“I like you, Kim Jaehwan.” Jaehwan was having a hard time to believe the words he just heard.  Those three words were uttered by Hwang Minhyun, the trainee who had always been with him since the first evaluation.

 

“I like you—not as a friend or brother, but as a man.”

 

It was twenty minutes before the live broadcast of Produce 101’s last episode when Minhyun dragged him to the corner, away from the others’ eyes and ears, telling the younger that he had something important to tell him.

 

Jaehwan thought it would be something about the performance, or perhaps the older would just tell him what he had been saying for the past few weeks, that he wanted to debut with the younger. But the words Minhyun just uttered ended up being something that he did not expect at all.

 

“Minhyun hyung, I—“ however, before Jaehwan could continue his words, he saw Minhyun putting his finger against his own lips while shaking his head slowly.

 

“Not now please, Jaehwan-ah....” The younger boy saw a small, yet gentle smile on the older’s lips. “I just…. needed to let it out. I wanted to let you know about my feelings before we go up to the stage, because I am afraid that I will not have the chance to say it after this ends.“

 

Jaehwan couldn’t help the frown that was creeping on his forehead. He was not sure what kind of ending that Minhyun had in mind when mentioned about the ending.

 

Noticing the puzzled look on the younger boy’s face, Minhyun took one of his hands, squeezing it gently. “I want to debut you.” said him, hand still holding Jaehwan’s.

 

“I want to debut with you, Kim Jaehwan. We will debut together. And I will hear your answer about what I just said afterwards, alright?” The reassuring smile on Minhyun’s face was able to cease the frown on the younger’s face. ‘I want to debut with you’, no matter how many times he had heard the words, it still managed to make Jaehwan’s heart tingle with excitement.

 

Yes, he would tell Minhyun his answer after they’re confirmed to debut together.

 

***

 

Everyone couldn’t believe it. Everyone—all the trainees, the 6 mentors, all the fans, the staffs, and perhaps even the agencies’ representatives, the parents of the trainees, and even BoA herself, who just announced the result. Kim Jonghyun ended up in 14^th place. Kim Jonghyun was not going to debut with Wanna-One.

 

The first thing Jaehwan did after Jonghyun’s ranking was announced was looking at Seongwoo, who was seated right next to him. Their eyes met, and the look on Seongwoo’s face was an exact reflection of his, disbelief. His eyes then moved to Daniel as he shifted his head to look at the 1^st place seat. The newfound center of the final group was as shocked as everyone else.

 

Kim Jonghyun, Kim Jonghyun was not going to debut with them. Their leader would not be with them for the next 18 months.

 

As Jaehwan’s eyes finally found the person who occupied the 9^th place seat, the sight absolutely broke his heart. Even from afar, he could tell that Minhyun was completely devastated.

 

It was not an exaggeration when people said that Jaehwan, Seongwoo, and Daniel could be at the places where they were at thanks to Minhyun. Minhyun was also happy for them, very happy, especially when Jaehwan was announced as the owner of the 4^th seat. His wish to debut with the main vocalist really came true.

 

But the happiness began to fade as the 3^rd place was announced to be Daehwi. And it was completely shattered the moment representative BoA called Jonghyun’s name as the 14^th place, which was followed with Dongho as the 13^thplace, resulting Minhyun as the only one from Nu’est to make it.

He managed to help three friends he had just met three months ago, but failed to do the same to his long-time friends. Not even his leader who once occupied the first place seat. Minhyun was absolutely devastated, and Jaehwan could feel it just by looking at him from distance.

 

Even as all the trainees were celebrating for the final line-up, Minhyun distanced himself from the rest. Jaehwan’s eyes looked for Minhyun, wanting to go to him so he could comfort the older boy. But then he felt himself being pulled into a group hug by the other independent trainees who felt proud of him. Soon, his close friend, Sewoon, also did the same, making it even harder for Jaehwan to go and look for Minhyun.

 

Eventually, Jaehwan managed to find Minhyun when they were at the backstage, preparing to go home. Minhyun gave him a weak smile, one that didn’t reach his puffy red eyes, a result from crying a lot. The sight pained the younger boy. Never had he seen Minhyun like this.

