Untitled, 2014

Kris Wu | Kiko Mizuhara | Kwon Jiyong

 

 

 

 

23rd December 2014

 

“How’s life?” Jessica Jung, the now former member of Korean most famous Girl-band Group SNSD, asks me suddenly after a moment of silence we had earlier due to the awkwardness of being seated side-by-side at the China’s SOHU Fashion Awards Ceremony. We’re in waiting for the ceremony to start and with her sudden act she catches me off guard, it surprises me to receive such a question from someone who also worked under the same company I decided leaving few months ago.

When I left the company, things turned out differently. Not only her, but all under that company were forbidden to have any relationship with me. Or for some of them, especially my former team members, they were willingly to cut all the ties with me. Anyway, I don’t want to go talking about this topic, that’s the consequences and it’s not like I regret it to ever do so.

Being inhumanly treated wasn’t my intention at all when I decided to leave my mother alone in Canada and fly my off to Korea. Trust me, leaving that company was the best decision ever in my life.

And knowing Jessica is no longer a member of SNSD proves me that I took the right choice few months ago.

“It’s good.” I answer, giving her nods and a gentle smile, glad that I could return her kind concern. Unlike the others who once I considered as friends, Jessica chose to be in silence after my departure, not once she threw judgment or words to offend me after my departure. Therefore, I would say she is still a friend after all. “How’s yours anyway?” I ask her back.

“Never been better.” She confidently says following with a few little chuckles. Then she continues. “If I knew leaving that company would make me feel this kind of freedom and peace, I’d done it earlier.” And I chuckle to hear her words. She is right though. What I feel right now compares to what I felt back then when serving that company is ways much better. Yes, I was thankful for being trained and debuted, never once I regretted it being under their care but then being there wasn’t my path and being here it is.

I was born to be back in my hometown. I deserve to be here.

“I hope you will always do well in the future.” I sincerely say.

“Yah don’t say that as if this would be the………….” She playfully says but then to the rest of her words just simply cannot be heard by my ears because suddenly my attention is being caught. And it’s not by the sound of the loud music, or the voice of the MC that indicating that the ceremony has started, but because of one figure that’s now approaching our seats.

My eyes land on her. I bet everyone does look at her right now anyway. The shimmering gold mini dress that hugs her skinny figure perfectly, the intimidating eyes and her famous red full lips on her mixed-race face, are enough to draw people’s attention. I have seen that woman in magazines, television, internet, but never once I met her in person until tonight, and I have to say that she is prettier and more elegant, yet at the same time fiercer and more intimidating.

Kiko Mizuhara; an American-Japanese model and actor, I bet everyone here knows her. She is good at her work in modeling and acting and the latest news I know about is that she starts to create her clothing design. She even made it to collaborate with Opening Ceremony for her design collection back in 2013. Ask me why I know much enough about her. It is because my very own best friend Kevin Shin is a big fan of her and whenever we talked about woman he always came with her as his ideal type. And as much as I don’t want to make Kevin happy right now by telling him that his choice woman is no joke, I have to admit it this time Kevin really has a good sense when it comes to woman.

Those are not the only things that make this woman somehow eyes-catching. The fact that she is the alleged girlfriend of Korea’s most famous idol rappers GDragon, is one of those factors. Ask me again why I know about this. Seriously this rumor has been a hot topic since I lived in Korea for a couple of years up until now. And looking at her right now, I know the reason why a famous idol like GDragon who could simply get all women under his palm, takes interest on her.

She is different.

She has this aura in her that no matter how hard you try your best to ignore her presence, you just couldn’t

“Kiko-chan!” Jessica’s voice breaks all my thoughts about that said woman and I blink my eyes finally. Oh crap, I was staring without even blinking?

“Jessica. How are you?” I look at both women who are now exchanging hugs.

“I’m good. You?” Jessica asks back as they pull out from the hug.

“I’m perfect.” She replies and smiling widely in the process. And it makes me stop for a moment from breathing. Damn how could that smile be that perfect? I mean she flashes her smile with all those white pearls teeth showing, it would look weird for women to smile like that yet there she is doing that only to look prettier than she ever did before.

Oh, pull your together, Kris Wu! You act like a teenager ogling on his crush.

“Ah anyway, this is Kris Wu. Kris this is Kiko.” Jessica suddenly introduces me and I swear I grow nervous the moment her eyes meet mine.

“Hi! I’m Kiko.”

