“A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it.”

-Dogen

Jaelyn’s POV:

                “So how does it feel to be hated?” Hannah stopped me in the hallway. I would’ve knocked all her teeth out if it wasn’t for the surveillance camera. I decided to ignore her by walking pass her but she snatched onto my forearm. “Hey, learn some manners! I’m talking to you.” She snapped. 

                “Sorry, I don’t want to waste my time dealing with you.” I sighed.

                “Or are you too ashamed to talk?”

                “Ashamed? Ashamed of what?” Her words absorbed me into her talk. I couldn’t ignore her.

                “That Junhyung picked me and not you.” Her face came up close to mine and her eyes looked into mine with arrogance. I played off with a laugh. “What’s so funny?”

                “How pitiful.” I resumed to walking.

                She grabbed onto me again. “What do you mean? You’re not going anywhere until you explain.”

                “Junhyung doesn’t even love you.”

                “What the hell are you talking about? Are you even in your right mind?”

                “He’s just using you to get revenge on me. Once he’s done, he’ll just dump you.” I smiled at her flaring face.

                She raised her hand to slap me, but I stopped her this time. Junhyung wouldn’t be here to save me this time. The flashes of light appeared in my vision again. I tried squinting and wrinkling my forehead but it wouldn’t go away. I let go of Hannah’s hand and rubbed my eyes.

                “You’re just jealous of me…” Hannah continued blabbing on, but I paid her no attention as I failed to refocus my vision. “Are you even listening?” She finally said.

                “Sorry, I can’t deal with this right now.” I turned away from her. I tried squinting a few times again. I became frustrated by those flashes.

                Hannah stopped me for the third time. “Where do you think you’re going? Who do you think I am? Do you think you’re too good for me now just because…” I nudged her off and she fell on her ankle. I gasped as she exclaims in pain.

                “What’s going on here?” Junhyung was walking in our direction.

                “Oppa!” Hannah calls. When he saw that she was on the floor, he immediately ran to help her.

                “What happened here?” He asked.

                “I was just talking to Jaelyn, but she just pushed me down,” she cries. Nice acting.

                 Junhyung shot me a look. I was startled by it. I couldn’t say anything. I noticed my vision became clear again. When did that happen?

                “Apologize.” He didn’t look at me.

                “What? I have no reason to do that.” I felt wronged.

                “When are you going to stop with your lies?” I just wanted him to look at me when he talked but he wouldn’t. 

                “I’m not lying. She was-“

                “Jaelyn, I know you hate me but it isn’t my fault that oppa likes me and not you. You didn’t have to make up lies about oppa’s feelings.” Hannah interrupted me on purpose.

                “My feelings?” Junhyung asked.

                “She told me you’re using me. That you don’t really love me.” She stared into his eyes for an answer.

                He finally was willing to look up at me, but I didn’t want it anymore. His expression was frightening. I glanced away quickly. “Sorry if I have disappointed you. Only you would play with someone’s feelings.”

                “So oppa, please tell her.” Hannah pleaded innocently.

                “Saranghae, Hannah,” he said to her. No; stop lying to yourself. You know you don’t. I know this may sound conceited, but I know exactly how you feel right now.

                “Okay I’ll believe you this time.” She smiled childishly back at him. I felt invisible.

                “C’mon, let’s get you an ice pack before your ankle gets swollen.” He helped her up and they left without looking back at me. I laughed bitterly to myself. Why did I even bother explaining?

                My phone vibrated and I picked up.

                “Hello?”

                “Did you forget what day it is today?” Kikwang’s voice came from the other side.

                “What?”

                “Your result is out.”

Junhyung’s POV:

                “It seems to be better now,” I said after placing an icepack on Hannah’s ankle for a while. I tried to remove my hand from it, but she placed her hand over mine. Then, she pecked me on my forehead. I shifted backward. She frowned at me. “I’m sorry,” I didn’t know why I apologized.

                “Oppa, sometimes I’m not even sure about your feelings. Do you really love me?”

                “Yes, of course,” I said after I took a deep breath.

                “Then, kiss me again.” She shut her eyes and moved toward me. I leaned backward silently. Then, I held her back.

                “I’m sorry, Hannah, this is not appropriate here.”

                “How? You did it that night.”

                “That night… it was different.”

                “How was it different? The fact was that you kissed me.”

                “Listen, I have to go right now.” I push her aside and left the infirmary.

***

                I didn’t know how many cups I drank already, but there seemed to be endless numbers of them. I saw my phone lighting up but I ignored it.

                “Sir, your phone.” The bartender patted my shoulder. I ignored him. “Hello? Oh your friend is very drunk right now. Can you come pick him up?” I heard him say. He probably picked up my call. I fell asleep afterward.

                “Oppa?” I felt a cool hand on my back. I picked my head and stared at her. My vision was blurred. I couldn’t see her face. I saw something red. Jaelyn? Is that you? I got up from the stool sloppily and hugged her. I think I fell asleep again.

Jaelyn’s POV:

                “How are the results?” I asked even though most likely nothing is wrong. Doctor Seo handed me a yellow envelope. I took out the results paper. The term “retinal” caught my attention. Kikwang leaned over to look at the papers I’m holding.

