Joshua and Jihoon looked at each other, not saying anything as their eyes did the talking. Joshua held his guitar close to him as he and Jihoon and the rest of the group gathered in the vocal unit’s practice room while the staff prepared the equipments needed for their V-Live later that night.

This was it. They couldn’t go back down anymore. They had practiced so much in the past few weeks with Jihoon doing a bit more work in order to get his pronunciations of English words correctly. They had done an unnecessary amount of pleading to their managers and the company to let them have a V-Live where the two of them would sing a cover of the song they had been practicing for a while. They reasoned that this would be a good way to keep their fans excited for their upcoming world tour. This V-LIve would be a little teaser to hype up the fans and keep them guessing as to what kind of performances they would show at their concert. When in reality, Joshua and Jihoon had an ulterior motive.

As the staff adjusted the lighting in the room and organised the phone that would be used for the livestream, Jihoon and Joshua sat on the chairs that were provided for them. The other members all sat down on the floor behind the camera as they would not be in the V-Live; they decided to come into the room anyway to watch the gentleman and the vocal unit leader.

The room was lively and the members were talking in their own little cliques as they waited for everything to be ready, not having a clue what this performance would entail for the relationship dynamics within the group. As the rest of the boys chatted away, Jihoon and Joshua remained silent. Jihoon scooted his chair closer to Joshua and leaned his head on the older’s shoulder. As he did that, his eyes couldn’t ignore the pair in front of him who was happily chatting with each other as if they were the only two people in the room.

How did they end up here? Jihoon thought. So much has changed in the last few years. Some of them for the better. Some of them… Well some of them, he wished had remained the same.

Like his relationship with Seungcheol for example. The two were extremely close during their pre-debut years. Jihoon realised how simple things were back then. Seungcheol would always hang out with him or Doyoon, a former trainee under the group, who sadly had chosen not to debut with them. When Doyoon left the company, Jihoon was the one Seungcheol leaned on as the older was saddened by the departure of one of his closest friends. Jihoon was the one who was there for him when he needed a shoulder to cry on. Jihoon was the one who listened to all of his problems. Jihoon was the one who was there to give him encouraging words and always lifted his mood up. Jihoon was the one who did all of that. Until things had started to change slowly. Until he realised someone else had replaced his position in Seungcheol’s life.

“Are you okay, Jihoonie?” Joshua asked the younger while looking at the same pair Jihoon was staring at.

It took a while before Jihoon answered but when he did, he just hummed and said, “I will be soon.” Joshua sadly smiled at that reply.

Joshua was a bit more determined to push through with this plan of theirs. It was his idea after all. He was the one who showed Jihoon the song and translated the English words to Korean so Jihoon would understand fully the deep and beautiful meaning of the song. When Jihoon was listening to the song while reading the lyrics in Korean, he couldn’t stop a tear from rolling down his cheeks. Because the song was just perfect for what he had been wanting to convey to Seungcheol.

It was then that the duo realised that Joshua was tired of feeling like the third-wheel. Jihoon was tired of feeling like the second choice. They were tired of having to watch the person they loved love someone else. And so they decided to let go. Not give up. Just… let go. To move on. But before they did, they’d say a silent goodbye to the two people who kept breaking their hearts. Over and over.

However, between Jihoon and Joshua though, the pair knew that the American was the one who was more attached to the person he was about to let go. He and Jeonghan were once the closest in the group after all. And yet his resolve was unwavered. Maybe because he had had enough of it all. While Jihoon still had this small hope in him that maybe one day it would be him again in Seungcheol’s life, Joshua had seem to have lost all his hope that one day he would be the only one in Jeonghan’s heart again.

