Because just like my hoemate tells me, I'm a whipped hoe shipper. So here goes, another canon fic of the reason to my hoeness. 

Basically, it's just how Seulgi falls for Eunae the entire idot times. Because yes... i still watch idot and still youtube deep blue eyes. 

Hope you guys enjoy hehehehehe and thank you once again for reading.

 

*****************************

This time last year it was completely different.

 

This time last year the name Jo Eunae didn’t even register in Kang Seulgi’s mind. She doesn’t cross her thoughts, and their lives revolve in two separate planes. Jo Eunae to put it simply, wasn’t part of Seulgi’s life.

 

It’s not like Seulgi is a haughty, arrogant prick. Anyone who knows Seulgi personally understands that things don’t actually register quickly inside her pretty head. Unless it’s a choreography or a song lyrics, everything else just flies by.

 

She knew Sonamoo, and she knew about their low voice rapper D.ana but that's about it. Behind the stage, they have a more of a "hi hello" kind of thing… or no… they barely say anything when they cross path only greeting each other with a polite bow or something along those lines. The word know feels too broad in a sense; She knew D.ana existed but didn’t really knew her.

 

She knew more of the other Sonamoo girls, even striking a conversation with them during ISAC, but D.ana, no. She was the quiet one and Seulgi as friendly as she is, knew her limitations.

 

It feels like 2017 is when everything is falling right into place for Seulgi and the girls. They are just winding down from the high of Rookie when they were jetted off to Thailand to film their reality show. She barely had her feet planted on the ground when they got a call and an offer for her to work on a variety show with six other female idols.

 

It’s about damn time, Joy announced. Seulgi could feel her members were more excited than she is. They were spouting out cheers and hollers while Seulgi just remained in her seat, confused on where to begin.

 

She did guestings and dance performance without her members, but this is an entirely different ballgame. She’s kind of a no jam and didn’t have the wits of the maknaes, or her unnie’s ethereal beauty and Wendy’s genius IQ. How is she going to survive this?

 

*

 

Thank God for her roommate who prepped her up for this.

 

Wendy has been patient with her as they went through introductions, conversation starters, even going to the point of how to react and what not to say.

 

“You can talk Seul; you can do it.” Wendy continues to cheer her on with an applaud, a few, hard pats in the back and baked Oreo brownies. Until this day, Seulgi wondered why Wendy wasn’t a cheerleader back in Canada. She would be such a morale boost.

 

Seulgi learned that she had nothing to be nervous about when she came in the restaurant. She walked in, and all the girls welcomed her with eager smiles and nervous anticipation. She scanned through their faces, and she bet their worried expression matches her (except for Somi, Somi looked like she’s born to do this). Her gaze stopped over the first girl sitting on the left, taken aback to see her there. As far as she knows, D.ana is quiet. There is nothing wrong with being quiet unless you’re in a variety show. She remembered how the netizens pulverized her unnie for being too quiet on a TV show once. If you’re on a variety show, the crazier, the better. And D.ana doesn’t look like the type who would go nuts.

 

D.ana barely said anything the entire time, but Seulgi could tell that she pays good attention to everything the other girls say. She doesn’t just sit there blankly, D.ana’s eyes glowed at every word, nodding every once in a while, and if you’re really lucky, you could hear her answer with a hum.

 

Somi stole the show with her wits and YooA with her charms, but it was D.ana that she was curious the most.

 

When the cameras turned off, Seulgi saw her let out a huge sigh. Seulgi thought at first that it was out of relief, but then she caught the expression in D.ana’s eyes, and it was a look that Seulgi could tell from miles away… disappointment.

 

Seulgi wished she has Moonbyul’s gift of gab, although Seulgi knew that you probably don’t need to have that gift to say, “Hey! You did great!”

 

But before she could say anything, Moonbyul jumped in and gave D.ana a huge whack in the back before saying the things Seulgi wished to say.

 

The Sonamoo rapper grinned, softly and sincerely, fidgeting around with her fingers before nervously croaking out, “Thank you, Moonbyul-shii. I’ll talk more next time.”

 

“You don’t have to talk.” Seulgi in, and it’s not until she saw the expression on Moonbyul’s face that she realized how wrong that sound. “I… I… I mean, you could talk anytime you want… as long as you’re comfortable, D.ana.”

 

The smile on Eunae's face grew wider. “I will, thank you. You don’t have to call me D.ana, Seulgi unn- shii. You could call me Eunae… Jo Eunae.”

 

“Eunae.”