“Kris.” I simply say, giving her my hand for a handshake. Seriously this is so awkward. But then she simply takes my hand and proceeds with the handshake. It’s not long but I could feel how small her hand is and how soft her skin is. Oh for God’s sake, I should stop doing this, for the name of Kevin Shin.

“I love your new song. It helps me a lot while learning my Mandarin.” And all of sudden my brain seems stop working. All I could think about is the fact that she acknowledged my work. She even said she likes it. Her boldness sends me to my black period when I couldn’t think even hear anything only her words.

What is this? It’s not like this is the first time a woman says that to me anyway but then why this brings a different impact on me?

I have no idea.

A moment later I come from whatever thought I had before, still all I could see right now is her face that’s now focusing on the stage, everything seems so blurry.

And that’s when I realize that this may be the first time I meet her but won’t be the last time. And her, I’m so sure I will encounter with her in the future.

It is just I don’t know what would happen to us later.

 

 

 

 

March 2015

 

I’m going to China next week.

I smile as I read her message. Thinking I should ask my manager to free me from my schedule next week. I really want to spend my time only for her next week. She may come here for work but I can’t help it to think to spend time with her. Perhaps one or two days taking her to explore China since every time she came here she only make it to stroll over the big cities like Beijing, Hongkong, Shanghai and else. I really want to take her to see other beautiful places here.

Anyway, it was true, that the meeting of us at SOHU Fashion Award last year wasn’t the last time we met. We had few meetings after that whether it was and it was not occasionally. There were some fashion events where both of us were invited or where we coincidentally met during her visits in China. Well, to be very honest those ‘coincidence meetings’ were not fully coincident after all. I asked help from Jessica, and she gladly game a hand though the first time I had to deal with her constant teasing. Luckily things turned out to be smooth the way I wanted it to be.

We are now friends. Very close friends I could tell. After those meetings we decided that both of us could make good friends. We exchanged our phone numbers and started to talk to each other more. Gradually our friendship had become more of fun. She is such a funny woman with good sense of humor despite of the cold appearance she usually wears in front of everyone. And despite of the fact that we came from different countries with its different languages, I learned that both of us have so many similar things in common, whether to our family backgrounds, life styles, the choices of our foods, clothes and songs even the books we read and the movies we watch. And it personally made me comfortable to talk about everything with her.

We are so good of being friends.

But in all honesty, deep inside of my heart, I want to be more than that.

“What’s with that smile?” I look up to find my best friend, Kevin, comes from the room rubbing his sleepy eyes indicating that he just woke up from his sleep. No wonder, he just arrived at three in the morning from Korea in order to visit his own best friend. And now it’s still six in the morning.

“Can’t I smile?” I reply to him playfully.

“In the early morning like this? No way Kris ing Wu smiles in the morning if it’s not because something that really makes him happy.” And this is the reason he is my best friend. He knows exactly who I am with all of my habits.

I only chuckle at his words and continue to look at Kiko’s message on my phone.

“The Dragon’s girl again?” The smile on my face disappears. Kevin seems to notice it, he laughs hard as he takes a seat next to me on the couch in my living room. I give him my annoyed look, warning him to stop doing so but this man is just stubborn as he keeps on laughing, this time even harder. Oh how could my best friend laugh on my misery?

“Stop saying that.”

“What? Aren’t you a fan of GDragon?” Kevin teases adding more annoyance to my system.

“One time fans’ catching me enjoying his performance doesn’t make me his fan.” I defend myself hoping Kevin would buy it and decides to let it away. But then his laughs next make me sure that he won’t stop.

“Come on. You even have all of his songs on your devices and you watched all of his performances alone or with Big Bang. Just admit it already. You’re a fan, Kris Wu.” Oh how I wish I could rip the grin on Kevin’s face right now. Yes, I admit it, I’m a fan of GDragon and I adore him so much. He is such a talented artist. He is a master of creating good songs, a great performer and what I adore the most from him is his determination when it comes to his work. Is it wrong to adore him? No. He deserves it.

The only thing I don’t like about him is the fact that he shared history with the woman I currently put my interest on, and when my own best friend, Kevin is still on rubbing it on my face makes me more furious about that fact. I simply don’t like it.

I sigh then set my eyes on Kevin and talk. “Okay, I admit it, I’m a fan. Happy?” Kevin again laughs but stops when I open my mouth to speak again. “But can you please stop calling her that? She has name for God’s sake. It’s Kiko!”

“So it’s true about her, right?” Kevin asks.

“About her what?”