 

Jaehwan wanted to talk to him, wanted to thank him for helping him to achieve this, and wanted to tell him how he felt about the older. But before he could do any of it, he felt Minhyun pulling him into a weak, brief hug.  A barely audible whisper of ‘I will talk to you later, Jaehwannie.’ was heard before the older boy let him go and walked away from him.

 

Perhaps it would be better to leave him alone for now. Minhyun should take his time, and he could talk to him later. They could always talk about it later.

 

***

 

Jaehwan didn’t have to wait for so long until he could see Minhyun again and talk to him, as the members of Wanna-One was told to gather for some briefing the next day after the final episode.

 

Or at least he thought.

 

The main vocalist couldn’t conceal the worry on his face as he noticed how Minhyun still looked upset. His eyes were no longer swollen from the crying, but the younger could tell that the older boy was not feeling any better than last night.

 

He wanted to make him feel better, he wanted his hyung to know that he was not alone in this journey, that he would be by his side for the next 18 months, and even after that. Sure, his three months of friendship—perhaps relationship with Minhyun was not comparable to the older’s long-time friendship with Jonghyun, Dongho, and Minki. But Minhyun needed to know that he had him here. Not only him, but also Seongwoo, Daniel, and the other Wanna-One members.

 

As they were gathered to talk about the debut plan in one of the meeting rooms at YMC Entertainment office, Jaehwan didn’t miss the chance to take a seat right next to Minhyun. An hour had passed, and the talk about their debut plan still went on. Unknown to the others who were present at the room, Jaehwan took Minhyun’s hand in his under the table, squeezing it gently. It was an action that Minhyun did a lot to Jaehwan everytime he was nervous.

 

As he did so, the younger between the two shifted his gaze to Minhyun, wanting to see his reaction. However, he found no smile in Minhyun’s face. Neither did he bother to look at the younger. He simply held—or maybe just accepted Jaehwan’s hand while staring blankly at the representative of CJ E&M who was explaining things in front of everyone.

 

Even as they held hands like that, even though the older didn’t seem to have any intention to let go, for some reason, Minhyun felt so distant to Jaehwan.

 

In the end, he only managed to exchange a few words with Minhyun on that day.

 

The two still didn’t talk.

 

***

 

So that their debut plan could proceed smoothly and be done as soon as possible, the members of Wanna-One moved to their new dorm on sunday. Their new dorm was an apartment with four bedrooms. Two bedrooms for two people, one for three, and another one for four.

 

Daniel and Seongwoo didn’t waste any time to claim the first two-people room. Jisung rolled his eyes at them, Sungwoon and the younger members could only shake their head and chuckled at the two’s behavior. It’s not that the other members wanted to oppose their decision to take the room anyway. It’s better to give them the space than witnessing Daniel planting kisses on Seongwoo’s cheek or snuggling to the older boy’s shoulder for almost every 10 minutes.

 

Sungwoon, Jihoon, Jinyoung, and Daehwi who had always been close since they teamed up for ‘Boy in Luv’ decided to take the 4-people room altogether, which left Jisung, Woojin, Guanlin, Minhyun, and Jaehwan to choose the last two available rooms.

 

“Kids, we’re getting the 3-people one, alright?” Jisung as the eldest took the initiative by choosing the room with the two younger members. “Jaehwan-ah, Minhyun-ah, you two could take the last one.”

 

Jaehwan wasn’t sure if Jisung did that because he was aware of Minhyun’s condition—or maybe even the situation between him and Jaehwan. Either way, the main vocalist was thankful that because of Jisung, he could finally  be alone with Minhyun.

 

The two of them, however, barely exchanged any words even as they moved their luggage to their bedroom. Minhyun was still his quiet and upset self, while Jaehwan didn’t know what to say nor to do. Just like when they held hands the other day, Minhyun felt distant to him even as they were next to each other like this.

 

“Which bunk you would like, Jaehwannie?” Jaehwan blinked his eyes and turned his attention away from his stuff as he heard Minhyun’s voice. The boy was actually talking to him first instead of the other way around since the moment they met today.

 

Instead of answering the question, Jaehwan only stared at Minhyun, causing the older to raise his eyebrow.