 

Seulgi left from there, with the word thank you playing on repeat, that gentle smile in her mind and a thought of what a pretty name Eunae is.

 

*

 

That same night Seulgi went through all the music videos of the girls. The nervousness that she had earlier was long gone and had been replaced with excitement. A proud smile was on her lips as she watched her fellow IDOT girls shine in their music videos. It was like a dream team coming true. She knew Moonbyul’s raps, she knew what a talented vocalist Sujeong is, YooA and Somi with their charms but it was Eunae's debut video that made her realize how there are plenty of things that she needs to know about her.

 

This was the same girl that barely said a word earlier, right?

 

It was good that the cameras turned off around this time because she doesn’t even know how her expression is as she watched Eunae just ripped throats with her rap. Seulgi had to pause the video, giving her some time to fan herself before diving right back again. D.ana’s raps had gotten tamer on their last two music videos, sounding more like the typical idol rapper but Seulgi still finds herself staring at her. Her finger was unconsciously pressing repeat every time as if giving in to what Seulgi wanted more and more. She didn’t know how long or how many times she’s doing that, next thing she knows she dreams of Eunae’s low, smooth voice whispering in her ear.

 

She padded for her cellphone that morning, but her grogginess was instantly wiped away when the first thing she saw was Eunae’s face on her screen.

 

*

 

The more Eunae talk, the more Seulgi noticed how soft her voice is. Seulgi expected it to be commanding, deep just like her rapping voice. Eunae hardly says a thing until she’s being prodded to do so, but when she does, Seulgi finds herself being drawn in. Eunae’s voice sounded like words being strung together that pulls you in closer and closer.

 

It wasn’t until Somi pointed out that she’s all over her personal space that Seulgi realized that she’s leaning in way too much just to hear Eunae talk. The girls had a good laugh about it, and Seulgi was finding it harder to look away when Eunae’s laughter reminded her so much of Christmas. Seulgi was never the one with the fancy terminology, and right now that’s the only one she finds quite fitting to describe Eunae’s laugh.

 

But it won’t be an IDOT conversation unless YooA added her flirty overtones, saying along the lines of,

 

“You could be all over my personal space all the time, unnie.”

 

*

 

Seulgi continues to wonder about Eunae more and more. Every time the cameras are off, they usually gravitate to their own little gang. They mix and match every once in awhile and sometimes they all sat together talking about anything or sometimes nothing at all.

 

Eunae usually spends her time with Sujeong the most and Seulgi couldn’t help but wonder what they talk about. She wonders if Eunae likes to bake like Wendy or have like a weird hobby like her Irene unnie, or maybe she’s obsessed with chicken or sushi like Joy and Yeri.

 

No, wait… hamburgers… she knows Eunae loves burgers. She saw the way her eyes sparkled and Seulgi could swear Eunae could star in a Hamburger CF with how inviting she looked when she took a bite of it.

 

It made Seulgi wondered if she will ever have that kind of conversation with her.

 

Seulgi usually hangs around Moonbyul, though lately, she couldn’t recall anything that Moonbyul said. Something about someone or someone doing something. Seulgi’s gaze would instantly search for Eunae in the room. Today she was over on the couch, laughing wholeheartedly to whatever Somi was saying.

 

Eunae looked up just in time to meet her gaze before smiling shyly at her.

 

And that smile…

 

Wow...

 

“You okay?”

 

“W-what?” She almost gave herself a facepalm when she realized she just left Moonbyul there. “Yeah, why?”

 

“You’re all red and stuff.”

 

Seulgi cups her heated cheeks and Moonbyul, being the most observant one turned around to look at the other girls, smirking as she instantly knew what’s going on.

 

“That bad, huh?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Nothing…”

 

It was definitely something, but Seulgi doesn’t know if she’s brave enough to try and figure it out.

 

“Eunae look very pretty today.”

 

She heard Moonbyul said. Seulgi couldn’t catch herself on time when she accidentally let a dreamy sigh escape her lips before saying,

 

“Always.”

 

*

 

It was Joy, who despite her slandering is the most sharp-eyed of them all. Her booming voice echoed around their dorm on how Seulgi seems to be smiling more these days.

 

“There is something different about you, unnie.” She pointed out though judging from her smile she already knew what it was.

 

To make matters infinitely worse, Yeri just had to join in on the fun. It’s not rare that these two tag team on bullying her, but this time Seulgi couldn’t find herself just to sit there and be a kicked puppy. Her irritation just boils that other people seem to know something about her, but she couldn’t figure it out or more like she didn’t want to figure it out.

