looked at the time, Ms. Kim?”, someone snarls, and suddenly she’s widen awake.

.

“I’m- I’m so sorry!”, she stutters, getting up hastily and running her hand through her hair to straighten it. Exy and her both fell asleep last night at the couch.

“What progress have you made so far, Ms. Kim? Did you even find out anything about Chu Sojung?” Hyunjung is so puzzled she almost asks who the hell Chu Sojung is because she only knows Exy. Her Exy.

“I… don’t have anything”, she says. Exy’s former anorexia is eating up her mind. She’s afraid she will spill the truth when she talks, so she shuts .

“I assume you forgot a ‘yet’ after that?”

“…of course.” Hyunjung bits on her lips.

“Set a microphone up if necessary. Go through her stuff. As long as she doesn’t have a clue.”

Hyunjung’s heart is beating loud.

Too loud to hear that Exy is slowly getting up.
 

“Ms. Chu won’t notice”, Hyunjung hears herself say, “there will be a scandal for the magazine.”

“Seola?”

It’s crazy.
 

Her heart was beating faster then before and now it’s stopped.

Hyunjung turns around.

She has never seen Exy this childlike. This vulnerable.

Exy stands up. Only when she hears the door slammed Hyunjung realizes Exy is gone.

She managed to balance her secret made out of glass, and now it’s shattered. And Exy is bleeding.

Can I ask you something?

Those words are supposed to awaken anxiety with the person asked, not asking, but Luda fears it anyway.

Jiyeon leans back, letting go of Luda’s skin, smiling. “Sure. What is it?”

Luda has always been weak for Jiyeon’s smile. Jiyeon’s already stunningly ethereal, but when she smiles, it’s like seeing an actual angel.

Luda breathes in. Does she really want to know? No.

Does she need to know?

Yes.

“Do you love me?”

Time stands still. Jiyeon glares at her. Luda lowers her head, fiddling with her fingers.

When she looks up, into her eyes, she can see it.

The truth, coming over Jiyeon, overwhelming her.
 

“No.”

Jinsook doesn’t leave her room.

Juyeon has never been this nervous, not even before a game.

Hyunjung waits hours, but Exy doesn’t come home. She wouldn’t even know what to say, anyway.

It’s the first day in months Luda spends without Jiyeon. She has to remind herself every second that it will be like this forever.