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A little something before you begin reading:

hello hello! this is kinda a spoiler but i'm including it just because i want to make sure this is a safe space for everyone reading. 

tw: anxiety / panic attack, flashback, mention of death

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Halla watched Mr. Choi with great anticipation as he lifted the glass with the layered drink to his lips.  

 

“Can you stop that.” Mr. Choi put the drink down on the counter and glared at her.

 

“Stop what?”

 

“Stop staring at me with your big eyes, it’s kinda creepy.”

 

“Sorry.  I’m just anxious to see how you’ll like it.”

 

After a lot of urging from Seungcheol, Halla finally got Mr. Choi to sit down and try some of her original concoctions before the café opened that morning.  There were a few drinks that he had liked so far, and some not so much, but the last drink to be evaluated was the one she always made for Seungcheol.  Seungcheol was there, too, with his elbows on the counter and face cupped in his hands, excitingly watching the taste test that was occurring before him.      

 

“If this makes the menu, we should name it after me.  ‘The Seungcheol’.  It has a nice ring it.” Seungcheol beamed.

 

“That’s dumb.” Mr. Choi and Halla spoke in unison.

 

“Well, do you have any better ideas?”

 

“I was thinking of naming it ‘S’, or ‘The S’, something like that.  It stands for sunset.”  

 

And Seungcheol Halla thought to herself, but didn’t want to admit it out loud.  She had to give him some credit for giving her inspiration when she created it.  

 

Seungcheol also seemed to be the drink’s number one supporter.  Everytime he came to work at Hilltop, Halla made him “The S” as promised and he downed the whole thing in one gulp, begging for seconds.  

 

“Here goes,” Mr. Choi finally picked up the drink once again.  He took a few sips of it and made an ambiguous expression.  

 

“Well?” Halla asked with apprehension.  

 

“It’s pretty good, but….”

 

“Just good?!” Seungcheol almost yelled.  “It’s like you’re tasting the sunset!”

 

“Seungcheol.  Calm down.” Mr. Choi pulled Seungcheol’s ear and he grimaced, letting out whimpers of discomfort.   “Let me finish.”  

 

Halla giggled at the little slapstick routine Mr. Choi and Seungcheol were putting on.  She never got tired of watching the two bicker.

 

“What I was going to say— before I was rudely interrupted—was that the drink itself is good, but the most we could sell it for is around four bucks.  We’d barely be breaking even with all the ingredients needed to make this, so maybe it’s better if we didn’t put it on the menu.”

 

Halla nodded in understandment.  

 

“The cherry pomegranate drink was pretty good, so I think I’ll add that,” Mr. Choi noted.  He got up and went back to cleaning the bathroom.  

 

“Sorry Cheol.  I tried,” Halla grinned at Seungcheol, whose bottom lip was protruding in a pout.  

 

“You’ll still make it specially for me right?”
 

“Sure, whatever floats your moat.”

 

“Did you just say whatever floats your… moat?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“It’s boat.”

 

“What?”

 

“The expression is whatever floats your boat, not moat.”

 

Seungcheol and Halla stared at each other.

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“How the hell do you float a moat?  Isn’t a moat like a ditch?”

 

“I thought like… because you fill the moat with water, it’s like… like you’re getting the moat to... I don’t know,” Halla turned away, her face heating up with embarrassment.  All she could hear was Seungcheol’s obnoxious laughter behind her.

 

Just then, Mingyu, Soonyoung, Jun, Jeonghan, and Seokmin entered the café.  

 

“Guys, guess what Halla just said!” Seungcheol spurted out in between bouts of laughter.

 

“Don’t you—” Halla ran behind Seungcheol and covered his mouth with her hand.  Seungcheol wriggled around in her hold.  Suddenly, Halla felt something warm and wet on the palm of her hand, and let go.

 

“Seungcheol!  Did you just my hand?!” she screamed.

 

“She said,” Seungcheol started, erupting in laughter again, “she said ‘whatever floats your moat!’”

 

The boys stood there silently for a few seconds, letting what they had just heard register in their minds.

 

“Whatever floats your moat?  Like, instead of boat?” Seokmin raised an eyebrow.

 

“Well that’s embarrassing,” Soonyoung snickered.  Jun nodded in agreement.  

 

“And I barely know how to speak Korean,” Jun added.  The boys laughed at his comment, and continued to tease Halla.    