 

“Yeah, I notice it too.” Their evil maknae added. “Like your smile is different.”

 

“Is it?” Seulgi doesn’t really notice it until Yeri had to say it out loud. And yeah, maybe she is smiling more these days. But what’s wrong about that?

 

“They’re just messing around with you, Seul,” Wendy calls out from the deep recesses of the kitchen. “There is nothing wrong with smiling.”

 

Seulgi snapped her head over to Wendy’s direction, does that mean even Wendy could see it too?

 

“But unnie, don’t you think her smile is kinda different?”

 

“In what way?” Seulgi groaned.

 

“It’s like people smile when they’re happy, like you get happy with pringles, and dancing… but it’s like now. Like somebody is making you smile.”

 

The picture of a tall, beautiful rapper quickly crosses Seulgi’s mind, but she shook it off before her members catch it.

 

“Oh, there it is again, that sweet smile.”

 

.

 

“There’s nothing.”

 

“Oh okay.”

 

The girls just exchanged playful shrugs before moving the conversation along with what’s on the screen. But Seulgi just sat on the couch, her eyes couldn’t even pick up what was happening on the show, not when her mind could only think of is that quiet beauty.

 

*

 

This time last year text messages and emojis barely affected her.

 

It was Moonbyul who proposed that they have a groupchat and Seulgi’s first communication with Eunae is through there. She could barely even call it communicating when five other girls are louder than the two of them could ever be.

 

The first text she got from Eunae was when Eunae asked what time they have to meet for the rehearsals.

 

Jo Eunae- IDOT

Hello unnie, hope I’m not bothering you. But what time do we have to meet tomorrow for rehearsals?

 

It was a question, straight to the point and businesslike, but Seulgi couldn’t even remember a time where her heart hammered this hard against her chest over a text.

 

“Unnie is doing that weird thing with her face again.”

 

But Seulgi didn’t even bother to argue with Yeri and continued to just stare at the message. She was itching so bad to text her back, but she didn’t want to sound so eager (even if she really is). But Eunae texted her… She texted her. She could have asked in the group chat but no, she texted her.

 

This must mean something, right?

 

What would she even say?

 

Morning Eunae-yah! No… you’re not a bother at all. We have to be there at 9 tomorrow. See you there!

 

Morning Eunae. We have to be there at 9.

 

Until she eventually ended with.

 

At 9 tomorrow.

 

“Why don’t you ask her how her script is going?” Wendy joined in while she’s busy in the kitchen stirring something.

 

“What? Why would I?”

 

Wendy stops midway through her stirring, pouting thoughtfully.

 

“She would probably feel better to hear from one of her unnies.”

 

Seulgi looked back at her phone, fingers itching to send something back.

 

It won’t hurt to try, right?

 

*

 

Seulgi: How’s your script going?

 

Eunae: It’s not going. Kekekeke. How bout you?

 

Thank God the girls weren’t around, she didn’t know how they’ll react when they hear her giggle.

 

Seulgi: same here. I don’t know I feel there are so many things that I want to put but I don’t know where to start.

 

Eunae: You could put everything unnie, and people would love to watch to all of it. 😊

 

Seulgi: Yours too… you have a very interesting story.

 

Eunae: Hahaha… thanks. Hopefully, it makes it there.

 

Seulgi: It would.

 

Eunae: I’ll do my best then! 😊

 

Seulgi: EUNAE FIGHTING!

 

Eunae: SEULGI UNNIE FIGHTING!

 

*

 

“Eunae-yah?”

 

Seulgi doesn’t know where to begin on how adorable Eunae look in her red jersey and shorts. She reminded Seulgi of those soccer players, but she doubts any of them is half as cute as Eunae. The tall girl was sitting on the marble floor, her long legs stretched forever, one hand on a script, the other on her phone.

 

“Unnie?”

 

“Hey,” Seulgi was in a dilemma whether to join her or not, but she sees Eunae scoot a little bit, and Seulgi just plopped right next to her. And then her heart started pounding once again as if her heart is telling her something that she ought to know by now.

 

“I was wondering if I was too early.”

 

Seulgi wasn’t one to cuss, but she almost let it slip today when her manager dragged her away from one of her Eunae dreams to tell her that she had to film. But now she’s more than thankful. She might even get her manager a cupcake or two.

 

“They’re not here yet, should we text them?”

 

“They’re probably on their way.” Seulgi bit back her tongue at how defensive she sounded.

 

“You’re right.”

 

“You’re practicing hard?”

 

“Here… have a laxative.”

 

“W-wait? What?”