“About the reason why you were smiling like a total idiot earlier.” Hah funny. I ignore him and back to my phone pretending to be busy reading some news. “You steal my girl, you know.” And I know Kevin starts to grab my attention with that joke again. The same old thing he always uses since he knew about the closeness between me and Kiko.

“She is your ideal type, it doesn’t mean she is your girl.”

“Talking about ideal type, how about the girl who is kind, knows how to cook, filial, can take care of people and innocent looking, huh? Because, what I see from that woman of yours, she is the exact opposite from those your required characteristics of a girlfriend.” I stop for a moment to think about Kevin’s words. Yes, it’s true. Kiko is the total opposite of the type of woman I want to date. She is feisty, bold and outspoken. She is not scared to tell people her opinion. If she likes something she would show it and if she doesn’t like something she would tell it right away. That’s why she looks arrogant and intimidating, far from the kind and filial I was once wish for a woman to be. She also already admitted it that she couldn’t take care of people, she once declared she even couldn’t take care of her own self. And yes, she can’t cook, and she told me she doesn’t plan to learn to.

She is far away from my type of woman but then somehow with all of her being, she turned me to change it and favor people like her with those characteristic within themselves more. She is honest, she doesn’t try to act fake, she keeps on being herself and embraces all her flaws and making it her strengths. She is the type of woman you will throw away those stupid requirements you want for a woman and starts to accept the fact that nobody’s perfect. For perfection is only God’s.

Yes, the moment I saw Kiko Mizuhara, I already threw away that stupid ideal type of a woman I wanted to date.

“And now, here you go again with that idiot face of yours.” Kevin says. There is a pinch of amusement in his voice.

“I can’t help it.” I say slowly hoping Kevin won’t hear it.

“Tch. You’re falling in love.” he heard it. But then the statement hits me hard. Does it true? Am I falling in love? It’s been a long time though since the last time I fell in love with my first girlfriend. No, compare to this, it was nothing. This time the feeling is stronger. Am I really falling in love?

I startle. My phone is ringing and vibrating in my hand. I look at my phone and find the caller’s ID showing on the screen. It’s her.

My heart beating so fast I swear even Kevin could hear it. And heck, I’m trembling, like literally trembling right at the moment just of the thought of what words I would say first when I pick up the call. My eyes are set on my phone screen, seeing her name and her picture on it. I just couldn’t believe she’s calling me.

Kevin taps my shoulder suddenly and I come from my out-spacing.

“Pick up the phone, you stupid!”

And before the call ended, I abruptly slide the green button on the screen to accept the call. “Kiko.” I say her name.

“Kris.” I hear she says my name.

And that’s when I realize that I’m indeed falling in love with her.

And I’m falling harder.

 

 

 

 

May 2015

 

I’m visiting my mom in Canada. It’s been a long time though. Last time I met her, she was the one visiting me in China on the Valentine Day last February. Thanks to my hectic schedule.

My mom is the only one who’s always been there from the beginning up until now. She is the only relative I have. I grew up without anyone but her, not even a father. I didn’t really problem it because my mom was enough, she is enough. She plays the roles both as my father and my mother and I couldn’t be more thankful to have her in my life. She was the main reason I had such braveness in me to step out from my comfort zone and decided to fight from my future. To make her happy was the first intention of me to accept the offering to become Korean idol. And later she was also the strength of me to go out from that place to find a better path.

My mom is always there for me through the thick and thin, in every up and down.

“Eat some more. You’re skinnier than the last time mom saw you.” Mom says as she puts another steak along with the mashed potatoes and mixed vegetables she cooked before on my plate. She is always being like this, telling me how skinny I am and then putting so many foods on my plate as if I didn’t eat for years.

I’m so full actually. This is my third plate yet my mom keeps on stuffing me. But then I don’t want to disappoint her, hence, I cut another piece of meat and shove it inside of my mouth. After all, mom’s cook is always delicious. “It’s delicious, mom. Thank you.” I say after I swallowed the food, cutting for another piece.

“For my beloved son.” She says and her words warm my heart. How I wish I would get mom’s food every day. But it’s impossible. I live in China and mom chose to stay here. I know she doesn’t want to live in China because of the memories she had with my father there. And so I respect her decision. Beside if she lived in China she would feel lonely without me to accompany her every day because of my busy schedule. In here at least she has her friends near her.

“Thank you.” I again say just to let her know that I’m so happy right at the moment with her presence and everything she has done in my life.

