KIbum picks his baby brother up before looking at the huge board again.

CHILDREN’S HOME- A HOME FOR ALL

The place was not fancy, not like the ones in Kibum’s city. It looked like a regular 3 storey mansion. The building was all white and the roof was reddish brown. Kibum would have search for more places but he couldn’t afford it at the moment. He was too exhausted and he had no other options. He stepped in holding his baby brother tighter to his chest.

“Hyung”

Kibum stopped instantly.

“Taeminahh?”

“Where are we?”

“It’s a home for children”

“Why are we here? We have a home”

“We will be here for a little while.” Kibum caressed Taemin’s cheek with his free hand before taking a long breath.

All felt heavy. The bag pack he was carrying was heavy. Even he hated to admit it, Taemin was also heavy. But he had no other way. He loved Taemin and he didn’t wanted Taemin to see the world the way he does. Of course he stepped to the world he hated even more than he hated his own mother. He stepped right in to the world of strangers, people he could not trust even to a tiniest bit.

How could he even expect the world to take them in while his own mother dumped them for her selfish desires?

He had doubts. But still he decided to take an action because he knew that he is going to protect Taemin. He was ready to do anything.

“Won’t mom be sad if we aren’t home?”

Mom… Kibum hated that word. He hated the person who made him hate that word. He hated her even more. For him, the only thing she did good was giving birth to Taemin.

He hated her mother for giving birth to himself. He hated her for not taking responsibility for her actions.

He was the first child, but he knew that his birth wasn’t fancy like any other normal child’s. He knew that he was mere an accident for the 19 year old mother. He was all unplanned. He doubted whether his mom and his dad even loved each other. Normally the first child is called the symbol of love of the parents, but Kibum, he was just an accident. Someone who was not supposed to be born in the first place.

KIbum took the packet of cereal from the pantry. After placing it on the kitchen table he picked up a milk carton from the fridge.

His mom entered the kitchen while he was pouring milk to Taemin’s cup.

“Mom”

Her face was pale with extra foundation and the excess eye shadow made her look like some sort of a dead corpse.

“Oh.. Kibum”

She went towards the fridge to grab her juice bottle.

“I won’t be back for few days.”

“Okay”

“Take care of Taemin”

Without replying her, Kibum left the kitchen to enter Taemin’s room.

H e has wanted to run away so many times, run away from the home which didn’t feel like a home anymore. He was 15 and he could have find a job and live on his own. But he knew that Taemin would be thrown to an orphanage if he left. He couldn’t stand it; his love for Taemin was so strong.

His mom.. He hated her. Though she didn’t tell anything and pretended like she loves them he knew the whole thing. He decided to keep quiet for Taemin’s sake. Even though he didn’t need a mother Taemin needed one. That was his opinion, at least until then.

Taemin was cuddled up against a pillow in their bed.

“Taeminah”

Kibum tapped gently on his little brother’s shoulder.

“KIbum”

His mother stood at the entrance to their room startling Kibum.

“Wae”

“We need to talk. Come to my room”

“Okay”

He followed his mother bluntly, only knowing that the conversation that was going take place is not going to do any good to him or to his mother.

“sit”
His mother gestured towards her bed and Kibum obeyed her.

“So how far do you know?”

She asked leaning back towards the wall facing KIbum with crossed arms.

Kibum kept quiet.

“Come on, I know that you know”

“Okay, I accidently checked an email of yours. I know that you’re dating a married man” Kibum shrugged. His mother tried to read his face but he was expressionless.

She gave up after a minute filled with silence.

“KIbum, It’s not what you think.”

“Whatever, I don’t care”

Another minute of silence before his mom released a deep sigh.

“I don’t care whether you care or not, but it’s my responsibility to sort the things for you. The married man I’m dating is actually my first love. And he is going to get divorced soon so this is not illegal. He knows that I have two kids. He knows that I had to give birth to a kid when I was 19,He knows that my husband passed away right after a year my second child was born. He knows how hard I worked to raise you.He knows..”

She was disturbed in the middle by a hysteric laugh.

“You? You raised us? You might have raised me long ago when I was little, though I don’t remember a day. but Taemin? No,Since his birth it was grandma who fed him with bottled milk while you were busy with gaining your lost beauty from the childbirth , It was grandma who cooked us food,you were never there! Jesus, how can you say that you raised us? Have you ever fed Taemin with milk after the day he was born? No, you were so upset that your face is shrunken and that you have lost all the weight. All you cared about was your damn face and body! You left the one day old infant to an old woman and a useless teenager. Seriously!”

Kibum stopped to catch breath.

“Seriously, I don’t care what you do, I don’t care”

His mother’s face looked worried for a minute. But she soon composed herself.

