a/n: alright, this might sound like an excuse but uni . so to make it up for you all i present you a long (last) update. 10k guys so brace yourself. warning! weird, may contain many errors and well... weird, because i just want to get this finished, it's 1am here and i have exam next week. here ya go! enjoy ^^

 

*

 

It’s been a month, a month filled with spontaneous dates and exchange of messages. The four busybodies don’t stop at the movie date, much to her dismay, and are stubborn to have both Mina and Nayeon monitored. It goes on for weeks. Rarely, Nayeon’s the one who informs Mina that they are at it again (they are at it again whenever Tzuyu stares at her funny) but mostly it’s Mina who will text her whenever she manages to catch Momo on the phone with either Jeongyeon or Jihyo. And from then on, it goes automatic, how Mina will then pick her up at her place and they will go to wherever they feel like it at that day.

 

Honestly, Nayeon doesn’t mind it that much, especially now that she has gotten considerably close with Mina and Mina has stripped off from her timid disposition. They are friends already, friends who hold hands and kiss but yeah, definitely better than before.

 

Nayeon stirs off her sleep. There are faint cusses and lots of taps outside her room and she can distinguish Tzuyu's voice amidst the noises, which isn't that difficult considering she's the loudest among all. Tzuyu's quiet by nature (such a contrary from her) and she can only be the loudest when she's playing with her Xbox, or PlayStation three or four or ten, or whatever, Nayeon has lost track of technology development a long time ago.

 

With a grunt, Nayeon swings her legs to the ground, scratching her back before stretching her arms above her head, whining quietly at the satisfying cracks. She glances at the clock. It’s eight in the morning and her tolerance is nowhere to be found. Miffed, Nayeon marches to the living room.

 

What the heck is that kid thinking anyway playing with her game this early? She’ll scold her for sure if Tzuyu’s pulling another useless all-nighter.

 

“Yah! Why in the world are you-“ Her words dies down when she spots another person beside Tzuyu but it was too late, two heads snap toward her direction, her out burst unfinished.

 

The game is paused. Mina doesn’t let go of the black controller in her hands but she titles her head toward her nonetheless and a gummy smile blooms on her face. Nayeon is flustered at how Mina has caught a glimpse of her worst state while the latter’s no doubt invariably neat and pretty. Nayeon looks like a wild mama bear with her disheveled hair and pink pajama compared to her.

 

(Right, these days, Mina will just randomly pop out of nowhere on her front door without prior notice, smiling with her silver tooth peaking out and more often than not with a takeout from the bakery opposite the building; her favorite butter croissant.

 

Nayeon never questions why she visits.)

 

“M - Mina?” She hides half of her body behind the door of her bedroom, tugging her collar up, surprised leaking and overpowering the annoyance she’s about to cast to her younger sister. Tzuyu is cackling in the background, holding into her stomach while pointing at Nayeon’s uncombed hair until she loses her grip on her controller and it hit straight to her toe. Tzuyu howls, but neither of them ask whether she’s okay, too entrance by each other’s presence.

 

“Morning.” Mina giggled a little, rubbing the back of her neck. “Had a good sleep?”

 

“Yeah, uhm. Just-“ She goes completely behind her door, eyeing the bathroom, thinks again and reappears with a sheepish smile and index finger up. “Give me a moment.”

 

She waddles toward her wardrobe, snatching a couple of clothes and goes to the bathroom frantically.

 

*

 

“Why didn’t you tell me you are coming?” Nayeon puckers her lips to side, freshly bath, and sinking on the couch in between her sister and her fake girlfriend. The embarrassment is still there, resting faintly on the side of her nape but she has made sure no trace of it is visible enough to be caught by eyes.

 

(Unaware to her, Mina isn’t as dense as what she has calculated. She misses the way the Japanese conceals her grin behind her fist and a fake cough.)

 

Tzuyu audibly scoffs to make sure they know she is still there, grumpily punching buttons. Nayeon pays no attention; shifting until her whole body is up in the couch, her upper body leaning on Mina’s forearm while her legs on Tzuyu’s laps. The youngest out of the three groans but let her sister does whatever she wants nonetheless. She’s got a game to win. Though unfortunately, she leaps to her feet with a harsh sigh as Mina has scored another goal.

 

Mina takes this as a chance to put the controller down and pats Nayeon’s hair. “Have you checked your phone?”

 

“Nope.”