 

“You guys can shove that ‘friends’ discount up your ,” Halla muttered.

 

“I think it’s cute,” Mingyu chimed in.

 

Everyone glared at Mingyu, except for Halla, who tipped her chin at him approvingly.  

 

“Guess who’s getting a free drink today?”

 

→

 

Today was a relatively quiet day for Hilltop with it being the day before a holiday.  Besides a few customers in the morning getting coffee to start off their day, Seungcheol’s friends were the only visitors of the café.  Everyone was enjoying the serene stillness of the afternoon.  

 

Mr. Choi was washing the dishes and Halla occasionally glanced over at him.  She contemplated asking him a question that had been on her mind for quite a while.  

 

“What do you want, kid?” Mr. Choi noticed Halla’s constant glimpses at him.  

 

“Oh, well uh… I have a question for you,” she stuttered.  Usually, Halla had any easy time conversing with her boss, but she had a bit of difficulty mustering up the courage to ask him this specific question.  

 

“What’s your question?”

 

“Well, you’re the CEO of Choi Tech right?”

 

“I was the CEO of Choi Tech.  I retired two years ago.”

 

“Oh.” Halla had wondered why he had so much free time to be working at Hilltop café, but never considered the possibility that he had stepped down from such a desired position.

 

“Why did you retire?” she inquired.  

 

“Well, I was already filthy rich before I quit,  so I thought why not?” Mr. Choi laughed a little to himself but noticed that Halla was not laughing along.  He cleared his throat.

 

“Building and growing the company was a great accomplishment and I don’t regret it at all, but financial success doesn’t exactly equate to happiness, you know?  Don’t get me wrong, establishing a stable living first is important; it’s not like you can do whatever you damn want.  But I already achieved that a few years into creating Choi Tech, and I got bored of it.  I was just itching to do something else.  That’s why two years ago I sold the company and took myself on a world tour.”  

 

“Is that where you got all these pictures from?” Halla motioned around the room to all the photos framed around the café.  

 

“Yup, all from one trip.  Pretty cool, huh?”

 

Halla nodded.  

 

“It was nice being free and away from work.  I experienced different cultures and saw so many amazing sights.  I also picked up photography, as you can see, and that was cool.  And that’s when I realized that the reason I felt so free was because before, I was chained to this big responsibility that was being a CEO.  I mean, I had to wear a suit all the time and attend meetings all day long when I was really just a big geek who made software.  The whole CEO thing wasn’t me, but I stayed with it for so long because I was pretty good at it and I felt like I had to.  That’s why, when I came back to Seoul, I told myself that I would only live for myself.  That’s why I started building this place.  It’s no multi-million technology company, but it’s got more personality for sure.”

 

Mr. Choi smiled, looking around Hilltop.  He seemed to be very proud of himself, and Halla respected that.

 

“Did I answer your question?” Mr. Choi looked at Halla.

 

Halla’s original question was why Mr. Choi decided to open a small café despite owning such a big company, but his in-depth life lessons answered so much more than she could have ever thought.     

 

“Yeah, it did.  Thanks for telling me your story.”

 

“No problem.  I like talking about my journey.  I think it’s important for you stressed out youngsters to know that you’ll be okay in the future as long as you do what your heart tells you and never stop pursuing your own happiness.  I know my nephew is definitely taking that to heart.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“You know how he’s—”

 

“Hey Halla, look at this!” Seokmin yelled from across the room.  Halla turned her focus on the boys, who managed to stack six spoons on top of Jun’s forehead.  

 

“Oh cool!” Mr. Choi exclaimed, running to join them and make that seven spoons.  Halla sighed at her reminder of how much childish testosterone she was surrounded by.  

 

At least I have Suhyun.    

 

She glanced over to the commotion to see that Suhyun had just joined their antics, trying to get chopsticks to balance on Jun’s face.  Shrugging, Halla decided to gravitate to where everyone else was gathered.

 

Just as Halla arrived to see the spectacle that all the boys had been clammering over, it fell.  Utensils toppled all over the floor and table while everyone wailed in defeat.  

 

“We were so close to beating the record!” Mingyu cried.  

 

“Nothing can beat the time we stacked eight books on Chan’s body while he was sleeping, though,” Soonyoung chuckled to himself.