 

“Jaehwan-ah?”

 

Jaehwan blinked his eyes one more time before finally responding to the older boy.

 

“Ah—yes, the top bunk will be okay for me, hyung.The top bunk, the top bunk.”, said Jaehwan, his eyes still didn’t leave Minhyun’s face as he tried to examine the other boy’s expression.

 

Minhyun simply gave him a nod before proceeding to unpack his stuff. And here Jaehwan thought that he would actually talk to him for the first time since that evening.

 

The main vocalist couldn’t help but feel hurt by the way Minhyun acted. He knew the older boy was hurt and upset, but, was he not as important for Minhyun as he thought himself to be? Did Minhyun start regretting his decision to help him debut in Wanna-One? Had Minhyun been thinking that he would rather exchange him for Jonghyun or the other Nu’est members?

 

Minhyun felt so distant even though he was right in front of him, and it hurt.

 

***

Jaehwan ended up talking to Daniel and Seongwoo about the matter after dinner time. Minhyun, on the other hand, immediately went back to his shared bedroom with Jaehwan as soon as he was done with his food.

 

“Talk to him, Jaehwan-ah.” That was the advice Seongwoo give to Jaehwan as the two of them were sitting comfortably with Daniel on his bed.

 

Jaehwan heaved a sigh after hearing Seongwoo’s words. If only it was that easy. “I would have done it if I could, hyung. But he didn’t even look like he wanted to exchange more than a sentence with me.”

 

“So what?”, Daniel finally spoke up after being a completely good listener since the moment Jaehwan told him and Seongwoo about the situation, “It never stopped me from talking to Seongwoo hyung. He always looks like that when he is upset about s—“ but before Daniel could finish his words, Seongwoo hit his shoulder with a pillow, glaring at the younger of the two.

 

Daniel only cracked a cheeky grin even after Seongwoo hit him. Jaehwan couldn’t help but think that his 96-liner friend was a  complete fool for his hyung.

 

“But I am serious.” The grin on Daniel’s face disappeared so quickly, his expression was now solemn instead of playful. “What I am trying to say is, even if Minhyun hyung doesn’t look like that he wants to talk to you, it shouldn’t stop you from talking to him.”

 

The oldest of the three nodded in agreement before adding in, “He can’t keep acting that way for the next 18 months anyways. We have a long way to go, and we are bound with contracts, I am sure he knows that. Besides, you and him also have some things that need to be… settled. Right, Jaehwan-ah?” This time, it was Seongwoo’s turn to crack a grin.

 

But Jaehwan was still in doubt. He was not sure if talking to Minhyun alone would actually help the older.

 

“Can’t we all talk to him—I mean, all 10 of us?” he ruffled his own hair, feeling confused and unsure about what to do.

 

Jaehwan then saw Seongwoo shaking his head in response. “That won’t do. With the state he was in, he wouldn’t take 10 people at once well. Actually... I could suggest Jisung hyung to talk to him first, but, I feel that you’re the best choice at the current situation, Jaehwan-ah. You’re the person whom he wanted to debut with the most, after all, along—or maybe after Jonghyun.”

 

Hearing Seongwoo’s words, the insecurity that had been slowly, yet surely building up inside Jaehwan began to creep up into his mind.

 

“What if he… didn’t want me anymore…?” Jaehwan was hesitant as he uttered the question. But he needed to let it off his chest.

 

Seongwoo and Daniel looked at each other in confusion before turning their gazes at the vocalist again.

 

“Uh… and why would he feel that way?” Daniel couldn’t help but frown as he asked Jaehwan. Everyone knew how much Minhyun wanted Jaehwan to be with him, just like how much Daniel and Seongwoo wanted to debut together.

 

“We have only known each other for three months, Daniel…” Jaehwan found himself clutching at the fabric of his own shirt as he said so. “Sure, he did want me before. But what if he changed his mind after what happened? What if he started regretting his decision to help me—to help all of us after failing to debut with Jonghyun hyu—“ before Jaehwan could finish his words, he felt a pair of hands patting both of his cheeks, gently. Those hands are Daniel’s.