 

Seulgi looked at Eunae’s stretched arm and saw Eunae offering her a piece of candy. Her gaze went from the candy to Eunae’s grin, the one where her cheeks bubble and her eyes disappearing in crescents and it was starting to feel like a big mistake. Especially with how it makes her heart race faster than dumb dumb and Russian roulette 2x dance combined.

 

“Thanks…”

 

“That’s my line every episode. I’ll be damn if I miss that one.”

 

Seulgi thought that but she saw the way Eunae’s eyes twinkled, and she knows that Eunae is just being her calm self again. That’s one of the billion things that Seulgi is just in awe of her with. Eunae never acts like she needed sympathy like even if her journey as an idol is a downward spiral, she never talks like she wanted to be pitied. Instead, she brushes them off as an experience, something that she even credits for who she is today both as an idol and as a person. Now Seulgi finds herself praying night after night for Sonamoo to shine, for the world to see Eunae shine.

 

Eunae reveals herself more and more these days, and Seulgi always felt like her heart clenched whenever she hears Eunae’s stories. Seulgi has to admit that even sometimes SM’s favors upsets her, she was human after all.

 

But then she hears Eunae’s story, and she realized that maybe she’s quite lucky after all.

 

“Your scenes with YooA are cute.”

 

Eunae’s voice sounded more like a whisper that Seulgi finds herself leaning close just to hear her. If she leans in a little bit longer, maybe she could hear the slight tinge of jealousy in Eunae’s voice.

 

“Yeah… I’m kinda nervous how it will all turn out.”

 

“What?” Eunae’s eyes sparkled once again. “You’re being too hard on yourself, unnie. You’ll do good. No- You’ll do great.”

 

“It’s my first time trying to act, you know?”

 

“Really?” There was playfulness mixed with some sweetness in Eunae’s voice. “I couldn’t even tell.”

 

Seulgi snorted, hoping to hide the blush on her cheeks. “I’m that good, huh?”

 

“Unnie, you’re amazing.”

 

For a second there, Seulgi swore her heart stop.

 

It felt like Eunae just slammed on the pedal and made her heart go from 0 to 100 in a split second.

 

Seulgi always the romantic one hoped that Eunae’s words meant more than just her acting. She hoped that when she said amazing, it meant as her, as Seulgi, that she was amazing.

 

“I never ever thought that I will ever get a chance to work with you, unnie. But I’m so glad I did.” Eunae confesses.

 

“Me too…”

 

“If your fans could see you, like the real you, the one who’s sitting right next to me now. I bet they’ll love you even more.”

 

“I…I…I…” Say something Seulgi, say something, anything. “You’re amazing too.”

 

It worried Seulgi that Eunae is quiet for a bit, but then her eyes disappeared in a smile.

 

Eunae did that cute laugh that she does that reminded Seulgi so much of a seal urking. But Eunae’s laugh was cuter, ten times cuter than a seal.

 

“W-would you like to ummm… meet sometime?”

 

“What?” Eunae blinks confusedly at her.

 

“Ahhh… I meant so we could like work on our ummm… you know… lines?”

 

They barely have any dialogue together, but it was worth a try.

 

“Aren’t you busy though?” Eunae asked wondering.

 

“What?”

 

“Like I heard you’re recording for your new album.”

 

“Oh yeah… but I have time for you- I meant I’m…” Seulgi was losing all her defenses now “if you don’t want too, it’s okay. I was just-“

 

“N-no unnie, I want too. I just… I just don’t want to be a bother.” Eunae whispered, her fingers fidgeting over the loose thread of her hoodie.

 

“No, you’re not. And you’ll never be.”

 

Eunae smiled once again before nodding.

 

“How long have you guys been here?”

 

It was Moonbyul jumping in on them.

 

“Well since 9.”

 

“It’s at 10.”

 

“What?”

 

“Eunae unnie,” Sujeong said with her lips twisted in a mischievous grin “did you want Seulgi unnie all to yourself?”

 

Sujeong was messing around, but judging from the shocked look on Eunae’s face there must be more than that. Seulgi tried so hard not to let anything show, but she has no idea if she could do anything about her ears.

 

The other girls started to fill right in, and as much as Seulgi enjoys their company, she wished she could have Eunae for herself, maybe just a little bit more.

 

*

 

This time last year no one could keep her awake. They were gearing up for a comeback. Twice was dominating South Korea ready to rip the crown off SNSD’s head. YG also debut their monster rookies, and a lot of people are starting to count Red Velvet out.

