He was his favorite dongsaeng, he knew that. Namjoonie hyung had made it clear many times that V was the member who he specifically looked after the most...

So why did it still hurt sometimes when he saw him with the others ?

Jin and Namjoon had always been close. He had always been a member that could touch the leader intimately without making him feel uncomfortable. An arm slung over his shoulders, a hand on his thigh. Jin was always worrying about him, making sure that he was feeling alright, that he wasn't overworking himself. But he did that with all the members. What bothered V the most was when he saw them laughing together.

One night, they were all backstage after giving a memorable performance at an award show. V was over with Jimin and J-Hope, packing up his things in the dressing room and using a towel to dab the excess sweat from his forehead. He zipped up his bag, slung it over his shoulder, and started to head towards the door. But then, something caught his eye. Just outside the room, in the area behind the stage, he saw Jin and Namjoon off alone, being interviewed by a noona with a camera. Jin turned to Namjoon, a light hand on his arm, and said something that V couldn't quite make out. Whatever it was, it was followed by the sound of wiping windows.

And Namjoon bent over once before throwing his head back with his bouncing, obnoxious laugh, grabbing onto Jin's shoulder as the two of them cracked up together. This was a normal thing to see within their group, but for some reason, V felt an unpleasant feeling tingle in his stomach at the sight of it.

Why couldn't he ever make him laugh that much...?

Yoongi and Rapmon had an intimacy that the rest of them could never and would never understand. They had lived together the longest, and they had gone through much of the hard times at the beginning of their careers together. So now, they could communicate without any words. A look, a gesture, even a specific type of silence and they knew what the other was thinking. This made it easier to facilitate things within the group. They worked well together, on their music and otherwise. They had had similar experiences with haters, and though they thought differently for sure, it never interfered with them being able to help each other out. Yoongi knew him better than anyone else.

V noticed that this bothered him one day when they were the special guests on an early morning radio show. They were on the air being interviewed about their new album and tour. The host was only mildly entertaining, but they were all making the effort to politely laugh at his jokes, to shrug off the slightly rude comments he intermediately uttered for comedic value. He also had a list of dull games to play, and they were going through them one at a time. They finally came to a "mind-reading" game. The object was to guess what another member had answered to a few questions they had been asked before the start of the show. When it came time for the members to guess the answers to Rapmon's questions, Suga was the only one who got every answer right.  And Rapmon didn't look the least bit surprised, just gave a little satisfied smile directed at his hyung. V knew he should've memorized the answers in case this information would come in handy in the future, but he was too busy trying to quell the heat he felt rising in his chest whenever he caught a glimpse of Yoongi.

Why couldn't he know him that well...?

J-Hope...well, J-Hope and Rapmon were very different people. Hobi was basically the essence of sunshine in a person. He was incredibly friendly and kind, and he always strived to make other people happy. Namjoon was obviously more toned down. He had to be, being the leader. He was kind and good at communicating, but not nearly as much as an extrovert as his 94-liner friend. Sometimes he got grumpy, sometimes as a result of the endless energy of s, but Hobi was the one person who could always make him smile during those times.

They were at a photoshoot one day, and they had had to get up extremely early to make it to the shooting location early enough that no one would be there. It was cold, and they were tired, and having to be made up and forced to pose for three hours wasn't helping. Their leader was probably the most exhausted. The night before, he had went to a late-night meeting with the managers, and it ran even longer than expected.

It was almost his turn to be photographed, and he was sitting in a chair off to the side, looking like he was trying (and failing) to find the will to act as joyful as the photoshoot required.

V, watching the leader's struggle, decided to try and help. Wandering away from his partners for the photoshoot, he went bouncing over to the older man. He grabbed his hands and started playing with them, trying to pull him out of his seat, chanting his name over and over. But Namjoon just brushed him off, pulling his hands out of V's grasp and settling his forehead in one of them instead.

"Not now, Taehyung," the leader sighed out softly, moving his hand to rub his temple like he had a headache. And V backed off, knowing if he asked him like that, then he meant it. It hurt a little, but it wasn't like it hadn't happened before. He turned around and returned back to his group without another word.

