STORY OUTLINE:

PROBLEMS:

- The story has no feeling. The description is bland and cliché. There are millions of stories that use the same plot. If you still want to use it, you need to add an interesting twist to it.

- Character Development. I don’t know who the characters are or how they are feeling. You show no hints or details for me to imagine them while reading.

- The chapter is too short. It needs more development.

- You are telling instead of showing. I sure hope your readers have more than 4th grade so you don’t need to be so direct when writing. Let us imagine what is happening instead of telling us straight away.

- The first Chapter. Please consider that you are writing a FIRST chapter. You need to hook the reader into staying subscribed and waiting for updates. You can’t go straight to the main plot.

SOLUTIONS:

- Don’t be afraid of plot twist. Use and abuse them. Break your reader’s hearts. Give them a heart attack straight to the face. Throw them off a cliff (not literally please)

- You need to show the characters personality more. If Baekhyun is sick, he can’t be so happy and positive. Neither can Chanyeol after risking himself on losing his best friend.

- Please develop your chapter because a lot of users take word count into consideration.

- Telling vs Showing can be very confusing to explain so I’ll show an example instead. Message me if you need deeper explanations.

Telling: G-Dragon is angry.

Showing: G-Dragon clenches his fists in frustration. His eyebrows are pressed together and he takes a deep breath in order to calm himself now.

See what I did there? By the way I described his behavior you can definitely know that he’s angry without me telling you directly that he’s mad.

-I’ll cover the first chapter in the suggestions.

SUGGESTIONS:

(TRIGGER WARNING: these are only suggestions based on MY opinion. Please do not feel forced into changing things because of me)

- I wouldn’t start the first chapter by Baekhyun telling Chanyeol right away. You could start by talking a bit about Baekhyun’s life. How he discovered he has cancer. His fear of Chanyeol finding out about it. The treatments he does behind Chanyeol’s back…and THEN…a few chapters later, he passes out and tells Chanyeol about it.

- Research about what type of cancer he has and describe the symptoms. That way, Chanyeol will know something is up but won’t know exactly what until that scene happens.

-Backstory. Add loads of backstory. How they met. Baekhyun’s relationship with his family. Chanyeol’s relationship to Baekhyun’s family. Do they like Chanyeol? Do they approve their relationship? Stuff like that.

-The cancer is important in the story. Describe it. Talk about the disease. What cancer it is? In what stage of cancer is Baekhyun? Is it terminal?

-When filling in the bucket list, please describe every place and activity. I would advise 1-2 chapters per topic on the list.

PS: If you want, add the moment where Baekhyun WRITES the list. That would be amazing.

INSPIRATION:

Honestly…ever since I saw your request I immediately thought about The Fault on Out Starts. Watch it or read it. It’ll give you great inspiration.

Just in case you don’t want to do it I’ll explain what I mean.

The story is about a cancer patient with a dream. The boy, her partner, helps her fulfill that dream and ignore his own dreams. Something like that.