 

And what SM did to keep them relevant was send them to different events. But Seulgi wasn’t one to complain; she was the type who didn’t care whether they perform in front of a crowd of ten or in front of thousands, as long as she’s doing what she loves, and doing it with her sisters.

 

But she was human after all, and after the hard hitting performance, she ends up knocking out before her head even landed on the van’s cushy seats.

 

Nowadays, she can barely fall asleep, and if she does, it’s with her phone in her hand.

 

Her bestfriend/roommate/most caring person in this whole wide world Wendy asked her worriedly one time if she was okay. If Seulgi could just smoothen Wendy’s knotted brows, then she would, but instead, she just reassured her with the crescent smile before saying that she’s nervous about their concert.

 

She doesn’t need to worry Wendy about whatever the heck she is feeling.

 

And she especially doesn't need to tell Wendy how she stays up all night, thinking of whether to text Eunae or not. She wants too though, every night she wants to ask how her day is going and every morning she wants to text her to have an awesome day.

 

But most nights she overthinks it.

 

She really wanted to shoot Eunae a text right now. Asking when they’re going to meet and where. Seulgi ended up with a frustrated sigh, before curling up on her bed.

 

She begged herself to sleep, she needed it. But it’s like her heart and mind are ganging up on her, as they kept her just on the borderline of consciousness, with her heart wishing for Eunae and her mind filled with thoughts of her.

 

“Wan?”

 

“Hmmm?”

 

“I think I like someone.” Seulgi finally says it, and she didn't know how good it feels to say those words out loud instead of trying to keep it bottled inside.

 

“Oh.”

 

Seulgi lifts her head up to get a good look at her roommate; she was expecting the typical dramatic reaction from her bestfriend, not a nonchalant Oh.

 

“Oh?”

 

Wendy tucks her phone away before turning to face Seulgi.

 

“It’s been obvious these days.”

 

“It is?”

 

Wendy answers with a hum before smiling back at her. A smile that tells her that it isn’t a mistake to like someone, despite how everyone seems to be against it.

 

“So, who is it?”

 

Here goes nothing...

 

“Oh ummm… ahhhh...it’s... it's Eunae.”

 

“Ahhhh…”

 

Another nonchalant reaction, but this time Wendy defended her answer.

 

“You talk about her more, like a lot compared to the other girls.”

 

“I do?”

 

“Yup.”

 

Now a sense of dread crept up on Seulgi, she wonders how obvious she was around the other girls too? Would they notice it too? Did Eunae notice it too?

 

“W-what should I do?”

 

“What do you think you should do?”

 

Typical Obama Award winning student Seungwan, doing the smart thing and throwing the question back at her. Seulgi could only answer with a groan.

 

“M-maybe it’ll just go away, like maybe after filming if I don’t get to see her that much it’ll just… you know… fade away.”

 

“Do you want that? To just let it fade?”

 

No…

 

“Yeah…" she lied, loud enough to break her heart. "maybe it would be easier that way.”

 

*

 

The ignoring part is harder than Seulgi thinks is humanly possible.

 

Their schedule worked a bit to her favor when they don’t have to meet until the end of the week. She tries not to say anything in their groupchat, tries not to text Eunae anything, just tries to do everything else, (even help with her Joohyun unnie with the chores) anything that will take her thoughts away from the girl.

 

But trying doesn’t and will never equal to succeeding. By the end of the week when they have to meet for rehearsals, Seulgi is back again to where she had started. No, in fact, it was worse, as if she deprived her heart and mind of Eunae that the second she saw her once again, that feeling she wished to fade away just grew more and more.

 

But it was as if Eunae sense something different too because Seulgi felt like they’re back to being awkward strangers, no, it was worse.

 

Seulgi thought that maybe Eunae is just having her time of the month since she’s more quiet than usual. But then she sees Eunae laughing with the other girls, and it clicked in her head that it was just her that Eunae is purposely ignoring.

 

They manage ten hours together going around in circles but never really meeting anywhere.

 

It was time to leave, and for some strange dumb luck, they’re the last ones there to get picked up. They just stood there by the station awning waiting in awkward silence.

 

“A-are you okay?” Seulgi finally dared to ask.

 

“Ummm yeah? Why?”

 

“Ummm nothing… it’s just that you have been quiet today. I mean you’re always quiet… no, I meant you’re quieter- yeah… that’s what I mean. It’s not a bad thing, I’m just…” Seulgi babbles worse than she thought it was possible.

 

Seulgi sees her black van hulking their way; she quickly pulls out her phone texting her manager to park somewhere else.

