Prologue: Living just enough

Taehyung quietly stands in front of the white-painted door, huffing an amused breath out as he stares at the wooden plate hung over it. Taetae’s Lair, it writes. He still remembers how he’d begged to have it carved for him seven years ago. It’s a memory worth kept so he takes the plate and stuffs it into the box that is tucked under his arm.

He reaches out a hand, twists the knob and creaks the door open as he steps in. It’s the last room that he hasn’t checked and he smiles a little as he takes in the view one last time. The room is fairly empty now, the only things that are left there are the furniture that had originally belonged there – and also a dusty royal blue box that he’d intentionally left on his wooden desk.

He walks over to the desk, places the box in his arm on its surface and gently runs a finger over the lid of the blue case. Hesitantly, he turns the lock on the box using the key that’s already perched in its rightful slot before he finally lifts the lid. He cranes a look into the box and memories seem to fleet by when he sees it. Taehyung reaches a hand into it and peels the sad piece of paper out of the box. He gazes at the photo, and lets his mind rules his body as he traces a finger over a faded figure in the photo.

God, he misses him so bad. He still misses him after all these times.

It's been seventy years since Taehyung last saw the man in the picture. And it's almost been 7 years now since he even last looked at the photo. He's always kept the old, ragged piece of paper laminated and safe in that royal blue box. The box itself is then locked and kept hidden in the depth of his overcrowded storeroom, leaving it there alone and collecting dust over these years.

In fact, Taehyung wouldn't even be staring at it now if it weren’t because he's migrating somewhere farther and he’d moved the box out of its confinement in the midst of their packing. He’d thought about leaving the box behind and so —his memories— for real this time, let the proof of his past lives buried there just so he can move on in his long, endless life for real.

He always thought of doing so, had tried to do so, but every single time he’d gazed at the photo for just one last time, Taehyung ended up bringing the box along. He’d still kept it close, but carefully hidden so he wouldn’t be reminded of it so often.

Now, Taehyung thinks, he should probably just give these kinds of thought up.

Because he knows now, understands that his heart probably just doesn't want to let go. He knows the reason, he knows why he hasn’t let go yet, but Taehyung just seems to refuse to understand them. Let me keep him close just for another year, he thinks.

And another year.

Then, another decade

And then somehow, just forever.

Because despite all the decades that he’s spent without him, Taehyung still misses him, still misses the love of his life, and just misses the life he’s led with his one and only love.

"Tae?” He hears a soft knock on his door. Taehyung doesn’t let his eyes wander off the photo, so all he does is hums back a soft, quiet response.

“Are you done packing?" The same, gentle voice asks just after the door swings open. Taehyung takes his time before he finally lifts his eyes away and turns to the voice.

"Yeah,” Taehyung sounds distracted then. Of course he does. It’s his photo in his hand then. "Yeah, I’m done,” he manages to croak out after. The other male probably notices the scrape of paper in his hold, so he walks closer and stands just behind him, then looks down at the photo too.

"Hey, I still remember that," Taehyung hears the smile in his voice, so he can’t help but curl up another smile too at the other.

"Yeah, I remember too. You look like an idiot in this photo when you tried to kiss him and he just looked like he wanted to murder you." Taehyung chuckles at the memory, and so does the other.

He does it so very fondly, before he leans down and plants a soft kiss just over Taehyung's temple.

“I still don’t understand why you even bother to do that when you knew he’d flipped you over with his martial art skill,” Taehyung laughs even more as he nudges an elbow at the other’s waist.

“Hey, it’s just fun to make fun of him, okay? You know how much he hated Bromance,” Taehyung can’t help but burst into laughter, shaking his head few times.

“You tried to smooch his face, Yugyeom! You’re lucky I stopped him from dumping your sad into the river.” Yugyeom laughs along, wraps his arms around Taehyung and dips his chin unto his shoulder. It’s after a while, after their laughter has died down, after a strange silence has fallen over them, when Yugyeom says what he’s wanted to say.

"You still kept this photo.” He speaks, barely heard as a whisper as he tightens the arms around the other’s torso. Taehyung stiffens for a while, but relaxes quickly when he feels a nose nuzzling close to his left ear. He then leans back against the younger male, comfy in Yugyeom’s hold despite the cold skin enveloping him.

"I know,” he answers with a bite of his lips, understands the meaning behind the words spoken. “It's the only thing remaining of him," Taehyung continues afterwards.

“Look at how old it is, it's even printed in grey scale," Yugyeom laughs some more, tightens the arms around him, tries to lighten the sudden shift of air. Taehyung doesn’t say anything back, doesn’t even laugh when he does. All he does is placing a hand over Yugyeom’s, squeezing just a tad bit as he tries to convey all the things that he fails to say himself. I’m sorry, his mind thinks but don’t say.

"I miss him," he hears Yugyeom verbalizes after some time, the emotion behind his voice is something that only Taehyung can understand.

"I miss him too," He finally says back, finally admits after years of trying to move on, and if the other notices the tremble in his voice, Yugyeom probably just chooses not to say anything of it. And Taehyung is glad he doesn’t. He doesn’t know what he’ll feel if he does. He’s felt empty before and empty now, like there’s a gaping hole in his chest waiting to be filled, but today, he doesn’t only feel empty inside—he almost feels like there’s something leaking out, draining him exhausted, pulling at the strings to his scarred heart.

"We should go now while it's still dark," tells Yugyeom, feels the other nodding his head instead of seeing it.

"Yeah, yeah, we should. Did you wipe everything clean?" Taehyung asks.

"Yeah, burnt everything to crisps. It’ll be like we never exist here," Yugyeom probably hasn’t meant for the words to sound the way they do, yet the words still sting nonetheless. Taehyung sighs, bites his lips and says—

"I wish we can stay longer. I love the people here.” Yugyeom nods his head, nuzzles his nose into the crook of his neck.

"I know, hyung, but you know we can't. We’ve extended our stay here more than what we should. We can't afford being exposed," He muffles his voice, holding Taehyung even tighter this time.

"I know, Gyeom,” he sounds resigned then when he speaks. “It’s okay. We’re used to this. We’ll be fine,” He says, tries to sound like he’s strong as he places the photo back into its rightful place, locks it and keeps the small, blue box into the bigger one.

“Alright, I think we should go now."

Taehyung takes one last glance at his room, smiles and closes the door.