https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4gCv1CifJg 

Lucid dreaming.

It’s when the dreamer is aware that they are dreaming. The dreamer is in their own dream. They have the ability to control what can happen.

The monster? It was slayed by the all mighty superhero.

The cute dog? He was now your pet.

The ideal girl? She was dating you now.

Lucid dreaming is what Seulgi perfected.

It took her a while, but she perfected it.

Her dream journal was kept beside her bedside. It was needed every time she woke up, her dream at the front of her thoughts as she quickly grabbed a pencil to scribble or doodle what had occurred. Filled inside were drawings of people she knew: her members, family, friends, other idols she saw at events. Words like airplane, vacation, beach were scrawled in a hasty manner. On another page, there was a shaded picture of a one eyed monster. It reminded her of that horror story her brother told her when she was a child. It gave her nightmares for a few days until her father calmed her down and told her that monster wasn’t real.

Throughout the day, she would pinch herself and ask if she was dreaming. She kept muttering to herself, “Am I dreaming?” and would look at her own hands. At first, it startled the members. They gave her weird looks until it became something normal for them to witness the bear like girl doing so. Yerim and Sooyoung would every time she did it.

Every night, before she slept, she would say to herself, “I will know that I’m dreaming,” and proceeds to go sleep. In the beginning, Wendy would look at her strangely. But just like her antics during the day, Seulgi’s proclamation that she’ll know that she’s dreaming became a normal occurrence. Wendy got used to it and would simply head to bed as well.

One day Wendy asked Seulgi why she decided to practice lucid dreaming. Seulgi only shrugged in response and said it sounded cool.

That was a lie.

She wanted to mold and shape her dreams to what she wanted in reality. Seulgi’s ideal reality.

Her ideal reality is for a certain someone in her group to love her back. A certain someone, aka the leader, aka Red Velvet’s Irene, aka Bae Joohyun. Her friend since trainee days. Her crush.

Unfortunately, reality was far from her ideal and thus why she started to pick up on lucid dreaming.

Reality was it that Joohyun was dating someone else right now.

So Seulgi sleeps more to dream what she wants to happen. The members thought it was just Seulgi being Seulgi, the sleeping princess, the hibernating bear.

Seulgi practically lives in her dreams now. It was to the point that it was bad for her and affecting the other members. She is found sleeping in the back car seat with her head against her seatbelt every time they head out for events and music shows. Backstage in the room labeled for Red Velvet, she was found slouching on the couch, her arm used as a head rest as she dozed off. During unplanned instagram lives or vapp broadcasting (whichever Yerim demanded for), Seulgi was not seen. Instead she would be found in the corner sleeping or in comfortable bed in another room.

Five minute talks would end up being pointless because a certain bear was missing. No matter how many times Sooyoung or Wendy demanded for her to join, Seulgi would wave her hand and said she was simply too tired to discuss. It baffled them because Seulgi already got more sleep than they do. Joohyun, being the nice leader that she is, softly said to let the other girl sleep. With promotions and other individual schedules that Seulgi has, it doesn’t surprise Joohyun that she’s tired. Seulgi thanked Joohyun, but secretly she wished that the older girl would demand for her to join the talk.

That night she dreamt of a demanding Joohyun who would insist that Seulgi joined their group talks.

Her members began to worry. Without Seulgi in their talks, Wendy brought up how much Seulgi has been sleeping.

“It’s too abnormal!” Wendy exclaimed.

Sooyoung and Yerim nodded their heads in agreement and Joohyun pondered a bit.

Yerim spoke softly, “I miss unnie.”

That was when Joohyun realized how much it affected the other members. Was she that blind to what was going on? What kind of leader would that make her? She scolded herself internally and told the other members that she would talk to Seulgi about this.

Easier said than done.

It ended up harder than she thought. It was as if fate was trying to keep them apart from discussing anything related to Seulgi’s sleep schedule. Every time she tried to corner the other girl and talk to her, Seulgi would get a phone call from one of their managers or one of their sunbaenims to hang out. Sometimes the distractions would be on Joohyun’s end instead; her boyfriend would call for an impromptu date. Seulgi would wave her hand to go, but not before Joohyun caught Seulgi’s facial expression distort in sadness. She ends up pushing the older girl into her room so she could change into something nice for her boyfriend.

Joohyun comes home to Seulgi sleeping on the sofa that night.

Another five minute talk occurred later on. They tried to get everyone together but alas, Seulgi was out for an individual schedule.

“At least we know she isn’t sleeping,” Wendy said.

“And how do you know that?” Sooyoung sharply asked. “She could be sleeping in between breaks during her shoot.”

“That’s true…” Wendy murmured.

“Have you noticed, unnie?” Yerim asked Joohyun.

“Hmm? What do you mean?”

“She’s been avoiding us. She hasn’t spoken to us in a while,” Yerim sadly said.

“She spoke to a few of us yesterday.”

“She means like a full out conversation, unnie,” Sooyoung said. “It’s only been strained and polite for the past couple of weeks. Too polite.”

“Yeah, she only says hi or good morning. She doesn’t ask me about my day anymore,” Wendy interjected.

Joohyun sighed. She started to reprimand herself again for being such a bad leader. She began to rub her temples with her fingers.