 

“Don’t let that negativity get into you, Kim Jaehwan.” Jaehwan found a look of disapproval on the other boy’s face as he glanced up at him. When he shifted his gaze to Seongwoo, the oldest of the three also gave him the same look.

 

“Where is the confident Main Vocal Kim Jaehwan that we know, huh?” His same-aged friend ended his sentence while squeezing Jaehwan’s cheek softly, earning a whine of protest from the other boy.

 

Seeing the two 96-liner friends, Seongwoo couldn’t help but smile. He didn’t even feel jealous. He understood how close the two were, just like how he was close to Minhyun.

 

He then cleared his throat as a sign for the two to stop their small bickering, making Daniel and Jaehwan shift their attention back to him.

 

“I agree with Daniellie, Jaehwan-ah.”, he put his hand on one of Jaehwan’s shoulders, patting it softly. “Besides, I am sure Minhyun is not that kind of person—one who would regret his decision to help other people. Jonghyun might be his long-time friend, but we are also his friends.”

 

Seongwoo squeezed his shoulder in an assuring manner before he continued his words. “If you think he is becoming distant, all you need to do is to walk closer to him. Talk to him.”

 

Seongwoo’s words managed to wash away almost all of Jaehwan’s uncertainty. He was right. He needed to talk to Minhyun. He needed to close the distance between the two of them.

 

Meanwhile, Daniel started commenting about how wise his boyfriend was, giving him a teasing smile before pecking his cheek. Jaehwan took it as a cue to leave their room and go back to his and Minhyun’s.

 

***

 

However, things didn’t really go as planned when Jaehwan entered their shared bedroom. Jaehwan wanted to talk to him as soon as he’s back in their room, but then, he spotted Minhyun’s sleeping figure on his bed. The boy was asleep, without even turning off the light. Something that was so unusual for Minhyun.

 

Instead of climbing up to his bunk, Jaehwan found himself staring at Minhyun’s sleeping face. Sadness and weariness were apparent on the older boy’s face even as he was asleep.

 

In all honesty, Jaehwan thought they all would be happy after Produce 101 ended. By ‘all’, he thought of himself, Minhyun, Seongwoo, Daniel, and Jonghyun. But things didn’t go as planned. They had to bid their farewell to Jonghyun. And the ‘goodbye’ affected Minhyun the most.

 

Before Jaehwan knew it, he felt tears b in his eyes. It hurt. pained Jaehwan. It was not only the invisible distant between him and Minhyun that pained him, but also his own helplessness. The older boy had done so much for him, yet here he was, unable to help the other as he was drowning in sadness.

 

Unknown to Jaehwan, Minhyun slowly stirred from his sleep as he heard a sound of someone crying. Minhyun had never been a heavy sleeper, which was why he managed to hear the sob although it was barely audible . The sight that greeted Minhyun when he opened his eyes caused him to frown deeply. Jaehwan was crying silently next to his bed, a hand covering his teary eyes.

 

Confused, Minhyun pulled Jaehwan into his arms without even thinking twice, taking the younger aback as he was suddenly seated down on the mattress.  Jaehwan slowly uncovered his eyes to meet Minhyun’s worried gaze. It was the first time they looked into each other’s eyes since the evening of Produce 101 final episode, and it caused a sudden surge of emotion to rush through Jaehwan. How he had missed looking into Minhyun’s beautiful eyes like this.

 

“Why are you crying, Jaehwan-ah….?” Minhyun was still frowning as he started speaking, a hand caressing the younger’s cheek. “Did something happen? Does something hurt--?”

 

Jaehwan wasn’t sure what to say. He was supposed to talk to Minhyun, and yes, they were finally talking now. But Minhyun was never supposed to see him cry.

 

But he knew better than to lie. He needed to tell him the truth.

 

“Minhyun hyung….” Jaehwan finally started, eyes still looking at Minhyun’s, “Are you regretting your decision?”

 

The other boy’s question only caused the frown on Minhyun’s forehead to grow deeper. “What do you mean, Jaehwan-ah? What decision?”

 

Jaehwan chewed on his own lip. This was it. He had to talk about it. Even though he wasn’t even ready to hear the answer.

