It's two in the night and the only noises that can be heard from outside my room window are those made by lonely cars around the deserted streets.

I smiled slightly, holding a yawn. I do not want to sleep and lose this scene.

In front of me, on the king-size bed, lies the person who changed my life ten years ago when, just started the first year of college, we became roommates. Call it fate or as you wish; for me it was a gift.

Before leaving home, I told my parents that their only male son was gay. To say that they were not ecstatic about the news it is reductive; they cursed me, they blamed each other to have raised me up like that and after a strong slap by my father, they kicked me out. Without a family member from whom to go, I looked for help in my best friend, Youngwoon, who readily accepted, welcoming me to his home and helping me find a part-time job.

Thanks to my hard work and the help of Kangin, as he wanted to be called, I managed to pay for my studies and start a new life, in which I was Kim Yesung, not Jongwoon as everone had called me so up 'til then.

When I entered the university dorm room, I came face to face with a boy from a wealthy family, shy with strangers, but that actually hid a devil inside of him once he overcome the mistrust.

We did not agree at once. He was too lazy, he played too much and even at wee hours, drank like a sponge and to top it all, he did not have to work to maintain himself. In short, he was my opposite.

But after a few months, we found out that we both liked to sing, we had the same tastes about music and we were good at studying. It did not take long to understand that we were both attracted to our same gender. And above all, there was a certain chemistry between us.

After an exact year from our meeting, we were celebrating six months together and we were the most wanted and hated couple at the same time.

Our relationship has not always been sunshine and rainbows. Our biggest problem and source of quarrels was our jealousy and possessiveness. There are countless times that I had to threaten whoever approached him because he was mine - I'm sure he did the same with me, but he never revealed it to me, unlike me -.

As soon as we finished university, after a period when he returned to his parents and me to Kangin while we were looking for a job, we argued because we were scared that we would end all there, that there would not be an "us" anymore. But it was not like that. After three months in which we continued to quarrel, we both got a job and, on Kangin's insistence that only wanted my happiness, we went to live together.

We have been living in our home for five years and despite our divergences on practical issues - who cleans the home, who deals with clothes, who cooks - we are happy.

Or at least I was before I was given this news, which broke my heart.

I can not look into his eyes anymore, without starting to cry. How can I do? How will he live? I do not think he's aware of how I am feeling, and if he did, he does not want to press me, waiting for me to tell him what I have.

Before he fell asleep shortly after making love, I was about to tell him, but he had looked at me with eyes full of love and I... I did not have the heart to do it. And that's why I'm awake now, because I'm writing a letter explaining everything to him, so I'm sure he'll read it.

I lay the pen on the sheet where only black squiggle lines are visible and I put my hand on my cheek, observing the figure of my lover sleeping peacefully on the bed.

His breath is slow and smooth, his cheeks slightly flushed as an almost inevitable murmur comes out of his lips. Lunar rays enter the open window, caressing his skin and making him look paler than what he actually is. He is my ethereal creature, my angel. So calm, so happy... and I'll ruin everything.

I wiped out a tear and choked a hiccup, fearful that at the slightest noise he'll woke up and start asking me questions that I cannot answer.

I resume writing without further hesitation and pauses, with tears falling and the sheets absorbing them.

I lay the pen for the last time on the sheet folded in four before I got up and approach him.

He's still sleeping undisturbed - I have just written for an hour - and I just want to lie down beside him, forgetting everything and letting the time pass, leaving me at the mercy of its passing with my boyfriend beside me.

Before I change my mind and give in to this desire, I place a kiss on his lips, cheeks and forehead, murmuring every time an "I love you".

With my heart overwhelmed with regret, I take my luggage full of clothes that I have prepared these days and leave home.

"Farewell... I love you", I murmur against the door before I go away.

"Mmmm", I twist, stretching an arm next to me, looking for my Yeye's body.

Feeling nothing, but only the other half of the bed cool and empty, I start sniffing deeply in the air, looking for some scent that indicates that he is in the kitchen, but also in this case I do not sniff anything.

I open my eyes and watch the alarm. Maybe it's late and he's already gone out to go to work, but the hour refutes me, telling me it's only half past seven in the morning.

I get out of bed, looking for my cellphone, hoping he has written a message to me, but I do not find it on the bedside table. I look around and notice a folded sheet on the fireplace shelf in our room.

I take the piece of paper and unfold it, curious about the fact that he left me a note, something he did not do for years.

Dear,

I'm sorry not to be there with you now. I imagine your lost and confused look as you go ahead with reading as you pass a hand between your messy hair.

Forgive me to be so coward to the point that I have never said anything before or telling you now face to face. You do not know how much I want to hug and support you, but I can not.

A few months ago, exactly the day before our anniversary, I went to the hospital to get the results of the exams we did together. The doctor stopped me and wanted to talk to me; apparently, what he had to say to me was nothing good. And in fact...

I have been diagnosed with a brain tumor and unfortunately... it is malignant. I started treatment right away, but there was not much that could be done.

Sorry if in this period I was often tired, I made you mad with my behavior... Now I would have preferred never to have complained and being always close to you.

I decided to go on with my treatment in an hospital, but not here in Seoul... I'm going abroad and I do not want you to follow me. My heart is breaking just by telling you these things, but it's for your own good. I do not want to be a burden for you, especially knowing that there is not much to do.

If my fate is to stay with you, I will come back and I want to find you waiting for me. I apologize for this selfish thought, but you know I'm like this with what I want the most in the world.

Instead, if it's not... Well, you understand, do not you? I want you to go to my parents and tell them I do not hate them, indeed, that I love them and that I've never stopped thinking about them. To Kangin thank him from the depths of my heart because, if it had not been for him, I would not have continued with my life and I would not have met you, the only joy of my life.

I would like to say so many things to you, but you know all about me, and you know what I feel. You've been the best thing that could happen to me. You do not know how much you've changed my life. You always supported me, you never left me alone and you gave me the love I had been denied by my parents. I am immensely grateful to you.

I would like to tell you one last thing. I love you, Cho Kyuhyun, and you know I've always considered myself as Cho Yesung.

Goodbye, KyuKyu

And yes, it ends like that... I actually had a scene to add, but it was a bit of obvious and I was told that it was better to leave it that way. It's an open ending, you choose how you prefer it to finish. Maybe, write me your ending in the comments, so maybe somebody will guess my ending ;)