“Okay, Think as you want. It’s alright as long as you don’t care”

She grabbed her handbag before checking his reflection from the mirror. Kibum was eyeing at her with disgust.

She was never a mom, if that word still has the descent definition entangled with love, warmth and affection. He never had a mom. It was worse for Taemin if his grandma wasn’t there for the first four years of his life. When grandma left them a year ago Kibum was able to convince Taemin that she left for a pretty long vacation. Taemin asked for grandma for days and with time his little mind got used to the fact that his grandma is not gonna come back soon. Since then it was Kibum, It was Kibum who fed him, who took care of him.

Kibum would get up early in the morning to make them breakfast. He would get dressed in school uniform before waking up Taemin and helping him to get dressed for the nursery. He would drop Taemin to the nursery pretty early. Of course he felt so bad about that but he couldn’t afford detention for being late to school, it would just arise a chao ,he didn’t wanted to be asked to bring the parents to the school next day. He couldn’t afford any ruckus. He needed to be stable for Taemin.

Kibum hated the world. He hated all the people in the world except Taemin. He hated himself. The whole world was a lie for him. In school he was taught that the family, the mother comes with love but it was just a lie for himself. He hated seeing happy families as it made the feeling of self hatred he had for himself much stronger.

“Taeminah,”

Kibum placed Taemin down and lowered himself so his eye level matched with Taemin’s.

“Mom is on a journey and she won’t be back for a long time”

“Like halmonni?”

KIbum sighed looking up at the sky. Taemin was too small to know the truth. And Kibum is never going to let him know the truth and make him hate the whole world just like Kibum did. Taemin deserved much better.

“Yeah , like halmonni. Will you be okay with that?”

Taemin was silent for a moment.

“Will you too leave me for a journey one day?”

He would never leave Taemin. Taemin was not just a responsibility for him. Taemin was the sole reason that Kibum was still sane and alive. Taemin was his hope. His sole hope.

A single tear cascaded down from one of KIbum’s eye.

“Taeminah, hyung is never going anywhere without you. Hyung will always be there with you”

“Then I’m okay”

Taemin smiled widely and approached forward and winded his chubby, little arms around KIbum’s neck. Kibum hugged him tightly before holding him up.

He entered the building which looked like someone’s home rather than an orphanage.

Orphans? Yeah, Kibum was an orphan. But Taemin wasn’t. Taemin always had and always has the guardian with him which was Kibum. Kibum was never gonna make Taemin an orphan. He was clearly determined to protect Taemin even when he was stepping in to the place which was labeled as an orphanage.

The receptionist eyed at the tired looking teenager who was holding a little boy.

“Can I help you?”

“Yes, Can you…” Kibum was lost for words.

What was he supposed to tell exactly? That they were orphans? No, Taemin can’t hear that. Will these people take them in?

“Can you take us in?”

“Sweetie, you don’t have parents?” The lady asked in a melting tone that Kibum hated. He hated when people pitied him.

He bit his lips tightening his arms around Taemin who was looking at the lady with widened eyes.

“Take a seat, both of you.” She gestured towards the plastic chairs.

“I’ll call Mrs. Kim”

Kibum who got seated on a chair placed his big bagpack down before tightening arms around Taemin who was on his lap.

A minute later the lady came back with another lady which looked much older. Her hair was cut short and she was wearing a simple sweater and a skirt.

Her eyes widened when she saw Taemin and Kibum.

“Hey, I’m Mrs.Kim, Let’s go to the office”

Kibum stood up and pick Taemin up before following her quietly.

“Mrs. Kim?”

“Yes honey?”

“Can I talk to you alone? Is there a place my brother can play until I talk with you?”

“Oh..sure” She smiled before leading to a spacious room which was filled with nothing other than 5 little children who seemed to be around Taemin’s age playing with toys. Toy vehicles, dolls and lot of stuff which were new to Taemin.

Back at their house Taemin had only few toys, the superman, the ball and the toy truck.

Taemin’s eyes gleamed in happiness when he saw the room. His eyes wandered around the whole room.

“Sweetie, you wanna play with them until your brother comes?” Mrs. Kim turned to face Taemin who was on Kibum’s arms.

Taemin nodded fast as he can.

Kibum put him down.

“I’ll be back soon” Kibum caressed his head before placing a quick peck on his forehead.

“Hyung, you aren’t going to leave me like eomma and halmonni ,nae?”

“I will never leave you.”

“Promise?” Taemin held his pinky finger which was soon collided with Kibum’s.

“Promise”

“ seal”

“Stamp”

“ I will never leave you”

Taemin nodded with a smile before running towards all the toys scattered on the floor.

