Kyungsoo POV 

    Have you ever thought about how difficult my life tends to be? No, because you don't and could never understand my pain. I'm constantly reconsidering my life purpose, contemplating whether I should give up or not.

    My grades have dropped, I lie to all of my friends by saying I'm okay so I don't hurt them, I can't trust anyone, I'm weak but I act strong, my family gives me anxiety and I feel like they don't want me sometimes. I can't control any of these thoughts or feelings.

    My lungs are a cage, it's hard to breath and my chest is heavy. I constantly have the urge to cry, and for what reason? All of them.

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    That's how I felt..until I met him. He changed everything and gave me this feeling...what was it? Love. I fell deeply and unconditionally in love with a man named Park Chanyeol. He was my everything, but then he..."went away," as I like to call it.. Not that I liked it, at all.

    On our two-year anniversary, we made a promise to meet at Namsan Tower. The weather outside was quite cold, but nothing a warm embrace couldn’t fix. I got there a few minutes early, and waited...and waited...and waited. Four hours, was it? My phone then buzzed: I’d gotten a message from Baekhyun, Chanyeol's older brother.

From: BaekonBoi
To: ParkKyungsoo
'Where are you?'

From: ParkKyungsoo
To: BaekonBoi
'Waiting for Yeol at the tower...he was supposed to be here four hours ago, do you think he stood me up...?'

From: BaekonBoi
To: ParkKyungsoo
'...I'm coming to pick you up.'

From: ParkKyungsoo
To: BaekonBoi
'Why? I can still wait, he might be busy.'

~No reply~

    After about ten minutes, Baekhyun’s car made its way to a stop in front of me and he motioned through the icy window glass for me to join him in the vehicle. Not wanting to miss Chanyeol if he ever showed up, I refused to leave my spot and huffed as I rubbed my arms in attempt to warm them. Noticing that I wasn’t moving, Baekhyun got out of the vehicle and walked over to me,  grabbed my wrist, and pulled me up from my former sitting position on an iced bench. In protest, I jerked my hand away.

    "Why are you doing this?! Just come on, trust me." Baekhyun looked as if he'd been crying recently and the tears were beginning to reform. "No, he'll show up. He promised." I sat back down and let out a shaky breath due to my seat freezing over once again. "K-Kyungsoo...he's not coming." Baekhyun stuttered, letting tears slip out from his puffy eyes. "Why not..? We've planned this for a month already...it was supposed to be special..." Is he blowing me off..?

"He's...he's in the hospital..."

    Those words shot through me like a bullet to the heart. Miniature rivers made their way down Baekhyun’s pale cheeks as he looked down at me with the most apologetic look I'd ever seen him mask, "He was hit.. by a drunk driver on his way here. The doctor says h-he won't last much longer..." The man sunk to the ground and burst into tears right in front of me, his muscular body tensing with every sob. As I took off running, tear drops streamed down my face then froze at my chin. Running, and running, and running as fast as I possibly could for miles, I rushed across town to the hospital in which my lover was admitted.

    Standing at the doors for a moment, I pondered whether I should believe it or not. It can't be true...but it has to be. After wasting precious time I could've used to be with Chanyeol, I stormed through the hospital entrance demanding to see him. I didn't care if I caused a scene, I wanted my Chanyeol. "Where is he?! Where is Park Chanyeol?!" Standing amongst the others in the lobby, I bawled my eyes out until a doctor escorted me to his room.

    "You must be Kyungsoo? I'm doctor Kim, Kim Minseok." The white-coated man beside me smiled sweetly, but it gave me no comfort. "How do you know my name?" I sniffled, running my fingers through my dark brown locks in attempt to cool off after running. "Mr. Park kept calling your name before he went unconscious, I was one of the doctors in his ambulance. ‘Kyungsoo-yah’? Sound familiar?" Dr. Kim questioned as we arrived at Chanyeol’s room.

    My quiet tears morphed themselves into ugly sobs upon hearing that nickname. Chan used to call me that when he saw me, a big smile plastered across his face as I ran into his strong arms then he'd shower my head with soft kisses as he held me close. Those long hugs felt like they’d lasted milliseconds at that moment, I longed for just one more. One more hug, one more kiss; One more chance...

    My lover lied there, almost lifeless. Bandage covered half of his arm, left leg, head and stomach. The sight of him in that condition killed me inside, I felt as if the world around me was crashing down. It was my fault. If I hadn't asked him to meet up...if I hadn't even existed...he wouldn't be like this - not here, not now, not ever. Because of me...he ended up like that.

    I walked over to him, taking his hand in mine. It was limp and little warmth remained. "I'm sorry, love...it's all my fault..." I sobbed, staring at his closed eyes and expressionless face. I squeezed his hand tighter, hiccups and loud, inhuman, sounds escaping my mouth.

    Suddenly, I felt him twitch and tighten his hand a bit. Chanyeol opened his eyes the smallest amount I'd ever seen them. "K-Kyung..." His grip loosened and his head turned away, eyes still open but pupils dilated. I knew exactly what that meant. The machines hooked up to him began to beep and one, the most important one, stopped.

    Doctors rushed in, including Minseok, and performed CPR, used the defibrillator and did everything in their power to save him. “Two hundered volts, now,” I heard a deep voice demand in the midst of the chaos. After a while, they stopped, being unsuccessful in their efforts. Sitting in the doorway, I was broken down with my heart shattered. ‘This can't be real,’ I thought to myself as I curled up on the cold floor, not caring how dirty it was, and lied there scarred with tears rolling sideways across my face. "10:52pm, January 12, 2017.” an anonymous doctor called, “Time of death, Mr. Park Chanyeol.” Having been so worried about him, I'd completely forgotten it was my birthday...

    Minseok approached me and pulled my droopy figure aside as the nurse assistants rolled Chanyeol’s body out of the patient room. We sat together on the floor, watching as the sheet-covered gurney left our lines of sight. "I had hope for him,” Minseok spoke up, softly, “so I thought if he woke up he'd want to give you this himself, but..." He pulled a box and a paper out of his coat pocket and held it out to me, I took it shakily and read it to myself:

"My dearest Soo,
    I'd like to make a promise; A promise to always make you happy, be your crying shoulder, and treat you like a prince ('cause you're my prince). You're my everything, Soo, and I'd like you to promise me too: That you'll love me forever (aah, I'm blushing) and maybe one day we can go to America and get married like you mentioned that one time, aye? I know you were joking, but I just thought...hahah. Anyway, when you accept this gift, you accept the promise, I hope it's not too much. I love you, my prince, and happy birthday Kyungsoo :D <3<3<3"

    After the large amount of stress my heart had been through, it shouldn't have been able to break anymore than it already had; but I guess it was possible because inside that box...he had promise rings. The two circular objects matched, one slightly bigger than the other, and were the most beautiful things I'd ever seen besides Chanyeol himself.

    They still are, except I only see one now. The other one is with Chanyeol because he was buried with it. 

 
    Even though it was a year ago, I still cry sometimes. Especially on my birthday, like today. I'm not depressed, though. He's happy if I'm happy; I learned that from Yixing, the counselor I was assigned to after the incident. If anything, I'm grateful for the time I had with him. Those beautiful, beautiful moments will always stay in my heart and hopefully his too. Maybe we'll meet in our next life... No. We will meet because forever isn't just a lifetime, it's so much more; it's always.
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    Park Chanyeol, I will see you again and I will love you again. I'll just wait, like I did that day at Namsan. Then we can go to America and get married, hm? I would love that.