 

Mina shakes her head in amusement. “There you got your answer.”

 

Nayeon pouts. “Did you wait for long?”

 

“Not really. Besides we’ve been playing FIFA ever since. I didn’t keep track of the time.” Mina shrugs and picks up her controller again. Tzuyu grumbles as if saying ‘yeah, that’s true’ and goes over Nayeon to repeatedly presses the start button on Mina’s controller to skip the replay of the goal.

 

“Why didn’t you wake me up then?” She nudges Mina’s forearm. Her sister who is already back to her previous position pretends to gag, but Nayeon shut her up when she shows her palms squeezing the air at where Tzuyu’s neck was before.

 

“Mina told me to let you sleep some more, said you might be tired or something.” Tzuyu absentmindedly replies on Mina’s stead, before she adds with a prideful determination. “And I demand a re-match! You get rid of your legs, I’m losing concentration because of you!”

 

Nayeon hears Mina chuckling at Tzuyu’s competitive nature before she pats her lap, eyeing Nayeon with such mirth, in which Nayeon rolls her eyes at. She folds her legs and rests them on Mina’s lap instead after poking Tzuyu’s sensitive waist with her toes as a form of revenge. She sighs as Mina takes some time massaging her kneecap while waiting for her sister changing around her team’s formation and players.

 

Eventually, the virtual referee begins the match and the two go on with their game. Unexpectedly, Nayeon is pretty much enjoying the game she has taken no part of, despite her occasional whines that she’s bored and stuff. She guesses that it is gratifying to see her sister being crushed at her best element by Mina, who barely exerts half of what Tzuyu is putting into the game. But really, she thinks the sight of the Japanese girl and her little sister bonding together, being comfortable in one place kind of make her heart feel at ease.

 

(Well… that was sentimental)

 

“Alright that’s enough.” Nayeon intervenes when at last the match ends. There isn’t much different compared to the earlier score, but hey, Tzuyu is able to score one more goals compared to the first 1-3, though she still lost by 2 points.

 

“You are good at this.” Tzuyu admits with a hint of admiration and approval on her tone. Tzuyu removes herself from the couch, tosses the controller to where she has been sitting and snatches a red jacket from the single couch beside her that Nayeon didn’t know is there until Tzuyu shrugs it on. “Give me a month to practice and I will beat you for sure.”

 

“I’ll be waiting.” Mina smirks.

 

‘No, Nayeon, her smirk is not that attractive.’

 

“Where are you going?” Nayeon shifts away from Mina, though her heels remain on the latter’s thigh, leaning on the armrest to get a better view of what Tzuyu is doing in the kitchen. She half-rotates her body around as Tzuyu ambles to the foyer and hops to put on her right shoes, her black backpack slung on her right shoulder.

 

“Out.” Tzuyu replies simply as she ties her shoelaces. “Dahyun got this discount coupons for a new chocolate shop downtown and she invites me and Chaeng to join her.”

 

“The odds are always with her when it comes to chocolate.” Nayeon acknowledges with pure fascination, recalling the amount of time she was blown away by how that kid always has her way when it comes to sweet goodies.

 

"Nah, Dahyun bribed the owner to give her the coupons."

 

…She takes her words back.

 

"That’s kinda deterring the purpose of a discount coupon though?" Mina joins in the topic while scratching her temple, her brows scrunching in confusion. Nayeon is close to cooing. "I mean, she paid for a discount."

 

"She's an odd one, really." Tzuyu waved it off nonchalantly, standing on her two feet and adjusting the strap of her bag. "I'll point out which one she is if she came to visit so that you can, you know, get away from her before it's too late." She grins with a snort.

 

Mina muffled out a laugh with her palm. "I'm counting on you then."

 

"Well alright, have fun. Send my regards to Dahyun and Chaeyoung and take home some, okay? Now shoo.” Nayeon flaps her palm twice as though Tzuyu is a cat. Tzuyu scoffs at her antics and walks out of the apartment with a flip of her hair, the door closing behind her.

 

“Phew, and out she is.” Nayeon wipes her imaginary sweat off her forehead and pulls her legs off Mina’s lap. The latter laughs and Nayeon finds it adorable how she crinkles her eyes when she laughs. Clicking her tongue comically, she is about to close the distance between her and Mina when there's a nag in the back of her head that makes her frown in hesitation.

 

That will be unnecessary, right? They are alone. No one is there to watch. No one is there to fool.