The office room was small and had a single wooden desk and a cupboard. There weren’t files or anything on the desk which made Kibum much comfortable.

“So honey, tell me about you” Mrs.Kim said after Kibum was seated facing her.

“I’m Kim Kibum, 15 years old. My brother is Lee Taemin and he is 5 years old.”

Mrs.Kim’s eyes widened for a moment and Kibum was quick to catch it.

“We had different fathers, but same mother”

She nodded understandingly.

“You’re around my son’s age. Are you in high school?”

“I graduated from middle school last year.”

“Sweetie, It might be inappropriate that I ask these questions directly from you, but I need to be sure on some things before taking you in.”

Kibum nodded politely. Anything ,if she takes them in.

To be honest, this place seemed little less strict than a typical orphanage and Mrs.Kim was way too polite and kind. But still he didn’t want to trust her so soon and he was ready for anything.

“What about your parents?”

“My dad has left my mom right after I was born. Taemin’s dad passed away when he was 1 year old. Our halmonni died last year and mom..”

He took a deep breath before continuing.

“Mom abandoned us”

Yes, she abandoned them, she has abandoned them right after they were born, ever since he remember.

“Oh sweetie”

Mrs. Kim grabbed Kibum’s hands which were placed on the desk and squeezed them gently.

“You know, this place is run by my family, so there won’t be much paperwork than the things issued by the government. Fill this and you are welcome here. We can talk about your school plans later”

Kibum took the document and started filling. Mrs.Kim was staring at Kibum all the time while he was filling the document. It made him uncomfortable but he decided to ignore it.

“Kibum, are you from this city?”

“No, I’m from Daegu”

“You came all the way from there?”

“Yes, I needed to get far away as possible”

She nodded once again.

“Mrs.Kim?”

“Yes?”

“Do I have to write my mother’s details here?”

“Yes sweetie, I promise you that I won’t send you away. We need to contact her and get the approval”

Approval

He didn’t have doubts about it. He knew what his mom wanted the most. She wanted to get rid of them so she can be available for her first love with all the terms.

When Kibum was about sign the document another teenager who seemed to be around Kibum’s age entered the room.

“Eomma”

Kibum looked up to see a boy who had sharp a jawline and chocolate brown eyes just like Mrs.Kim. He was shorter but looked masculine than Kibum and he was wearing a school uniform.

“Oh.. Jonghyunah, you came already”

He nodded before fixing his eyes on Kibum. Kibum raised his head to look at the boy and their eyes were locked for many seconds until the two boys heard Mrs.Kim’s laugh.

“Kibumah, this is my son Jonghyun” Kibum stood up and bowed the other.

“Jonghyunah, This is Kibum. He is going to be here from today”

Jonghyun’s eyes which were still on Kibum’s widened for a moment. He turned his face to look at his mom.

“Are you serious?”

“Yes”

“That’s a relief”

While Kibum was busy thinking what he exactly meant by a relief Mrs.Kim took the document from Kibum.

“Jonghyunah, show him around. And give him a room”

“Okay mom”

“And Kibum”

“Yes?”

“You can take Taemin with you too. He must be tired . “

“Thank you Mrs.Kim”

Kibum followed Jonghyun to the room where Taemin was left with toys and playmates. Kibum was surprised when he saw Taemin having a conversation with a little girl.

“Is that your brother?”

“Yes”

Jonghyun stared at Kibum who was gazing at his brother with a peaceful smile. Kibum felt the other’s gaze seconds later and it was completely foreign to him.

Anyone paying attention to him at all. He was always the friendless cornered person.

“What?”

“Nothing”

Taemin came running towards his brother just after he spotted him.

Kibum lowered himself and stretched his arms to pick Taemin up.

“You had fun?”

“yeah, I made friends” Taemin smiled widely making Kibum smile.

“Kibum”

“Yes?” Kibum turned towards Jonghyun.

Jonghyun wanted to take the huge bagpack from Kibum’s shoulder but Taemin’s big eyes staring in to him made him forget what he was about to talk.

“Hello, I’m Jonghyun”

“I’m Tae…Taemin”

Kibum’s life changed after that day. Kibum was enrolled in Busan High together with Jonghyun and Taemin continued preschool education at the orphanage . All the children stayed together as a flock and they never felt like they were orphans.

……………………………...................................................................................................................................................................................

It was Kibum’s first day at school. He was seated next to Jonghyun and it was kind of a relief for him. The Math teacher wrote a whole lot of unsolved equations on the board. Kibum’s eyes wandered around the board trying to interpret the questions but he ended up being lost. He turned his head to look at Jonghyun who was staring at the board with a relaxed expression.

“Okay, So the first question” Kibum fixed his eyes back to the board as soon as he heard Mr.Kang’s voice.