 

“Did you regret your decision to help me…. Saying that you want to debut with me during broadcast, and all. Did you regret it….?” His eyes never once left Minhyun’s as he uttered every word from his question. He wanted to see the truth from Minhyun’s words, as well as in his eyes.

 

“What—what makes you even think that way? Why would I regret that decision?” Minhyun shook his head almost furiously, and Jaehwan could see the truth just by looking into the other’s eyes.

 

The younger of the two let out a sigh when he felt one of Minhyun’s hands moved to his head, caressing his hair gently. Instead of asking any further, the older boy decided to wait for Jaehwan to answer him.

 

After a couple of moments, Jaehwan eventually began speaking, telling Minhyun what he had been feeling for the past three days.

 

“You have been distancing yourself from me—me and also the others ever since the day Jonghyun hyung got eliminated, Minhyun hyung. But especially from me. Even when we’re together, like when he held each other’s hands during yesterday, you felt so distant from me and I—“ he paused for a few seconds to take a deep breath before continuing his words, “I couldn’t help but start thinking that you don’t want me anymore….”

 

Minhyun’s eyes were widened upon hearing Jaehwan’s last sentence. The next thing he did was pulling him into a hug, a very tight one, as if he was never going to let the younger boy go, ever. And Jaehwan could feel his heart beating so fast because of the very action, despite it was not their first time to hug each other.

 

The two stayed that way for a few moments, not uttering even a word before Minhyun finally broke the silence.

 

“I’m sorry.” He heard Minhyun uttered the words. “I am sorry. Gosh, I am so so sorry. I didn’t—I never meant to make you feel that way.” Upon finishing his sentence, the older of the two pulled away from the hug, just so he could look at Jaehwan in the eyes again.

 

“I am sad about Jonghyun, I am still sad about it, yes. But there is no way that I don’t want you anymore, Kim Jaehwan.” Just like what Jaehwan did earlier, Minhyun’s gaze never left the other’s as he uttered each and every word. He wanted the other boy to know his sincere feeling.

 

“I am simply upset at myself. I had done everything I could to make the five—actually, the six of us debut”. By six, it didn’t take long for Jaehwan to understand that Minhyun meant the five of them with Hyunbin.

 

“But I failed. Hyunbin got eliminated even before final, and now, even Jonghyun…” Minhyun decided not to continue his words as he felt tears threatening to fall down again. He had had enough of crying for the past three days, and the last thing he wanted to do at the moment was to cry in front of Jaehwan.

 

Before Jaehwan said anything at all, Minhyun had begun speaking again. “I am sorry if I became distant from you…. I guess, I guess I just needed time. I had so much thoughts in my mind. I am worried about my members.... worried about how the company will treat them after this.” He continued to the younger’s hair, giving him an apologetic look as he explained things. “But I swear, I would never stop wanting you, Jaehwan-ah.  No matter what happens. When I said that I wanted to debut with you, I really meant it….”

 

Both his action and words managed to put Jaehwan at relief.  The insecurity that was building up inside him was now fading away, slowly, but surely.

Then it was Jaehwan’s turn to speak.

 

“You shouldn’t carry all the burden by yourself, Minhyun hyung. It’s not your fault that Jonghyun hyung didn’t manage to…” he let out a sigh again before he continued, “debut with us…”

 

Minhyun merely nodded his head in response. It seemed like he was still having a hard time to take the topic well.

 

Upon noticing Minhyun’s reaction, Jaehwan started speaking again.

 

“And I want you to know, that you’re not alone. You have me. You have Seongwoo hyung. You have Daniel. You have Jisung hyung.  You have all of us.” He took Minhyun’s hand, holding it rather tightly as he said so. “We all are in this together. And you’ll always have me by your side, no matter what. You are not alone, Minhyun hyung.” Jaehwan’s gaze was filled with nothing but sincerity. And at that moment, Minhyun was assured that things would be alright as long as he had the boy by his side.

 

He pulled Jaehwan into a tight hug one more time, basking into his warmth. He closed his eyes as he whispered into the younger boy’s ear, “Thank you, Jaehwan-ah….”