 

Before she can venture deeper in the sea of debates, Mina offers her Tzuyu’s consoler. Nayeon looks up and Mina has taken the matter to her hand (be it intentional or unintentional) and eliminates the same space that Nayeon is itching to erase but is too conflicted to do so. Mina takes her problems, handles it, and shapes it into trivial that Nayeon feels extremely stupid to be bothered by such inches of gap.

 

“Wanna play Mario Kart?” Asks Mina expectantly. Nodding, Nayeon accepts the controller tentatively, feeling unsettled and mildly bothered. She doesn’t want to ruin the mood though, especially when the other girl hums a tune as she scrolls through Tzuyu’s collection of games.

 

(She remembers how Mina was a game addict, and hell she can hardly understands why she remembers it when she often forgot what food Jinyoung’s allergic to back then.)

 

“You better be easy on me.” Nayeon threatens playfully, cringing at how lame her attempt is to trick her disapproving brain.

 

Mina shrugs. “Sure.”

 

*

 

Long short story, Mina doesn’t go easy on her and Nayeon should have known better than trusting her.

 

In spite of her yells and protests, Mina keeps on generously assaulting her kart with bananas and spiny shells every time she got the chance.

 

(At this rate though, Nayeon’s too into the game that the parasites of worries inside her brain have puffed into thin air.)

 

She wrestles Mina’s hand blindly with her left hand, trying to distract her, shrieking when her plan backfires and she loses control of her kart instead. Mina cackles when Nayeon’s kart ungracefully crashes into a palm tree, jumping away from the couch at lightning speed when Nayeon once again tries to disturb her.

 

“You are cheating!” Nayeon’s the one who cries out, squealing in delight when Mina pushes her lightly with her hips, laughing as she falls back to the couch with a bounce.

 

Mina looks at her with a dramatic gasp, her controller now high in the air as Nayeon attempts to grab it. “I’m the one who suppose to say that!”

 

At the end, after a couple of mini rows and pant-inducing laughers, Luigi makes it to the first place and Daisy on the fourth place. Mina throws her hands up in victory, looking all smugly and boastful, twirling in her place. Nayeon burst out laughing and reaches for a cushion to hit Mina repeatedly with it; the latter cowering behind her arms with an equally fruity laugh.

 

(Nayeon would be gapping like a fish out of its tank if one asked her how those squabble could settle itself the moment Mina has her wrapped in her arms.)

 

*

 

It’s quarter to three in the morning. The world has been sleeping soundly under the care of the summer breeze, tranquil and calm, and yet the agitation prevents Nayeon from savoring the same privilege.

 

She lies on her back, tracing the line of the luminous stars on the ceiling that she had forced Tzuyu to put up during her first week of living alone in the apartment. It was a habit of hers whenever her mind is occupied with things that she deems a nuisance but nevertheless a problem. Mina has gone home hours ago, after a half-cooked ramen and a crazy karaoke session with her phone in the kitchen, and yet the ringing of her laughter doesn’t cease on her ears, like Mina lived inside her head and not moving out soon.

 

It’s rattling.

 

It’s rattling how Mina can make her act that freely with neither someone that is Jihyo nor Jeongyeon nor her sister. She thought she has lost the ability to completely open up to someone years ago, she thought she’s incapable of letting someone to actually enter her life, one that isn’t about fame and praise, and not just wandering around it like a visitor in an amusement park.

 

(Nayeon has so many visitors, but no one has ever stepped inside the control room. Not that she would allow them to.)

 

Then the awful feeling is back, like a press on her chest, bending her ribcages until it squashes her lungs. It’s overwhelming, it’s powerful and it scares her to death. And she realizes the awful feeling her gut was confiding her is comfort at its most deceiving form, Myoui Mina.

 

Her heart clenches horrifyingly.

 

Comfort is a dangerous thing.

 

(Nayeon fights with her conscience.

 

No, it’s not comfort.

 

It can't be.)

 

~*~

 

When Nayeon was a child, she was anything but her current self.

 

She was shy and unconfident. She would hide behind her mother’s legs whenever they visited the daycare and the childcare worker would have to coax her to come to the class with lots toys and candies, though it is safe to say that still Nayeon didn’t come with her without wails and sobs, reaching out for her mother the moment she was taken away inside.