“Anyway, just yesterday mom met Kevin here in Vancouver.” Mom announces.

“He was here?” Due to both of us busy schedules, me and Kevin rarely meet recently. He is in Korea working on his music while I’m still busy with the movie recording schedule.

“Yes, we accidentally met at the mall. We talked for thirty minutes before he excused himself to go because he still had work to do. Why? He didn’t tell you he came here?”

I shake my head. “Our schedules are hell hectic mom. I guess he would tell me later.”

“Something’s wrong with you guys?”

“What? No mom, we’re okay.” Yes this is usually happened between me and Kevin. We are best friends and perhaps sometimes we faced something like this when we couldn’t tell each other what we’re doing currently but it doesn’t make us less than what we were. We understand each other’s works and lives.

“Good then. Because yesterday Kevin told me something important about you.” Mom seems to become interested judging by her voice and I wonder what was the thing Kevin talked to my mom.

“About me? What? Work?”

“Come on Wu Yifan! I don’t want to talk about work when I just have like five times in a year to meet my son. This moment is too precious to talk about something like work.” Is my mom just pouting her lips right now? Seriously?

“Then what?”

Mom tsk before she continues. “Who’s the Dragon’s girl?” And Kevin Shin. How could he tell my mom about that? And yet how could he say Dragon’s girl? How many times do I have to remind him that I don’t like that name he always addresses Kiko? If he is here I would punch his face for good. Ugh.

Anyway, thinking about her makes my heart beating faster and my stomach filling with butterflies right now. I miss her. Last time we met was when she visited China in March. It was fun that time. As planned I took her to Guilin and relaxing on Li river cruise, we even had bamboo rafting there. It was such a great experience and she loved it. What I regret it until now is I haven’t told her what I feel about her yet. That time I only focused on making her happy until the time she had to leave home I didn’t say anything about my feelings toward her.

“You’re in love, right son?” Mom asks, smiling. And looking at her smiling makes me do the same. Perhaps this is the time to tell my mom about Kiko, and maybe my mom would tell me what I should do about her.

“Well, is it that obvious mom?”

“It is that obvious, son.” Mom states gently and I swear my face is now red as ripe tomato as I see the grin on mom’s face.

“Well, there is this woman.” I start.

“The Dragon’s girl, isn’t she?” I shake my head. Damn I should seriously tell Kevin to stop this stupid name calling.

“No mom, before I continue, promise me you will never call her that name again.” Mom looks confused but then she nods to it anyway. “Good. Now let’s continue. There’s this woman I met December last year. And call me crazy, mom, but I was attracted to her the first time I landed my eyes on her. That night she was just beautiful, elegance and I’ve never seen a woman like her, mom. She was perfection.” Mom is taken aback by hearing my confession.

“Wow, it’s not typical of Kris Wu I know.”

“I know right.” Yes, I’m not the typical of man who easily attracted to a woman at the first time. Even with my very first love, it took me six months to be attracted to her and another six months to finally sure that I loved her enough to confess to her about my feeling.

“And now you’re in love with her?” I nods, smiling like an idiot as Kevin always told me.

“So you’re dating her right now?” And it saddens me.

“I haven’t told her my feelings yet, mom.”

“Why? She has boyfriend?” No, she broke up already long time ago with GDragon. And the issue she was dating Japanese model, Shuhei was just also a mere rumor. She is absolutely free to start a relationship. She is single. The thing is, I don’t know if she is ready to start it because what I know she loved GDragon so much. She may not tell me about it but I know she once loved him like crazy just looking at how she avoided the topic. It’s just that I’m scared if she still does up until now.

I shake my head to answer mom’s question. “We’re busy with our own schedule to think about dating, mom.” It’s not fully a lie but I know it’s not the truth also. The thing is I’m too scared to tell her. I’m scared of rejection and the fact that maybe just maybe she haven’t moved on yet from her latest love story to begin a new one.

“So she is also a celebrity?” Mom is surprised. I nod at her. “Woah perhaps I should start considering moving to China so I could be closed to my son and my possibly future daughter-in-law.” Mom playfully says teasing me.

“She is not Chines, mom.” Mom’s face changes, she furrows her brows and I know exactly what’s on her mind. “And she is not a Korean if that’s what you worry about.” Yes, my mom is kind of sensitive about Korea and all things related to it, you know what. “She’s Japanese.” Mom smiles, the interested face of her is back again.

“Then let me meet her.”

“Easy there mom. I even haven’t dated her yet.” I chuckle as mom gives me her cute pouts. Oh my I couldn’t handle this.