“Don’t stress too much about it,” Wendy said as she reached out to lay a hand on her thigh to comfort her. “We’ll all do something about it, right?” She looked at Yerim and Sooyoung.

They both nodded and told Joohyun not to worry too much. It’s also their responsibility as members and as friends to understand why Seulgi has been acting the way she has been.

Unfortunately, their packed schedules kept the members busy, no one had time to discuss the matter in hand because of group and individual schedules. Each one of them would be too exhausted to have a discussion. They tried to talk to Seulgi but the girl would coax them to sleep after pointing out their dark circles and their multiple yawns. She’d push them into their beds and would hum a soft lullaby until they fell asleep. She would then follow suit as she slowly walked and slumped onto her own bed.

Busy schedules also meant less time with personal friends and relatives. Busy schedules for Joohyun, in particular, also meant less time spent with her boyfriend. It wasn’t long before they both got into a heated argument about how much less time they spent together.

“You know I can’t!” Joohyun screamed over the phone.

The other members were unable to hear the other side of the conversation, but given the past couple of weeks, they understood what the context of their conversation was.

“Oppa, please just listen,” she pleaded. Seulgi picked up the rushed words of the other speaker. Glancing at their leader, she noticed the change in her expression. It was one of weariness; tired of the hiding, tired of going out at night, tired of misunderstandings, and tired of the same old fight that the couple had.

“Fine… just. Fine. Goodbye oppa,” Joohyun sighed out as she pulled her phone away from her ear and hung up. Closing her eyes, Joohyun brought up her right hand and stuck out her index finger and thumb to rub her temples. A sign that meant no one was able to talk to her for the rest of the night. The members chose to give her space and retire for the night.

Seulgi started to walk to her room, but paused in front of Joohyun. She quickly glanced at the older girl who still had her eyes closed. Debating whether or not to hug her, she decided on whispering a “good night,” before quickly walking to her room.

The next few months were as busy as always, but there was a slight change. A change that everyone saw coming.

Joohyun becomes needy and clingy when her heart is broken. She latches onto whoever is closest and would unintentionally produce aegyo when talking with the member who she hooked onto.  

In the beginning, Joohyun would jump from one member to the next. Seulgi would feel her face heat up when Joohyun clinged onto her. It took about two months for her “break up” phase to be over and Seulgi thought she would stop with the clinginess.

It took her about another two months to realize that Joohyun wasn’t going to stop anytime soon. She tried asking the other members if Joohyun wasn’t over her ex-boyfriend. They all gave her the same answer: Joohyun was over her past lover. So then why is Joohyun still targeting Seulgi? Skinship between them increased during fan meets, performances, interviews; all of them were initiated by Joohyun.

Sometimes, she felt Joohyun’s gaze linger on her for more than it should and every time she turned to stare back at the older girl, the other girl’s head would be towards the audience. Seulgi thought it was just her imagination. When they were walking to get off stage, she felt another hand sliding into her’s. Unable to hide her blush, she could only stare at their intertwined hands as Joohyun led them.

Back in their waiting room, the other members were having their makeup done. Joohyun quietly sat next to Seulgi on the couch and hook her hand around Seulgi’s arms and lay her head on Seulgi’s shoulder.

Seulgi stiffened at first but relaxed a bit. She needed to relax or else the older girl would hear her quick heart beat that always sped up whenever the leader was around. She was glad that she practiced lucid dreaming; it helped her calm down and breathe more steadily.

“This is definitely not a dream,” Seulgi thought when she felt Joohyun’s head nuzzle a bit at the crook of her neck. She slowly shifted her position to make the other girl comfortable and whispered “sleep, unnie.” Unable to fight off her tiredness, Joohyun headed to Seulgi’s words and slowly went into slumber.

“Are you comfortable, Seulgi?” Wendy whispered when she noticed the position that Seulgi was in. Her back was bent in a weird shape on the couch to accommodate for the leader’s comfortable sleeping position.

Seulgi slowly nodded. She asked for a few more minutes before waking up the older girl. It looked like Joohyun needed some sleep, given the fact she hasn’t woken up by any sounds that were made in their waiting room. That said a lot about Joohyun’s current state since she’s usually a light sleeper and woke up to any noise on a normal occasion.

Seulgi felt herself getting tired as she kept staring at the peaceful look Joohyun had. Her chest moved up and down slowly, a steady inhale through her nose and a steady exhale through . Seulgi quickly whispered, “I will know that I’m dreaming,” before she pulled herself to sleep from watching Joohyun.

Seulgi found herself underwater, legs kicking to stay moving as she looked around her surroundings.

“Looks like I’m swimming with the sharks,” She said, but only couple of bubbles came out of as she watched them rise.

“If only I could actually swim in real life,” Seulgi sadly thought.

She started to swim through the water and past the sharks. Controlling them was easy; she made them part a path so she could explore. From afar, she saw a shape of what looked like an old city. “Atlantis?” she thought. She continued to kick her legs to get closer. As the city grew bigger in her sight, she realized it was a bustling underwater city of a mermaid population.

Passing through what looked like a market, she slowed her pace to take in scenery. Mermaids with different colored tails were haggling over a price of what looked like seashells, child mermaids were swimming and throwing what looked like a ball, merchant mermaids were shouting their goods to customers. It was an amazing sight for S