 

That was before Tzuyu’s born. And when her parents finally brought Tzuyu home from the hospital she was cradled by her father like a gem she was, cooed by her exhausted mother like she was their only child. Nayeon watched from behind the wall, her little hands gripping the edge with great envy and fear, fear of being abandoned, fear of being neglected. Thus, she refused to face her baby sister because even in her three years old mind, Tzuyu had taken all the love away from her.

 

Her parents were concerned, especially her father. She was his little princess too, and it broke his heart when Nayeon screamed how he had found a new princess to buy ice cream with and Nayeon was left with zero attention and a Barbie to play with. She hated them. She hated her father. She hated her mother. She hated her sister.

 

That lasted until she was eight. Tzuyu was five at that time and she ran to Nayeon after school and handed her a piece of paper with her drawing on it. It was a stick figure, with long pink hair and huge toothy smile. Tzuyu wrote ‘my sister is the mort beutiful’ with a flower beside it and Nayeon felt her cold demeanor melting, gradually, but surely. She came to understand the lack of attention to her was done because Tzuyu was still a baby. Nayeon’s happiness was to be loved by her parents, and happiness, she realized, is only real when shared.

 

And there you go, a one happy family Nayeon was proud to call home.

 

But then her mother left and Nayeon felt like her world’s crumbling into a joke.

 

Nayeon could distinctly remember how everything unfolded, as if it was just yesterday she had been fooled and played by the fake show of her parents’ harmony. She was blatantly oblivious to the discord between their parents, not because she lacked the interest but because she ignored it, too scared to know more than she’s contented. Although she did have inkling from the palpable tension draping over the kitchen every morning or the intense arguments she had had to endure every time she passed by her parents’ bedroom to go to the bathroom every night, it didn’t mean it hurt less.

 

Nayeon was angry- no, she was furious. Just when she thought she had the ideal image of a family, just when she had made amend with her little sister, her mother decided to give up on everything. Or she might decide they weren’t worth the fight to begin with? That’s a possibility. Her father was to be blamed as well but at least he had made the effort to reconcile.

 

Tzuyu, however, Tzuyu was… a mess. Maybe because she was just a kid, a thirteen years old kid, and she was the youngest in the family. Thus it was predictable that the news of the divorce came as a heavy pendulum swinging her from side to side to destroy her merriment and her joviality as a young, cheerful girl.

 

Nayeon scolded her for being so weak, for crying and locking herself in her room and refusing to eat. It was harsh of her, she knew, and a hypocrite she was, considering she too hadn’t handled the news as best as she could. But somehow, there’s something in the back of mind telling her that she needed to be strong, and she couldn’t connect strong with anything except from nagging and forcing Tzuyu to do what she was supposed to do; moving on.

 

(Again, how hypocritical of her. She’s always one to hold grudge, this time no difference. But if Tzuyu was doing fine because Nayeon looked fine, then what’s the harm in pretending here and there? Her baby sister needed her and Nayeon was determined to make up for the years she had disregarded her.)

 

Eventually, Tzuyu was able to get over it. She could phone their mother with less temper and these days Nayeon didn’t have to threaten her to do so, albeit secretly she too was reluctant as well. Her father reasoned out that she’s still their mother, regardless of what happened, and Nayeon wondered whether it had ever tasted bitter for him to say that.

 

She left them.

 

It wasn’t that awful of her to resent the woman who gave birth to her if that same woman betrayed her… right?

 

Alas, gone was her faith in love. She might seem unaffected but wearing a façade is easier than crying. It’s less tiring, though it cost the same. She tried to be realistic, tried to carry the burden of being an older sister, tried to shoulder some of the weighting mountain her father had to bear. Façade turned habit; a habit dies hard.

 

(Nayeon vowed to never fall in love. Love is too painful. Love is tears and love means to sacrifice too much. If the loving parents she had could split in a bad term, then what’s stopping the rest of them?

 

Nayeon wasn’t ready to be hurt again.)

 

~*~

 

Nayeon snaps her eyes open, her torso jolting in an upright position, her breath ragged and tears welling up in her eyes.

 

That dream again, the replay of the day her mother stormed out of the house with a carriage in tow, Tzuyu chasing her with all her might, one foot sockless, while her father could only watched his oldest daughter, who’s in total disbelief, apologetically like he had been the cause of Nayeon’s eternal pain.

 

“You okay?”