“You, Kim Kibum, isn’t it? He pointed the marker towards Kibum.

KIbum stood up startled. He hated attention. Back there at school he was never given much attention. He would sit at the back row, he would score average marks which were neither to boast about nor to cry over. He could feel his body trembling.

“Yes..Yes sir”

“Let’s see how good you are, now explain the theorems used to solve the first equation,” “In order” He pointed the marker again.

“Umm..” Kibum looked at the first question again but nothing came to his mind. He has missed a lot of lessons as he didn’t bother to get enrolled to a high school at Daegu.

“I’m sorry sir, I don’t know”

“What? You are saying that you don’t know the basic theorems?”

“Yess, sir”

Kibum’s eyes were fixed to the ground when the class was filled with whispers. He thought that his classmates were probably so surprised to see how dumb the new student was.

“Silence!”

Even his gaze was still fixed on the ground from the corner of his eyes he saw that Jonghyun stood up.

“Yes, Jonghyun?”

“Sir,It’s that Kibum has missed a lot of lessons and he probably have not learned any theorem used for the first question. Shall I tutor him after school”

“Oh..That sounds good. KIbum, from today on ,get tutored from Jonghyun. I’ll check your progress weekly. You should do all the assignments I’ve given in the last term”

“Yes sir” Kibum raised his head up again.

He was surprised that someone stood for him. He of course knew that Jonghyun was quite a good guy who thought of him as ‘a relief’. A relief because Jonghyun is not going to have to spend all the weekends with children who were like 10 years younger, alone. But he seemed to be more than just a relief for Jonghyun to stand up for him and offering to tutor him. Jonghyun could have ignored him at school as he was not bound to pay any attention to Kibum ,but instead Jonghyun stood up for him. For the first time in Kibum’s life a person who was not Taemin or his grandmother offered to do something for him.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Stormy season was back to KIbum’s life. The time where his self hatred is stronger than anything else, the time where he thinks of the possibilities for Taemin if he was not born. KIbum knew that all his thoughts were irrational whenever a stormy phase comes , but he couldn’t help himself to throw away those irrational thoughts. He was weak in front of storms. He would just go through it, hurting himself either physically or mentally.

Kibum never had a friend to share life. Whenever it was that phase he had to keep everything bottled up and at the break point it would get spilled as acid inside his soul, giving rise to burnt patches which would always remind him that he is just another torn soul .

He had several classmates who were friendly to him but he was never an open book. He had Jonghyun, who seemed like a real friend . Jonghyun was always supportive in academics, helping him to raise his grades and catch up all the missed lessons by tutoring him. But KIbum was not emotionally comfortable with anyone, including Jonghyun. In his point of view, he couldn’t afford to trust anyone, yet.

KIbum was silent almost all the day at school. He talked only if he was asked something. Jonghyun decided to find what’s wrong. He knew the fact that Kibum and Taemin were abandoned by their parents, but nothing more or nothing less than the things in the documents.

They were walking down the street on the way to home next to each other. Kibum was silent all the way.

“Kibum” Jonghyun placed his hand on Kibum’s shoulder.

“Wae?”

“Is there something bad going on?”

“No”

“Sure?”

“Yes.”

Kibum was lying, Jonghyun knew. Jonghyun understood that he is still not a person to whom Kibum could open himself. But Jonghyun didn’t know that Kibum never had opened himself to anyone.

……………………...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Kibum was dressed in pajamas.

“Hyung..”

“Wae Taeminnie?”

“Can I sleep over at Jongin’s room for today?”

“Isn’t it already crowded?”

“But there are two double beds and Jongin said that we could share his bed.”

“Alright then.”

Kibum was alone again.

It was already the midnight but his mind was totally occupied with irrational thoughts.

Would his mother become a good person if he was never born in the first place? She was just 19 years old back then, she would have leaded a better life if he wasn’t born. She could have married Taemin’s father in right time and they could have become a happy family. She could have become a true mother to Taemin. He was the fault point in his mother’s life. He was the curse which brought wretchedness to all,to his mother and toTaemin.

Swallowing tears Kibum opened the door to the balcony.

All the five rooms in the 2^nd floor had separate balconies to them. KIbum’s room was also in the 2^nd floor right next to Jonghyun’s.

KIbum closed the door behind and crouched down leaning against it. He looked up to meet the starless sky which only had the moon which looked hollow without all the stars.

It all started with quiet sobs. Minutes letter Kibum was sobbing loud banging his chest with a clenched fist.

TAemin probably would have gotten a family if he wasn’t born in the first place. He is the one who made his mother irresponsible for the rest of the life. He was the curse. He hated himself.