It certainly did not help how some of their fans would regard to him as the third wheel of the JeongCheol couple. Joshua admitted it hurt. At first, he let it all go since it was fictitious and he knew the fans were just excited to see their favourite “ship” together. But as time went on, it wasn’t just the fans who made him feel like he was third-wheeling, it was Jeonghan himself. He would find himself in situations where he would be hanging out with the eldest and second eldest of the group and felt like he was in a completely different world from them. These days, when the group’s leader and the so called angel of the group would be together, it would seem that nobody could break them apart. The looks, smiles and touches that were once only for him were now being directed towards another member in the group. And that pained him. But probably the worst part for Joshua was that he would be the “go-to” person of Jeonghan when Seungcheol wasn’t there. Like Joshua was the back up. It would always be Seungcheol first and then Joshua. The American knew Jihoon was feeling the same. And that hurt.

And now whenever the fans would ask for a “JiHan” interaction at fan sign events, Joshua couldn’t hide that he was hurting and hence their interactions would look awkward that some fans had started to notice the awkwardness between the two. Joshua couldn’t help it though. He didn’t want his relationship with Jeonghan just to be for show. They used to not be. Their interactions in front of the camera were genuine before but now it felt like they were being forced to and he hated it. Joshua had hope the way he and Jeonghan were before would come back. But as he looked right now at how the two happily chatted with each other with the unnecessary touches here and there, Joshua believed that that might never come true.

It wasn’t like Jeonghan and Seungcheol were oblivious as to how the two were feeling. They knew how Joshua and Jihoon would get sad when they would be left out whenever the two eldest hung out together. But they couldn’t help it. They just clicked well with each other. They were the two oldest in the group and that gave them enough similarities with each other as they were the ones guiding the group. They liked hanging out and spending time with each other and the fans seemed to love it too. They thought it was a win-win situation, if only not for that fact that some were hurting because of it. They knew that sometimes they’d make people feel left out. Only to come back to them and apologise and then do the same thing all over again. It was like a non-ending cycle. Seungcheol and Jeonghan knew they still had Jihoon and Joshua to come back to when things got a bit boring and too repetitive between the two of them. Because it wasn’t like Joshua and Jihoon were going to stop liking them anyway, right?

And so here they were, about to do a livestream on V-App in front of thousands of fans, in front of their members and most importantly in front on Seungcheol and Jeonghan. This was Joshua’s and Jihoon’s way of saying goodbye to these feelings who were getting in the way of finding their true happiness. A silent goodbye to their unspoken relationships with the two eldest in the group.

A voice interrupted the group’s little ruckus. Jihoon lifted his head off Joshua’s shoulder.

“Okay! Everyone settle down, we’re about to start,” a staff announced. Everyone stopped the chatters and got into their positions to watch the two members in front of them.

Jihoon moved his chair back to its original position and stretched his arms. He had a keyboard in front of him and Joshua had his guitar to play. The staff had given their instructions and started the live stream shortly. After a short introduction from the two vocal unit members, the two readied themselves. The rest of the group had no idea what the two members had in store for them and they were more than happy to be surprised. Only if they knew the meaning behind this performance.

“You ready?” Joshua faced Jihoon, fingers strategically placed on the strings of his guitar.

Jihoon softly nodded with a small smile on his lips.

“The song we’re singing today is our cover of the song ‘The Last Time’ by Taylor Swift and Gary Lightbody. I hope you guys will like it,” Joshua informed their V-Live viewers.

And with that, Jihoon hit the first key on his keyboard. Both of them avoiding eye contact with a particular pair in the room.

Jihoon continued playing the introduction on the keyboard. G major. A Sus 2. B minor. D major. He was then accompanied by Joshua’s guitar.

The older started off the song. As he sang the lyrics. He was reminded of the good times he had with his best friend in the past. Before they had started to drift away from each other.

I find myself at your door,

Just like all those times before,

I'm not sure how I got there,

All roads—they lead me here.

Joshua remembered their little interview in the small green room when Jeonghan had just first entered the company. A small smile crept up his face as he was singing.

I imagine you are home,

In your room, all alone,

And you open your eyes into mine,

And everything feels better,

Jihoon then joined Joshua and as they sang the next lyrics together, their angelic voices had put the whole room in a trance. All eyes on both of them.