 

Nayeon jumps in surprise and blindly rubs the desk beside her bed to switch on the lamp. It was Tzuyu, leaning against the doorframe with an empty glass in hand, her brows pinched in worry, an expression she seldom use or she usually is able to cover well. Not for tonight though. Not when Nayeon’s back to trashing and mumbling under the dark of her room, loud enough that it was heard by Tzuyu who was on her way to refill her glass of water.

 

“I’m fine.” Nayeon relaxes a bit, placing an arm over her sweaty forehead groggily. “Just… nightmare, that’s all. What time is it?”

 

“Five in the morning.” Tzuyu answers. Nayeon nods and falls back to the bliss of her bed, only that it feels less blissful than it usually is.

 

“Go back to sleep Tzu.” Nayeon murmurs, arm goes down until her eyes.

 

Tzuyu lingers a bit in her room to switch off the lamp she has earlier before she pads to exit the room wordlessly with a quiet thud, giving Nayeon the silence she needs.

 

Nayeon feels her phone vibrate under her pillow.

 

She lets out a shuddering sigh and blanks her mind until sleep fetches her back to dreamland.

 

*

 

“What do you think?”

 

Nayeon cranes her neck back to scans the denim one piece Jihyo has pressed on her front for Nayeon to picture her in it. Nayeon her head for a second before she nods, flicking her thumb up.

 

“Looks good.”

 

Jihyo holds the garment within an arm length, pondering whether to buy it or not in spite of Nayeon’s opinion. Nayeon scoffs and leaves the girl to wander around the shop to look for clothes herself, her finger gracing every sleeve of the displayed shirts and skirts. There was none that impress her though, so she walks back to where Jihyo is at the cashier paying for her things, in which the denim one piece isn’t one of them.

 

“What are you gonna buy?” Jihyo asks as she fiddles with her olive purse, handing the lady her card. Nayeon scratches her cheek and pursed her lips.

 

“Nothing.”

 

Jihyo jerks her head around so fast Nayeon’s sure she’s probably got whiplash.

 

“Nothing?” Jihyo repeats dubiously.

 

“Nothing as in nothing.” Nayeon reiterates, slightly annoyed.

 

“Wow…” Jihyo breathes out and stares at her with her tremendous eyes that kind of creeps Nayeon out. Good thing that the cashier interrupts them by handing Jihyo her card and her paper bag.

 

Jihyo thanked the lady and follows Nayeon out of the store until the repetitive tune of the music played inside the shop is far from earshot. After minutes of walking aimlessly, Nayeon spots the food court from afar and drags Jihyo there.

 

“I’m hungry, are you hungry?” She questions but they have reached an empty table with four vacant chairs before Jihyo can ever answer.

 

Jihyo sighs and plops down to the nearest chair, eyeing the line of kiosks disinterestedly. “Even if I don’t, you won’t take no for an answer anyway.”

 

Nayeon grins innocently. “You know me so well.”

 

Jihyo makes a face and Nayeon disappears with a laugh, picking which food she feels like eating right now. At the end, she settles with buying a bowl of cold noodle for her grumbling stomach, telling Jihyo to go buy herself food as she puts down the bowl to the table.

 

Jihyo’s back not long after with a plate of black noodles. Nayeon was trying to nip some of Jihyo’s food when the latter asks, “Are you seriously not going to buy something? That was the fifth shop we’ve visited today and you have yet to buy anything.”

 

“Mhmm.” Nayeon hums mindlessly, whining when Jihyo swats her chopsticks away. “Yes Jihyo, I’m not gonna buy anything.”

 

“Why? Uncle actually set a limit on you credit card for real this time?”

 

“No.” Nayeon grumbles, slurping her own noodle in disdain, having to be reminded of that. That isn’t the main reason though. “There’s nothing that I like.”.

 

“But what about tomorrow’s party?” Jihyo presses, twirling her noodle around her chopstick before she chews it. “You aren’t going to wear the same outfit again, are you?”

 

Nayeon dabs with a napkin, “What party?” She asks passively.

 

Jihyo suddenly chocks on her noodle and snatches Nayeon’s bottle of water, taking a large gulp of it that makes Nayeon thinks if Jihyo isn’t chocking on her food, she will probably chock on the water. Nayeon watches as the younger girl tries to catch her breath, offering Jihyo a clean napkin gingerly, in which the girl proceeds to wipe her chin with.

 

“You didn’t know?!” Jihyo will shriek if it isn’t because of the old man beside their table clearing his thr