The door which was closed behind by Kibum opened in a flash.

“Kibum” Kibum raised his head up to see Jonghyun.

Kibum turned back so that Jonghyun no longer could see his face. He didn’t want anyone to see how weak he was.

A second later Jonghyun’s strong arms were wrapped around Kibum’s waist.

“KIbum…”

“Jonghyun..” His sobs started getting much fiercer and louder when the foreign warmth embraced his body.

“Jonghyun, don’t ask me anything”

“I won’t”

“Don’t try to look at my face”

“I won’t”

Jonghyun tightened the grip around Kibum’s waist and placed his head on KIbum’s shoulder.

30 minutes passed and Jonghyun was still holding the other and his head was still placed on the other’s shoulder. Kibum let out a deep sigh before resting his head back towards Jonghyun’s shoulder.

“Do you wanna talk?”

“No, Not now.”

“Do you wanna go back to the bed?”

“I don’t wanna sleep.”

“Why?”

He didn’t want to tell that his inner demons haunt him not letting him to have any sleep and that it was even worse and sleep was just an impossible without Taemin.

Kibum sighed again.

“You can go back Jonghyun”

“I don’t want to.”

“You have school tomorrow.”

“So do you.”

He sighed again before removing Jonghyun’s hands which were wrapped around his waist.

“You’re going to bed?”

“Yes”

“But you said you can’t sleep?”

“Not if you sleep with me.”

“Sleep with you?”

“Yes. You’re gonna sleep here today.”

KIbum stood up and walked in. Jonghyun was confused, he didn’t understand a thing. When he entered the room Kibum was locking the back door which leads to the passage for the other rooms.

Kibum crawled to bed and curled up against the corner.

“Sleep here.” KIbum uttered without bothering to turn his head again to look at Jonghyun.

Jonghyun, though confused did as he was told. He crawled under the sheet to take the spot next to Kibum. A moment later Kibum’s slender arms were all around his waist.

………………………………………………………………………………………………....................................................................................

It was Taemin’s 6^th birthday. Kibum had saved up considerably a large amount from the job he did at the ramen shop down the street on weekends. It was the first time he ever got to save up enough money to buy something for Taemin. He decided to stop by the supermarket after school with Jonghyun.

“So what are you gonna buy?”

“A toy maybe?”

“You know, you can’t buy a huge toy, it would create wars among the kids”

Kibum has forgotten for a moment. It wasn’t just he and Taemin anymore. Though how stupid it sounded he has got a huge family now. There were like 15 kids who called him hyung. There were like 5 more kids who were clingy around him other than Taemin. There was Mrs.Kim who frequently checked on him like he was her own son. And there was Jonghyun..

“You are right. Shall we buy small toys for all the kids?”

“Will Taemin be okay with that?”

Taemin never got special treats for his birthdays. He would be more than happy even just with a cake.

“Taeminahh”

“Hyung..” Taemin was waiting in the garden for Kibum which was unusual.

“Why are you here Taeminnie?”

“Hyung, I found something?”

“What?”

Taemin dragged Kibum to the mansion and Jonghyun followed them. JOnghyun exacly knew the place that Taemin was leading Kibum to.

The room where the piano resides.

“See” Taemin pointed at the black coloured piano which has lost its glamour with dust.

Jonghyun watched how Kibum’s eyes gleamed with a glow which he had never seen before.

“Is this yours?” He turned towards Jonghyun.

“No, It was here all the time.”

“It was here all the time and you never bothered to learn?” Kibum’s eyes were widened in pure surprise.

Kibum could have lived all the day worriless if there was a piano.

“I did. But I’m not that good” Jonghyun grinned sadly.

“Do you wanna play it?”

Kibum nodded placing his bag on the floor. Jonghyun plugged the code in and switched it on. Kibum seated in front of the huge piano and it was cute how Taemin managed to creep to the space next to him on the stool.

Kibum’s slender fingers started moving freely along the whole length of the piano giving out various different notes which combined together to create soothing melodies. Jonghyun looked at Kibum’s face already mesmerized by how effortless his hands were working on the keys. Kibum looked so beautiful. Though his feline eyes were closed his lips were drawn to a pleasing smile and he was nodding back and forth as the notes went from low to high and high to low.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

It was a night alone at the mansion for Jonghyun and Kibum. Mrs.Kim has left to Incheon with all the kids and the staff for a field trip and the two 17 year old boys were left behind as they had school for the next two days.

Kibum woke up with the loud alarm but his head felt heavy and he couldn’t get up the bed. He tried his best to get in to a sitting position but his limbs wouldn’t help at all and his head was spinning making it worse. He felt tired and weary. His eyes felt burning and watery. He gave up all the efforts and decided to lie down. He must be sick.