But later, he glanced back at Namjoon. Now the older boy was starting his photoshoot, looking like he was struggling to display a genuine smile. V watched curiously as Hobi, Namjoon's partner for the day, walked over to him with a grin. He couldn't hear what J-Hope was saying, but he watched as the man put an arm around the younger leader and leaned into him a little. And just seconds later, Namjoon smiled, a real smile this time. One that made his eyes light up and his dimples appear. Something in V's chest ached.

Why couldn't he cheer him up like that...?

It was one thing when Namjoon acted close with the others in the hyung line. J-Hope was his only same-age friend within the group, so it made sense that they would feel comfortable around each other. Suga had known him the longest, and it shouldn't have been any surprise that they knew each other well. Jin was the oldest hyung and the mother figure of the group, so it shouldn't bother V that they were friendly. That was all to be expected. But whenever V noticed how Namjoon interacted with the others in the maknae line, with his other dongsaengs, it bothered him a little bit more.

Some of Namjoon's interactions with Jimin made V feel small for some reason. The pair had always been close, since before the group's debut. They had fun together, and Jimin's tireless positive energy helped to keep him motivated. Jimin was always there for the members when they were having hard times, and their leader was no exception. Namjoon had once said that the two of them thought very similarly, and maybe that was why they got along well.

Jimin was a very physical person, and he liked to hug and touch and simply be near the other members whenever he had a chance. V liked to be on the receiving end of his friend's attention...but he realized that sometimes he didn't like it when Namjoon was.

Once, during one of their concerts near the end of their world tour, they were performing one of the more casually staged performances: Look Here. There was no specific choreography to the song, besides sitting on the chairs for the first half. After that, it was all improvisation...and a lot of fan service. They wandered the stage, casually danced, grabbed onto each other and just messed around. Taehyung liked to go over to Namjoon while he was singing his solo and dance around with him playfully. But this time, Jimin got to him first.

The oldest of the maknae line ran up next to their leader, starting to dance beside him as he delivered his rap portion of the song. Namjoon smiled over at him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him closer to be pressed up against his side. Jimin just smiled brightly and continued to dance goofily next to Namjoon as he went through the verse.

And V, watching this, felt something. It wasn't just irritation...it was something slightly more painful than that. He felt a slight tingle in his hands, and a sour feeling in the pit of his stomach. He knew Jimin wasn't doing this to make him uncomfortable--why would he? All he knew was that he was playing around with his hyung. He had no reason to think that this would bother him. Really, there was no reason for it to bother him at all.

But that's my hyung. He's not yours, he's mine. He loves me the most.

He had gotten a similar feeling before, from watching Namjoon with the others, but he rarely acted on it. This was one of those rare times.

After being distracted by Namjoon and Jimin for a bit, V suddenly remembered that he was on stage, and turned a little to grin at the audience, getting back into the beat of the music. An innocent expression on his face, he skipped over to where Namjoon had his arm around Jimin. He reached around to lightly pull Rapmon's arm off of his friend, and then pushed Jimin backwards and away from them. Maybe a little too harshly. Still, the fans thought this was just fanservice. Jimin, even though he looked a little taken aback at first, still did as well, going to dance happily elsewhere. Rapmon didn't look away from the audience as all this was happening, and V moved to take Jimin's place next to Namjoon. He was absolutely thrilled when the older boy automatically put his arm around him instead, looking up and smiling at his hyung.

But it only helped ease the pain for a little while, because after the show, Namjoon hugged Jimin again. It was casual, with no particular reason for it. And it was similar to the way he hugged V.

Why couldn't he be the only one he touched like that...?

The latest case where V had experienced this strange feeling was just a few days ago, when Rapmon and Jungkook started spending a lot of time together.

Jungkook and the leader had started to work on a song as a unit. So night after night, every day that week, the two of them would go off to the studio or to a quiet room in the dorm to work on it. V felt especially threatened by Jungkook for some reason. He was young and cute, and he always went to Rapmon for help. He looked up to Rapmon more than anyone else. And what was more than that, Rapmon admired him too. Jungkook was very talented and hardworking, and V knew Rapmon appreciated that about him. He'd always known that. It had never bothered him until then.