 

“Are you mad at me?” Eunae blurted out so fast, Seulgi almost didn’t catch those words.

 

“What?”

 

“I just… I just felt like you’re ignoring me and I don’t know if I… I did something wrong. If I did something, I’m sorry.” Eunae apologized.

 

“N-no-no you didn’t.”

 

“Oh…”

 

“I’m just… ummm… busy?” It was a sad excuse.

 

“Oh yeah… of course.”

 

It was just four words but how come Eunae’s tone sounded more heartbreaking than she thought?

 

“Oh my ride is here, I… I could wait until your ride arrives, unnie.”

 

“Ummm no, it’s okay.” Seulgi waves Eunae off.

 

There was that heartbroken look again before Eunae surrenders.

 

“Oh okay, I’ll see you later.”

 

“You too.”

 

Seulgi watched slowly as Eunae walked over to her van. Seulgi said goodbye earlier to Somi, to Sujeong, to YooA, to Sohee, and to Moonbyul unnie but how come saying goodbye to Eunae is harder than anyone else?

 

“Eunae?”

 

Seulgi raced over to Eunae and with shaky hand reached out to hold on to Eunae’s.

 

“Are you doing anything right now?”

 

“No, I’m just going back home.”

 

Seulgi steadied her hand, finding something so easy to be this tough when Eunae’s hand is in hers and when her heart is beating out of pace.

 

With her creaky voice, she was able to muster out. “W-would you like to go grab some bingsoo right now?”

 

*

 

Their maknaes was quick to point out that she’s doing that weird thing with her face again when Seulgi walks in for practice.

 

But even their bullying couldn’t ruin her day.

 

Not when she spends almost three hours with Eunae. Not when she mustered enough courage to stand up from across the table and instead took the spot next to hers.

 

And especially not when she was braver than she thought when she reached out for Eunae’s hand under the table and held it the entire time they shared their bingsoo.

 

Because of her three hours impromptu date, she was three hours late but even with her 50 suicides and doing the plank until she’ll think twice of being late again couldn’t even dampen her mood.

 

Wendy whispered to her not to smile too much if she wants to survive.

 

But that didn’t work, because even if her entire body is on the verge of collapsing, and even if the bingsoo is climbing up , and even if her sweat is forming a puddle on the floor, Seulgi couldn’t help but smile.

 

Because if this was the punishment for holding Eunae’s hand, for being a breath close to Eunae and for being the one receiving that lovely smile, then it’s totally worth it.

 

*

 

Seulgi finally let- or almost let everything spilled out one day.

 

It was during their filming for their Music Bank scene and the girls were all giddy with excitement, but Seulgi felt she was giddy over someone else.

 

She looked over at Eunae in her dark jeans and crop top and she looks absolutely breathtaking. Her heart is doing that racing thing again as her gaze just followed Eunae wherever she goes. Seulgi wanted so bad to approach Eunae, tell her how beautiful she is but she can’t even take a step closer when staff or the other girls pull them away from each other.

 

She was coming back from getting retouch when the sight of Eunae sitting on Moonbyul’s lap burned inside her head. Seulgi wasn’t much into cursing, but all her mind was saying was “What the ?!”

 

Seulgi was ready to race over there, pulls Eunae close to her and give Moonbyul a piece of her mind. But before she could do it, she remembers one thing that was enough to paralyze her. Yes, she held Eunae’s hand, and yes, they had bingsoo together, but in the end, she has no right to be jealous of anyone that Eunae is close with.

 

So, she in a deep breath before turning away doing what she does best which is ignoring her situation.

 

And she walks away, all she could do was wish for this day to be over.

 

*

 

But of course, life wasn’t that simple.

 

Filming took incredibly long, and Seulgi was ready to get out of there. It didn’t help her situation when Eunae kept on glancing over at her, trying to win over her smile.

 

She turned away, pretending to be busy about something else, hoping Eunae would get the hint.

 

Seulgi ends up escaping to the back doors of the station, hoping a breath of fresh air or finedust would bring back the level headed Seulgi. But things turn infinitely worse when she felt Moonbyul taking the spot next to her.

 

“You alright?”

 

“Yeah?” She lied.

 

Moonbyul just snickers before popping up a piece of gum. Probably getting her breath minty fresh when she kisses her girl Eunae.

 

“Really?”

“I said yeah…" Seulgi a huge puff of breath before finally spilling everything out. "I mean you know what, unnie? no. I’m not alright.”

 

Moonbyul looked more amused than threatened.

 

“Oh really?”