 

“Yeah, but Wonwoo was pissed off when he found out what we were doing with his prized possessions,” Jeonghan commented.  

 

Wonwoo?  Was he another one of their roommates?   Halla began to imagine what kind of huge space all the boys must live in.

 

“How many people do you guys live with?” Halla questioned.  

“Thirteen,” Seungcheol replied.

 

Halla’s eyes widened.    

 

Thirteen people?!  And I thought my house was cramped.

 

The boys laughed at Halla’s gaping expression.

 

“We get that a lot.”

 

Halla started mentally counting all of Seungcheol’s roommates that she had met so far.

 

There’s Chan, Jisoo, Soonyoung, Seokmin, Jeonghan, Jun, and Mingyu.   That meant she hadn’t met five of their other roommates.  Halla wondered how crazy they must be altogether, seeing that there were only six of them present right now and they were causing such a ruckus.   

 

“How do you guys live?” she asked, still in disbelief.  

 

“It’s not that bad since we get along really well.  It just when we all go out for Mexican food because we only have one bathroom,” Soonyoung cringed just at the thought.  

 

“Although, yesterday, there was a cockroach in our dorm, and we turned the whole place upside down just trying to kill the stupid thing,” Mingyu added.      

 

The boys continued to tell all their stories about the struggle with living with twelve other people.  Halla began to think how entertaining it would be to watch a reality show with all of them together in their home.

 

→

 

“Hey, Halla, Seungcheol, come over here!” Mr. Choi’s called out from the pantry.  

 

Halla and Seungcheol, who were sitting with the boys and Suhyun in the midst of exchanging their grossest bug-catching stories, got up and obediently followed the sound of Mr. Choi’s voice.  They stood in the entrance of the pantry, where Mr. Choi had just stacked a bunch of boxes.

 

“I restocked.  I know you guys don’t have many customers today, so I’m putting you two to work.  Organize the pantry.” he demanded.

 

Halla got to work right away, but Seungcheol stomped his foot and crossed his arms.

 

“But Uncle!  My arms are sore from practice yesterday,” he whined.   

 

“Stop throwing a tantrum like that, it’s not cute,” Mr. Choi said as he walked away.

 

“You should at least pay me then,” Seungcheol muttered.  

 

The two began to go through the boxes and organize them by food type.  

 

“Halla, you should treat me to a meal someday,” Seungcheol lightly nudged her in the shoulder.  

 

“Why would I do that?”

 

“Because I always help you with work.”

 

“I don’t ask you to do that.”  Halla turned towards Seungcheol and flicked him in the forehead.

 

“Ah!” he winced, then gave her a death stare.  She laughed in response.  

 

“What would you want?” she asked, regretting the words as soon as they left .

 

“Seriously?” he blurt out excitedly.  He paused and looked up, lightly tapping his temple with his index finger. “Hmmm…”

 

“Lobster!” he smiled widely.  Halla shook her head.

 

“Something cheaper.”

 

“Kamjatang?”

 

“That works.”

 

Seungcheol busily got back to work, savoring the idea of free kamjatang in his belly.  He picked up a box and observed that it was a little wet on the sides, which made it slightly slippery.  He peered into the box, noticing that a jar of preserved peaches was leaking.  Seungcheol picked up the jar, sealed it tightly, and put it back in the box, then began to lift the box again to place it on one of the higher shelves.  

 

“Seungcheol?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“With so many guys living together, do you ever stay up in each other’s rooms and crash—”

 

All of a sudden, the box Seungcheol was lifting slipped out of his hands and fell to the floor.  The impact of the fall caused some of the jars inside it to break with an ear-shattering noise, and glass shards scattered all over the ground.  

 

“Seungcheol!  Are you okay?” Halla turned around towards the loud clatter, and saw Seungcheol crouching near the floor, his knees buried into his chest.  

 

“You’re bleeding a little,” Halla uttered, getting closer to Seungcheol and inspecting a cut that the glass had caused on his forearm.  She lightly tapped his arm, but he didn’t respond.

 

“Cheol?” she crouched to be closer to him and peered closer to his face, which was covered by his arms.  She noticed that he was trembling, and his fingers were tugging at his hair.  

 

“Cheol, it’s okay, it was just an accident,” she said softly, lightly pulling on his hands so that she could see his face, but his arms were stiff and he wasn’t answering.  