The members were all at a dance practice late one night. They hadn't even eaten dinner yet and it was nearing 10 o'clock. They were tired and hungry, but they had to keep practicing. Their show was in a few days and the routines still weren't quite perfect. After they finished a runthrough of one particularly difficult dance, their choreographer told them to take a short break. They eagerly complied, most of them immediately crashing to the floor.

V crawled his way across the long room and grabbed a water bottle from the cooler before turning to lean back against the wall. He took a sip of the cool water and closed his eyes for a moment as he tried to slow his breathing. After a few moments, he heard voices singing softly over the sound of his own panting. He immediately recognized the tune. It was one he had been hearing all week, and had begun to grow tired of. Not due to the melody itself, but what hearing it tended to mean.

He opened his eyes and searched for the source of the singing, finding Rapmon and Jungkook sitting down along the mirrored wall to his left.

Namjoon had his back to the mirror, his eyes closed and his head tilted back slightly as he harmonized with the boy sitting beside him. Their voices were very different. Namjoon's was raspy and low, and it always had an undertone of swag even when he was singing rather than rapping. Jungkook's voice on the other hand was light and ranged, and he had a great control over it that was made very obvious whenever he sang. Regardless, their voices melded together very nicely. Jungkook's voice sounded better with Namjoon's than his ever would, V thought bitterly.

The pair sitting along the wall finished up their song with one last harmony, and they looked over at each other. Taehyung felt like he had been punched in the gut when he saw how the leader smiled down at the maknae.

"Good," He praised lightly, clapping a hand down on the younger's knee. "You worked on it on your own, didn't you?"

"Yeah," Jungkook admitted, smiling slightly back at the other. "Hyung, on the last part you need to raise your voice a little more," He advised, then demonstrated for him. Namjoon tried singing the one part again and again until Jungkook nodded in approval. Then, they started the song once more from the top, and this time when they sung out their last note, their voices came together flawlessly. Namjoon smiled again, a little wider this time, nodding in satisfaction.

"Great job, Jungkookie," He murmured happily, this time smoothing the younger's hair with one hand. "You've worked hard." Jungkook grinned at him with that full smile of his. And Namjoon...he looked back at him like he was the world, with pride and affection.

Taehyung felt an emptiness in his chest, and he looked away as quickly as he could.

Why didn't he look at him like that...?

~

Just a few days later, at the end of a long day of schedules, the group was back at the dorm, enjoying what free time they had before they had to go to bed and wake up to do it all over again. V was alone in his room, lying down on his bed, phone in his hand, earbud in his ear. Normally, he would have been playing with the others, but this time he opted to listen to music by himself. Even he found himself needing some alone time occasionally.

"Taehyung-ah!" He heard the voice over the quiet music playing in his ear, and he closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. The voice belonged to Namjoon, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to see him right now. He'd been feeling overly sensitive lately due to his hyung spending so much time with Jungkook, and he couldn't decide if he wanted to rush to him and hope he would give him the attention he so desperately craved, or if he wanted to ignore him out of spite.  He took too long to decide, and Namjoon was suddenly at his open door.

"Taehyung-ah, what are you doing?" Tae snatched the earbuds out of his ears, straightening up abruptly.

"Nothing. What do you need?"

"We have dinner out here if you want some," He said, pointing a thumb towards the hallway. Taehyung felt himself bristle at the word "we" and he realized that someone else was out there with him. So he decided in that moment what he would do.

"Okay," He answered, standing up to follow his hyung out the door. Immediately catching up to him, he threw his arms around the other's neck in a back hug. Namjoon didn't even react; he was used to Taehyung being like this. They trudged slightly awkwardly towards the kitchen, with Taehyung still clinging to his hyung tightly.

The younger released him only to pick up a plate of food, briefly thank Jin for cooking, and follow Namjoon to his seat on the couch. He plopped down next to him, taking a brief scan of the other members in the room. Only a few of the members were there, and he assumed the rest were off in their own rooms.