 

Seulgi answered with a very mature huff.

 

"Yeah what is this all about then?" Moonbyul asked even though it looks pretty obvious that she knows it.

 

"It's ummm... ahhhh..."

 

“If it's what you saw earlier, c'mon, you know better than that! We're just playing around.” Moonbyul reasons out.

 

“Well, it’s not fun. What kind of game is that? And why would Eunae sit on your lap? Why can’t she sit on m-“ Seulgi takes a shaky breath. “Nothing.”

 

“Oh, so it finally came out, huh?”

 

Seulgi dismissed the tease.

 

"You know it's not going to go anywhere, if you don't say anything because Eunae is never going to make the first move. Ever.”

 

“W-what are you even talking about?”

 

“It’s obvious dude, from the very start.”

 

Seulgi could feel the lashing at the tip of her tongue, but she holds it in just like she’s holding her tears that felt like a dam that is about to break.

 

“I get it, okay?” Seulgi tried to steady her voice, though it didn’t work as well as thought. “She doesn’t like me that way- I get-“

 

Moonbyul looked like she was ready to slap her senseless, but Moonbyul patient and unnie like as she is just shaking her head and places her hands on Seulgi’s shoulders.

 

“No, she does.”

 

“Wait…” Seulgi felt her heart beating again. She looked over at Moonbyul trying to see if the other girl is just trying to bull her, but there weren't any signs of it. “She? She does?”

 

“Oh God, she does. But I think you don’t realize who you are.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“You’re Kang Seulgi. Our entire country loves you. Well… except maybe some BTS fans but other than that… girl… you’re going to be a superstar someday, well you’re already are. And I know you don't ever think of yourself that way, but you're kind of a big deal and it could get a bit intimidating... no... very intimidating.”

 

"You think I intimidate her?" Seulgi asks, a sense of worry brewing inside.

 

"Yes. I think she feels like she's not good enough for you."

 

"B-but that's not true! She's amazing. She's sweet, she's cute and did you see her rap? She's incredible and-"

 

"Then, tell her."

 

"Tell her?"

 

The mischievous look that Moonbyul had changed into a warm smile as she coaxed Seulgi.

 

“Just go girl, just try…”

 

"But what if-"

 

"Stop with the what ifs and see what could happen, just go," Moonbyul reassured her once again and maybe this time Seulgi should listen.

 

*

 

Easier said than done…

 

The emotions she was having now was worse than the time she was about to throw up the bingsoo while doing the plank. Her mind is filled with choreography, lyrics and worse of all, Eunae.

 

There is too much Eunae inside her head, it doesn’t help that Eunae is too pretty and too cute and too much for her heart to take.

 

But confessing is something out of Seulgi’s expertise. She could dance, she could sing, she could draw, she could make ladies pregnant with her body rolls, but confessing her feelings is way out of her league.

 

She had heard confessions before, more than she could count and some people she has no idea where confessing to her, but Seulgi had never been at the other end of the stick.

 

Now when Eunae is around her, she gets nervous, her palms are sweating up a storm and her make up looks like it’s bound to melt soon with how hard she’s sweating, but she’s got to do this… she’s got to try.

 

But once again, easier said than done.

 

They had a little break in between and Seulgi finally mustered enough courage and asked all the Gods for enough strength to go over to Eunae and asked her to talk.

 

The station is b with people that Seulgi was thankful that she found this quiet area around the backstage. But now that she’s here with Eunae, she realized what a terrible idea this was. Now she has no excuse, no escape like why on Earth would she drag her to a corner?

 

“Unnie?” Eunae does that cute tilting head that she does.

 

“Ummmm…” Seulgi thought she has the most swoon worthy, poetic confession in her head but it was like the words magically poof away. The worse thing is, Seulgi knows the word I like you isn’t enough.

 

Like doesn’t make you stare at your phone the entire night, wondering how to text someone.

 

Like doesn’t make you smile while doing the plank.

 

Like doesn’t make you cuss out in your head when you see them getting closer to someone else.

 

Her feelings are more than that… Maybe she likes Eunae a little too much.

 

So, she did what she learned best from confessions from dramas.

 

She leans in and lay her lips against Eunae, like the way those arrogant male characters do with those female characters.

 

And she wonders if they ever felt this way.

 

The moment her lips brush against Eunae, her heart was quick to betray her as it pounded so hard inside her chest, it felt like her ribs were about to break. Seulgi could feel her ears are so red; she won’t be surprised if smoke comes out of it.

