Pale rays of sunshine caressed Heechul’s face. It almost felt like the gentle touch of a lover. But it wasn’t.

He slowly opened his eyes. The other side of the bed was empty. The black haired rolled over to smell the

sheets, even though he knew very well that the familiar scent was long gone. He remembered the man who

had once lied on these sheets; whose distinctive smell had always stayed in the sheets. The man who had

held him in his arms while he was sleeping, because he knew how calming it was for the black haired.

Heechul got up. There was no smell of fried rice flowing through the apartment. And he knew that there would be no man in the kitchen; nobody would turn around and smile at him just to kiss him goodmorning. Heechul went into the kitchen, picked out some cereal and sat down at the table to eat.

“Why are you not smiling? Did you not sleep well?”, a shadowy version of that man asked, smiling gently.

“Because you are not here.”, the black haired answered in his head and walked right through the shadow to put his empty bowl in the sink. Then he went back to his bedroom to get dressed. Actually, there was no reason to get dressed. Nobody would take him out on a date today, even though it was saturday and he had all the time in the world. But there was nobody who urged him to get dressed so they could go out. There was nobody who promised him to watch Frozen with him in the evening if he would go out with him tonight. Heechul’s fingers grazed over the photograph on his nightstand. He lovingly touched the face of the man in the photo, a small smile lighting his own face. He remembered the time when he had taken that photo. They had been so happy. A loud sound pulled his mind back to reality. It was his phone. Sighing, the black haired picked up.

“What?”

“Heechul! Do you want to test out a new café with Kangin and me?”

“So I can play the third wheel?”

“No, of course not! We will go there as friends!”

“No thanks.”

“Come on, Heechul! You haven’t been outside apart from work in like three months! You can’t just stop having any social contact just because he is not with you!”

“Yes, I can.”

“But it won’t do you well. Please, Heechul.”

“Fine. Where are you?”

After ending the call, the black haired opened his closet to pick something to wear. His gaze immediately fell on a black hoodie. It had belonged to that man. Seeing how much Heechul liked it, he had given it to him as a present last Christmas. That’s right. Tomorrow was Christmas. It was hard to imagine that already a year had passed. But it was even harder to imagine that this was the first time in years that he would spend Christmas alone. Sure, Leeteuk had invited him to spend Christmas with him and Kangin, his boyfriend. But Heechul always felt like an intruder or a third wheel in their house. It also hurt him to see the two being happy together. Not that he didn’t grant his friend to be happy or something like that, he simply missed these feelings. The feeling of kissing somebody. The feeling of cuddling with somebody on a snowy evening with a cup of hot chocolate in his hands. The feeling of just knowing that somebody was and would always be by his side. Putting these thoughts aside, he slipped the hoodie over his head and enjoyed the feeling of the fabric on his bare skin. His phone vibrated.

“Where are you? We are waiting.”, the text message said.

The black haired put his phone back in his pocket and grabbed a jacket and his key. With one last look on the photograph on his nightstand, he left the apartment he used to share with somebody else.

“You are here! I almost thought you wouldn’t come!”, Leeteuk said, happily hugging his friend.

“I don’t lie anymore.”, Heechul answered.

He had gotten out of that habit. Because of that man. Because he hadn’t liked it. Because he had promised to buy him something if he stopped lying. The black haired looked at the delicate silver ring on his right hand. His present for having stopped lying habitually. He didn’t have to look at it to remember what was written on the inside. 永远在一起. Together forever. Some of the only chinese words he understood. He remembered how, even though they spoke two completely different languages, they had never had any problems to communicate. Because they didn’t need any words.

“How are you?”, Kangin asked.

An interesting question. How was he? Empty. He felt empty. He felt like something had been taken from him. Something that he desperately needed to survive. And he knew exactly what it was. His heart. His heart been taken from him. Because the man that carried it was no longer by his side. But as a human with common sense, he obviously didn’t answer this question truthfully.

“I am fine, thank you for asking. What about you?”

Whilst talking they walked into the café and sat down. It was only after they ordered and he had time to look around that Heechul noticed that this was not a new café. Not at all. It was old. Very old. And it was the place where he had first met him. Pain spread through his heart. He still remembered it like it was yesterday. It had been a sunny spring day and he had been extremely stressed about his upcoming exams. To calm his nerves down, he had bought a coffee. He had just been about to drink it when somebody had bumped into him. All of the hot coffee spilled on his precious shirt. He had been so angry that he almost couldn’t stop cursing. Only the sight of an incredibly cute chinese guy with messed up hair  constantly mumbling he was sorry in broken Korean made him stop. Being apart from him now made his whole body ache. He had never experienced this extreme feeling of longing for someone before.

“You are the one who lied. This is not a new café.”

“I know and I am sorry. But you need to get used to coming here without him. Or do you just want to give up the delicious ramen they make here? No, right? I know how much you love it.”

Give up? He would give up almost everything without any hesitation if he could get that man back at his side in return. Because he loved him. More than ramen. More than Frozen. More than anything.

Noticing his friend’s mood, Leeteuk changed the subject quickly. Heechul played along. He didn’t care much about the conversation anyway. This was only to calm down Leeteuk’s nerves and make him forget his worries. To make him believe that he was fine. That the little lie he had told before was in fact the truth. That he was okay without him. But he wasn’t. And Leeteuk knew that very well. Still, the couple did their best to talk about trivial things and distract the black haired, until Kangin’s phone rang and he had to leave the table to take an urgent call from work. Shortly after, Leeteuk also excused himself to go the bathroom. Heechul was left alone on the table. But he didn’t care. He had gotten used to being alone. Being alone in the apartment. Being alone in the café. It was all the same. Suddenly, something covered his eyes.

“Missed me?”

There it was. That scent. The scent that had long left the sheets. The hands he had held on so many occasions. The cute accent he adored so much. Heechul turned around and fell in the arms of the man who had left him almost a year ago.

“Of course, you stupid idiot….”, he hissed, his voice trailing off as big tear drops rolled down his cheek.

“Hey, why are you crying? I am here now, you shouldn’t be crying.”, Hangeng said gently, wiping away the tears on his beloved’s face with his thumb.

“You should have told me that you were coming….”, the black haired sobbed, unwilling to open his eyes.

“But then it wouldn’t have been a surprise.”, the Chinese chuckled.

“Look. You totally crushed my pretty bouquet of roses.”

“Sorry….”, Heechul sniffed, now opening his eyes and looking up to his boyfriend.

Hangeng planted a sweet kiss on his lover’s beautiful lips. They needed no words to know what this kiss meant.

I missed you too.

Thank you for reading :)