 

***

 

Jaehwan ended up lying down on Minhyun’s bed instead of climbing up to the top bunk that night. The older boy insisted Jaehwan to stay next to him for the night, and obviously, the younger couldn’t resist. When Minhyun asked him to sing for him as well, he didn’t waste any time to grant his wish.

 

The two were curled up next to each other that night. Minhyun’s hand on Jaehwan’s head, his hair gently as Jaehwan’s beautiful voice filled the room.

 

“It has only been three days, but I must have been a horrible boyfriend already, huh?” Minhyun let out a sigh as he said so. His words caused Jaehwan’s to stop his singing midway and opened his eyes to look at Minhyun.

 

“But we are not even dating, Minhyun hyung…” Jaehwan casually said so. He was right. He hadn’t even given him any answer to his confession that evening yet.

 

He didn’t even mean to embarass Minhyun or something, he was just telling the truth. But then he noticed how Minhyun seemed to embarrassed at his own over-confidence by the way the older boy’s cheeks turning into slight pink.

 

The boy found  the look of embarassment on Minhyun’s face rather amusing. The older was trying so hard to avoid the younger’s gaze by shifting his gaze to some random spot.  It was so unusual to see the so-called Ice Prince looking that way, that he couldn’t help the small smirk that was creeping on his lips.

But anyway, he needed to give Minhyun the answer as it was already long-overdue.

 

“Hyung, Can I give you my answer now?” Jaehwan shifted his head closer towards Minhyun’s own as he said so. He noticed how the older seemed to be nervous, not seeming to be ready to hear his answer answer. At that moment, Jaehwan thought that Minhyun could actually rival Daniel when it came to being a fool. He wasn’t really expecting a bad answer from Jaehwan, was he? Just how oblivious he could be?

 

“First of all, I want to thank you for everything you have done for me. You have helped me, an independent trainee without any support to rise, to gain recognition, that I could be here with you at the moment.....” Jaehwan trailed off for a moment before he began speaking again, “Thank you Minhyun hyung.”

 

The older boy simply gave him a nod, nervousness was apparent on his face as he waited for Jaehwan to speak again.

 

“And.... I like you too, Hwang Minhyun—Minhyunnie hyung.” A shy smile appeared on the main vocalist’s face as he finally uttered those three words, along with the name he had grown to like so much.

 

“I like you, I like you, I like you, perhaps, a little bit too much.” He found himself repeating his words, so Minhyun, who looked like he was having a hard time to believe his hearing, could absorb the words in.

 

“I like you so much, Minhyunnie hyung.” He repeated the words one more time, before leaning his head against Minhyun’s shoulder, smile still plastered on his face.

 

As if he wasn’t flashing any embarrassed or even nervous look just a few moments ago, a smile of contentment appeared on Minhyun’s face, now back to looking calm just like his usual self. “Would you be my boyfriend then, Kim Jaehwan?”

 

Jaehwan shifted his head just slightly so he could take a better look of Minhyun’s face.

 

“The answer is definitely yes, Minhyunnie hyung.”  And there was no better answer that Jaehwan could give to Minhyun.

 

Jaehwan felt Minhyun wrapping his arms around his figure after that, pulling him into a hug one more time that night. He could hear Minhyun whispering a thank you to his ear before their eyes met each other’s again.

 

As the two faced each other, Minhyun thought about how thankful he was to have Jaehwan on his side, while Jaehwan thought about how lucky he was to meet someone like Minhyun in his life.

 

Minhyun then leaned his face closer towards Jaehwan’s own. Upon noticing his action, the younger knew what to expect. Soon, he found himself closing his eyes, anticipating. Without wasting any more time, Minhyun closed the distance between them by planting a gentle kiss on Jaehwan’s lips.

 

 

As the two melted into their first kiss, they knew that they would always have each other from now on, no matter what. Always.

 

 

 

 

 

a/n : I have been having mixed feelings ever since the last episode. I feel soooo happy that my 2 ships, OngNiel and MinHwan are debuting together. But it just doesn't feel right without having Jonghyun with them ;; (I am a big Justice League enthusiast, so, yeah....). It resulted to this fic (sorta...)

Comments and criticism will be very much appreciated!