Once Taehyung had cleared his plate, he set it down on the coffee table and shifted to lay down on the small sofa and put his head in Rapmon's lap. Namjoon didn't react to that either. At least, nothing beyond shifting to make himself more comfortable under the younger's weight. Taehyung glanced up at him for a moment.

"Hyung...?"

"Hm?" Rapmon hummed in response, staring blankly ahead at the dull drama Jin had to the TV.

"...never mind," Taehyung said, changing his mind, snuggling closer to his hyung. It was...it was like he had missed him.

After a moment, Taehyung felt Namjoon's hand settle on his head, starting to his hair gently. Taehyung melted into it, closing his eyes, and enjoying the feeling. It relieved some of the jealousy from the whole week of watching him dote on Jungkook. That was the first time Taehyung had acknowledged what it was. Jealousy. But his hyung was right here now, with him (with only him), and he felt like everything was okay.

And just as he was starting to feel whole again, Namjoon's hand wrapped around his shoulder and started to pull him up off of his lap. Taehyung turned to look at him as he started to stand. He felt like his heart was breaking a little bit again. Just like all those times before...

"Where are you going?" He asked, voice low. Namjoon looked back at Taehyung, picking up both of their abandoned plates to take them to the sink.

"I have to go back to the studio with Jungkook tonight and finish up our song," He answered, gesturing to the maknae who had been sitting on the floor near them. The youngest nodded and started to stand up as well.

"Hyung..." Taehyung whined without thinking, grabbing onto his leader's wrist. Namjoon stopped, waiting patiently for his dongsaeng's next words. "Do you really have to go?"

Namjoon looked a little surprised now, and you could practically see the wheels turning in his head, trying to figure out what exactly was going on.

"We have to get this done tonight," He answered slowly, voice vaguely confused.

"We just have a little editing to do," Jungkook added. Taehyung could see him staring at him out of the corner of his eye, but he didn't even spare a glance in his direction. He loved Jungkookie, he was one of his closest friends within the group, but it was his fault Namjoon was leaving. And it was partly his fault he'd been feeling so upset lately, because he was spending so much time with his hyung.

Though he did respond to his words.

"Fine." The word was uttered quite childishly, and he turned away from the two and started playing on his phone. After a short moment, the stillness in the room broke. Namjoon slowly resumed his task of taking the dishes up to the sink, and Jungkook started towards the door. Taehyung didn't look up from his phone until they left.

No one else in the room had really even noticed V's strange outburst, all too busy with their own activities. V laid back down on the couch, and it occurred to him that it wasn't nearly as comfortable without Namjoon's presence.

~

Taehyung jolted awake when a loud clamor came from somewhere in the room. He hadn't even realized he had fallen asleep. From the scratchy material under his hands, he knew he was still on the sofa in the living room. But he couldn't see anything else, because the room was pitch black now. He sat up slowly, the experience of waking up so abruptly leaving him both disoriented and a little alarmed. He remained frozen in his spot, but he summoned the courage to speak up.

"Hello?"

"Taehyung-ah?" Namjoon's voice responded. Taehyung yawned, rubbing a hand over his eyes before fishing his phone out from under a pillow. He checked the clock on his lockscreen: 2:13 am. "What are you doing out here?"

Taehyung heard a slight shuffle, and then a dim light brightened the room. And there was Namjoon, standing over by the front door, picking a lamp up off of the floor. A lamp that he had definitely just knocked over. That explained the noise. But at least it wasn't broken, since he had been able to turn it on.

"I guess I fell asleep," Taehyung murmured quietly. "Did you just get back?" Namjoon carefully placed the lamp back onto its rightful spot on a small table, looking over at the kid. Taehyung immediately noticed how exhausted he looked.

"Yeah," He responded, walking over to where Taehyung sat on the couch. The younger scooted over, making room for Namjoon to sit beside him. "We finally got the demo finalized." Despite his better judgement, Taehyung felt a flicker of hope.