“Fine. But you have to promise mom when you finally tell your feelings towards her and she accepts it, which is mom highly sure she will, mom will be the first one you tell to first. Okay?” There the positive vibes I wish I would have when the time comes I tell Kiko about my feelings.

“Yes boss.” I laugh at her, hoping I won’t break the promise because of my coward.

"Good. Now eat some more.” Mom says as she places another piece of meat on my plate. God I’m full already.

 

***

 

Dinner with mom was expectedly warm and fun though. After the talk about Kiko, we changed the topic about our own works. I informed mom that I already signed few movies contracts so I would be very busy until next year. Mom understood my work and despite of asking of some mother-son quality time more, she only said that she would be the one who will visit me in the future. Besides, next month she has the charity event in China sponsored by her and her friends, she made sure it won’t be a burden to her to visit me in China.

I set myself on my bed after I took a bath and changed into my comfort pajamas. Taking my phone from the coffee table placed on the bed side and checking there’s any message from her. Sadly, there is no message. I look at her message box, reading her latest text she sent to me yesterday wishing me a safe flight.

The feeling of missing her is growing inside of me the more I read at her text. Scrolling up and again reading the previous conversations we had. It makes me smiling to see her text with the imagination of the expressions on her face if she saying those texts directly to me.

Gosh I miss her so much. So much I think I couldn’t handle it.

Should I call her? Would it disturb her?

Before I could do that, I hear a sound from my phone indicating that there is a message. Open it up, it’s from Kevin. But then Kevin isn’t telling me about his visit in Canada yesterday, or asking me how I’ve been. The message just simply saying ‘Kris, you have to see this’ along with the link.

I click the link and it leads me to one article with the huge font of the title: Boon The Shop X Virgil Abloh Launch Party in Korea. I start to read the article but find nothing to concern about. It is a clothing line launch event in Korea and I really have nothing to do with it. What’s the point of Kevin sending me this?

I was about to close the article and making call to Kevin but then a single scroll down stops me to do so. There is a picture of the event’s attendees, most of them are idols and actors and others important people in Korean entertainment industry.

Suddenly, it hits me hard, hard enough to make me stop breathing for a second, hard enough to make me breathing in suffocation.

Then it is clear why Kevin sent me this at the first place.

There in the same picture sitting next to each other are Kiko and her so called ex-boyfriend GDragon.

 

 

 

 

November 2015

 

It’s been six months.

Six months since I decided to quit from chasing her, six months since I decided to move on. And I’ve been ignoring her ever since. She texted and called me after that day, as if nothing happened but I was disappointed at her. I felt betrayed.

I thought everything would be easy. She wasn’t even my girlfriend at the first place so it was supposed to be easy to do so. I drowned myself into work, making myself exhausted so there would be no time to think about her. But no, I was wrong. The more I tried to forget about her the more I missed her like crazy. And it really did bring the huge impact to my life. It screwed my work and my health. At last I had to take one week break from work because and I had submitted to the hospital due to my health condition.

Kevin and Mom had become worried. Kevin kept on blaming himself telling me it was his fault to ever send me that article and mom kept on stressing over my health issue. Both of them once asked me to make it clear with Kiko. Both believe there must be explanation from her about all things happened. But then the more I thought about that the more I realized that my action was a silly thing to do at the first place. I wasn’t supposed to be mad at her.

But let bygone be bygone. Everything already happened and I could only accept the fact that both of us are never meant to be together.

Sighing.

Today is a free day for me. After last week I was busying myself with my birthday concert I personally asked my manager a week off to take a break.

I park my car outside of the building. Yesterday Kevin sent me this address and asked me to meet here. And now I’m patiently waiting inside of my car.

Thirty minutes has passed. It is already five twenty in the afternoon yet there is no sign of Kevin. I take my phone and make a call to him. He doesn’t pick up the phone. Damn this kid what the hell is going on? Trust me if this is such a prank from him I promise I would teach him lesson later on. He ing ruins my rest today.

Another thirty minutes and I grow tired of waiting him. He still doesn’t pick up my phone and doesn’t even reply any of my messages. What if he is already inside? I climb down from my car and make my way towards the building. But before I could even arrive there, I stop when I land my eyes on someone I didn’t plan to meet, damn I didn’t even wish to see him right now.

It’s Luhan. My former member when I was still in EXO. He walks with his manager, coming out from the building. I want to avoid him by running back to my car but it is already too late as I hear he calls my name. “Kris!” Damn it.