After long 30 minutes Kibum heard knocks on his door but he couldn’t get up at all. His body was all achy and he would probably fall down on the ground if he tried to leave the bed.

“KIbumahh”

“Jong…Jonghyun.” His voice came out as a whisper but thanks to the quietness in the mansion Jonghyun could hear him from the other end.

The door was opened and Jonghyun entered the room in a rush. He was already dressed in the school uniform. His face frowned in fear when he saw Kibum.

“Kibumah!”

He knelt beside Kibum’s bed and placed a hand on Kibum’s forehead.

With trembling hands he took his phone out from the pocket. Kibum opened his eyes to look at Jonghyun.

Though his vision was blurry he could see Jonghyun. Jonghyun’s face had fear written all over and continuous stream of tears were falling down from each of his eyes.

“Eomma”

Jonghyun gulped his tears.

“Eomma, Kibum is sick”

“Eomma, can you come please?”

“Please eomma”

“I can’t. I’m afraid. Please”

“Please come”

Jonghyun stayed next to Kibum for the next hour, replacing wet towels on Kibum’s forehead. His free hand was gripped with one of Kibum’s hands.

Dr.Lee who was a colleague of Mrs.Kim arrived straightly to Kibum’s room through the already opened door.

Jonghyun watched as Mr.Lee was placing the stethoscope to various parts of Kibum’s body.

“Ajhusshi, how is he?”

“Don’t worry. It’s the flu which is kind of common these days. He will get better with meds. You have to monitor all his meals and make sure that he takes meds after each meal.”

Jonghyun sighed.

Kibum was awake and he silently watched everything, too tired to talk.

Before the Doctor left one of Jonghyun’s mom’s friends arrived the mansion. Apparently Mrs.Kim has called them after realizing that Jonghyun is too much freaked out to take care of Kibum alone.

Jonghyun helped Kibum to sitting position. He placed a pillow against wall so Kibum could lean back. He started feeding Kibum the bowl of rice porridge his mother’s friend made. Kibum managed to finish a half of it and Jonghyun sorted out all the pills that were supposed to be in the ‘morning- after meal’ doze.

It was the evening and Jonghyun was still next to Kibum. Jonghyun had changed in to a casual T shirt but he was still in the dark blue school uniform slack. He was sitting beside Kibum on the bed. One of his hands was locked with Kibum’s while the other was holding a book.

The body aches had fade away from Kibum but still he didn’t feel energized enough to go out and spend the day like he would usually do.

“Jonghyunah”

Jonghyun moved his gaze away from the book to look at Kibum.

“Mmmh?”

“Shall we go to the balcony?”

Jonghyun flipped off the book and placed it on the table which was reachable from the corner of the bed.

“Bummie, you need rest”

“Bummie?”

“Mm hmm”

“But I’m sick of lying on the bed all the day.”

“But you’re still not recovered and you extremely needs rest.”

“Let’s just sit in the balcony. Pleasee..?”

Jonghyun sighed before standing up. He helped Kibum to get out from the bed and wrapped and arm around his waist.

“I can walk”

“I know”

The sun was on set and the evening breeze was neither hot nor cold. Jonghyun closed the door behind and crouched down on the floor leaning back on the door.

“Come here”

He patted on the space in front of him to Kibum who was watching around from the balcony. A minute later Kibum was leaning back on Jonghyun’s upper body and Jonghyun’s arms were wrapped around his tummy.

“Jjongie”

“Jjongie?”

Kibum nodded against Jonghyun’s chest.

A smile crept over to Jonghyun’s lips.

He loved the moment. He loved what he was feeling. He loved Kibum.

“Why were you crying back then?”

“Huh?”

“I saw you crying when I was sick.”

Jonghyun let out a deep sigh before tightening the grip around Kibum’s tummy and resting his head on Kibum’s shoulder.

“I get scared whenever someone is sick, whenever someone matters to me is sick.”

“Why?”

Jonghyun let out another deep sigh before whispering.

“I lost a friend , years ago.”

Kibum tried to break away from Jonghyun’s grip so that he can hug and console the other but the grip was too much strong.

“I’m sorry Jjongie, are you okay to talk about it with me?”

“I was 12 back then, he was my best friend. We were always together since we were 5 and then that day he got sick. I didn’t know much detail about the sickness but it all started with flu. He was admitted and it was diagnosed as a normal viral flu so nobody expected it to grow severe.”

Kibum felt his cotton shirt getting soaked.

“Jjongie” He cupped Jonghyun’s wrists which were on his tummy.

“It’s okay if you can’t..”