And right before your eyes,

I'm breaking, no past

No reasons why,

Just you and me.

As the two of them got to the chorus, they finally looked past the camera that was recording them and into the eyes of the two people they were dedicating performance to.

This is the last time I'm asking you this,

Put my name at the top of your list,

This is the last time I'm asking you why,

You break my heart in the blink of an eye, eye, eye.

It was at this point, the room started to feel uneasy. Uneasy in a way that they felt there was something more to this performance other than just hyping up the fans for their upcoming concert.

Jihoon sang the next verse, not leaving his gaze at their leader. As he looked into Seungcheol’s eyes. He was reminded of their “wedding” day during their predebut. What started off as a joke, ended up being Jihoon’s secret wish that he hoped would happen one day. Sadly, it seemed that it would forever just remain as Jihoon’s wish.

You find yourself at my door,

Just like all those times before,

You wear your best apology,

But I was there to watch you leave,

And all the times I let you in,

Just for you to go again,

Disappear when you come back,

Everything is better.

And as they sang the chorus, Joshua and Jihoon looked at each other. And smiled. It felt so right to sing this song. It felt so right that finally they could pour out what they’ve been meaning to say. It felt so good to let it all out.

And right before your eyes,

I'm aching, no past

Nowhere to hide,

Just you and me...

This is the last time I'm asking you this,

Put my name at the top of your list,

This is the last time I'm asking you why,

You break my heart in the blink of an eye, eye, eye...

As the song was nearing its end. Joshua and Jihoon looked at them for the last time with longingness in their eyes. Their last hope to tug something in the hearts of Seungcheol and Jeonghan.

This is the last time you tell me I've got it wrong,

This is the last time I say it's been you all along,

This is the last time I let you in my door,

This is the last time, I won't hurt you anymore.

When they didn’t find what they were hoping to find in their eyes, the American kept his dainty smile on his face while Jihoon let an involuntary tear drop as they sang the last words.

This is the last time I'm asking you this,

Put my name at the top of your list,

This is the last time I'm asking you why,

You break my heart in the blink of an eye.

This is the last time I'm asking you,

Last time I'm asking you,

Last time I'm asking you this...

As the song finished, the members starting clapping and cheering for them despite not being seen in the livestream. Seungcheol and Jeonghan also clapped their hands. But there was a hint of uneasiness. They couldn’t explain what they were feeling. The duo had done a good job in covering the song. And yet, something didn’t feel right.

As soon as the V-Live ended, the members gave their congratulations to the two and headed to their dance practice room. Jihoon and Joshua stayed behind to help their staff put everything back into place in the vocal unit’s practice room. Before Seungcheol and Jeonghan left the room, they turned around and called for the other two, “Be quick you two, okay?” Seungcheol reminded them as he placed his arm around Jeonghan’s waist nonchalantly pulling the other closer to his body, the other automatically leaning his body onto the older.

Joshua and Jihoon smiled. A dainty smile. It hurt still. But they knew Jeonghan and Seungcheol were happy together. And who were they to be in the way of their happiness.

They also knew that as time went on, they would be able to move on. They had done the first step of moving on after all. They had said goodbye. A silent goodbye to the feelings they had for the people who once made them feel so loved and happy.

“Sure hyung.”

“We’ll be there.”

The End.

~ ~ ~

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Sorry for this trash. I wrote it in 2 hours. The song was playing over and over while I was writing this and it definitely helped for the kind of angst I was hoping for this story.

I really do recommend playing the song in the background while reading this story haha.

And of course the lyrics aren’t my own work (credit to Taylor Swift and all the others who were involved in making this song) but the rest of this fic is my own idea and own work. :)

As always, comments are appreciated. :D

And to my readers who have been waiting for so long for updates on my other fanfics, I’m almost there and will update soon! Thanks so much for waiting. <3

Until next time,

Adorkable Jisoo ~