 

Seungcheol began trembling more and more, and he rocked slightly back and forth.  He was also mumbling something that she couldn’t comprehend.  Halla began to panic a little, not knowing what was happening.    

 

What should I do?!  Should I go get help?   Halla asked herself.  She decided that it wouldn't be a good idea to leave him.   

 

“Mom...  Mom, wake up...” Seungcheol began muttering repeatedly.  His breath became more rapid and sharp with every word.  

 

“Cheol, breathe,” Halla instructed calmly, plucking his hands away from his face and holding his face with her hands.  His eyes seemed to look right past her, his pupils wide and expressing distress.

 

“Mom! MOM!” he yelled.

 

“You’re at Hilltop, Cheol.  You’re with me.” Halla the side of his face, trying to somehow bring him back, but he continued to shake and call for his mother.  

 

“Everything is okay.  You’re okay, Cheol” she told him a few times, her voice become increasingly louder with desperation.   

 

Stay calm, stay calm.  Halla told herself, trying her best to collect herself for Seungcheol’s sake despite her heart pounding with nervousness.  

 

She continued speaking to him softly, him and lightly shaking his shoulders every few seconds.  

 

After about a minute, the trembling and mumbling subsided, and Seungcheol looked up into Halla’s eyes.  

 

“What did I—” his voice trailed off, looking around at his surroundings, then once again at Halla.

 

“Are you okay?” Halla asked, pulling her hands away from Seungcheol’s face and gazing at him with concern.  She let out a sigh of relief, seeing that he had come back to his senses.

 

Seungcheol quickly got up and ran out of the room.

 

“Cheol!” Halla yelled, trying to follow him.  He darted out the back door and slammed it.  Halla went after him but was stopped by Jeonghan who had grabbed her arm as she passed their table.

 

“What happened?”

 

“I don’t know, I think he had some sort of breakdown or something like that, I have to go aft—”

 

“No, don’t follow him.”

 

Jeonghan’s gaze fell.  The other boys exchanged uneasy glances, but no one said a word.   

 

“W-what?” Halla stuttered.  She didn’t understand how she could leave him out there by himself after what had just happened.  

 

“He’s fine now, right?  You should give him some space.  I think he wants to be alone.”

 

“Do you guys know what just happened?  Is this a regular thing?  What’s going on?” Halla asked, her head spinning with questions that were just being met with silence.

 

“I’m sorry, Halla, but we’re not really in a position to talk about it.  But Seungcheol’s okay, so don’t worry too much about it.  He’ll talk to you when he’s ready,” Jeonghan spoke slowly and delicately, which seemed to have a soothing effect on Halla.  She nodded, and began walking towards the kitchen in a daze.    

 

She started cleaning, thinking that busying herself was the best way to calm down her anxiousness for now, but she couldn't stop glancing out the window at Seungcheol, who was sitting alone and out towards the edge of the hill.

 

→

 

An hour had passed.  An hour of disquiet and tension.  

 

The boys left about ten minutes ago, claiming that they all had something to do.  Mr. Choi left early that day due to lack of customers, and Suhyun’s shift ended early as well.  The only person inside the café was Halla, who was finishing up cleaning the place and about ready to lock up.  

 

She looked out the window for the hundredth time that day to see Seungcheol, who hadn’t moved once since he first sat on the porch.  It was starting to get late, with the sun now setting, and she was growing tired of waiting for him to come to her.    

 

Halla took a deep breath, picked up “the S” she had just made, and made her way towards the back door.  She opened it quietly and sat down besides Seungcheol, who had yet to acknowledge her presence.

 

“I hope you didn’t forget about our tradition,” she placed the drink between them.  

 

Seungcheol picked up the drink, still looking out towards the view.  

 

“Thanks.”  He took a sip and put it on the other side of him.      

 

The two sat quietly for a few minutes.  Halla wanted to say something to break the silence, but didn’t know what.  

 

“Look, about what happened earlier—”

 

“Can we not talk about it?” Seungcheol interrupted her, still refusing to look at her.  

 

Halla furrowed her eyebrows.  She didn’t want to push, but she also didn’t want to leave it alone.  

 

“No.” she stated resolutely.  “I want to know what happened, Seungcheol.  Just in case it ever happens again when I’m around you... I want to be able to help you next time.”