“I was always at the hospital beside him all the evenings after school. On the last evening we talked about our future. He said he want to become a musician. That he want to master all the instruments. You know , he was quite awesome with the piano for a 12 year old. We both practiced together but he was always steps ahead me.”

“That’s why you don’t play it anymore?”

Jonghyun nodded against the other’s shoulder.

“He was happy that day, both of us smiled and talked a lot. I had to leave the hospital at night as usual as the next day was a school day. And the next morning my mom woke me up and..” “he was gone”

“I’m so sorry Jjongie”

“I’m sorry” Kibum wanted to hold the other but still the other’s arm were strongly wrapped around him.

“I..” “I was so scared Bummie. I get so scared. I was so scared when I left you to bring the porridge from the kitchen. I was so scared to leave you even for a second.”

…………………………………………………………………..

“What does she likes the most?”

Mrs.Kim’s 45^th birthday was on the weekend and Kibum wanted to do his best to make her happy.

Kibum never knew how it to have a mother was. His life changed the day Mrs.Kim accepted them in. She was a motherly figure to all the kids.She treated all the kids the same way he treated Jonghyun and made them feel like one huge family.

Jonghyun and Kibum were discussing about all the possibilities of making her happy while they were having a break from Math home work.

“I don’t know. I’ve given her random things all the times.”

“Think Jjongie, Think. It’s her 45^th. What has made her the most happiest?”

Jonghyun thought about all the happy moments he had with her mom. His mind stopped at one memory. Which was happy and sad at the same time.

“She liked to hear me sing”

“You sing?”

“I did”

“Why don’t you sing anymore?”

Jonghyun bit his lip as the memories from those days were flooding in.

Jinki was always the best with the piano. Jonghyun wrote a song for his mom and Jinki composed music. He spent days to combine all the perfect notes as it was hard to find a time where Mrs.Kim wasn’t home.

Piano class was happened to be on her birthday. The two friends called the teacher and cancelled the class. Mrs.Kim came to the music room just as the other days to see the two kids enjoy their teacher’s skill as usual. She was left with tears as his son and his friend performed a song written and composed for her.

Kibum got up from the chair to walk over to Jonghyun’s. He back hugged the other rubbing the other’s arms in comfort.

“It’s okay Jjongie, It’s okay to cry. ”

“Jjongie, you know what, we can renew your memories with the piano”

“What?”

“Yeah. I don’t want you to forget your friend. But I don’t want you to be sad whenever we talk about music. So let’s make new memories.”

“I’m so scared to sing again. I might be a fool. But I feel like..”

“What?”

“I feel like I will lose another person if I ever sing.”

Kibum broke away from Jonghyun.

“Look at me Jonghyun”

Jonghyun turned around. Kibum placed his hands on Jonghyun’s shoulders locking his eyes with the other’s.

“You’re not gonna lose anyone. Let’s all sing. Let’s sing with all the kids for her birthday. I can play the piano. You can be the main singer with all the other kids as background singers”

“But Kibum..”

“Shhh” Kibum placed his fore finger across the other’s lips.

“Trust me Jonghyun. No one’s gonna leave you.”

……………………………………………….........................................................................................................................................................................................

Kibum was shivering with all the muscles in his body. Scratch that, he was freezing!. His teeth were clattering giving the sound of an old worn off train and he was rubbing his hands together while blowing hot air to them. It was snowing outside. Kibum loved snow but this, he hated how his body reacted in some days of winter.

Taemin was assigned to a new room along with peers as he was already 9 and it was convenient for him to be around peers. Taemin was getting along with all but Kibum had mixed feelings about it. He was of course happy that Taemin is spending time with friends just like any boy of his age would do but a part of him missed Taemin. He never tried to express it to Taemin because he strongly believed that this was what he wanted for Taemin in the first place. A life which would make him see the world better . A life which is normal.

KIbum was wrapped with 2 sheets over the thick wool jacket but still the shivering would not let him stay at peace. It was 10pm and he was supposed to be sleeping but all his efforts to sleep ended in vain. At the end he was sitting on his bed shivering and blowing air to his hands though they were covered with gloves.

With an angry sigh he got up and left his room.

Kibum entered Jonghyun’s room without making any sound. Jonghyun was already asleep sweep under the bed cover. He was surprised of the amount of tolerance of Jonghyun’s body. After a moment of hesitation he crept inside the cover still wrapped with two extra blankets. He rolled towards Jonghyun’s direction and cuddled himself closer to other too afraid to make another move.

Jonghyun’s eyes shot open and widened instantly at the sight of the cuddled pile next to him.

“Kibum?”

“Oh…Jong..hyun..”

Jonghyun chuckled as the other’s teeth were cluttering in between.

“It’s..cold..”

Jonghyun wrapped him arms around the other’s back pulling himself closer to the other.

