*unedited*

 

Dear........... ,

I remember the day we met. We were 4 years old, so young. We had the world in front us, a whole world was waiting for us to explore. So many places to visit, so many things to learnt, so many persons to meet, so many songs to sing together with you.

          You used to tell me how excited you were when it would had come about a summer camp, how happy you were when you had become the president of the dance club, how enthusiastic you felt when would visit you and play video games with you.

          I remember the smiles you give me, how your eyes slowly disappear when it became bigger.

          I remember your grumpy face you make when I try to awake you so we can go to school without being late.

          I remember the advices you give me when I am too shy to confess my feelings to the one I like.

          I remember the pancakes you make every Sunday before the game marathon.

          I remember how you always take care of me when I am sick.

          I remember so many things, things just about us, me and you.

I know I am an introverted person and not so optimistic, but you are the little ray of light which come in my heart through the cracks this world has created. You gave me hope and made me enough brave to dream. And for this I am really thankful.

I know I’ll never be more brighter than you, not even close, but I lightened a candle still hoping. Hoping that I won’t become more darker than this and destroy your light.

As you can see I am again standing here looking at you. I followed the sound of you singing guiding me through this deep night.

As you can see I am again listening to your sweet voice waiting for the saddest moment to arrive. The moment when you leave. The moment when the dawn is passing and the moon is hiding from people sight.

As you can see I am shattered beneath the moonlight. I am stripped by the world. I try to collect myself, to put all the pieces back together, but it is useless. I can’t help it. There is no other way. I have to accept what fate gave me, is giving me and will give me.

As you see I can hear the birds singing unknown songs. But there between all of them is one which is captivating the whole attention. Can you see it? That bird is just like you, unique, full of beauty. You know? I think that bird is the best one at this song. Maybe that bird doesn’t even need the others to help, but I think that bird has a kind heart and is friend with everyone and helps everyone so they won’t be sad. That’s so you, don’t you think.

I’m talking with you, why aren’t you responding me?

I’ll call you moonchild. We both are the children of the Moon. Two siblings. Two best friends.

I am still here, here how we promised to be, never leaving each other’s side.

I can see how you slowly disappear, how you slowly are covered by the thick fog. You are becoming a memory in others eyes, but for me…. For me I know that you will be there watching me and smiling, giving me hope.

But please don’t leave yet. I need you. I need you right now.

Can’t you see I am crying right now?

Can’t you see I am hurting right now?

Can’t you see how devastated I am right now?

Can’t you feel the pain I am feeling right now?

Are you even listening to me?

 

I can see the dawn and its colors. Those warm colors, like your hugs were. But I remember how cold I was after your arms left my side. I’m sure that this will feel the same. This dawn is just a temporary happiness, just like you were.

I’ll stay here a bit longer. I hope you won’t mind. I want to see how it ends.

I am in front of the entrance of the park we used to play in. Just one step and I’ll leave it. Just one step and I’ll move on. Just one step and I’ll forget the past.

Huh, so it seems like you are crying too. I’m not the only miserable. But I don’t like to see you like this. You are my light, so don’t cry anymore. I want to hug you and tell how much you mean for me…..how much you meant for me.

 

Just this only step and I can free myself from this misery. I have to hurry I don’t want to get sick standing too much in this rain. You never liked when I was singing in the rain.

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So I’ll leave now.

The dawn is gonna end. It will be a new day.

A new me

Without you

I am aware that we all are dying and living in the same time.

That’s why I am not mad at you.

Everyone has their faith.

It’s just that yours was shorter.

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I’ll live

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a better life

 

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and

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make you....... proud of me.

Even smiling is so hard to manage.

But I’ll try

And

Be happy.

 

 

Thank you for being near me.

With love,

Your best friend