 

But even if her entire body and soul are doing something way out of her control, she kept on kissing Eunae. And she swore if there is one thing she’ll do before she dies, she’ll search the entire world for Eunae just to kiss her.

 

She pulled away first before she feels Eunae pressing her forehead against hers. Seulgi could feel the warm breaths escaping Eunae’s lips and a slight reassurance that maybe Eunae feels the same way she does. But then, when the fluttering feelings subside, her paranoia started.

 

“Oh my God! I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I just kissed you, and I don’t even know if you-“

 

Eunae reassures Seulgi with a sweet kiss and the most loving gaze that Seulgi swear could melt her into a pile of mush.

 

“N-no-no unnie… I… I… I was wondering how it feels to kiss you.”

 

“Y-you do?”

 

Eunae bashfully nods her head. “I always have ummm like you… ever since I… I just… ummmm…” Eunae retakes a deep breath. “Ever since high school, you’re that infamous trainee for SM, and I never thought I’ll ever get to see you again, but then I did… and I always see you around on shows and events but I couldn’t… I don’t know how to…”

 

Another deep breath…

 

“You’re Kang Seulgi, and I said to myself that I'd be happy just to be friends with you. I know how busy you are, so I know I really don't have any place in your life right now.”

 

“I…I… I don’t think I want to be friends.”

 

Seulgi could see Eunae's whole expression changed. “Oh.”

 

"Because I don't think friends kiss that way, right?"

 

Eunae shakes her head.

 

"I dont think friends think of each other the way I think about you."

 

And just like in a typical Seulgi fashion, she opens and confessed.

 

“I wished we can be more than that... I ummm... I think I love you, Eunae.”

 

It took a few good seconds before it registered inside her head how cheesy she sounds, so to make up for it, she added.

 

“I like you too much…”

 

She finally looks up and caught Eunae’s expression, the object of her affection, pursing her lips trying to save whatever pride Seulgi has left by not laughing at her face.

 

“Oh ummm… I…”

 

But before Seulgi dissolved in tears, Eunae took her in her arms, pressing a kiss on Seulgi’s forehead and confessing back.

 

“I think I love you too, unnie… like you a little too much.”

 

Their confession came a little bit too cheesy, a little too high schoolish but for Seulgi it couldn’t have been more perfect.

 

As she leans in closer, kissing Eunae once again, the song played on repeat inside her mind.

 

And as the music plays inside her head, she realized that there are no words that can express how she feels better than that song.

 

*

 

These days, Seulgi wonders how she’s even standing.

 

They were gearing up for a comeback, and getting ready for their first concert, add to that some events and pictorials squeezed in their barely breathable packed schedule.

 

When she’s ready to collapse in exhaustion, her phone beeps as if the girl on the other line knew exactly when the right time to tell her.

 

My Eunae <3

I’m thinking of you.

 

And it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out why or who was keeping Seulgi steady these days.

 

Being girlfriends is hard, but being girlfriends with a kpop idol is harder.

 

Seulgi stumbled on an article about her, one of the comments she remembers that had gotten a lot of upvotes is “Whoever Seulgi decides to date would be the luckiest person on Earth.”

 

But she highly disagrees on that.

 

In fact, she thinks she’s a terrible girlfriend.

 

She’s always at work, barely having any time to squeeze in to see her girlfriend. She often forgets to text back and often knocks out before she could give Eunae a call.

 

But then, she sees the way Eunae’s eyes glow when they talk, Eunae still looks at her like she’s the sun and Eunae is just the moon who glows from her light.

 

She sees their corny text exchange (where she’s pretty sure Joy and Yeri would never let go when they found out )she and Eunae text song lyrics to each other. But as cheesy as it sounds it still never fails to make her heart flutter.

 

Now she has someone to say good night too, someone to wake her good morning and someone surprising her with I think about you texts.

 

And Seulgi could feel it that Eunae isn’t that one who’s lucky, it was her.

 

This time last year, Jo Eunae barely exists in her mind.

 

But this year everything is so different…

 

She is falling in love with a girl who crosses her thoughts every waking hour. She is falling so helplessly with the girl who stars in all her dreams.

 

Now she wonders how this time last year she was able to survive without knowing Eunae.

 

But as she pressed the call button and was greeted by that sweet, hello unnie from the other line, she realized that it doesn’t matter how long it took them, what matters is they're here now.

 

People have been telling her lately how lovely she’s been looking, asking her what’s her secret, even teasing her if she’s in love, all she could answer was a blush and a sweet smile before she says.

 

“I got everything I wished for and more this year.”

 

The End