And now he is standing in front of me.

“Luhan.” I say his name finding there is a pinch of bitterness in my voice. Yes I’ll be lying if I say I had forgiven him after what happened.

“You also have work schedule here?” He asks. I’m feeling like I want to run right now with this awkwardness between us. After I left EXO, Luhan was also one of those people who decided to go against me. I once respected him as an older brother but the action he committed after my departure by telling people how I betrayed them when he knew what really happened, made me realized that I was wrong.

“No, I have another thing to do.” Think Kris Wu! Think of any possible reason to get away from him right now.

And God seems to hear the secret wish I prayed for earlier, coming from the same door Luhan was coming from before is no other than the woman I’ve been missing so much for these past six months.

Kiko Mizuhara.

And just like me, Luhan has turned around to see her.

“Kiko-chan!” And despite of all the make-up they put on her face, she’s still looking like a mess. There are dark circles under her eyes, her eyes and lips are all swollen, her cheek-bones are too visible this time. And her body is skinnier than the last time I saw her. Her skin is pale; too pale I think it is not healthy for someone to look like that. And she looks so exhausted, she looks drained.

“Luhan.” Even her voice is too hoarse. She is not in a good condition. “Kris.” She gives me a weak smile.

“You know each other?” Luhan asks looking all curious. And Kiko could only nod to reply him.

Then it’s clear. Kevin wants me to be here to talk to her. He wants me to clear what’s the misunderstanding between us. Damn that stupid man. How could he trap me like this? But then it snaps me, perhaps this is for the good. Yes, Kevin is right, I have to talk to her.

“I want to talk.” I finally say and without even waiting, I pull her with me and walking to my car leaving Luhan on his spot. Kiko doesn’t say anything, nor does she try to get away from my grip. She just follows me to my car. And when we arrive, I set her to the passenger seat before I climb up inside of my car.

Both of us are inside the car and there is a moment of silence between us. Looking at her who is now setting her eyes outside the window, how I wish I could hug her right now. I miss her so much, so much it hurts.

“You alright?” I finally break the silence.

She doesn’t move her body or her eyes from outside the window but she manages to say. “Why wouldn’t I?” It is a sarcasm judging from her cold as ice voice and it tears me to see her like that. She used to be a funny and bubbly woman when she was with me, and here she is playing another role, the role of Kiko that I don’t like.

“You look like you’re sick. You should take care of yourself.”

“Why don’t you say that to me six months ago before you decided to ignore me?” She sounds like she is about to cry anytime soon and I hate myself for being the reason of it.

Processing her words, why did it affect her? I’m no one to her, why would she say that as if my ignorance to her brought so much pain to her?

“I’m sorry.” I manage to say but avoid seeing her eyes this time.

“Are you, Kris Wu? Are you really sorry for making me falling for you and ignoring me the next day? Are you really sorry for making me stupidly hoping for you and yet the next day treating me like I never existed? Are you really sorry Kris Wu?” And her words slap me hard to the point I feel like I want to kill myself for mistreating her like that.

Kris Wu, what the has you done?

That time I was only thinking about myself, at how sad and painful I was. I was thinking it was me who was being betrayed and cheated. And I was wrong. She was also in pain, she was also broken. And I was so stupid. I was such a selfish bastard.

“I should go.” She says and about to leave but then I stop her. No I won’t let her go just like that, I won’t let her go ever again.

“No, no, no. Please stay.” I beg. “Kiko, please stay. I’m sorry. I was wrong. Please don’t leave me like this.”

“Do you love me Kris?” She asks and it this time I won’t hide it anymore, I won’t deny it anymore, I won’t wait for any right time anymore because it hurts so much. I want to tell her I love her.

“I do, Kiko. I love you so much. I’m sorry I messed up big times. I’m sorry.” I say bringing my hands to cup her face. The tears are already rolling down on her face. God I hate myself for making her like this.

“Then why were you ignoring me?” She asks still crying.

“I saw the picture of you and GDragon in the launch party in Korea. I was so mad, I wanted to ask you to get away from there but I knew I had no right. Then I was so mad at you, at myself. I should’ve listened to your explanation whatever it was. I know I was wrong for ignoring you and trust me, it didn’t only impact you but it impacted me also. It was so hard and hurt, Kiko. I wanted to be with you but I didn’t know how. It was killing me slowly.” This time I’m also crying as I notice a few tears drop on my clothes. I don’t care as l