                “Have you encountered any abnormalities with your vision? Like blurriness, shadows, etc?” He asked.

                “After the accident, I have been seeing flashes of light.”

                The doctor nodded in comprehension. “There’s no doubt then.”

                “About what?”

                “It appears that you have a retinal detachment.”

                “Retinal detachment? What is that?” Kikwang intervened before I could ask.

                “First of all, I’ll explain to you a little about the retina. It is a light-senstive tissue that lines the inside back wall of your eye. In your case, both of your retinas are detached from the thin layer of blood vessels, called choroid, which supplies oxygen and nutrients to the retina,” he explained.

                “So what will happen to her?” Kikwang placed his hands on the doctor’s shoulders.

                “The longer the retina and choroid remain separated, the greater the risk of permanent vision loss in the eyes.”

                “So it means I’ll go blind.” I said sternly.

                “You can say that as a simpler way.”

                “Dr. Seo, she can be cured right?” Kikwang’s voice became shaky.

                “A surgery, called sclera buckling, can be done. Since the central part of the retina is severely affected, this procedure will be more risky. However the chance of success is still very high.”

                “So what will happen to me if the surgery fails?” I asked.

                “The worst case scenario would be completely losing your vision. The earlier attempt to repair the detachment, the less risk.”

                “When can I have this surgery?”

                “If you stay hospitalized right, I can treat you as early as tonight.”

                “I’ll do it.”

***

                “Are you okay? You look very pale.” Kikwang felt my forehead with his palm.

                “No, I’m not okay.” I startled him with my response. “I’m actually really scared right now, about the surgery.”

                “I was surprised when you gave the doctor such a quick reply.”

                “I didn’t know why I answered so quickly either. But I guess there are no other choices. If I don’t take the surgery, I’ll definitely go blind in a matter of time. If I take it, I still have hope,” I murmured.

                “I have faith that you’ll be cured.” He puts his hand softly over mine. “So you must stay strong.”

                “Don’t worry; I’ll be fine.” I forced a smile.

                “Song Jaelyn!” A nurse called my name. I raised my hand and followed her in. Kikwang squeezed my hand tightly before he let me go.

Junhyung’s POV:              

                We were in front of my dorm. Where was Manager Lee? Did she bring me home herself? Her hand reached in my pocket for the keys. Then, she unlocked the door. I felt a reflux so I tripped to the bathroom. My throat burned as I threw everything up into the toilet. She took a wet towel to wipe my face and placed me on my bed. I loosened my collar since I felt heated up. The bed felt like clouds. I curled up and went to sleep again.

                My phone vibrated in my pocket. I didn’t want to move. I was too tired. She took it out and let it vibrate for a while, and then she answered it for me. Her voice sounded muffled. Then, she left the room silently. 

Jaelyn’s POV:

                “I’m going to give you some anesthesia right now. You’ll start to feel weak in a couple of minutes. Then, you’ll fall into a deep sleep. Are there anything you want to say before this?” The nurse asked me as I leaned back on the bed. I shook my head. Then, she injected the drug into me.

                Before I fall unconscious, Kikwang came into my room. He dialed a number and handed it to me.

                “I think you should tell him,” he said.

                I looked at the screen and saw “Dailing Yong Junhyung…” Kikwang pushed the phone against my ear. What should I tell him? It rang for a pretty long time. I was going to hang up but someone picked up. Kikwang left me alone in the room.

                “Hello?” A girl’s voice said. I paused. I wasn’t sure what to say. “Hello?” She asked again.

                “Um, hello…? Who is this?”

                “This is Chae Hannah.”

                “ Is Junhyung there?” I stuttered.

                “May I ask who this is?”

                “It’s… Jaelyn,” I replied. Then, there was silence. It felt like forever before she responded.

                “I’m sorry, but can you call back tomorrow morning? Oppa is sleeping deeply next to me right now. I don’t want to…” The anesthesia started to kick in. I felt weak and I dropped the phone. I didn’t want to believe what was in my mind. Junhyung, what are you trying to do? I didn’t have to strength to pick up the dropped phone. I couldn’t say anything as if I was muted. The nurses came in.

                “We’re going to take you to the operation room right now.” They pushed me down the hall. Kikwang appeared and walked alongside my bed. He saw the phone on me and took it.

                “Did you tell him?” He asked.

                I shook my head and my expression was terrified. Tears were swelling up. I tried to speak again but everything was slurred.

                “What? I can’t hear you.” He put his ear close to my mouth. I didn’t try to speak again. I finally arrived in front of the operation room.

                “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to wait out here.” A nurse stopped Kikwang from following me into the room.

                The lights above me were . I was getting drowsy. My eyes started drooping slowly. The last image in my head was of Hannah and Junhyung together. It was too agonizing that I wanted to shut myself away from the world. I didn’t want to know anymore. I didn’t want to think anymore. I didn’t want to get hurt because of him.

Junhyung’s POV:

                I could hear her footsteps as she returned. I didn’t want to open my eyes. Her hand brushed against my face. “Good night,” I could barely make out what she said. She pulled away. After a while, I heard the door outside slammed shut.