 

Seungcheol finally turned his head to look at Halla.  He saw the concern in her eyes, and immediately felt remorseful for making her worry so much.  He sighed deeply, and began to speak.  

 

“When I was ten years old,” he started, breaking eye contact again, “I was riding in the car with my mom.  She was driving.”  

 

Towards the end of that sentence, his voice began to crack a little.  He took a few deep breaths, closed his eyes, and continued.

 

“We crashed.”  

 

Halla’s eyes shot open wide, and she covered , suppressing a gasp.  

 

“I don’t remember how it happened or whose fault it was.  I just remember being thrown around, being in a lot of pain, and then seeing my mom... who wasn’t moving.”

 

Seungcheol’s voice grew more and more quiet and distant.  Halla could see his eyes begin to dampen.  She reached out to console him, but drew her hand back.  

 

“I lost her that day.”

 

A few tears fell, followed by more moments of silence.  

 

“After the accident, I had a hard time sleeping.  I kept having nightmares about it, and eventually, I started getting flashbacks.  I relived that day so many times, each time being as vivid and painful.  I went to a doctor about it and… I was diagnosed with PTSD.  My dad started taking me to a therapist to help me, and after a few sessions, the flashbacks and nightmares got better.  They were less vivid and occurred less frequently.  They were also shorter.  I stopped going to a therapist after about two years because I had gotten over most of my trauma.  But sometimes I still get flashbacks, as you saw today.  They’re pretty rare, but they can get triggered by certain sounds or sights.”

 

“Seungcheol, I’m so sorry… I had no idea,” Halla’s voice trembled.  

 

Seungcheol turned to face her, and she instinctively looked away.    

 

“Are you crying?” Seungcheol gave a weak smile, trying to move Halla’s hair away from her face.   

 

“No,” she swatted away his hand.  She was lying.  

 

Seeing tears fall from Seungcheol’s usually mischievous and bright doe eyes struck a chord in Halla.  Whenever she saw him, he was always in such high spirits, usually teasing her or feeding her cheesy pick up lines.  She never expected such a seemingly happy person to have gone through so much.  That’s when she realized how much of it was a facade, just as his forged smile was right now.  He had so much grief buried inside him, all because he thought his suffering was a burden to other people.  

 

“It’s okay.  Like you said, you didn’t know.  That’s why I don’t really like explaining, it’s sorta embarrassing—”

 

“Stop,” Halla cut him off.  “It’s not embarrassing.  

 

Seungcheol blinked at Halla, who was glaring at him.

 

“You don’t have to do that, you know.  You didn’t have to run away after it happened, or sulk out here all by yourself.  You don’t have to be embarrassed.”  

 

Halla put her hand over Seungcheol’s hand, which was placed down on the wooden porch.  

 

“I don’t know what kind of person you think I am, but it’s going to take a lot more than that to scare me off.  I’m not going anywhere.”

 

She gripped his hand tightly.  

 

“So, you can unload all your emotional baggage onto me.  I’m tough, I can take it.  I might cry a little, yeah, because I’m human...  but so are you.  So don’t bear everything alone.”  

 

Seungcheol stared at Halla, not knowing what to say.  He had never heard anyone talk to him like that.  He didn’t know it before, but that was exactly what he needed.  

 

He smiled; a genuinely happy smile this time.  

 

The two of them indulged in some silence as they watched the sun set over the city.  Only now, it wasn’t silence filled with tension or apprehension.  It was a soothing silence.  The kind that healed you as it filled you.

 

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[A/N]

a few disclaimers: 

yes, the comment about jun not being able to speak korean well may be a bit confusing?? i know this is written in english since that's the language i'm fluent in, but the story is set to take place in s. korea so the characters are assumed to be speaking in korean. 

another disclaimer; like I said in the beginning of the story, this fic is supposed to include elements true to seventeen irl as well as fictional elements. the whole thing about seungcheol's mother is purely fictional, I do not know really much about his true family because I don't know him as a person, so his backstory pertains only to seungcheol as a character of this story.

AAAND here are my author notes: 

this chapter took a bit of more of a serious turn? compared to earlier chapters of course, which were 100% fluff. I hope you guys don't mind :-) although this story is meant to be a bit more light-hearted, life isn't perfect (obviously) and I want to at least TRY to portray a reflection of reality through my writing, so the hard time are inevitable. I hope you all still enjoy reading!