"So you're done working on the song?" Namjoon let out a light scoff.

"I wish. Actually, we have to go in tomorrow to try performing it for the managers." Taehyung groaned aloud without meaning to, speaking before he could stop himself.

"Hyung...do you really have to go?" Namjoon let out an exasperated sigh, wiping a hand over his face.

"Taehyung-ah, what is going on?" He asked. Taehyung took a deep breath, looking up at the leader with sad eyes.

"I just miss you." Namjoon narrowed his eyes.

"Miss me? I've been with you every day this week."

"No...you've been with Jungkook."

"We've been working on our song."

"I know..." Taehyung replied, hearing the childish tone of his own voice and suddenly feeling embarrassed. He never felt embarrassed in front of him. They had known each other for too long and been through too much together for that. And yet, here he was. Namjoon studied him for a while, and Taehyung hated that it looked like he was figuring him out.

"Are you mad at me?"

"No," He answered instantly.

"You clearly are."

"No!" He insisted again. "I just miss you. And I'm just feeling a little-"

"You're jealous?" Namjoon asked as he realized, looking surprised. Taehyung bit his lip, looking down and away.

"Maybe a little." It was silent for a second, but Taehyung timidly looked up to see his hyung's face. And he was smiling.

The sound of Namjoon's loud laugh filled the room after a second, and he bent over with shaking shoulders.

"What?" Taehyung protested, and Namjoon kept laughing. "Hyung, it's not funny!" He said, pushing his shoulder, a grumpy pout painting his features. Rapmon just shook his head against his knees, finally sitting up and leaning his head back against the back of the couch, sighing as his laughter died down. After a second, Taehyung could feel a slight smile come to his lips despite himself. He never could find it in himself to be upset when Namjoon was smiling.

"I'm sorry," Namjoon said after a while, a grin hidden behind his hand. "But we all hang out with each other alone all the time. What is there to be jealous about?"

"I don't know!" Taehyung answered, sounding tired with himself now. "It's just sometimes when you're off with the others-"

"What?" Rapmon interrupted, and Taehyung looked at him confusedly, wondering if he'd said something wrong. "It's not just with Jungkook?" Taehyung straightened up a little bit, realizing what he had let slip.

"Well, no..." He said carefully, and when Namjoon didn't respond, he decided to finish his previous sentence. "Just sometimes when you're playing around with the others...without me...I just feel a little..." He trailed off, hoping Namjoon would say something. The leader shook his head, still smiling a little fondly.

"Taehyungie, come on, you know that's ridiculous, right?"

"Why?" Tae shot back, annoyed now. "What's so ridiculous?"

"You know you're my favorite." Everything seemed to shift in that moment. He did know, but hearing these words from Namjoon's mouth had a wave of relief washing over him. He felt as if the tension he had been carrying for days finally vanished, and he let his stiff shoulders fall.

"I know," He breathed out shakily before tilting his head and smiling sheepishly at his leader. "But I think...that might make it worse sometimes." Because if he was his favorite, why did he still have to have so much fun with the others?

"Cute." Namjoon's voice brought him back to reality, and he watched as his hyung beamed down at him. "I never thought you'd be jealous because of me." Taehyung didn't answer, but absently wondered if Namjoon had ever been jealous of him being with other members. He hoped not. He wouldn't ever want his hyung to feel as terrible as he had for the past week.

"Alright, kid," Namjoon began, getting to his feet. "I'm going to bed." Then, a pointed look at Taehyung. "You gonna be okay?"

"Yes..." Tae mumbled in return, slightly embarrassed again. He suddenly felt himself being pulled to his feet and he was crushed to his hyung's chest, long arms wrapped around him.

"Saranghae, Taehyung," He whispered in his ear, his back once. "Don't forget that, okay?"

"Okay," Tae replied, closing his eyes and reaching up to hug Namjoon back. After all of the crippling doubt and jealousy...this was nice, to say the least. Namjoon pulled back after a moment, mussing the younger's hair gently and turning to start towards his room.

"Good night, Taehyungie," He called back to him.

"Good night, hyung."