“Aren’t you…sleep..sleepy?”

“I couldn’t sleep”

Jonghyun pulled the other away from his embrace. Kibum was staring in to Jonghyun’s eyes confusedly.

Jonghyun started caressing Kibum’s face, his forehead, his cheeks, under his eyes and ever around his lips with his palms.

“This would make you feel warmer. I’m hot you know?”

“Jonghyun”

“Wae” Jonghyun was now caressing Kibum’s neck area sweeping his hands under the sheets Kibum was wrapped in.

“wait, your still trembling.”

Jonghyun left the bed leaving the other much more confused than before. He opened the closet to grab two extra sheets before removing the t shirt he was wearing.

“What are you doing?”

“It’ll be much warm for you like this.”

He crept next to Kibum and placed the sheets around his bare upper body before holding Kibum to his bare chest.

“You know Bummie, you also can remove your shirt, It’ll be much warmer.”

“Can I?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. Close your eyes”

“Uh?”

“Close your eyes”

“Okay”

Jonghyun turned his face away to the other side closing his eyes. Kibum unwrapped the two sheets around him. His body wasn’t trembling as much as he was at his own room earlier. He removed his tshirt letting the cold air to embrace his body making his body tremble again. Hugging the sheets to his chest he wrapped his arms around Jonghyun’s waist . Jonghyun turned back to Kibum’s . His arms went getting wrapped around the other’s bare body pulling them closer as possible to each other making their bare chests collide. Jonghyun’s hot breaths striking at the other’s neck made the other feel a whole lot of things he had never even imagined before. Kibum’s breaths were  striking with Jonghyun’s upper chest syncing with his heart beat.

“Feel better?”

Kibum nodded against the other’s chest. He wasn’t trembling anymore. He wasn’t trembling at all. He could feel hot currents going around all the directions in his body.

Jonghyun’s hand was on Kibum’s neck. It wandered all over Kibum’s .

“Bummie?”

“Mmm?”

“Do you have feelings for me?”

“Uh?”

“Do you love me?”

After several long seconds Jonghyun could feel Kibum’s nod against his chest.

“Bummie, Do you want me to kiss you?”

Just like before he got Kibum’s approval with a nod after like a minute.

He pulled away from Kibum. Kibum’s usually pale face was flushed with a shade of red and his eyes were gleaming. Jonghyun cupped Kibum’s face with his hands before pulling his face closer to the other’s. Their noses were brushing and their breaths were striking each other’s face. Jonghyun closed his eyes and they stayed like that almost for a minute. Jonghyun placed his lips gently on the other's. Kibum’s eyes shot open in a flash making Jonghyun pull away with a chuckle. Kibum was the cutest. He placed his lips back on Kibum’s without even giving time for Kibum to react. He bit Kibum’s upper lip with his own lips gently . He started biting Kibum’s lower lip and as just as Kibum’s mouth was opened for an instance he intruded in. His tongue wandered around Kibum’s mouth to all the possible areas.

Jonghyun had dated in the past and this wasn’t his first kiss. But Kibum, the only thing he could feel while his tongue was wandering around Kibum’s mouth was purity. Kibum was so pure. His mouth, his body, his eyes ,his souls, everything about Kibum was so pure.

Jonghyun pulled away fixing his eyes on Kibum’s face. Kibum opened his eyes slowly afraid that the moment would vanish if he opened his eyes.

All was a like a good dream. Everything changed once he stepped in to this building. All he could ever think of is making Taemin happy. It was his sole intention. Taemin’s happiness was his only hope for life. He was all matured and complicated for a 15 year old.

But here he was, 4 years later. He knew that he loved the person next to him. The person next to him made him happy, made him feel protected and made him want to live not just for Taemin but for himself.

He didn’t know when it all happened. When exactly he fell in love with Kim Jonghyun. It was a time consuming long process.

Jonghyun climbed his walls and entered to his inner territory. Jonghyun slowly made him get used to life and showed him that he is worth to be loved. Jonghyun made him feel protected. Jonghyun had become his guardian.

“KIbum”

“Jonghyun?”

“Do you love me?”

“Yes, I love you.”

A/N: Wrote this over days when I was bored with studying. It's un organized. TT

If you're someone who has subscribed to my ongoing stories , I'm really sorryyyy. I won't be updating any of them til 19th August. I could have worked on them with the time I spent on this but I was too afraid that  they would get screwed with my current situation. (I have only a month left for exams and I'm bit of crazy. )

Thank you for reading and if it's possible pleaseeee commentttt!!!!!!!!!!

P.S: There might be a part two.

P.S; OMG!! There are lots of errors and mistakes. Sorryyyy for late proofreading!